BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Leo's alarm clock screeches, forcing the sleepy teen to reach out, and attempt to silence it with a push of his fingers, but missing it entirely. He just doesn't have the energy as he crawls up closer, and manages to turn it off this time, only to slink back into bed, curling up into the warmth.
Then he thinks about Blaine, and that this week signifies they've been dating for exactly a month! Where did the time go? He finds himself asking as he gradually clambered out of bed, and stretching out his muscles, hearing the small of his back crack, making him cringe a little as he makes his way over to the bathroom.
After relieving himself, and a much needed hot, steamy shower, he climbs out smelling great, heading back into the bedroom to sort out what he's going to wear today. He had heard over the weekend that, even though it's going to be slightly cool, it's otherwise going to be a nice and sunny day so he chooses a red and blue chequered shirt, a pair of faded blue denim jeans, and his favourite pair of trainers.
Spraying himself with the new deodorant that Blaine chose for him on their shopping trip on Saturday, he proceeds to get dressed and, checking himself out in the mirror, is happy with the result.
Picking up his bag and shoving his homework inside, which he'd done the day before, he heads out of the bedroom, and down the stairs into the kitchen. As always, his Mum's standing in front of the cooker making him his breakfast, but there's something different about this picture. His Dad's still here…
"Oh, morning Dad, aren't you going to be late for work?"
His Dad looks up from eating his breakfast, taking his time to chew and swallow his food before replying, "No because it's my day-off. I thought it'd be nice for me and your Mother to go out on a walk around town, see all the sights and sounds." He then returned to eating his breakfast before it gets cold.
"Here's yours, Leo. Don't let it get cold now," she informs, returning to the cooker to make herself some while Leo sits next to his Dad to start eating his, thanking her before digging in himself.
"You know, this week signifies it being a month since me and Blaine have been dating. Can you believe it? It's insane!" He declares enthusiastically, his parents both smiling at the fact that he sounds genuinely happy.
"Well I'm glad," his Mum replies, "you need something good in your life, and it's safe to assume that Blaine is the good in your life. He really does bring a smile to your face, doesn't he? We really are happy for you, darling." She then reaches out, and holds his hand affectionately before letting go and letting him get back to eating his breakfast.
"Not only that, but it means that I've only got a week until Glenn's here on leave. I can't wait to see him again, it's been so long."
His parents smirk at each other, obviously hiding something, but without Leo knowing as he's too occupied with eating the rest of his breakfast. Once he's finished, he quickly rushes up the stairs to brush his teeth before heading back down. In the kitchen he reaches down to pick up his bag, kiss his Mum on the cheek, and waves goodbye to his Dad before he's out the door, on his way to school.
Little does he know that when he gets home later today, he's going to be in for one hell of a shock from someone rather unexpected…
The day seems to be going rather quickly, which is unusual for a Monday, Leo adds, walking quickly through the corridors of McKinley en route to the rehearsal room or else he's going to be late. Mr Tomlinson had kept him behind after History class to discuss his extracurricular and, before Leo knew it, he'd kept him longer than expected, hence the reason why he's now rushing to his next class at this moment in time.
Hope Mr. Schue won't be too mad at me for being late. It's that Mr. Tomlinson's fault. He's a nice enough teacher, but he sure does waffle on! Leo speaks to himself as he sees the door up ahead, and can hear the class has already started. Damn, hopefully not too late.
Entering the room, Leo can see that everyone, except for Santana, Tina and Lauren who are hovering around the piano, are sitting at their designated seats, and looking towards the whiteboard. Following their line of sight, Leo sees that Mr. Schue's in front of it, and written in big, red letters is the word "SEXY".
"Sorry I'm late, Mr. Schue. Mr. Tomlinson kept me behind after class to discuss my extracurricular," Leo apologizes before taking his seat next to Sam, hearing Mr. Schue saying that it's okay that he's a little late, just to not make a habit of it to which Leo replies, "Don't worry, I won't."
After Sam had filled him in, if only briefly, on what has happened so far, Leo's attention's back on Mr. Schue as he discusses the fact that he's worried that most of the class are lacking the intricacies of adult relationships. Brittany being one of them as she'd thought she was pregnant because a stork was building its nest on the top of her garage, the voice inside Leo's head mentions, as some of the class are still sniggering to themselves at Mr. Schue's way of words, who continues to debate the issue by declaring that they'll be spending this week educating each other about some of these intricacies.
"Is this the appropriate forum for that?" Rachel points out, not really liking the idea, judging by the look on her face as Mr. Schue continues, "Look, whenever we've had, uh, issues in the past that are in our minds or giving us problems…it's always helped us to sing about it. So, this week I've invited a special guest…Miss Holliday." He then gestures to one of the doors and, as if on cue, a slender, blonde woman walks in, dressed all in black leather and a huge grin on her face.
"Hola, clase," she greets the class, standing before them while they applaud her return. Leo, on the other hand, is a just a little clueless as to who their special guest, Miss Holliday, is. He'll obviously be told in due time so he just sits back, and watches her work.
