Disclaimer: Although the original concept for this story is mine, Sonic and all other related characters are property of Sega.
Author's Note: Hi ya'll! :) This is my first try at writing a oneshot, so please be fair; I know it's really long. I just came up with this idea out of the blue; I hope it turns out great! Please R & R!
Shadow Tries Speed Dating!
Shadow was in a very bad mood on a Friday afternoon. He was sitting alone inside a local café, bored out of his ever loving mind. He had spent at least two hours inside, drinking lattes and reading a news magazine, which he had read front to back at least three times already. He quickly got tired of watching the flat screen TV which hung on the beige wall, about thirty feet from where Shadow was seated. He had nothing else better to do, so he continued to sit and do absolutely nothing. He was about to sit in his current position until none other than Sonic and Silver decided to pop in.
"My God," Shadow thought irritably to himself, "why do those two idiots always have to interrupt me when I try to have a decent afternoon? So what if I'm bored? It's a free country, isn't it?"
"Hi, Shadow! What's up?" Sonic called out from the front door. He quickly walked over to the table where the ebony hedgehog was sitting, with Silver not far behind.
"Look you moron, if you're going to try and get my attention, don't yell at the top of your lungs. Don't you know it's rude to yell in a building?" Shadow asked, treating Sonic as if he were a small child.
"Hey!" Sonic said, holding his hands up in defense "don't get mad, man. I just wanted to see how you were doing."
Shadow looked down at his latte, slurping the last ounces of mocha goodness out of the cup. He tossed into the trashcan without a second thought.
"Did you finally get a girlfriend yet? I mean, you don't have a job, and you do almost nothing all day except watch TV, drink coffee, and check your MySpace page." Sonic asked rudely.
"Yeah," Silver piped in, "you'd think that with all of the free time he has, he would try to fill it in with a girlfriend.
"Why don't you two just shut up and go bother someone else?" Shadow asked bitterly.
"Aw, come on, Shadow, you know we're just kidding." Sonic said sarcastically. He was barely able to finish his sentence with laughing.
"Yeah, Shadow, all we want to know is when you're going to go ask a girl out on a date!" Silver also couldn't finish speaking without laughing.
"I'm going to get a girlfriend when you two grow up and actually get a life," the ebony hedgehog retorted.
"Shadow, my friend, the day we grow up is the day that fish ride tricycles, and we all know that it's never going to happen. So, you might as well try and get a date, even if it's just for one night out to dinner." Sonic replied.
The ebony hedgehog thought for a moment and said, "Actually, I think there is a way to make a fish ride a tricycle."
"Oh, really?" Silver asked pompously, "And how exactly will you do that?"
"It's quite simple. I would just need to get Sonic to wear a fish costume, make him ride a tricycle through town while I record it on my camera phone, and post it on the Internet." Shadow replied with a wide smirk on his face.
Sonic, for the first time in years, made a semi-intelligent comment: "Shadow, let's get real. I'm already going out with Sally, and Silver's going out with Blaze, so it makes sense that you should get a girlfriend."
Shadow replied, "I don't follow your logic."
Silver, holding his head in his hands, said, "Shadow, quit making this difficult. All Sonic is trying to say is that you'd be a lot happier if you had a girl you could talk to."
"What makes you think that having a girlfriend would create happiness for me?" Shadow asked.
Sonic replied, "It would prove to me that a girl could actually talk to you for five minutes, let alone be girlfriend material."
"What makes you think that I have anything to prove to you?" It was becoming very clear that, if Sonic really wanted to make Shadow go out on a date, he would have to appeal to something that no one could resist.
"Twenty bucks says that you can't get a date tonight." Sonic smiled, pleased with himself.
"How dare you insult my intelligence! I shouldn't have to take this, especially from a complete idiot like you!" the ebony hedgehog retorted angrily.
"I think forty bucks is a more reasonable estimate," said Silver.
"Forty bucks?!" Shadow nearly screamed, "who do you think I am?"
