Ana
"Mom, Phoebe's being sick again." Teddy announces as he breezes into the kitchen already dressed for school. I look at my handsome sixteen year old son as Christian jumps to his feet.
"I'll go." I tell him. Christian always overreacts with the kids when they're sick and with this being the second day in a row that Phoebe's throwing up I know his instinct is to call his retired paediatric doctor mother and get her to pay a visit. My reaction is always to make my baby comfortable and check them over best I can before calling their doctor.
"I'll call my Mom." Christian calls as I head for the stairs. So predictable. I don't acknowledge him as it doesn't matter what I say his opinion overrules mine every time. As I reach the top of the stairs I can hear Phoebe's heaves. My poor baby! I hate seeing them sick.
"Phoebe?" I ask poking my head around the door, there's my baby girl on her hands and knees in front of the porcelain bowl, dry heaving.
"I'm fine." She sputters, well that's not my baby, Phoebe is a drama queen when she's sick, and will milk it for all it's worth but here she is with her arm out stopping me from getting near her.
"You're not fine." I sigh as she pulls the chain and stands up.
"Mom..." She says wiping her hand across her mouth. "I'm fine." She says more forcefully. It's the same as yesterday, she was sick and then insisted she was fine but she wasn't allowed to school. As I watch as she brushes her teeth I know like yesterday she's going to fight to go to school.
Phoebe has changed so much in the past few months. She's been withdrawn, spending more time with her friends than at home. I miss my baby but as she keeps reminding us, she's a teenager now not a child. She's not my baby anymore.
"Hey princess you feeling ok?" Christian asked ruffling her straightened hair.
"Daddy." She moans grabbing her comb.
"Nama Grace is on her way. Get back in your pyjamas and get back in bed." He commands in that voice he uses, that dominant voice the he uses to get everyone to heal, including me, it screams don't argue with me without him having to raise his voice by a single decibel. Of course, it's in our playroom that I get to hear it most!
"I have a test today." Phoebe replies which I know is true but Christian' isn't going to take it, he's never allowed her to go to school sick When they were kids even a sniffle and I'd have to fight him that they were fine.
"Bed Phoebe." He growls. "I'll call the school and they will let you take that test when you're better."
Phoebe stomps her foot but Christian's glare is enough to send her marching back into her room. I look at him, not happy with his decision but still, he's their father and I have learned sometimes to just go with what he says. Somethings are not worth fighting
"Is your Mom coming first thing?"
"She told me she'd be here in twenty, that's straight away Ana." He replies rolling his eyes, a habit neither I nor the kids get away with but one he flaunts freely.
"Ok. I'm going to make sure she's ok." I say leaning up to kiss him. "Go to work, she'll be ok."
Christian sighs and runs his hand through his hair. It's the same discussion that rears its ugly head every time one of the kids gets sick. He wants to be at home for them but it's easier for me to be home, he has a billion dollar corporation to run whereas I run one small million dollar company within the corporation. He's needed in work more than me.
"Are you sure?"
"Go. I'll call you with whatever your Mom says ok?" I say running my fingers through his hair before my hands slip to straightening his tie like I do for Teddy every morning, though the second my back is turned he loosens it again. Christian on the other hand gives me a soft kiss before leaving the bathroom allowing me to go deal with our poorly daughter.
"I'm going to change quickly before Nama Grace gets here, would you like me to ask Gail to bring you anything?" I ask signalling the intercom on the bedroom wall.
"Some orange juice would be nice." She replies and I nod and smile, even though I believe orange juice could make her toss her cookies again I'd rather her replenish some of the fluids she's lost. Grace once told me that even if a child continues to be sick when they have fluid they do keep some of the fluid intake. That's why it's important to keep giving them juice and water or even milk if it's what the child wants.
I ask Gail to bring up some orange juice for Phoebe as well as some toast, she needs to try and eat something and dry toast is usually a good bet with Phoebe. Once in my bedroom I change into a tracksuit. I'm not planning on leaving the house today so I'm not dressing to impress anyone and I shove my hair into a scruffy knot at the top of my head. Just as I slip on my slippers I hear Gail greet Grace at the door.
"Hello my dear." She smiles as I meet her at the top of the stairs. I hug her, a natural habit these days. "So where's the patient?"
"In bed on her father's insistence, she'd much rather be in school though." I say making Grace's eyes widen in surprise, yup she knows my daughter well enough to know that's unusual.
