Now then, this is just one of those ideas that come out of nowhere and I just felt compelled to write. My brain was just telling me to write something that was angst, and bam, this came to be. Of course this also gave the chance to break in my new key board for my new computer. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy!
Date Published: 12/31/13
Word Count: 4,358
Page Count: 6
Chapter 1: Well, What do you Say?
Being a part of the military always meant that in the end, one way or another, you will have to kill another human being. It didn't matter to the NOL, if the person was more suited to desk work than to be in the front lines. It was just the way that this whole entire organization worked, that they will send people, young and old, male and female alike, to fight all that stood in their way. It was these people who will sully their hands in blood, to destroy the lives of people who had different ideals than them, all in the name of the Imperator. That was what it meant to be a solider after all, carrying out the orders of one person who hides in the shadows, never once sullying their very own hands. It was easier after all, having a bunch of people spread out like chess pieces that could easily be replaced doing all of the hard work.
Jin knew these things all too well despite being so young. He had accepted his fate of becoming a murder in the name of the Imperator the day he had stepped through the doors of the NOL's military academy. The idea of taking the lives of others never was a thing that seemed to faze him, for that was what this path in life meant. Hell, the idea of blood slithering down the Nox Nyctores Mucro Algesco: Yukianesa had always filled him with giddy joy. The idea of people begging for their lives under his feet, the absolute look of fear in their pleading eyes just seemed so lovely. So the idea of killing people with his beloved weapon sounded all to fun to him. The ideas of utter destruction, the cries of pain, and the color red-painted beautifully across the sky all thanks to his hands sounded just so wonderful, that perhaps it would fill the void of emptiness inside him.
Not only that, but it gave the world the chance to end his very own life. A life that he really never had cared for much after the destruction of his home. The life he had with his brother had almost been heavenly after all, just with the exception of that bitch. If only his little sister wasn't so useless, so weak and always begging for his Ragna to stay by her side whenever possible. Oh, only if she never existed then things would have never gone wrong. Though they did all thanks to her miserable life, and thanks to her he lost his brother. He lost the most important thing in the world, and since then he has always felt an emptiness inside him. An emptiness that left him wondering if there was any reason to live anymore. After all, he was a tainted being filled with hatred and the love of blood shed that helped fill his emptiness. Death was a thing that will come to all one day, and to him he would be the bearer of death to others in hope that there might be someone to so the same thing to him.
So when he was called to the head master's office that day he knew that time will finally come. He will be able to rise the sword that had been sheathed for far too long and slice down into flesh, clashing against bone and splattering blood all around. He would be able to slaughter hundreds of people all in the name of the NOL and no one will have to question his sanity, if he even had any left at that point. After all, as long as they came out as the victors, who would care about his actions anyway? No one would care about the people he had slayed, because all of these students have been taught from the beginning that the orders of the Imperator was the only truth and justice. Anyone who stood in his or her way was the true villain while they were the heroes saving the day. It didn't matter if they were in the wrong, after all, the Imperator knew best, at least that's what they had taught them over and over.
The inside of the head master's room wasn't all that colorful. It was just dark, depressing, rather cold, and grimy, kind of like how his soul was. The room was just your typical room with filing cabinets spread across the gray carpeting that had some stains here and there from coffee. There where windows of course, but the gray weather outside hadn't had much to help the feeling of the room. As Jin made his way to stand in front of the head master, right beside the seated man was a another man in the NOL's uniform. He was much different from the room, he seemed to beaming, or perhaps he just wanted to appear so. He wasn't all that sure, people are always deceitful things, pretending to be one thing while actually being something completely different. He of course was no exception to this rule, he was the basis of this rule of deception. He would go on his life, being cold to the world while hiding the true hatred inside of him. Hiding behind the cold façade made his life rather easy, people respected him but knew not to bother him.
The head master was an older fellow, with fading black hair turning gray. He was resting both of his arms on the wooden table below him that was filled with different papers, a lamp, and a few photos of his family. The older man looked rather cold sitting there, and his grey eyes wasn't exactly helping. He actually seemed rather hesitant to speak, as if he didn't want to say any words. When he finally did began to speak, his voice reflected the look in his eyes, "Jin Kisaragi, I presume you have heard about the recent events going on in Ikaruga?"
How couldn't anyone know what's currently going on there? The people of Ikaruga have gone and created an organization by the name of the Ikaruga Federation. This organization is filled with people who are pissed off over the Librarium's dictatorship rule over the world and how the ability to use the Armagus determines everything in the world. Only a person living under a rock wouldn't know about how the NOL determined to fight against the rebels, to crush then like insects, and to prove to the whole universe that they are not meant to be messed with.
