More Than Just Feeling Good
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Battlestar Galactica.
A/N: They didn't know where making love would lead, if anywhere, but they would figure it out as they went.
A/N2: Enjoy! Please leave a review if y'all's feel so inclined. They are ever so lovely to read and much appreciated. #TodayIsLife
~~~~~PT~~~~~
It had been a rough day all around. Tensions were high in both their jobs and sometimes they took it out on each other. Since Laura was staying with Bill in his quarters for the duration of her treatment, or until they found suitable quarters of her own on Galactica, they worked hard not to bring their stress home with them and if they did, not to take it out on each other.
On this particular day, Bill was dealing with Lee leaving the military officially. When he got back to his quarters, he just wanted to drink, again, some more, too much, if he believed Laura. Of course, she finally addressed it as he was going for another refill and he wasn't up to ignoring or deflecting her words. He began pacing until she called him on that too. Maybe if we just sit and talk, he told himself, it'll be better. But she wanted to talk about Kara, a subject best left alone given their polar opposite views.
Bill was thinking, though he had trouble voicing the word, that Kara coming back was a miracle. Laura called him Admiral Atheist while goading him to say it. She then went on to explain to him the miracles that had happened to her, beginning with her diagnosis on the day of the attack and ending with words he didn't want to hear, couldn't hear, because he wanted them not to be true. "I'm dying, Bill." No, she couldn't be dying because he didn't want to lose her. Or Kara. Or Lee. He didn't want to lose any of them. When she said he was all bottled up over everything going on, he didn't agree but rather told her to stay out of his head.
He had finished his drink while they were talking and so he went back for another refill. Her comment that he was afraid to live alone earned her a response from him that she was afraid to die that way. It was true and she nodded her agreement. The hurt didn't set in until he mentioned that she was afraid her death would be meaningless, as meaningless as everyone else's. Her words had stung him and so, she told herself, he stung her back. But the truth was, she did wonder who would mourn her death. She had no family left, Billy was gone too. She had no lover in her life; Adar had been the last one and that hadn't ended well. Not that she would've expected a happy ending; he was a married man after all.
As he walked away, she tried to maintain her composure. It was slipping and when she played with her hair to calm herself, some of it came off in her hand. No longer able to keep the tears inside, Laura gave in and they spilled out as she tried to stifle the sound of her sobs. There was no reason for Bill to know, no reason for him to see her like that. They'd both said mean things to one another; there was no reason for him to feel guilty and he would've had he seen her crying.
Later, almost done with work, she realized he hadn't come back out for more refills. Assuming he had gone to bed to sleep it off, she sighed and set about finishing up. Once completed, her folders neatly piled, she was deciding between tea and bed; fatigue won out. She made her way through the rooms quietly not wanting to wake him so she was surprised to find him sitting on the couch. He looked lost in thought, not relaxed as she would've expected him to be after downing so much alcohol in one night.
"I'm sorry for what I said before," was her way of announcing her presence. They were friends but both would agree they'd gone too far verbally.
He turned to acknowledge her and realizing what she'd said made him stand up and move a little closer. "Me too," was his way of apologizing but she wasn't feeling it and so she just shook her head and began walking away towards his bedroom. "I'm sorry, Laura," came out softly but loud enough for her to turn back around and face him.
"We both took it too far, Bill." They had so he nodded in agreement. She wanted to ask him why he hadn't gone back out to get more refills but knew that would only start another round and neither of them were up for that. "I'm still welcome here?" He had already said she was but for some reason, in that moment, she was uncertain.
Too many things were hitting him at once and his steely exterior was crumbling. That she would think he wouldn't want her there any longer stung. "Always," he'd rasped.
Taking a deep breath, she looked at the pained expression on his face, the way his body sagged a little as if in defeat. Noticing the extra shine to his eyes, she apologized again. "I shouldn't have pushed you. You have your own way of dealing with things."
"So do you," he muttered but then seemed to think better of it and added, "I'm sorry I'm hurt you."