"She must be sick." Grace says with a wink. "So other than vomiting any other symptoms?"
"None she's complained of, she's not hot to the touch or cold either, she seems fine actually other than the vomiting of course."
"I'll find out what's wrong with her, just give me some time alone with her?"
This question scares me, why would Grace want time alone with my daughter? What does she think is wrong?
"Grace you're scaring me." I say quietly making her chuckle.
"Oh now, now Ana, she's probably fine! I bet its anxiety but about what I don't know. Give me some time to question her and then we'll see. It could be a lot of things, bulimia comes to mind but that doesn't seem like Phoebe."
"Grace, I trust you but don't hide from me what's wrong with her when you do know?" I ask terrified of my daughter having secrets from me or making herself sick because of some issue with her body image. Phoebe and I have always been pretty close, she may be Daddy's little princess, but she trusts me with her secrets, she always has. We've always been pretty open with one another.
"I'm not bound by confidentiality Ana, I promise." She says giving my hand a squeeze and then I can only watch as she slips into Phoebe's room leaving me alone on the top of the stairs, worried sick.
Grace
I walk into Phoebe's room expecting her to be curled up in bed looking like death but instead she's sat upright, her arms crossed and her face marred in a frown. Oh my dear girl. I'm worried about what may be wrong with her, bulimia is very prominent in my mind as I see she looks fine other than a little pale.
"Dad didn't need to call you Nama." Phoebe says as I approach the bed slowly, she really does look like an angry teen right now and she has her father's temper… he says it's Ana's but I've never really seen Ana angry. Though, I do remember an incident before she and Christian were married and a drink all over Elena Lincoln…
"Your Father just wants to make sure you're fit and healthy, you're vomiting so I would say you're not healthy right now."
"I'm fine!" She stresses angrily, oh my dear girl!
"Just let me give you a once over to appease him? Please?" I ask and she groans loudly before nodding. She loves pleasing Christian most of the time so I'm not surprised that she lets me check her out.
After checking everything I can conclude Phoebe is very healthy, her abdomen however feels quite distended and I'm really not happy with that and of course her throat looks a little sore but that would probably be from the vomiting. It could be many things causing her abdomen to be distended it could be irritable bowel, ovarian cancer, lactose intolerance, or a simple bowl obstruction or constipation but she doesn't have any of the other symptoms so I doubt it very much. It could be her period too of course and that's what it probably is.
"Now then I'm happy to report you're a healthy young woman, so come on, talk to me what's going on with you Phoebe Rose Grey?"
"What do you mean?" She asks shifting up so I can sit beside her on the bed. I sit and pull her to my chest, she's never too big for cuddles from Nama. I mean I still hold Ana and Mia when they want to be held.
"Well this being sick isn't being caused by nothing but as far as I can see you're as healthy as a horse so talk to me sweet girl, what's going on?"
"Nama I'm fine…"
"Don't lie to me Phoebe, I don't like being lied to." I say in my sternest voice almost mimicking her father.
"Well… Nama I don't know what to say, I'm fine. Really I am." She insists. I sigh, I don't know how to get my darling girl to open up to me. I'm stuck.
Phoebe
I hate lying to Nama Grace, more than anything else in the world right now I hate lying right to her face but I can't possibly tell her the truth. I'm sure she'd disown me!
It would be your own fault.
I growl at my subconscious, there are times when I don't need her hanging around giving me unnecessary advice. In thinking about it, maybe Grandma Grace is the only person I can tell my secret to, she could help me and she's a doctor, they're bound by confidentiality so she couldn't tell Mom or Dad even if she wanted to!
How to tell her though I mean do I just blurt it out? Do I build her up to it or give her hints and let her figure it out for herself? I mean she's a clever woman, it wouldn't take long.
I'm just so scared, people will never look at me the same if this comes out but I need help. I'm fourteen so I can't do anything on my own without help, even going to the doctors I need Mom with me. I can't wait till I'm grown up and can do things for myself without Mom or Dad.
I wanted to tell Mom this morning what was wrong. I know she'd help me but I don't want her to hate me, and that's what will happen when she knows. She'll hate me and she won't be able to look at me the same again.
And Dad? Shit! Dad will disown me and cut me out completely when he finds out, why don't I ever think of the damn consequences before doing these stupid things?
