DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GAKUEN ALICE
Don't judge people, you have no idea what they're going through.
Her Perspective
Smiles can either be real or not. They can hide the truth, for all we know. I'll be narrating about the events that happened to me in this Academy, along with the fake smiles that came with it.
…
He's not the only reason why I'm about to do this. He's so lucky if he is. There were other factors, mini events, as I like to call it that happened before, after and in between. And it didn't start when I found out about it, it started the day I entered this Academy. The day I found out that I was an Alice.
Hell, I was happy. I got to meet Hotaru and made friends. And yes, I fell in love at a young age. How old was I? I was eleven, I guess. Ha. I beat you, huh?
But still, at a young age, I've experienced things that a normal eleven-year-old would never experience. For starters, I'm not normal. I am an Alice. They said that we're special, unique even. I believed them…at first.
Not your normal eleven-year-old.
Keep that in mind, it's one important aspect.
I no longer have parents. Never seen my dad, he died before I was even born, but I met my mom. She was an angel. Want to hear a joke? The day I knew that she was my mother was also the day when she died. Scratch that…she didn't die…she was killed…while she was in the Academy.
You still like the Academy?
Just you wait. My story gets better.
…
They locked me up.
As if I did something wrong when in fact I did the right thing.
I felt like a prisoner.
They said that I was dangerous. That my Alice was dangerous.
I was a positive thinker.
It's okay, I'm with Mr. Bear. He can keep me company.
Things will get better.
This is the right thing.
Every day I kept that in mind but I couldn't hide the fact that I missed my friends.
…
Things started to calm down after almost a year of staying in that room and they finally let me out. I was free. I was so happy that I cried. Being trapped in a room for months was something I'd hoped to never happen again. I remembered the succeeding days were always filled with smiles and laughter. I just wish I knew that the smiles and laughter were all temporary.
...
Natsume and I got together in our first year in high school.
Ah, love.
Define love.
It's different for each person. Every person has a heart but it beats differently with all the others. You have to find the person that could beat perfectly with yours. That's one of the reasons why we live. To love and be loved. Isn't it a beautiful thing? That with all the strangers in the world you're going to find a person who's perfect for you? Who'll accept you for who you are? It's like you actually accomplished something.
I thought I had that.
Apparently the whole Academy found out before I did. I knew something was wrong because in our junior year in high school his fangirls (of course Natsume Hyuuga had fangirls, of course) were always greeting me with a smile, "Hi, Mikan." They'd say. Or a good morning, good afternoon, once they asked if I've eaten already.
There was always a smile, it wasn't forced or anything. I'm not stupid. I knew something was up. I can feel people staring at me and when I asked what was wrong they'd just say "Nothing's wrong." and smiled.
I used to smile all the time, even when I didn't feel like it.
If you were to choose, which would you pick? Your worst enemy or your backstabbing friend?
Shall we analyze? Okay then…
You already hate your enemy since the very beginning but not your backstabbing friend. There was friendship, there was love at the beginning. You loved your friend. You couldn't possible hate him or her, right?
So I'd rather choose my worst enemy because of that.
Smiling was practically my best friend but then it became my backstabbing best friend.
The smiles were all fake.
I found out a week later when I was in the comfort room. I heard girls talking.
"Did you hear about Natsume and his girlfriend?"
His girlfriend.
That was me for them. I wasn't Mikan, I was Natsume's girlfriend.
Was that how the school saw me?
Natsume's girlfriend.
Hotaru's best friend.
Yuka's daughter.
The girl with the stealing and nullifying alice.
To them I was never Mikan Sakura.
"Not really." I heard another voice say, "What's with them?"
I was listening intently.
"Remember that Natsume goes on missions, right?"
"I've heard of that."
I heard the water running, she was washing her hands. "Well, practically, his relationship with his girlfriend is one."
I could feel my heart beating. Loud and fast.
I heard a gasp, "It's a mission?"
"Yeah. Pretty messed up, huh? It's because the Academy wanted to keep an eye on her and they thought that Natsume was perfect. They asked him about it when he was elementary."
"Ouch. But what's the catch?"
"His sister was to be set free."
"But I thought that…?"
"That's what they wanted you to think. It was all an act after all."
"Well, if his sister is already out then why is Natsume still with her? Maybe he actually loves her."
Yeah. Maybe he actually loves her. Maybe.
"From what I heard is that he doesn't. They said that he's planning to break up with her. Natsume just let time the time pass. He was having fun."
…
"You knew and you never told me."
I stared into her amethyst eyes, trying to sound strong, to be strong, but deep down I was breaking. All of my years here in the Academy weren't real. "Mikan, I-"
"I can't... don't believe you."
"I only found out a couple of weeks ago." Hotaru reached out, wanting to hug me but I took a step back.
"Please tell me you're not making up excuses. You're my best friend. You should've told me righ away. Stop trying to protect me from the world, Hotaru! We both already know that my life's shittier compared to other people's!"
"I didn't say anything because I didn't want you to get hurt. Believe me, Hyuuga's an ass. I've been making his life miserable ever since."
I ignored her last comment, "But I found out."
"Mikan, please, I'm sorry."
I turned around, the tears were finally coming. "Of course you are." Then I left.
…
I wanted it done.
I'm tired of everything. Tired of crying myself to sleep every night. Tired of pretending that I'm okay.
All were lies. My whole life is practically one huge lie. And it's all because of the Academy. All because I came to this place. I shouldn't have followed Hotaru. I should've have just stayed with my grandpa. Instead I became the Academy's guinea pig.
Me finding out about Natsume's grand mission was the wake up call.
You'd think that I should face all of my problems and think that it'll get better but I've been facing all of my problems for the past eight years and none of them worked out perfectly.
Maybe it's time to give up.
Yeah, maybe it is.
I'd rather feel nothing than experience all the pain that life still has in store for me.
That's why I'm here, almost a month later after the incident in the girls' bathroom.
I stared at my reflection in my mirror…
…gave myself a fake smile…
… took a deep breath…
…closed my eyes…
…positioned the gun…
…and I pulled the trigger.
I'm sorry.
THE END
-VCL 1:48 AM 7/31/2011