"Of course I've heard. What of it sir?" he asked in a calm and cool demeanor. He already had a feeling of what he is going to be told. After all, he is considered a prodigy for a reason and there wouldn't be a solider standing there as calm as a stream for no reason. NOL soldiers only showed up to the school for certain things every once in a while. They would do things such as demonstrations, going over things the students will end up doing, and on the rare occasion that a crisis starts, to grab the strongest of the students and send them to the front lines.
"Well, as you can guess the Librarium wishes to end this battle as soon as possible. The Imperator doesn't wish to carry this out for too long and wants to save the lives of as many of our soldiers," he explained in a calm voice while his eyes looked downwards to the papers scattered in front of him. He still seemed rather unnerved by this for some reason, shouldn't he just get to the point already? He already had a feeling that he knew what the head master was going to say, so wouldn't it be easier to just say it? It wasn't like he was being sentenced to death. Hold on, in a way he is.
"Anyhow," he began again, "The military has noted your superior skills during your time here. They seem interested in sending you off to the front lines as soon as possible in hope of ending this conflict as fast as possible. I know you still have much time till you graduate, but they are willing to make an exception for you." The man seemed rather sad as he told him this news. Jin couldn't fathom why he would look so down about this. He was bound to go into battle one way or another, so just what is the big deal? Perhaps he was the type of man who felt sorry for the young souls going to battle, that they may lose their lives far too soon.
"I know you're still so young, but the Librarium would appreciate it if you go into battle as soon as possible. We are willing to allow you to take all of your finals and finish up whatever credits you need as soon as possible. We are hoping that we could send you out by the end of the semester," continued the older man in the same tone.
Jin couldn't help but feel that he was pitying him, as if he felt sorry that he was being sent out before anyone else. He didn't need any sympathy from anyone. He knew what he was doing when he took the entrance exam all those years ago. He knew that he was going to have to kill, that he might be killed as well, so why must he behave in such a way? It wasn't like he had anything to leave behind on this planet, he didn't have anything to call his own anymore. He lost everything the day the church burned down. So why was this man being just so sympathetic?
Now it was the soldier's turn to speak. He was young, perhaps in his late twenties with reddish brown hair and light brown eyes, "I know this seems rather sudden and that you may wish to finish your schooling in peace while graduating with your peers. Despite that, I know it seems rather selfish that we adults wish for a child to carry out the death of other humans, but we really would appreciate your help right now."
Exactly when did he become a child? He couldn't even remember the last time he ever did something that would be considered childish. He didn't need any of this sympathy from these men, for who said that he ever wanted to graduate with any of these people? He hated most of these pathetic things that carried on in this building. He hated people with a passion after all, he wouldn't be so cold and withdrawn for no reason.
Despite these thoughts rushing through his head, he refrained from speaking. He wanted to see what else these two were going to say to him, and how they would act. He already knew his answer, and they did too. They were just trying to make themselves look like they cared about his own personal opinion, and that his life actually mattered. In the end it didn't to them, for they were just being a bunch of fake and crude people like all of the other people in this world. He knew from the moment he stepped in the room he wouldn't be able to back away, they wouldn't let him do so. They were going to use him as a weapon to carry out the will of the Imperator, and even if he didn't want to they would make him.
Now the head master decided to speak up again, "Well, what do you say?" he spoke in the fakest voice ever. He knew he was lying, that the old man would make him go one way or another. He was, after all, trying to make himself look and feel better than he actually does. That's how people are after all, always trying to preserve some sort of image. They don't want to make themselves look like the bad guy by acting like they actually had concern for others.
"I'll do it," was all he said in the deadest voice ever. It didn't bother him that he had to go, but what did was the way these two were acting. As if he would have ever had any free will when it came to this, for the military and who it chooses to carry out the will of the Imperator mattered the most. The life of the one didn't matter, all that did matter was the whole.
"Thank you," spoke the solider as he walked over to Jin and placed a hand on his shoulder, "I'm sure you'll do a great job out there, but make sure to be careful. It would be a shame if someone as skillful as you would end up dying out there," he spoke in an even faker voice than the old man. It wasn't like he actually cared about him, all that matter was his power and skill. All he cared about was that he got the job done, and came back alive so they could continue using him as they pleased. To them he wasn't an actual person, just a pawn in their game of never-ending chess.