The one thing I know is that I need help, someone will help me… Nama Grace may be the only one that can help me…
Grace
Phoebe cuddles me close and I can tell by her face and breathing that she's thinking hard. Is she going to open up to me? Will she tell me what's going on with her?
Ana mentioned a few times over the summer that Phoebe was changing, physically she began looking like a woman, her breasts made a sudden appearance and her hips began to show more prominently but mentally Ana could only see her child. I tried to reassure her that Phoebe was just being a teenager, trying to be independent and Ana would have to just learn to live with that and be there for when her baby made an appearance and she would make an appearance when she needed her Mommy most.
What if it wasn't Phoebe just being a teenager though? What if Ana was right to worry? I'm even more convinced now that my granddaughter is suffering from bulimia, it's the only possible explanation for this spontaneous throwing up! My dear girl! She's so beautiful and so slim, just like her Mother is, Phoebe is the absolute double of Ana except for her eyes, she has Christian's Grey eyes.
"Nama Grace?" Phoebe's voice pulls me from my own thoughts and I look down to see my granddaughter wringing her hands just like Ana does when she's nervous.
"What is it Phoebe?" I ask.
"You'll help me right?" She asks, her grey eyes coming up to meet mine, I smile at her and nod, of course I will she knows that right? I'll always help her, I'll always be there for her. "Doesn't matter what I say you won't hate me?"
"I could never hate you Phoebe, you know that. I love you so much." I try reassuring her, I need her to know she can tell me what's going on with her and I'll be there for her.
"Ok." She nods before looking down at her hands again. "Nama Grace. I think I'm pregnant."
Grace
Pregnant. Pregnant? Oh shit. That would explain the sickness and the distended abdomen. She can't be? Can she? She's fourteen!
"Phoebe, why do you think you might be pregnant?" I ask because she's a child, she's naive, at fourteen I believed in virgin births so maybe Phoebe does too.
"Because I had sex." She says and I feel the wind being knocked out of me.
She pushes away from me and sits upright, her hands wringing more than ever in her lap, her head bowed submissively.
"Nama I didn't mean for it to happen and it was only the once." She says and I feel her sobs struggling to break through.
"Did you use protection?"
"The condom split."
I drop my head into my hand and gasp. Fourteen. My darling girl is fourteen she can't be pregnant, she's still just a baby herself.
I know Phoebe started her periods at eleven, Christian was worried that it was far too early and expressed his opinion and only after a lot of reassurance he controlled himself and didn't phone a specialist.
"Phoebe." Is all I can say.
"I'm sorry Nama, I didn't mean it to happen it just did. I'm so sorry." She sobs and I quickly gather her in my arms letting her know that it's ok, I'm here. I'm angry yes but I can't take it out on Phoebe right now, I'll give her a damn stern talking to when I know for sure but pregnant…
I take deep breaths while Phoebe sobs in my arms. Oh no this is going to be hell for her. If it turns out she is that is, if not then I'll talk to her about safe sex, get her on the injection without informing Christian or Ana if possible and then we'll be ok but if she is pregnant… oh Christian's going to kill her.
"Phoebe stop this now, come on stop this crying. We don't know yet, it could be so many other things. Now tell me when did you get your last period?"
"Hold on." She says quietly as she climbs out of my hold and I watch as she goes over to her desk and grabs her phone. She looks for something, taps buttons repeatedly before she finds what she wanted and then her eyes meet mine. I see the fear there, the worry and the sadness, my darling girl. "Seven weeks ago." She says quietly and I have to squeeze my eyes shut, this is looking worse and worse with every passing second.
"Ok, Phoebe I'm going to go to the drug store, get a pregnancy test ok?"
"Nama Grace please don't tell Mom!" She begs rushing over to me and grabbing me tight. I hold her back.
"I promised I wouldn't, not till we know." I reply running my fingers through her dark hair, she's a baby herself, this is proof of that. She looks so small and vulnerable in my arms even though she's taller than me! "I won't be long." I say releasing her and I kiss her head before slipping out the door.
I barely make it to the bottom of the stairs before Ana descends on me, she looks worried sick and I'm not surprised, we were up there a long time.
"Well?" She asks desperately.
"I don't know yet." I reply. "It may be constipation but I haven't got anything on me so I'm going to pop to the drug store and get her some medicine and we'll give it a few hours and see what happens."
