No For An Answer
By Laura Schiller
Based on the Wings Quartet
Copyright: Aprilynne Pike
"The question now," said Tamani, "Is whether you want me to leave."
In addition to confused, heartbroken over David, and even faintly jealous of Yuki, Laurel Sewell was also heartily annoyed. Why would Tamani follow her onto her land after she'd expressly told both him and David to leave her alone? Why would he still be here, soaked with rain, green eyes smoldering, standing far too close, when she had already told him to leave?
"Why are you here?" she asked.
As though it were all the explanation she could ever need, he said, "Because I love you."
He was always doing this, she realized. Always pushing her for more than she could give. he had spied on her without her knowledge for fifteen years, and used that advantage to treat her like his own personal property. He had mind-controlled her at their first meeting. He was manipulative to Yuki (spy or no, the poor girl didn't deserve to have her feelings played with), downright mean to David sometimes (troll bait, indeed!) and he would not take no for an answer. The chemistry between them had always distracted her so far – but there was a limit as to how distracted she could get, and she had just reached it.
"No," she replied. "You don't."
He stepped back, his eyes widening as if he had been slapped. For a moment, the guilt of having hurt him almost made her take back what she had said – but it was true, and the sooner he realized it, the better for all concerned.
"You're in love with the idea of me," she said. "The memories you have me when we were children, maybe, or some concept that you made up while you were spying on me. You have this … this dream of making your whole life revolve around one person. I can't be that person. It's romantic, Tam, but it's not healthy for either of us. You know what I mean?"
"I'm afraid I don't." His voice took on a bitter edge as he leaned against the cabin counter, dripping rain on the tiles. "Last I checked, there was nothing wrong with being loyal to the one you love."
"Not when it leaves you blind to what she actually wants!"
"Oh, so now you know what you want?" He threw back his head and let out a huff of disbelief. "That'll be the day."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I could leave you alone, you know, if you'd stop sending me mixed messages. One minute it's, No, I just can't be in your world right now, next minute you're kissing me like there's no tomorrow. I see you hanging on David's arm looking like the happiest girl in the world, then I see you glaring daggers at me just for talking to Yuki. I may be pushy, but at least I'm consistent. What do you want, Laurel? Make up your blighted mind already, before we all go mad!"
She burned with the shame of his deserved reproach, but met his green-eyed glare head on.
"You're right, Tam. So was Shar, when he told me the same thing last year. I've been selfish. But don't you see, that's exactly why we need to separate. We bring out the worst in each other. Yes, you're insanely attractive. Yes, there's enough sparks flying between us to burn down all of Avalon." He smirked hopefully at this; she rolled her eyes. "But that's not all a relationship needs.
"David," she continued, swallowing tears at the memory of the dismissive words she had shouted after witnessing the fistfight, "David has always put my wishes first. He accepts me the way I am, both my faerie and human sides … he gives me space to make my own decisions … he loves me very much, but if I'd turned him down, he would have been happy to be just a friend to me. That's why his jealousy hurt me so much; it wasn't like him at all. But I understand it now. After all, how could I expect him to watch this … situation," gesturing between Tamani and herself, "Without being hurt? Even the best people have their limits."
Tamani listened in silence, his sullen expression slowly fading into a more thoughtful look as he considered Laurel's points of argument. At length, he sighed and made an attempt at his usual wry grin, which fell rather flat.
"When did you get so … so … logical?"
"Does that mean you understand?"
He nodded slowly. "I might just be the first fear-gleidigh in Faerie history who couldn't keep his oath because his charge won't cooperate."
"I never asked to be your charge, Tamani. Next time you assign yourself to be someone's guardian for life, please make sure he or she is okay with it?"
"I know."
"Anyway, I have plenty of sentries guarding me."
"Ones who aren't emotionally compromised, you mean." He shrugged. "Something Shar told me. Apparently you're not the only one who believes my feelings interfere with my judgment."
"I knew Shar was smart."
"Aye, well. Right now, I wish he wasn't."
For one moment, it almost felt like an echo of their familiar banter, and she would have given anything to be her seven-year-old self again: to laugh and play with him as if all her life in the human world had been nothing but a dream.
But that life was real, and she would not want to forget it even if she could. Her body might belong in Avalon, but her heart and mind were human. She did not know which she would choose when the time came – but whatever it was, it was a choice she had to make alone.
"I'm really sorry," she told Tamani softly. "Believe me, I'm not doing this to hurt you."
"I understand."
"Take care, Tamani. I mean it – be careful."
"I was about to tell you the same thing."
They embraced. For once, there was no passion behind it, only a quiet, wistful affection, as she imagined their childhood goodbye before the memory elixir. He took care to keep his pollen-dusted hands away from what remained of her blossom.
Moments later, his convertible went purring down the lane. She watched it out of sight, leaning her aching head against the windowpane. Among the chaos of her emotions, she held on to one quiet, steady thought like a lifeboat.
"At least I did the right thing."