I Don't Serve Justice!
Once upon a time, there was this radioactive spider right? Yeah, it was all science-y and stuff, with superpowers hidden in it, right? And then some poor kid got bitten by it right? But what actually happened to that spider? Did someone squish it, did it die of old age already? What if… it travelled all the Way to London? And hid in someone's cluttered, crappy garage? Well, in this story it did, so there.
Barry Barker was trying to make a quick few quid by cleaning someone's garage for them, since nobody in England ever cleans their Garage out. He started to clean it up by moving all the stuff outside first, as he moved the last box of crap out of the Garage, A Spider crawled onto his arm and bit him. Why? Why, I hear you ask, well why not? It's a laugh for the spider ain't it?
(Barry) "Ouch! Bastard!"
Barry squished the little bugger first into his arm, then he flung the remains and liquid onto the floor. Barry cleaned out the Garage and made a nice £7, wow, what a generous employer.
Barry got home and felt a bit tired, so he lay on his bed, and fell asleep. He was woken up next morning by his alarm clock which he crushed with his bare hands.
(Barry) "Wow, I've never done that before."
After cutting through his omelette and plate at breakfast, he went into the bathroom and broke a corner off his sink and squeezed half a tube of Toothpaste onto the ceiling. After admiring his new abs in the mirror, he went to work for a normal day. At work he managed to smash the copy machine until it was as small as a copy machine that had been smashed up by some guy with superpowers. He managed to break 17 pencils in half when he was day dreaming. After that, he managed to smash the lift's control panel until it no longer lit up. (He should have read the 'Out of Order' sign)
After work he went to his little friend's house, although only 11, Jim was brilliant, he was the best scientist Barry had ever met. After Barry told Jim about his day, Jim asked Barry to climb the wall and even onto the ceiling, Barry, slightly confused did what he said and would not come down until Jim poked Barry several times with a Broom handle. Jim wanted Barry to be a superhero, and Jim could take photos of him (You sick pervert! Not those kind of photos) in a new Spiderman outfit. Barry decided to make his own disguise, and would give Jim his pictures, Jim even promised to make Barry a web shooter, and web cartridges. "Come back in a week." Jim said.
Over the week rapid changes took place, Barry began to notice things happening around him, if a picture was about to fall, he saw it before it hit the ground, not like usual when he just sat there and didn't notice until it hit the floor and made a loud smashing sound. He began to see better, farer and wider. And of course, he liked to crawl around his flat's ceilings and walls. He found it extremely annoying to have everything stick to his hand, especially the TV remote.
After a week of discovery and annoyance, he went along to Jim's house, and sure enough, Jim had made a Web shooter, and about twenty web cartridges. Barry had only made a Spidey mask, with holes in the white eyes so he could actually see.
(Barry) "Here I am!"
Barry hopped in through the window, and Jim looked at Barry as if he's just been standing there naked. (Ugh! This book was made for sick'o's) Thank god he wasn't.
(Jim) "Barry? Where's your disguise?"
(Barry) "Well I'm wearing it under my actual cool clothes."
(Jim) "Ok 2 things. 1: what's the point of a disguise is you wear it under your normal outfit, and 2: Those clothes you're wearing suck."
Actually, Barry was wearing a White T-shirt and a black leather jacket, and ripped black jeans, and of course, his Spidey mask, and black gloves with holes cut near on the wrist at the veins bit for the web to shoot out from.
(Barry) "Just kidding, this is all I made, it's all I'll need."
(Jim) "Oh well, at least I'll be able to make a small profit from some photos, stop by every week ya?"
(Barry) "Small profit?"
(Jim) "Yeah, these web cartridges ain't cheap ya'know!"
(Barry) "Ok, ok."
So Barry and Jim started the photo shoot, Barry stuck to the ceiling, swung around outside, stuck to the building across the road, shot web at something, overall, they shot about 50 photos. Then they used the copier at Barry's work to copy them and send them to every paper around town. They managed to make a small fortune, a total of £5,265, not bad, maybe they could even send it to more Newspapers further around town.
Barry thought it would be cool to try swinging around town for real, sure, he swung for the photos, but only from the top of one building to another, and sometimes, even fell straight to the floor. Barry started down the street, swinging from building to building, then, gradually, he started to swing over the roads and in between buildings, whoa, better watch out for lamp posts.
(Barry) "Well, I'm hungry, I think I'll go eat something at that tall revolving restaurant."
So Barry started to swing to another building when some pompous asshole in a green suit and on some sort of glider, flew right past him and almost knocked him out of the air.
(Barry) "Hey! Screw you ass rammer!"