"Ok." Ana nods smiling a little and relaxing right before my eyes, poor girl I can't imagine what's been going through her mind these past few minutes while I've been with Phoebe. "I could send Sawyer and you have a cup of tea…"
"No, no, I need to have a look at the brands, decide which one is best for Phoebe." I say quickly, possibly too quick because Ana frowns for a moment before smiling.
"Ok, I'll see you in a little while then." She says allowing me to head for the door thanking divine providence that she didn't question my real motives for going to the drug store.
Phoebe
I'm already glad I told Nama Grace. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Though, I know she's angry, I could see it in her eyes but she didn't take it out on me, not yet anyhow. She will if this test is negative though, she will go absolutely bat shit crazy but for a negative result I will take that. I would rather have Nama Grace going thermonuclear on me than Dad which he will if the result is positive and he finds out, maybe Nama Grace can help me get an abortion.
Abortion. I don't believe in abortion, I never have but I'm fourteen! I can't be a Mom! I mean I can't really look after myself so I definitely couldn't look after a child… a child… my child…
Oh no! I'd have to tell him, the father. I haven't seen him since school started, he was just my summer vacation fling! I was never really supposed to see him properly again and he will lose everything if it comes out this is his child, if there is a child that is.
But there's so much more to worry about, Dad. He won't only go thermonuclear and possibly disown me but he could lose everything too and it would be all my fault, his lifetime work gone in a flash because I was stupid enough to have sex at fourteen.
I already wish I had been like Mom, she waited until she was twenty two, she was wise beyond her years in that way, she stayed innocent until she met the man of her dreams who just happens to be my dad. That must be something special for them right? That she's with the man who she gave her virginity too, a man she loved then and still loves now. I didn't love him. It was lust, a summer romance and I gave him something I can never take back, something I couldn't possibly give to anyone else.
"Phoebe?" Mom's head pops around the door and I quickly wipe the tears that have been steadily falling since Nama Grace left.
"Hey Mom." I say having turned away from the door so she can't see my tear tracks.
"Baby what's wrong?" She asks, Mom always knows when we're sad, just by the tone of our voices she can determine our moods.
"I just feel crappy." I lie, I have to lie to her.
"Oh baby." She says coming over and hugging me tight. I inhale her sweet scent, that one that always reminds me of Mom and home. Oh, I can't imagine her hating me. I begin to sob hard.
"Can we snuggle in bed?" I ask through my hiccups, Mom says nothing and just leads me to the bed, quickly she props herself up on the pillows and lays back allowing me to crawl up to her and curl up in her side. Her fingers go into my hair and she plays with the strands, it always soothes me to have Mom playing with my hair.
We snuggle for ages and I'm almost asleep when the bedroom door opens and I look up see Nama standing there with a soft smile.
"How are you doing Phoebe?" She asks in her doctor voice as she comes towards the bed.
"I'm ok." I say quietly as Mom snuggles me tighter. "Mom can you give me a minute with Nama please?" I ask knowing that we have to get rid of Mom somehow.
"Of course, just shout me if you need me." She says, she's always said that which is funny seeing as we have an intercom system that means we don't have to shout around the house to find someone.
"Ok. I love you Mommy."
"I love you too Phoebe baby." She says kissing my temple, I melt into her touch, inside I'm screaming Don't leave me Mommy! but I don't voice it, instead I watch her go.
As soon as the door shuts Nama turns to me and takes a bag from her purse. She hands it to me and inside is one digital pregnancy test with an accuracy of 99.9% and it even tells you how far along up to three weeks plus.
"Go pee." She says her head signalling the door of my en suite, she sounds almost bitter… oh Nama don't hate me! I again don't voice this and I head towards the bathroom.
Three minutes. In just three minutes I will know if there's a baby growing inside my tummy or if I've been imagining it. Do I wait here? I don't know if I'll be able to look at it on my own. Maybe I should give the stick to Nama and she can just tell me? Oh I don't know what to do!
I leave the bathroom and hand the stick over to Nama before going to sit on the pink leather desk chair. I bring my feet up and wrap my arms around my knees before resting my head on the top, I feel heartbroken because I know what it's going to say!
I look at Nama Grace, her face is unreadable, her eyes are glued on the stick, it has been three minutes. I know it has, I counted to one hundred and eighty slowly so three minutes have been. Come on Grandma Grace! I want to shout but I won't, shouting won't get me anywhere. I plead for her to look at me, to say something but only in my head, I don't have a voice at the moment.
After what feels like hours she turns to me, her face says it all.
"I'm sorry Nama."