"Okay. So, sex. It's just like hugging, only wetter," she states with a smirk, earning a questioning look from Mr. Schue, who's sitting this one out to allow her to work, drawing his attention away from marking his Spanish students' assessments.
"So, let's start with the basics," she begins, approaching Finn who's looking a little uncomfortable, "Finn, is it true that you thought you got your girlfriend pregnant via hot tub?" to which he answers with uncertainty, "I have always been dubious."
Leo can't help, but smile at that one, no-one having told him that while he's been here. No-one can be that clueless, can they? He asks himself, as Miss Holliday walks over to the other side of the room, and asks Brittany, "And you think that storks bring babies?" to which she answers in her own unusual way, "I get my information from Woody Woodpecker cartoons."
Oh this is too much, my brain can't take it, Leo smiles as he's near enough laughing as Miss Holliday moves back to her original position in front of the class, "Well, that's all gonna end right here, right now. Because today, we are gonna get under the covers, all together…and get the ditty on the dirty."
Rachel chooses the moment to ask those who are celibate, to which Miss Holiday replies by saying that, even though she admires their choice, she thinks that they're being naïve and possibly frigid.
"I think this is a good time for a song," Mr. Schue interjects, rising from his seat beside the piano, Miss Holliday getting back to the subject, "Oh yes, okay. Rule number one: Every intimate encounter that you're ever gonna have in your life is gonna start with a touch. Hit it!"
The band being to play a hard rock intro, Miss Holiday dragging a chair towards the middle of the room whilst kicking her feet along with the beat before she starts singing:
Holly: "We've been here too long
Tryin' to get along
Pretendin' that you're oh so shy
I'm a natural ma'am
Doin' all I can
My temperature is runnin' high!"
At this moment in time, she gestures towards Santana and Brittany to join in and, bringing in some chairs of their own, they do just that, leaning back and forth rather provocatively:
Holly: "Cry at night
No one in sight
And we got so much to share
Talking's fine
If you got the time
But I ain't got the time to spare
Yeah!"
Holly and New Directions: "Do you wanna touch (Yeah!)
Do you wanna touch (Yeah!)
Do you wanna touch me there, where
Do you wanna touch (Yeah!)
Do you wanna touch (Yeah!)
Do you wanna touch me there, where
There, yeah
Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah!"
During the chorus the class are clapping along with the beat, the boys cheering on the trio's dancing while the girls are flashing their chests. Mr. Schue, on the other hand, watches the performance with his mouth agape, much like the look he had when they'd performed Tik Tok last week.
Holly: "Every girl an' boy
Needs a little joy
All you do is sit an' stare
Beggin' on my knees
Baby, won't you please
Run your fingers through my hair?"
During this next verse Miss Holliday stands behind Artie, pushing him along before turning him around, getting down on her knees, whipping her hair around, and combing her fingers through it like the song suggests.
Holly: "My, my, my
Whiskey and rye
Don't it make you feel so fine?
Right or wrong
Don't it turn you on?
Can't you see we're wastin' time?
Yeah!"
She then struts to the right and, when she struts to the left, she gestures for the group to get off of their seats, which they do, and they form two lines in front of each other, one with the girls, and the other the boys.
Holly and New Directions:
"Do you wanna touch (Yeah!)
Do you wanna touch (Yeah!)
Do you wanna touch me there? Where?
Do you wanna touch (Yeah!)
Do you wanna touch (Yeah!)
Do you wanna touch me there? Where?
There, yeah!"
Strutting between the two lines of boys and girls, Miss Holliday makes her way over to Mr. Schue, gyrating rather suggestively, who writes down something on his notepad, and reveals it to her, it reading: "Too much?" in big, red letters. She appears to be ignoring the message, instead turning back around and strutting back between the two lines.
With Rachel and Quinn in her sights, Miss Holliday signals them to join them and, after looking at each other and smiling, doesn't take them long to do so.
"Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah (Do ya? Do ya?)
Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah (Do ya? Do ya?)
Touch me there (Yeah!)
You know where (Oh yeah, oh yeah!)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah!
You know where
Yeah, yeah! (Oh yeah)!"
For the last part of the song, Miss Holliday leads the class into a sort of "conga" line, each of them following the one in front across the room, and around the piano, Sam being rather unfortunate to be following behind Leo. With those jeans he'd chosen to wear today, they hug his slender form rather snugly, leaving little to the imagination as Sam tries his hardest to concentrate on something else.
Leo, nevertheless, is completely oblivious to Sam's vexed behaviour, too busy enjoying himself, dancing with the others, and before long, the song's over. After the cheering and clapping had died down, Miss Holliday adds, "so just remember – whenever you have sex with someone…you're having sex with everyone they've ever had sex with…and everybody's got a random."
That little slice of info quickly kills the mood, making everyone now feel just a little bit uncomfortable as they start to wonder about their past relationships, those, who haven't had sex yet or those who were close to it, are thinking about what they could've contracted. The fair few who've had sex (especially those who have done it unprotected) are either thinking about what their sexual partner could've had or thanking God that they haven't "caught" anything…