"I think you're a sad, pathetic hedgehog who really wants a girlfriend yet can't swallow his own pride and try speed dating!" Silver said mockingly.
"Insolent SWINE!! I am not going to put up with this!" Shadow growled angrily, banging his fist on the table.
"Geez, Shadow, calm down!" Sonic replied, holding his hands up defensively. "I know a place where you can go redeem yourself."
"Oh, really; and just where might that place be?" Shadow asked sarcastically.
"The Boulevard on 49th Street," Sonic replied, "I heard it was supposed to be really upscale and fancy. They've got a piano player, great food, and the waiters actually speak French!"
"No kidding, eh? What is speed dating?" Shadow asked, somewhat interested.
"It's an event where all of these people sit at tables and have only a few minutes to get to know as much about each other as possible. Then, the person in charge will ring a bell, and a new person will sit at your table. It's a great way to meet other people." Silver piped in.
Sonic gave him a strange look and said, "Silver, you really know a lot about speed dating, don't you?"
"Yeah, I looked it up on the Internet," the white hedgehog said defensively.
"I figured you'd be the type to look up speed dating online." Sonic replied; sometimes, when he thought he knew his friends, one of them would say something that would catch him completely off guard.
"And I'm supposed to go speed dating because…?" Shadow said, gesturing with his hands for Sonic to continue speaking.
"Look, Shadow, if you don't go speed dating tonight and find yourself a girlfriend, I'm going to have to give Silver forty bucks, and you know I don't have that kind of money. Please go speed dating tonight! I'M BEGGING YOU, SPARE ME!!" After he said that, Sonic actually got on his knees and begged for Shadow's mercy.
After a moment of thought, the ebony hedgehog replied, "Alright, I'll try this speed dating thing, on one condition."
"What's that?" Silver asked, very anxious to win forty dollars.
"If I get a date for the night, then you two have to dress up as fish and ride a tricycle through town while I record it on my phone and post it on the Internet."
"And if I win," Sonic added, "both of ya'll will have to give me twenty bucks each."
Silver interjected "Hey, that's not fair! If I win, you have to give me forty bucks."
Shadow replied, "I believe everything is settled; now if you'll just give me the directions to this place, I'll even stop by the party store and pick up some fish costumes for ya'll to try on."
"Oh, thanks for the thought. You're so considerate." Sonic said sarcastically.
"You're quite welcome. I enjoy knowing how much you two appreciate the things I do for you." Shadow replied with equal sarcasm.
The three hedgehogs soon departed and headed back to their respective homes. Shadow received an e-mail from Silver that read:
Hey Shadow!
I got you the directions you wanted to the Boulevard tonight. Just click on the link and you can print out a copy. The speed dating starts at 8:00 sharp. Remember, this is a very fancy place, so you'll need to wear a suit and tie, if you've got one. Anyway, I just wanted to send you the directions.
Your
friend, Silver the Hedgehog
Shadow thought to himself as he printed the directions Silver given him, "Oh, crap! It's already five o'clock! Where am I going to find a suit at this hour?" He instantly remembered the suit shop that was about 10 blocks away from his apartment. He hurriedly locked the door to his apartment and ran down the sidewalk, not bothering to get out of people's way.
As he ran up to the front of the store, an old man suddenly turned off the "Open" sign that hung on the front of the store. Shadow tried pulling on the doors in vain, but it was too late; the store had already closed. Shadow turned around dejectedly and started to walk home, until the shopkeeper called out to him.
"Excuse me! Were you looking to rent a suit?" asked the shopkeeper.
The ebony hedgehog replied, "Yes, I was! I'm so glad that ya'll are still open! Thank you for letting me come in!"
The shopkeeper smiled as he let Shadow into the store. The hedgehog could see vast rows of suits of different styles, colors, and brands hanging on the racks. He was overwhelmed by the sheer size of the store; it was very spacious inside, despite a deceiving outward appearance.
"I presume you haven't shopped for a suit before?" the shopkeeper asked.