Suddenly the Green 'ass rammer' turned around in the sky.
(Barry) "Oh shit he's coming back."
Barry decided to pick up the pace a little bit, or a lot. Yeah, Barry was flying through the sky like he was being chased by some ass rammer on a glider.
Suddenly, Barry could see the revolving restaurant ahead, he blasted straight for it and landed on top of it. Straight afterwards the green ass rammer jumped off of his glider and started to walk towards him.
(Green ass rammer Glider dude) "What did you just call me?"
(Barry) "I called you an ass rammer you ass ramming uncle fucker."
Suddenly the Green ass rammer dude sprung massive blades about 60 cm long out of his arms and looked like a praying mantis with his stylish green suit thing, to add to that, he pulled two swords out of their cases on his back.
(Green ass rammer Glider dude) "Well, I'm the Green Gobbler, muahahaha!"
(Barry) "That's a shite name, absolutely crap."
(Green Gobbler dude) "Well, I suppose you have a better name?"
(Barry) "Well actually, to tell the truth, I don't really have one, I mean, Spiderman is already taken right?"
(Green Gobbler) "Yeah, he lives in New York."
(Barry) "Well, it's not important right now, let's just fight ya?"
The Green Gobbler cut Barry across the arm, and Barry jumped far away, holding his arm.
Barry looked at it, it started to heal up really quickly. Suddenly the X-men jet flew above the battle scene, with a banner trailing behind it saying: 'Copycats'
(Barry)*looking at the screen* "I think Marvel comics are gunna sue somebody."
Suddenly the wound goes back to how it was all nasty and bleeding.
(Barry) "Hey Bitch! You got blood all over my favourite shirt!"
Suddenly, The Green Gobbler pulled out a bomb shaped like a small pumpkin.
(Barry) "Oh come on! This is getting ridiculous, we can't afford to get sued by twelve different people."
(Green Gobbler) "Do you know what this is?"
(Barry) "Um, a trick or treat bag? Oh I know! An Egg timer!"
Green Gobbler) "No idiot it's a bomb."
(Barry) "Yeah I know, I was just joking for god's sake, you bloody retard."
(Green Gobbler) "Well, you might be able to save yourself, but can you stop me from blowing up this entire restaurant?"
(Barry) "Go ahead, I don't serve justice or anything, I won't try to save, them."
(Green Gobbler) "Oh," *Throwing pumpkin bomb into the background* "Well, I guess there's nothing left but to DISEMBOWEL you."
(Barry) "Yeah, I guess, or we can just hug and make up, hey, is it too late to be friends?"
Luckily for Barry, the Pumpkin bomb was still armed and exploded at that moment, sending the Green ass rammer into the floor (well, actually roof) of the Revolving restaurant, while Barry jumped off and got the hell outta sight.
When he got back home, he pulled out a piece of blade wedged in his arm.
Property of GOBSCORP
Was written on one side and:
Made in China
Was written on the other side.
(Barry) "Gobscorp? This is getting out of hand."
Barry went to Jim's to find out more about GOBSCORP. Seems they are a company which designs dangerous things, they're on the verge of going bankrupt, since a local company has been pushing them down.
(Barry) "So, anyways, I need a name for myself, well, ya'know, my 'superhero' self."
(Jim) "How does it feel to be the defendant?"
(Barry) "Huh?"
(Jim) "Sorry, I… I don't know why I said that."
(Barry) "Well? Names?"
(Jim) "Um, how about, 'The Spider'?"
(Barry) "How about no."
(Jim) "The Amazingly Corrupt and unstylish Spiderman?"
(Barry) "I've got it, The New and Improved Spiderman."
(Jim) "How does that work? You're not new anymore, and you're not improved either, you're actually quite inferior. So really, you should be called the Old and Inferior Spiderman."
(Barry) "Nah, then the bad guys wouldn't go oooh, now that's a good name, they'd go, hahahahaha, look at that dick munch in a suit!"
(Jim) "Don't they say that anyway?"
(Barry) "Shuttup! Anyway, shouldn't we find out more about GOBSCORP?"
(Jim) "Well I hope you're not planning to break into it."
(Barry) *Half way out of the window* "Um, no."
(Jim) "Don't try breaking in, it's more like a fortress than a company, the best thing to do would be to buy the company and then look around all you want."
(Barry) "Ok, but how will we get the money?"
(Jim) "We could try sending more pictures to more newspapers for money."
(Barry) "Wouldn't it be easier just to rob a bank?"
(Jim) "Yes but the Moral…" *The Curtains at the window blow in the wind, with the window wide open and no sign of Barry* "…Oh well."