"We hurt each other, Bill, and," she paused, "I am sorry for that." Her eyes misted and the extra shine matched his.
"Your hair," he began but stopped when her hand flew to the part that was falling out. He wondered if he'd just opened another can of worms. "It's not you," he didn't want to say what he was really thinking; that she'd be beautiful with or without hair.
She gave him a sad smile and shrugged. "It's a big part." Her nervous giggle made him smile a little. "That was vain of me, wasn't it?"
"Yeah," he smiled a bit more, "and not true."
"I have selfish thoughts too," she murmured, eyes focused on the floor.
"We all do. What are yours?" He was hoping they could get back to where they were before their earlier exchange.
She took her time answering; let the words float around her head before speaking them. Lifting her eyes, she forged ahead with the truth. "I want to make love while I still have hair." She waited for his reaction, not sure whether she wanted one or not.
"You have anyone in mind?" He hoped it sounded like a joke and that she would answer as if it was.
"You, Bill," she whispered as her eyes moistened even more, "it's always been you." It was too late when she realized what she'd said. Her words, her desires, were out there.
Without saying a word, he walked quickly over to her and wrapped his arms around her. He felt her relax against him despite being sure she'd stiffen at his touch. He knew her well enough to know she hadn't intended that level of honestly, not with him, not yet.
He held her, neither saying a word. When she pulled back, away from him, he saw the tears and smiled as she used her sleeve to wipe under her nose. No one would ever suspect the President of doing such things. His first instinct was to tease her about it but instead he wiped her tears with his thumbs and kissed where they once were. The feelings were there for both of them but they had responsibilities. The President and the Admiral together probably wouldn't go over well with the members of the fleet.
Her hands found their way to his chest. When he looked at her, she appeared fragile and he wasn't used to seeing her like that; it hurt. His hands were still holding her head. It took only a second of thought before he placed a soft kiss on her lips. Though he expected her to immediately deepen it, she didn't. He kissed her again, lingering this time and felt her respond briefly before backing away a little. The look in her eyes made his tear up again. Hands still on the side of her head, he covered her lips with his own. It was meant to be gentle but wasn't and she responded with equal fervor.
When they stopped, they remained close and he rasped, "Your hair isn't you, Laura. It's not why people care about you."
Sniffling, she corrected him. "It's not why you care, Bill." Feeling him shift his body weight, she assured him, "I care about you too," then kissed him. It was slow and deep. They took their time exploring each other's mouths again as well as their bodies. It had been a long time since they touched each other as more than friends and colleagues.
He knew he couldn't resist her much longer. If she was right, if she was dying, they'd miss their chance. He'd always stopped them on New Caprica; he knew he wouldn't, couldn't deny her what she needed. Not if she was dying which, of course, she couldn't be.
Despite all the thoughts clouding his mind, his hands moved over her body as his tongue danced with hers. When he felt her run her hand along him over his trousers, he began backing her up towards his room.
Halfway there, she pulled him into a tight hug. She knew where he stood on moving beyond a certain level of intimacy between them. He'd fought his feelings for so long but now he was giving in to them, giving in to her. Somehow it felt wrong; she didn't want to use him. They cared about each other. "You're more than a frak, Bill," she whispered into his ear. He had told her that on many occasions and it felt right to repeat his words back to him.
"Neither are you," he said before kissing her temple. Moving to look at her, he rumbled, "You said you want to make love, Laura, so let's make love." They came together in an instant, kissing passionately and heading towards his bedroom.
Once inside, she asked him if he was sure. He responded by sitting on his rack to remove his boots and socks. Watching him intently, she removed her shoes and stockings. Standing up, he pulled the blankets back then kissed her again. When she began pulling his outer tank top over his head, he let her then unbuttoned her blouse. She surprised him when, after removing his other tank top, she kissed along his scar, murmuring how strong he was, how much he and his heart had been through.
