A/N: Katou's POV. Again. Parentheses are his thoughts, I just read Carrie by Stephen King, and so I think it's affected my writing style a little. Any ways, his thoughts are rather jumbled, so expect to be confused. BTW, I listened to Pink's "Just Like A Pill" as I wrote this.

Dark and Numb

     I lay on the ground, how did I get here? What have I been doing? I fight against the dark haze in my mind and try to remember. I open my eyes and all I see is darkness. I blink, trying to get things into focus. I open my mouth to call out, and something escapes. Puke, I've puked, its warm and sticky. I fight to roll over. Eventually I do. Why am I here? I still can't remember.

     I run my hand across my face, trying to wipe away the vomit. It's disgusting. My vision starts to clear, and I find that I'm n my room. I try to call out for some one, but I know I'm alone, I don't know why I am, only that there is never anyone. Alone. I'm alone, I don't know what I did or what's happening to me, and I have vomit covering half my face. Whatever it is I did, I seem to have made a fine mess of my life.

     I search around my room with my eyes, trying to find a clue as to what I've done. I find it next to my hand, a bag with pills. Pills? I remember being out…I can't remember getting any. Where did I get drugs? What's happening? Everything starts going fuzzy again; the dark haze tries to consume me. I fight it off, wincing at the pain in my head. Think…pills…where? It's no use. Whatever I did, whatever I bought, it must not have been what I bargained for.

      I close my eyes. I start to see a figure; and a bag; flashes of images. Everything starts to fuzz over and I can feel the drugs taking over everything. No. I can't give up. I need to remember. I need to…

     More vomit comes out of my mouth. I feel it against what was the clean cheek.

     (No Dad. I'm not fine. Shut up. Oh, the pain. Pain. Your fault.)

    I can't find the strength to roll over. I can't find the strength to remember why I am alone and what I've done to myself. I try to remember; I try so hard. But I can't. It's just too hard, and I feel something against my cheek.

     (Oh, I puked again, didn't I? No, I'm crying. The pain, it's making me cry. Just go to sleep. Want to sleep. No, I can't. Ooww. Pills…too many pills.)

     I realize what I did to myself. I took too many pills. Far too many, and they were strong drugs. Why? Why so stupid? Why so stupid?

     (Your fault Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Don't call me Yue. Why did you name me that? So sadistic, you're such a sadistic... Don't care. Just want it to be dark. Please, just dark and numb. Only dark and numb. Not Yue. )

     Everything hits me so hard that I cry out. The sound I make is barely audible, but it's loud enough to tare up my insides. Suicide. I'm committing suicide. I don't want to live anymore, so I bought drugs. Took them all at once. I should be dead by now. Anyone would have been dead; anyone else never would have woken up. Why did I? Why do…

     (So many before. So many. Dark and numb. Just die. Die already, Yue! No. Not Yue. Not Yue, please, not Yue.)

     I close my eyes and ignore my tears. I'm too used to pills. It'll take too long for me to die. Why didn't I just get a gun? Why did I walk around looking for the heaviest drugs I could, just so I could die awake. Just so I could take so long to die. Of course, stupid until the bitter and painful end. The dark haze starts to take me over. I allow it this time. I stop crying and let the darkness take me under.

     (Yes, darkness. Just let it go dark, let it go numb. The end. Dad's fault. All Dad. Not Yue. Not Yue. Not…)

     The darkness takes me over and I never complete my last thought before I die. It takes a week for Kira to find me, and only he comes to my funeral.