Once upon a time, there was this radioactive spider right? Yeah, it was all science-y and stuff, with superpowers hidden in it, right? And then some poor kid got bitten by it right? But what actually happened to that spider? Did someone squish it, did it die of old age already? What if… it travelled all the Way to London? And hid in someone's cluttered, crappy garage? Well, in this story it did, so there.
Barry Barker was trying to make a quick few quid by cleaning someone's garage for them, since nobody in England ever cleans their Garage out. He started to clean it up by moving all the stuff outside first, as he moved the last box of crap out of the Garage, A Spider crawled onto his arm and bit him. Why? Why, I hear you ask, well why not? It's a laugh for the spider ain't it?
(Barry) "Ouch! Bastard!"
Barry squished the little bugger first into his arm, then he flung the remains and liquid onto the floor. Barry cleaned out the Garage and made a nice £7, wow, what a generous employer.
Barry got home and felt a bit tired, so he lay on his bed, and fell asleep. He was woken up next morning by his alarm clock which he crushed with his bare hands.
(Barry) "Wow, I've never done that before."
After cutting through his omelette and plate at breakfast, he went into the bathroom and broke a corner off his sink and squeezed half a tube of Toothpaste onto the ceiling. After admiring his new abs in the mirror, he went to work for a normal day. At work he managed to smash the copy machine until it was as small as a copy machine that had been smashed up by some guy with superpowers. He managed to break 17 pencils in half when he was day dreaming. After that, he managed to smash the lift's control panel until it no longer lit up. (He should have read the 'Out of Order' sign)
After work he went to his little friend's house, although only 11, Jim was brilliant, he was the best scientist Barry had ever met. After Barry told Jim about his day, Jim asked Barry to climb the wall and even onto the ceiling, Barry, slightly confused did what he said and would not come down until Jim poked Barry several times with a Broom handle. Jim wanted Barry to be a superhero, and Jim could take photos of him (You sick pervert! Not those kind of photos) in a new Spiderman outfit. Barry decided to make his own disguise, and would give Jim his pictures, Jim even promised to make Barry a web shooter, and web cartridges. "Come back in a week." Jim said.
Over the week rapid changes took place, Barry began to notice things happening around him, if a picture was about to fall, he saw it before it hit the ground, not like usual when he just sat there and didn't notice until it hit the floor and made a loud smashing sound. He began to see better, farer and wider. And of course, he liked to crawl around his flat's ceilings and walls. He found it extremely annoying to have everything stick to his hand, especially the TV remote.
After a week of discovery and annoyance, he went along to Jim's house, and sure enough, Jim had made a Web shooter, and about twenty web cartridges. Barry had only made a Spidey mask, with holes in the white eyes so he could actually see.
(Barry) "Here I am!"
Barry hopped in through the window, and Jim looked at Barry as if he's just been standing there naked. (Ugh! This book was made for sick'o's) Thank god he wasn't.
(Jim) "Barry? Where's your disguise?"
(Barry) "Well I'm wearing it under my actual cool clothes."
(Jim) "Ok 2 things. 1: what's the point of a disguise is you wear it under your normal outfit, and 2: Those clothes you're wearing suck."
Actually, Barry was wearing a White T-shirt and a black leather jacket, and ripped black jeans, and of course, his Spidey mask, and black gloves with holes cut near on the wrist at the veins bit for the web to shoot out from.
(Barry) "Just kidding, this is all I made, it's all I'll need."
(Jim) "Oh well, at least I'll be able to make a small profit from some photos, stop by every week ya?"
(Barry) "Small profit?"
(Jim) "Yeah, these web cartridges ain't cheap ya'know!"
(Barry) "Ok, ok."
So Barry and Jim started the photo shoot, Barry stuck to the ceiling, swung around outside, stuck to the building across the road, shot web at something, overall, they shot about 50 photos. Then they used the copier at Barry's work to copy them and send them to every paper around town. They managed to make a small fortune, a total of £5,265, not bad, maybe they could even send it to more Newspapers further around town.
Barry thought it would be cool to try swinging around town for real, sure, he swung for the photos, but only from the top of one building to another, and sometimes, even fell straight to the floor. Barry started down the street, swinging from building to building, then, gradually, he started to swing over the roads and in between buildings, whoa, better watch out for lamp posts.
(Barry) "Well, I'm hungry, I think I'll go eat something at that tall revolving restaurant."
So Barry started to swing to another building when some pompous asshole in a green suit and on some sort of glider, flew right past him and almost knocked him out of the air.
(Barry) "Hey! Screw you ass rammer!"