His eyes clouding over again, he pushed her blouse off her shoulders and down her arms, finally just letting it go to float its way to the floor. Their passion increased even more; their hands opening the other's pants and pushing them down till they fell the rest of the way on their own. As they each stepped out of them, his hands wound around her back to open her bra. Being able to push his boxers down made her smile. This was the furthest they'd ever gotten. He managed to push her panties down despite losing concentration as her hand moved along him. During a particularly passionate kiss, they made their way onto his bed, neither caring how less-than-elegant their minor fumble actually was.
On top of her, he kissed her lips, her eyes, down along her neck and back up. She sucked on his ear lobe, grazed her nails along his back, not leaving any marks, and then licked, sucked and nipped her way down and back up his neck. His groans made her body react more than it ever had before. She practically ached to have him inside her.
When he rolled off her, she began to wonder what happened until she felt his finger on her nub. Legs parting of their own accord, she pulled him back into a heated kiss as he moved his finger in and out of her, his thumb now rubbing her nub, bringing her over the edge faster than either of them expected. As her breathing regulated, he kissed her neck, her lips and her breast. Sliding down, he mouthed her breast before continuing. She gasped the first time she felt his tongue on her, flicking or circling her nub, lapping up her juices, then going back to playing with her bud. The sounds she made had him more excited than he ever remembered being in the past. Maybe he had been but it'd been awhile and she was so very vocal and responsive that she took over all of his senses at once. Kissing his way back, he only stopped his trail to circle her nipple and suck on her breast once more before claiming her mouth. If he thought she missed that he ignored the breast with the cancer, he was mistaken.
"Gods, Bill, I want you," was all she managed to get out between kisses.
"I want you too, Laura," he'd responded breathlessly. With that, he started to enter her. Her legs were wide apart, leaving him room to get comfortable before they wrapped around his waist, attempting to pull him in further.
As he moved slowly within her, she moaned and asked him to go faster. When he maintained the same speed, she opened her eyes to looked at him and moaned, "Please, Bill," before kissing him and tightening her legs around him in an attempt to get what she wanted, what she needed, from him.
"You wanted to make love, Laura. Taking our time is lovemaking to me." He had her going over the edge not long after he finished speaking.
Her body was on fire; her intimate areas were so aroused and so sensitive but she wanted more. Rolling them over, he smiled at the sight of her riding him slowly as she rubbed herself. "I want to do that for you," he whispered as he replaced her fingers with his thumb.
"Oh, Gods, Bill," she groaned as he brought her to crescendo once again.
Rolling them back over, never breaking their connection, he pushed her legs together with his as he moved them outside of hers. The look on her face made him think she wasn't used to that position or hadn't ever done it. Pushing inside of her slowly and pulling back out at the same speed had her bucking against him, moaning and whispering words of want and need that she'd probably regret if she ever realized he had, in fact, heard and understood her. When her waves crashed against the shore yet again, he moved his legs back between hers and when she wrapped them around his waist, he picked up speed. He was an old man as many called him and he'd surprised himself with how long he'd lasted but the end was nearing. The friction he caused as he crashed in and out of her, seeking his own release, brought hers on as well and they went over the cliff simultaneously. "I love you, Laura," slipped out and he groaned.
Lying wrapped up in one another as their breathing regulated and the air cooled their sweaty skin, he noticed how relaxed she looked without trying and how her hand never stilled. Satisfaction brought a smile to face; not only from the lovemaking but from the fact that she continued to touch him once it was over. Her fingers danced lightly along his chest, his arm and his face though she hadn't looked at him since they'd found themselves a comfortable position. Wanting to see her eyes again, he put his hand under her chin and signaled for her to look up. When she did, he noticed they were moist. "Are you regretting this already?" he asked, concern for her mixed with hurt for himself.
"No, I'm not," she reassured him gently. She had been looking for release, for comfort and for that intimate connection with him he'd never before allowed. She was sure he hadn't intended on admitting his feelings for her. She was just as sure she couldn't. "Are you?" she asked, somewhat nervously. His eyes boring into hers, she teared up as she admitted, "I can't say it back, Bill."