"Yes, sir, and I was wondering if a tailor was nearby."
"Why, yes, there is! He's in the back of the store now! I'm sure he would be very helpful in finding the perfect suit for you!" The shopkeeper beckoned him to a small room in the back of the store, where the tailor was working on a large, formal looking black suit.
The tailor was a small man with large glasses on his face, staring intently as he was sewing the final stitch.
"Vincent!" The shopkeeper called out. Vincent nearly poked his finger with the needle he was using to stitch up the suit.
"Tony, can't you see I'm busy?" He said irritably.
Tony, pretending not to be offended by Vincent's attitude replied, "This man could use a little help finding a suit, and I want you to help him. Quickly now! You can finish working on that later! We have a customer, so don't screw up!" He then stepped out of the tailor's workshop and continued about his own business.
"Okay," said Vincent, still annoyed by Tony's attitude, "what exactly are you looking for?"
"Well," Shadow replied sheepishly, "I'm going to the Boulevard restaurant tonight for some speed dating occasion, and I need a suit to get in."
"Oh! I get it! You want to look nice to impress the ladies, don't you?" asked the tailor.
"Yeah, that would be helpful." Shadow replied.
"I remember trying to get a date. I used to go that same restaurant all those years ago, trying to find a girlfriend, but I was never successful. But, anyway, that's not important. Let's find you a suit!" Vincent said cheerfully, trying to hide his embarrassment of just revealing personal details about his past.
For the next hour and a half, Shadow tried on at least two dozen suits. The tailor was very patient with him, and helped the ebony hedgehog pick out the perfect suit. He rang up the total for the suit rental, which came out to be around one hundred dollars, a pretty good deal for the value of the suit itself. Shadow thanked Tony and Vincent for their help, and proceeded down the sidewalk towards the Boulevard.
Shadow was very lucky that he did not take any longer to find his suit. When he arrived at the restaurant, he noticed that it was already 8 o'clock sharp. He then proceeded to sit at an empty table while a group of women talked to each other in hushed tones. As he looked around the restaurant, he could tell that Silver was not lying. It was extremely upscale, with fine white napkins and tablecloths made of silk, crystal glasses, and expensive silverware. He also noticed that there were other males seated at tables by themselves. After a wait of about five minutes, a short brown chipmunk wearing a black suit and a red bowtie spoke with a French accent.
"Hello and welcome to the Boulevard. I am Pierre, your host for this evening. If all of the ladies would please sit at one of the tables, the speed dating will begin. At the end of five minutes, I will ring a bell that will signal the ladies to change tables. I wish all of you the best of luck!" Pierre said with a smile.
The women started to disperse from their group and sat at each of the tables. A white fox with long black hair sat at Shadow's table.
"You may begin!" Pierre called out, ringing a small bell.
The white fox looked over at Shadow and asked, "Hey, there, what's your name?"
The ebony hedgehog replied, "I'm Shadow; what's your name?"
"I am Catherine the Fox; wait, I'm sorry, what was the question?" she replied with another question.
"I just asked you what your name was." Shadow said.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. My name is Nadine," the white fox replied.
"Wait," Shadow said, very perplexed, "you just told me your name was Catherine."
"No, I didn't, I told you my name was Krystal," she replied indignantly.
"See, there you go changing your name again!" Shadow said, extremely frustrated.
She said, "I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but I'm a pathological liar."
"Well, if changing your own name three times wasn't a big clue, I don't know what is!" Shadow replied. The bell chimed, and the first five minutes was over. "Thank God!" the ebony hedgehog thought to himself.
What Shadow didn't realize was that Sonic and Silver were hiding in some bushes across the street. Luckily for them, Shadow's seat was next to the window, so they didn't have a hard time seeing him.
"Sonic, check it out! Shadow's actually going out on an honest-to-God date!" Silver exclaimed happily.
"Yeah, he's just growing up too fast. One minute he's angry at the world and the next he's got a girlfriend. Isn't that so charming?" Sonic replied sarcastically.