Suddenly the Green 'ass rammer' turned around in the sky.
(Barry) "Oh shit he's coming back."
Barry decided to pick up the pace a little bit, or a lot. Yeah, Barry was flying through the sky like he was being chased by some ass rammer on a glider.
Suddenly, Barry could see the revolving restaurant ahead, he blasted straight for it and landed on top of it. Straight afterwards the green ass rammer jumped off of his glider and started to walk towards him.
(Green ass rammer Glider dude) "What did you just call me?"
(Barry) "I called you an ass rammer you ass ramming uncle fucker."
Suddenly the Green ass rammer dude sprung massive blades about 60 cm long out of his arms and looked like a praying mantis with his stylish green suit thing, to add to that, he pulled two swords out of their cases on his back.
(Green ass rammer Glider dude) "Well, I'm the Green Gobbler, muahahaha!"
(Barry) "That's a shite name, absolutely crap."
(Green Gobbler dude) "Well, I suppose you have a better name?"
(Barry) "Well actually, to tell the truth, I don't really have one, I mean, Spiderman is already taken right?"
(Green Gobbler) "Yeah, he lives in New York."
(Barry) "Well, it's not important right now, let's just fight ya?"
The Green Gobbler cut Barry across the arm, and Barry jumped far away, holding his arm.
Barry looked at it, it started to heal up really quickly. Suddenly the X-men jet flew above the battle scene, with a banner trailing behind it saying: 'Copycats'
(Barry)*looking at the screen* "I think Marvel comics are gunna sue somebody."
Suddenly the wound goes back to how it was all nasty and bleeding.
(Barry) "Hey Bitch! You got blood all over my favourite shirt!"
Suddenly, The Green Gobbler pulled out a bomb shaped like a small pumpkin.
(Barry) "Oh come on! This is getting ridiculous, we can't afford to get sued by twelve different people."
(Green Gobbler) "Do you know what this is?"
(Barry) "Um, a trick or treat bag? Oh I know! An Egg timer!"
Green Gobbler) "No idiot it's a bomb."
(Barry) "Yeah I know, I was just joking for god's sake, you bloody retard."
(Green Gobbler) "Well, you might be able to save yourself, but can you stop me from blowing up this entire restaurant?"
(Barry) "Go ahead, I don't serve justice or anything, I won't try to save, them."
(Green Gobbler) "Oh," *Throwing pumpkin bomb into the background* "Well, I guess there's nothing left but to DISEMBOWEL you."
(Barry) "Yeah, I guess, or we can just hug and make up, hey, is it too late to be friends?"
Luckily for Barry, the Pumpkin bomb was still armed and exploded at that moment, sending the Green ass rammer into the floor (well, actually roof) of the Revolving restaurant, while Barry jumped off and got the hell outta sight.
When he got back home, he pulled out a piece of blade wedged in his arm.
Property of GOBSCORP
Was written on one side and:
Made in China
Was written on the other side.
(Barry) "Gobscorp? This is getting out of hand."
Barry went to Jim's to find out more about GOBSCORP. Seems they are a company which designs dangerous things, they're on the verge of going bankrupt, since a local company has been pushing them down.
(Barry) "So, anyways, I need a name for myself, well, ya'know, my 'superhero' self."
(Jim) "How does it feel to be the defendant?"
(Barry) "Huh?"
(Jim) "Sorry, I… I don't know why I said that."
(Barry) "Well? Names?"
(Jim) "Um, how about, 'The Spider'?"
(Barry) "How about no."
(Jim) "The Amazingly Corrupt and unstylish Spiderman?"
(Barry) "I've got it, The New and Improved Spiderman."
(Jim) "How does that work? You're not new anymore, and you're not improved either, you're actually quite inferior. So really, you should be called the Old and Inferior Spiderman."
(Barry) "Nah, then the bad guys wouldn't go oooh, now that's a good name, they'd go, hahahahaha, look at that dick munch in a suit!"
(Jim) "Don't they say that anyway?"
(Barry) "Shuttup! Anyway, shouldn't we find out more about GOBSCORP?"
(Jim) "Well I hope you're not planning to break into it."
(Barry) *Half way out of the window* "Um, no."
(Jim) "Don't try breaking in, it's more like a fortress than a company, the best thing to do would be to buy the company and then look around all you want."
(Barry) "Ok, but how will we get the money?"
(Jim) "We could try sending more pictures to more newspapers for money."
(Barry) "Wouldn't it be easier just to rob a bank?"
(Jim) "Yes but the Moral…" *The Curtains at the window blow in the wind, with the window wide open and no sign of Barry* "…Oh well."