"I'll do my best," was Jin's simple response as he turned his body towards the door. The end of the semester was about a month away, so he still had some time here. Some time to be cold and collective while silently hating the world. When that time was up and he was in the field, he would be able to vent all of his anger. He would be able to kill anyone who came in his way, for they too were soldiers. What's so hard about killing people who are trying to kill you? After all, only those who are prepared to be killed should be doing so. It's not like they are going to be killing children and others minding their own business.
"Thank you Jin," began the old man as Jin turned his focus from the door to him, "I'll begin preparing your papers for early departure. In the next few days I'll be calling you down for you to fill out some papers. Besides that you'll going to have to have a physical, be measured for your uniform, and informed about what you will be doing," he explained.
"Alright sir," and with that simple sentence he left the room and entered the waiting area. It wasn't anything spectacular either, just a large room with desks scattered about with different woman doing different types of jobs. Luckily for him there were no other students and only faculty members. If there were any students he was sure he would end up being the talk of the school. That was one thing he didn't need, people asking him why he decided to leave so soon. They would just bother the living hell out of him over this, "They don't have any reasons to care. They don't know anything about me, so why should they care? They would just bother me while acting like they care when they really don't," he thought to himself in a rather annoyed tone. Another reason to hate people, they act like they don't care about you, but the next minute they are acting with concern. Fake concern always pissed him off.
After he opened the door to exit the room he was expecting nothing but silence but to his surprise he heard a voice call out to him. He turned his body to his right to see the face of his childhood friend staring intently at him.
"What's going on Jin? Why did they call you here? You're not in trouble for anything are you?" she asked with concern filling her voice. Her blue eyes were screaming for an answer out of concern for his well-being.
It was at that moment something dawned on him, there was something on this planet he did care for and it was standing right by him. He had completely forgot in his hateful slump about the only person he actually considers a friend. How exactly was he going to tell her he had agreed to go off to war all of a sudden? He knew that she would either break down crying or would yell at him while trying to keep her composure, asking why he agreed to rush off to fight. They both knew what would face them in the future, but something so sudden like this wouldn't go well with her. Nothing can ever prepare someone to go off to war all the while leaving behind everything important. All of those walls he built around himself would just collapse under the weight of the look on her face, the sound of her weeps, and the feel of her body against his. He began to silently curse himself for forgetting about her existence.
"It's nothing to worry about Tsubaki. The head master just wanted to ask me about student council business," he replied in the same fake voice the old man and solider used on him. He knew right then and there that he had to lie to her. He couldn't let her know till she found out after he was long gone. He didn't want to see her breaking down right in front of him. That would destroy whatever resolve he has to carry out his job, and possibly accepting his own demise. It was funny, before he wouldn't really mind if he died out there, but now a part of him said he didn't want to. He didn't want to have to put her through all of that pain. Pain that would exist all because of him, all because he let her inside his heart.
A look of relief flooded her features from that sentence, "Thank goodness, and here I got worked up for nothing," she spoke while a slight smile crossed her face. She moved from her spot and walked closer to him, "Can we talk for a little while Jin?" she asked in a sweet and caring tone.
"Sure," he replied as he began to move his body towards his right. It was at this moment the two began to walk in sync, talking about whatever random thing crossed their mind. Tsubaki had gone and told him about how during lunch Noel had tripped and spilled her drink over some delinquent looking fellow. Of course she didn't get hurt thanks to Makoto telling him to screw off, but the look on her face was absolutely priceless. She continued on talking to him in that chipper tone, all the while walking blissfully.
He continued on with her, acting as if he wasn't leaving in a months' time. That she wasn't going to feel miserable that she won't be able to talk to him anymore. That she wasn't going to hate him for not saying a word to her. He started to hate himself too for getting so close to her in the first place. If he only didn't decide to let her inside his frozen heart than maybe he wouldn't end up hurting her in the end. If he would have continued to keep to himself, he wouldn't have ever gotten this close to her. He was going to make her worry, but he wasn't the type of person who needed that. He was the type to go along his own path all by himself, never letting anyone close. After all, he had lost everything once hasn't he? Of course he had to let her in, and after all of these years he had grown rather attached to her. If only he never decided to do so, she wouldn't care for him so much, she wouldn't look at him the way she does, and she certainly wouldn't love him as much as she does. All in all he didn't deserve any of this.
"All I'm going to do is hurt her. Who would have thought that I of all people would actually care about hurting someone," he thought to himself while he felt his stomach turn in agony. He felt dread surging through his being, "If only I never got this close to her then maybe she won't end up feeling miserable," he thought to himself solemnly.
