Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'll be the one, if you want me to.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
They stand there in silence, staring at one another. The tense silence grows as time passes. Castiel feels on edge since his words are the ones hanging in the silence. He wants Dean to say something, anything.
And I am feeling so small.
It was over my head
I know nothing at all.
As the silence continues, Castiel wishes he hadn't spoken. He wishes he could take back the foolish, out of place sentence that had caused Dean to freeze mid-sentence. Castiel could simply erase the man's memory and put everything back the way it was...but maybe Dean would respond in a positive way. After all, Castiel didn't know what was going through the hunter's mind.
And I will stumble and fall.
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl.
Castiel remembers all the times Dean has said the same thing. Or at least, meant the same thing. Castiel learned things about the man every time he was with him. Dean was unpredictable. But Castiel didn't want Dean to be predictable. His random actions were the first thing Castiel had learned he loved about Dean.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
As Dean continues to stare in stunned silence, Castiel feels rejection take hold in his blood. He knows that he'll have to take it and deal with it. The Winchesters will need him in the future, and though it will hurt, Castiel has to be there for them. Even if Dean doesn't want him, Castiel will follow him anywhere he goes, if not just to protect the man.
And I will swallow my pride.
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye.
Finally Castiel turns to leave. Space would be best for Dean right now. Or so he thinks. But the hunter doesn't let him go. Dean catches his shoulder and Castiel stops. He doesn't turn back; he waits for Dean to say something.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
And anywhere, I would have followed you.
Oh-oh-oh-oh say something, I'm giving up on you.
Castiel can feel the tears as they begin to flood his vision. Why didn't Dean just let him leave. Surely, as a human with more experience with emotions, he would understand that Castiel wouldn't want to stay just to hear the words he knew would deny him. And why hadn't Dean said anything yet? Why was he torturing Castiel?
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
Say something...
Dean turns Castiel around, leaving his hand on the angel's shoulder. Castiel looks away from the hunter's eyes, hoping that Dean can't see his brimming tears. Dean moves closer, taking one of Castiel's hands in his own and moving his other hand from the angel's shoulder to cup his face.
Finally he speaks. "Cas. Look at me, buddy."
The pet name is what gets Castiel to look. At least Dean isn't angry. In fact, he only uses pet names when he's happy or trying to comfort Castiel. The acid in his blood drains and is replaced by hope. Maybe...just maybe Dean is okay with this.
A tear slips from Castiel's eye, and Dean catches it with his thumb. The hunter glances at the tear then smiles softly, looking back at Castiel. The angel can see the conflict in Dean's eyes, but as he watches, the conflict dissolves and is replaced by decision.
Before Castiel's brain connects what is happening, Dean has closed the space between them. It takes Castiel a moment to respond, because now he is the one in shock.
When his brain registers, Castiel looses control. He has waited too long for this moment, the moment where he can connect his grace to the soul of Dean Winchester. Ever since he pieced the man together in Hell, he has waited to feel his soul again.
Dean had never experienced this before. Even when he was kissing Anna, her grace was nothing to the way Cas's felt. The warmth spread into him immediately, whereas Anna's grace had waited nearly until the climax before even touching him. Then Dean had been weirded out by the presence, but now he welcomed it. He could feel Cas's grace filling his body, rushing into every crevice of his being, and all they were doing was sharing a kiss. Granted, the angel had almost instantly pressed him against the nearest wall and was weaving his fingers hungrily through Dean's short hair. So maybe this was more than a make out session to Cas. Regardless, Dean loved the way the angel felt pressed against him. He thought their bodies fit perfectly together, as if each were formed specifically for the other. He hooked his arms around Cas's neck as the angel wormed his hands under Dean's tee-shirt and held him in place.
Dean had to be the first to break the kiss. He moved his face to the side so that he could breathe, and Cas rested his forehead against Dean's hair as he continued to give soft kisses to the hunter's skin. The angel's grace dwindled inside of him, and Dean immediately began to miss it.
"I gotta ask, man. Was this what you were expecting to happen?" Dean asked quietly. The angel pulled away, and Dean turned so that he could stare into Cas's ocean eyes.
"No. I wasn't. But you're unpredictable, Dean, and that's...why..." Cas faltered as he stopped himself from repeating the few words that had started it all.
"And that's why I love you." Dean finished for him, giving Cas a quick kiss that had the angel's grace springing back into the hunter's body for a brief moment. "I'm not the only unpredictable one." He added, which made Cas smile in that awkward way that had been setting off the butterflies in Dean's stomach since before he had acknowledged to himself that he might have feelings for the "nerdy angel".
Castiel couldn't explain the way he was feeling. The way his grace had been allowed to invade every inch of Dean's being had made the reunion between his grace and the man's soul precious. Besides that, Castiel was honored that Dean had accepted him, and elated that the hunter loved him back. In the end, Castiel was glad that he'd let the little phrase slip. It had changed his life for the better.