His eyes aren't as dark as they used to be. They're softer now, without fear of looking at the woman he loves for too long. His hands are still rough, but the scars across his fist are old and unafraid of breaking open again. His face is more creased than it was five years ago, but it's his open mouthed laugh that threatens to leave its ghost on his cheeks. The kind of laugh that shakes his stomach and roars up his throat. Unyielding.
It's unbelievable how much Elliot Stabler laughs now.
He worries less these days. He wonders less too. Everything about him is content. He's long since stopped pressing the frustration into his features with his hands, and instead, keeps his vision as clear as he possibly can so he never has to quit staring at what is his.
His.
Having her as his own is so much more than he had ever imagined, and he thought he had imagined it all. The woman with olive skin and big brown eyes with all the emotion in the world has superseded everything he dreamed she could be.
He watches her constantly. It could be because he enjoys no longer having to hide the way he sees her, or because he is so amazed by the free woman beside him. He doesn't really care either way, because she is so much to see.
Trying to cook.
Singing in the car.
Doing whatever is the opposite of helping him clean.
Holding their daughter.
Sleeping next to him.
Filled with a new faith in the world.
He had once tried to convince her to go to church with him. He could tell that she felt badly about telling him she didn't want to, but he understood and left the subject so long as it was alright with her that he took their child every once in a while.
He loves taking their little girl to the church. At four years old, the child is wickedly intelligent. She knows all of the prayers that she's asked to recite and adores listening to the "man in the dress" speak the word of God.
As soon as they get home from Sunday mass, Elliot is hardly able to get the key into the door before she's running into the apartment as fast as her little legs can carry her, bursting at the seams with all of the new biblical stories she just learned and can't wait to tell her mommy. She'll find her and barely take a breath before she starts to tell her all about God's love for them with the expressions and passion rivaling that of the Pastor.
Every night, Elliot goes into his daughter's room and says her bedtime prayers with her, his wife watching from the doorway. He used to wonder why she didn't include herself in that part of the nighttime routine; until he realized that she wants to look at what is hers, too.
After the little girl is safe in her bed and both mother and father have kissed her goodnight, they go to their room and revel in the hours left in the day quiet from their child. His wife is quick to sleep these days, unburdened from the darkness that used to consume them. Elliot appreciates the relenting of the demons that once kept them awake at night, but his ex-cop side still finds in him the concern that they may one day return, so he too prays every night before he falls asleep to keep the fear at bay:
"Oh God, relying on Thy almighty power and infinite mercy and promises, if having Olivia Benson happens to be just a dream, let me sleep for the rest of my life. Amen."