Salutations fandom of Gravity Falls, I'm sure you guys don't know me. Here at Fanfiction, I am known as Zoryan El Muerto. And I loved Gravity Falls, it was one of the good modern cartoons that I liked. Even though it had some flaws, like Dipper always being the bad guy in situations with Mabel and she never has to learn a life lesson. And I didn't really like that she immediately chose a fiction world refusing to grow up, two words: Dippy Fresh. One word: barf.

But that's not important right now, I'm here to try my hand at Gravity Falls fanfiction. Anyway, here's the first chapter. Let me know if I you want me to continue this.

(1st POV)

Life, its one of the random things mankind has thought of. You don't choose what kind of life you have. You don't choose to be born to a life a poverty, a life of wealth and riches, or somewhere in between. Both sides of the financial spectrum have pros and cons to go with them. While poor families don't have money to acquire basic goods, they make up for it with how close they are and the love they share.

Love, something I never had or experience with. Believe me, being the wealthiest woman in America was not all that is cracked be. You have to live up to unrealistic expectations from your 'parents', nobody wants to be around you because of the amount of fear your money produces in people, and you never win something without cheating much more deserving individuals out of any competition you enter because your stupid parents always buys you victory or their owners. And if you don't get the first place your parents expect you to win, let's just say it isn't pretty.

And that's how my life was for the first 12 years, trying to live up to my parents unreasonable expectations and looking down all who I come across because they don't have the money my family has. Looking back, I kind of felt like the nastiest bitch around. I felt like I was just another link in the world's worst chain with how I acted, to common folk and the world around me.

But, I wasn't always like that. During the summer of 2013, I met this boy who acts more mature than most adults I know. Sure he didn't have wealth, but I think that's what intrigued me most. He has the brains, the caring nature, and he was really cute with that pine tree hat on over his fluffy brown locks. They called him Dipper Pines, I'm not really sure why he was called that. I didn't have the greatest relationship with his sister Mabel, maybe because I had intimidated half the audience and bribed the local coot turned scientist McGucket I think his name was so I can win some dumb party crown at their uncle's tourist trap. Which he's a literal trap for anyone with a cent to spare, her 'gruncle' is a total cheapskate. Also there was that whole mini-golf incident, I'd rather not talk about it.

But I think Dipper was the most... intriguing. He wasn't like other boys his age, he's smart and mature, and actually knows what he wants to do in his life. He has a family who loves him and cares about him, something I never had. I think my feelings for him blossomed during my parents' mansion party when I was 12, the night I found about my parents dark and shady history. The night I had lied to him so my parents can get out of a 150 year debt to the ghost of a lumberjack that my great, great grandfather Nathaniel Northwest promised him and the common folk. Which is odd because when Dipper showed me that paper with the real founder of Gravity Falls and my ancestor was actually a manure shoveling dung bell, history is so confusing.

But I will never forget the words he spoke to me that night in the secret room, "Just because you're your parents daughter, doesn't mean you have to be like.". He actually believed I was different, he saw the kind girl that was hidden among the amount of expectations from my awful parents. I thought I had made my first ever REAL friend.

Since that Summer, we had kept in touch. I told him how my parents were slowly letting up on the pressure of the family image and all that jazz, he told me he had solved a few mysteries that went on in Piedmont. We stayed in touch all the way through high school, and at some point, I started developing some feelings for him. After our daily facetime sessions I would drop on my bed staring up at the ceiling and wonder, 'Can it ever be... real?'.

Well... I guess it will only ever be in my dreams, cause here I am 23 years old holding a small folded up piece of paper with a gold outline which read.

You have been invited to the union of.

Dipper Pines and...

Wendy Cordurouy

In holy matrimony.

I could not believe this, the only boy I had ever loved in my life is getting hitched! And to the red head that I swear hasn't had a real job since that Soos guy took over the Mystery Shack, I could have sworn he had gotten over her a long time ago. Mabel told me she let him down gently because she was three years older than him, and after that summer I thought he would have found some other girl to crush hard on that everyone can see.

Preferably me, as the 'I' dotted with a heart was a dead give-away. But I should have expected this, while Dipper can figure out who was vandalizing his school's library just be looking at the paint, he's totally oblivious when it comes to matters of the heart. I had dropped him dozens of hints that I was into him, but he seemed to never catch on.

And the worst part is, Wendy KNEW that I had a huge crush on Dipper! Yet she went on and nabbed him and got him to put a ring on it! I tore up the invitation in a blind fury before dropping my head on the couch pillow in tears, my make-up leaving quite a mess on the pillow. Not to mention the stupid promise I made to my parents after I graduated high school.

I told them unless I had Dipper put a ring on my finger within 5 years, I would marry whatever rich bachelor they would find. And that five years ends tonight, THE DAY BEFORE DIPPER AND WENDY'S WEDDING!

"WHY DOESN'T HE LOVE ME! I AM GONNA DIE ALONE, FEASTED UPON THE CATS I HAD SO ADORED!" I muffledly cried for hours until I had no more tears.

"I think I have a solution."

What the? I looked around when I heard a strangely familiar voice. I shrugged and went back to sobbing.

"Hey, I'm TALKING to you!"

I lifted up my head in confusion, where's was that coming from?

"UP HERE LLAMA!"

I looked up at the ceiling...

AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH

"Miss me? I know, I can't believe it either." spoke a weird eye thing on my ceiling, before I saw flames coming out of it until it transformed into a floating yellow triangle with a top hat.

"BILL!" I freaked.