"Jin? Are you alright?" asked Tsubaki as she took note to the down look on his face. After he didn't respond she reached out her hand to grab his sleeve and asked again, "Jin?"
This time he heard her and turned to look at her. Yet again she was looking at him in such a kind and loving way, the very way he wished she wouldn't do so. If only she never grew fond of him he wouldn't end up hurting her in the end. It was in this moment he and pulled his arm away. He was such an ass, wasn't he? He hates people and most of the world, has no problem going on a bloody killing spree, and is always pushing people away. So just how in the hell did he mange to get so close, too close, to a person who actually cared about others? How did he manage to get such a wonderful person to care so much about him of all people?
He wasn't sure what was going on through his head, but he motioned his body closer to her. He ended up engulfing her in a strong hug with his arms wrapping tightly around her upper back as if he was some sort of green snake. He moved his head downwards so he could rest it in-between her shoulder and neck and asked, "How did I manage to get someone like you to care so much about me?"
She was silent, more than likely taken completely back by his odd actions. With her pressed up against him he could feel the racing of her heart and he could feel her breath on his neck. All of this was unlike him, but he couldn't come to comprehend, just how the hell did someone like him manage have such a caring person by his side? He barely had any compassion in his bones, so how did he have such a compassionate person by his side? Was this all some sort of game? Did whatever being above his head thought it be fun to watch his struggles while making fun of it and all of its ironic glory?
He didn't hear her respond, but he felt her arms move up around his back gently. She continued to stay silent until he finally heard, "It's because you let me in. You allowed me inside, when you pushed away everyone else. So it's all your fault Jin, but I'm not complaining. If you never let me in then…I doubt I would be as happy as I am. I'm sure though, even if you didn't let me in, I still would have stayed by your side," she responded in a gentle voice. So it was all of his fault after all. She's happy because of him, but in the end he'll make her cry. She didn't deserve a person like him by her side.
"I see, thank you for clearing that up Tsubaki," he responded as a small smile crossed over his lips. He began to pull his head away from her neck but right then his mind went on auto pilot. He wasn't all that sure why he was doing this, but oh well. He motioned he head towards her and lightly pressed his lips against her cheek. When he did so he heard her emit a small little squeak and when he pulled away her face was flushed. All he did was give off a small chuckle, while his arms where still tightly wrapped around her.
"Wh-what brought that on all of a sudden?" she asked while the embarrassment was still ever noticeable in her voice. Her eyes where jumping from him, to the floor below her, and around the hallway as if she was on the lookout for people passing by.
"I was just curious, that's all," he responded in a low tone. So in the end, she would have still tried to get close to him. Even so, it would be much better if she hated him. If she did, he wouldn't have to worry about making her sad.
"Oh, al-alright then," she responded while still not looking him in the eye, "Jin? I, um," she began while trying to get words to come out of her mouth. She of course was failing at this struggle until finally she said in a shaky voice, "Why did you kiss me?"
"I just felt like it, that's all," and with that he pulled his arms away from her while continuing to watch her movements, "I'm sorry but I just remembered I have something to do. I'll see you later, alright?" he asked in a kind tone that he rarely ever used.
"Al-alright, I'll see you later," and with that answer he turned his back on her and began to walk away. At that moment something finally hit him. He wouldn't have to worry about losing his resolve if he just didn't see her. That could work, all he has to do is avoid her till he left and then he won't have to worry about anything. If he did run into her, all he would have to do is say nothing, ignore her, and go along his way as if she wasn't there. He will hurt her one way or another, but at least this way he won't have to worry about himself. Maybe he'd get lucky and she'll get fed up with him and wouldn't care about him anymore. It's not like he really needs her anyway, he's find with being on his own.
"Everything would be much easier if she didn't care. I guess this isn't a see you later, rather a goodbye," he said that sentence in a low voice as he left her standing behind him, holding her cheek, her face still flushed and heart racing. He wouldn't notice that he just made her hopes sky-rocket with that act, and that he will just make this even harder on her.
And to him, it seems that he can't tell he's doing this more for himself than anyone else. To protect himself from breaking down and admitting what was hidden inside his heart.
Well, that's that. I have no idea where this came from, but I enjoyed this. Though I'm not that sure if it's any good. I love angsty stuff, but I never really got to write anything because it's kinda complicated for the happy and cheerful attitude that is Rune Factory. Now is the question is if I wrote Jin's character all right. Though I had fun with his dark crazy side! Now then, that's it for now! I hope you stay tune and please review!