He swallowed hard before asking, "Just now or never, Laura?"
Looking at him then, she realized she'd hurt him without even trying. "Just now," she replied, barely above a whisper, while never breaking eye contact.
"Okay," he murmured before kissing her gently then pulling her even closer to him.
A few minutes later, he heard her call his name softly. When he acknowledged hearing her, she spoke into his chest, not daring to see the look in his eyes. "This was more than just feeling good," she promised.
"I'm glad," he rasped and she knew his eyes would show the emotions she wasn't yet ready to witness.
Once she heard his breathing become softer, thinking he was asleep and feeling so much closer to him, she whispered, "My father and two sisters, one of whom was pregnant, were killed by a drunk driver on their way home from my place."
He felt the tears on his chest before he answered. "I'm sorry, I'll cut back." Kissing the top of her head, he was surprised when she moved and captured his lips for a long, languid kiss. After she turned around, they both fell asleep.
She slept solidly until she felt his hand moving along her body, ghosting over her core until he finally began massaging her nub. It felt good to be wanted and she let herself go with what he was making her feel. Tumbling over the cliff, she turned to kiss him as he moved on top of her and buried himself deep within her.
Moving quickly, the sweat sprang forth on his forehead before she'd found the right words. "Slow down, Bill," she encouraged, "you're not sneaking in one last frak before we break up." He stilled then looked at her as she stroked his face. "We're not over if you don't want us to be."
"You're the President," he mumbled.
"That didn't stop us last night," she reminded him. "I'm just Laura, Bill. Even having to keep this part of us to ourselves, I'm just Laura with you."
Rather than speak, he kissed her deeply and began moving slowly inside her. They each professed wanting more than what was allowed before going over the cliff together.
As they lay there resting, he wondered how long this new arrangement would last. They disagreed about what to do with Kara. She wasn't happy with his son for revealing her secret during the trial and now he'd be a part of the Quorum meaning she'd have to deal with Lee when she didn't want to. She also hadn't mentioned no longer wanting her own quarters on his ship. If it all ended that morning, he decided, he'd remain happy he hadn't missed the opportunity to be with her. Regardless of the reasons it happened or stopped, if it did.
She was wondering how long they'd manage an intimate relationship as well. Between their titles and responsibilities, Lee and Kara, the people of the fleet gossiping about her living with him, and the fact that she was dying, she didn't know how they'd possibly pull it off. But she did know that she felt comfortable telling him about her family; he was supposed to be asleep, yes, but she wanted to say the words to him. The fact that he heard and responded hadn't frightened her the way she thought it would. "I want us to make love as often as we can for as long as we can," she whispered.
"I want that too," he whispered back. Kissing the top of her head and pulling her closer, he repeated, "I want that too, Laura."
"We'll figure it out, Bill," she promised with more confidence than she felt. "This was more than just feeling good."
She knew she had said that before they went to asleep the night before but she needed him to know she meant it. She couldn't say she loved him. She couldn't promise him a lifetime together because her body was killing her. She couldn't make his hurt or his fear about losing her just disappear. But she could offer him solace in as many ways as he needed. "Did you hear what I was saying to you last night while we made love?"
"Yeah," he answered but wasn't sure if honesty was the way to go just then. He was almost certain her words weren't meant for him to hear.
"I'm glad," she told him as she looked up at him. "I wanted you to hear me but a part of me was afraid that you would," she admitted.
"I'm glad I heard you." He sighed. Neither of them would admit they had no idea where their relationship was going or if it was going anywhere. "No matter what happens after we leave this bed, Laura, when more hair falls out and you can't look in the mirror, come to me. We'll shave it and then we'll make love."
"I will," she promised with a gentle kiss. Laying her head on his chest, she tried to turn off all the thoughts floating through her mind. She was staying in his quarters while she received her treatments from Dr Cottle. She stayed in his bed when they both needed the closeness. She let him give her the one thing he'd held off so long from sharing, himself.
They didn't know where making love would lead, if anywhere, but they would figure it out as they went.
[TBC]