Inside the Boulevard, Shadow was already talking to another woman. She was a pink mongoose and was very shy.
"So, tell me a little bit about yourself. Are you from around here?" Shadow asked.
The mongoose replied, "Um…no, I'm not."
The ebony hedgehog asked, "If you're not from around here, where are you from?"
"Seattle," the mongoose replied.
"Oh, that sounds like a cool place to live! Do you get to see any of the cool rock bands that tour up there?" Shadow asked; now that he was on the topic of music, he might be able to get the mongoose to talk more.
"Why are you asking me so many questions? Stop trying to invade my privacy!" She yelled indignantly, throwing the water she was drinking at the poor hedgehog. She then stormed out of the restaurant in a righteous anger, never to see him again.
The two hedgehogs outside were laughing their heads off after they saw the mongoose throw her water at Shadow.
"Sonic, I should have recorded this on my cell phone! Dang it, why do I always forget to have it when something funny happens?" Silver asked rhetorically.
"Why is the sky blue?" Sonic asked absentmindedly.
Silver proceeded to give the blue hedgehog a strange look. Then, he turned his attention back towards Shadow inside the restaurant.
Inside, Shadow was starting to feel extremely depressed. "Maybe I won't be able to get Sonic and Silver to ride around town in fish costumes. And I got my hopes up for nothing."
"Hi, Shadow! I didn't expect to see you here!" said a recognizable voice. Shadow looked up and saw none other than Amy Rose in a very pretty black dress.
"Amy! What are you doing here? I thought you swore that you would never date again after the faker dumped you for Sally." Shadow said, very shocked.
"Well, I decided that I would get out more and have fun again, so I chose to come here tonight. May I ask why you are here?" the pink hedgehog replied.
"I told Sonic that I could get a date tonight and he didn't believe me, so I told him that if I was successful and I did get a date, then he, along with Silver, would have to ride a tricycle through town with a fish costume on." Shadow explained.
"A fish costume? I figured you would have made them dress up in a ballerina's outfit." Amy replied.
"Well, Sonic told me that I would get a date when fish rode tricycles, so I figured that I would make my point across, with him dressing up as the fish. I can't decide if I want him to dress up as a tuna fish or a salmon."
"I'd say that a salmon might be the better option." Amy replied. "Say, if you get to do what you say you want to do, can I come and laugh at him with you?"
"Sure," said Shadow, "I don't see why you can't."
"You know, I've had a lot of fun talking to you," said Amy, "would you like to go get some coffee?"
"You mean right now?" Shadow asked.
"Yeah, it would be great!" Amy replied.
"Let's go!" Shadow said happily. "For once, that blue idiot is right about something for once," he thought to himself.
"As he was holding the door open for Amy, Sonic and Silver jumped out of their hiding place.
"HOLY CRAP!!" Shadow and Amy exclaimed at the same time.
"YOU FAKER!! What are you doing here?!" Shadow growled angrily.
"SONIC!! I thought I told you to stop following me!!" Amy yelled with equal anger.
"Well," the blue hedgehog said nonchalantly, "I just figured I'd stop by and make sure that you were actually going on a date."
The ebony hedgehog retorted, "Well, I guess you also found out that I got a date."
"Hey! There is an unwritten rule that states that you can't go out with your best friend's ex-girlfriend! It's just not cool!" Sonic protested.
"Oh, really? And just where did you look this up, the Internet?" Shadow said, laughing at the blue hedgehog's idiocy.
"Oh, go ahead, laugh all you want! But I promise you Shadow the Hedgehog, you will suffer for this later!" Sonic said with an evil tone.
At this, Sonic and Silver turned around and went back to their homes. Shadow turned to face Amy and asked, "Hey, do you know of a good costume store around here? I need to see if I can find two salmon suits."
The End
End Note: Haven't ya'll noticed that I really like to make Sonic's life miserable? I just thought I'd ask. Please R & R! Please comment!