"Well, you are both right and wrong Llama." he explained as he floated around me, "You see I am nearly an astral projection of what's left of my soul, my real body is lost somewhere in the woods of Gravity Falls. And so I'll cut to the chase because I'm kind of on a limit here." he said as he poofed up a ticking clock to illustrate a point. "So the boy you love is getting married and you're gonna be stuck with some prissy rich boy your parents drop on you, but you know. If there's one thing I hate more than not getting what I want, is listening to a crying girl. Just because I'm a third dimensional being doesn't mean I don't have a heart."

I gave him a questioning look, "I know you don't trust me after the whole 'Weirdmageddon' debacle, but I think I know a way for you to have your man. Now I know you're probably expecting me to demand something in return, but I should let you know my powers were erased just like my body from that idiot Stanley's memory. And I can't really do any of the stuff I use to do without my body, I'm gonna do my first complimentary offer. What do you say?"

I looked down in contemplation, I've wanted Dipper for a long time now. But, do I really want to do this? I got an text from my mom saying they have a boy named Garrett Bajaneer. Bill then cackled, "Oh man, I hate to be whatever girl that has to deal with him. Quick heads up, he's a self-centered egotist that treats his girls like dogs. I hear he raped his last 12 girlfriends and in the past he had blown through his parents money more times than there are stars in the sky, it's either this deal or him. Which worst is worst?"

From hearing about that guy, NO THANKS! I silently nodded my head in agreement, "Sweet, because I'm sure my idea will be far better than dealing with that asshole. Now listen closely, because before the sun rises come morning-"

-Transition to a hotel in along the mountains near Sacramento-

11:50 pm

"-You will be, Mrs. Pines."

This was the place, a five star lumber themed hotel. Who knew? I sat in the limo I borrowed from my parents, and had a laptop while I was in the driver seat. I typed up a code I had set up to cut the power to the hotel, disabling any surveillance cameras that could spot me. I clicked the button, then all of the lights went out in the hotel. I smirked in satisfaction, I had to thank Candy for those coding class.

I exited the limo and headed straight for the entrance, I had donned a black sweater, tights, and high heels. What, I can't look sexy while I'm infiltrating? Let me rephrase that.

I entered the building, the lobby looked like the inside of a cozy log cabin. I didn't see any guards so I had no trouble getting to the computer with all the guests information. I searched through the history until I found 'Dipper Pines, Room 902', shouldn't take long.

-Nine flights later-

'pant, pant, pant' Okay that was longer than I thought, the elevator was out so I had to walk up the stairs. The sweat was burning on my skin, I wiped my head with my sleeve. I needed to focus, just a few doors left and I would be gold. When I came to the marked door, I knocked on it and heard a groan of tiredness. I heard foot steps coming and saw the door open, I went bug eyed.

"Who are you?"

I can never un-see that image of his uncle in a white tank top and boxers, I nearly gagged at his attire.

"The ATM is spewing free money outside" I made up.

"ATM, free money?" he asked before running off the fake ATM, he was always a sucker whenever money was involved. I entered the room, and I saw him.

Sleeping peacefully on the bed farthest from the window, Dipper Pines. He has grown so much over the years, his baby fat now a strong jawline with a light stubble. I can see the broad shoulders and toned body under the covers, oh how much I want to kiss him right then and there. But I had to control my urges, I snapped my fingers and came in a highly accurate clone of my crush. Bill told me of these stray Dipper clones in the forest of Gravity Falls, so I offered one of them a hot red head and the other a trip to Egypt, away from any water. Underneath the brown bangs was a number '3' in black marker, "You know what to do right?"

The clone nodded and held out a green cloth on it, they carefully moved over to Dipper and flicked him in the forehead. He flinched and nearly woke up, but the clone quickly covered his face in the cloth. In a few seconds, Dipper was out like light. I hated to see him like this, but sometimes you got to crack a few eggs to make an omelet.

The clone carefully held up Dipper and moved him into my loving arms, the clone taking Dipper's place on the bed. Now one can tell the difference, I think.

I headed back down the stairs with my package in tow, going down the stairs was much easier. Just when I had reached the lobby, "HEY!" I heard his uncle's voice.

"There was no ATM with money coming out."

I panicked as he stared me down, thankfully he doesn't recognize me from my shades. "Um," I fluttered my fingers in his face, "You're dreaming this, and you're going back to bed."

He laughed, "You think that's gonna work on a guy like-" just then he was snoring up a storm before sleep walking back to the room. I also have to thank Candy for those hypnosis classes. I sighed before carefully dragging the unconscious Dipper to the limo, I quickly changed him from those blue PJs he had on to a nice suit, and my black spy outfit to a nice whit dress before putting him in shotgun. I placed a pair of sunglasses I painted black to mask his sleeping eyes, then I drove off with him to the nearest drive thru marriage stop.

Soon, I was gonna be...

"And congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Dipper and Pacifica Pines."

I gave the lady a big tip, and drove off to the airport where my private jet was waiting. I found this amazing place in Scotland, all worked out in the end. I don't have to deal with Garrett what's his name, Wendy will have a 'Dipper', and I have Dipper Pines all to myself. Though I will have to explain myself to him when he wakes up, I'm sure I can get him to love me and agree to this marriage.

I did wonder why he and Wendy were gonna marry even though he told me he got over her and she wasn't into him when he was 12, the clone I left wasn't just to switch for the real Dipper, but to find out what's going on.

-At the Northwest Mansion-

"Oh Pacifica darling, that nice man Garrett his here to see you-AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH" Priscilla screamed as she and Preston entered their daughter's sleep chambers to find she wasn't there.

"Oh boy." Preston sweated, 'This is bad, what do we tell Garrett?'

So let me know if I should continue it, and trust me all we'll be explained as the story progresses.

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