Blackadder: The Earth and The Heaven- The cliché musical every series has…with a twist
This was written for humour really. Have you ever wanted to see Percy and Baldrick sing? Well here you go. Percy has been acting very odd lately, ever since that time Blackadder outright called him ugly, Baldrick may be stupid but even he hasn't missed Percy's obvious brooding. He thinks he's got it figured, and he's right…so he tries to get Percy to admit it…through song.
Warnings: Slash and…a Disney song? (Yes. Shoot me now with a big gun if you must.)
Percy was sitting in Blackadder's house staring out of the window, he'd been in the same position for at least three days only moving to go to the bathroom. Baldrick was starting to worry about the him, having had to bring him his food for the last three days, even he couldn't miss the aura of depression hanging around the Lord and decided at last to speak up on the matter.
"My lord, what's wrong?" Baldrick took a step back as Percy jumped slightly and turned round to face the rather short, tattered servant, he gave Baldrick a scathing look and turned back to the window.
"Nothing is wrong Baldrick, now leave me alone." Percy snapped rather impatiently, Baldrick wasn't convinced at all, instead of leaving he stepped forward to stand beside Percy's chair and smiled innocently.
"There is something wrong, I can tell you see, you've been sitting here for days now and happy people don't mope," Percy sighed to himself and wondered when Baldrick had learnt the word 'mope', but the servant saw victory and snatched for it, "you've been upset ever since Mr. B called you ugl-"
"ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! I'M MOPING! ARE YOU HAPPY?" Percy yelled at the pestering man and stood up, making to storm off outside. Baldrick wasn't going to let him however and stepped in his path grinning stupidly.
"I know what it is…" Percy flushed a rather magnificent shade of red at this, raising an eyebrow in question, seriously hoping Baldrick was as stupid as he looked, "…you love Mr. Blackadder don't you my lord?" a scream echoed inside Percy's head, forcing himself to glare at Baldrick he returned to the real world.
"Are you mad? What makes you think that!" Percy congratulated himself, then his pride plummeted as Baldrick started to count things off on his fingers.
"Well your always really happy when he comes in, your always trying to help him out of things even if it means you get in trouble-"
"Now come on, I do not!" Percy indignantly snorted, Baldrick just gave him a blank look and started talking again…this time a list of things Percy had done to help Lord Blackadder.
"Lying to the Queen, offering him over £1000 pounds, dressing in bondage gear, getting in a very compromising position with the Bishop of Bath and Wells, distracting those Puritan relatives of his that one time. Oh and getting on a ship with him even though your scared of water my lord."
"OK OK OK! SHUT UP!" Percy suddenly stopped and walked over to the window again, to Baldrick's surprise the lord started singing.
"If there's a prize for rotten judgement
I guess I've already won that
No one is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history, been there, done that!"
Baldrick wasn't going to let the matter drop however, and slyly joined in with his own verse of the made up song.
"Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'
He's the Earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Well I can see right through you
Sir, ya can't conceal it
I know how ya feel and
Who you're thinking of-"
Percy paced the room glaring at Baldrick, he wasn't going to be bested by some servant, no way. There was no way this could get out either, his only option was to keep denying it and hope Baldrick got bored of this little game.
"No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no"
Baldrick simply smiled at this and followed Percy round the room as the lord nervously paced. Percy made his way back over to the window, looking out he almost fainted, Edmund was walking this way. His reaction was to blush and smile.
"You swoon, you sigh
why deny it, uh-oh"
Percy scowled at Baldrick, there was a perfectly good reason why he was denying it, then again he couldn't expect Baldrick to understand.
"It's too cliché
I won't say I'm in love"
Baldrick raised an eyebrow at the reply, though if it was at Percy's statement or because he didn't understand the word cliché the lord didn't know.
"I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip, Perce
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
Oh-"
Baldrick watched Percy finally tear his gaze away from the window and Edmund, Percy didn't seem to realise the problem of Edmund coming here right now, he was away in la la land.
"You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feeling
Well sir I'm not buying
Cause see, I saw ya hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up
When are ya gonna own up
That ya got, got, got it bad?"
Percy again headed for the kitchen door, and yet again Baldrick stopped him from leaving much to the lord's disgust. He grabbed the front of Baldrick's shirt and growled more than sang at him.
"No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no."
Percy tried to look angry at Baldrick, but he couldn't hold back a grin as the front door to the house slammed announcing Edmund's arrival. In the kitchen Baldrick's smirk grew wider.
"Give up, give in
Check the grin you're in love."
Percy tossed Baldrick to one side, stopped grinning forcefully and rolled his eyes. He was running out of patience and ideas.
"This scene won't play,
I won't say I'm in love."
Baldrick seemed confused again by Percy's answer but he figured it was still a denial and frowned, this was proving harder than he thought it would. There was a voice from outside, Blackadder was calling for him, he needed to get the answer he wanted and fast. Luckily Percy had started preening as soon as Blackadder's voice had sounded, giving him inspiration.
"You're doin flips read my lips
You're in love."
Percy blinked, this was the first time Baldrick hadn't ran to answer Edmund, scowling he made his way to the door determined to help Edmund with whatever he wanted Baldrick for.
"You're way off track
I won't say it
GET OFF MY BACK!
I won't say it."
Percy turned as he reached the kitchen door, his back to it, Baldrick smiled slightly as the door opened and decided to finish this once and for all.
"Damn! Don't be proud
It's O.K. you love him."
As Blackadder entered he was greeted with an odd sight, a singing Baldrick and an absolutely fuming Lord Percy Percy. As if this wasn't odd enough, Percy then sighed and lowered his head in what looked like sheer defeat, yet Edmund noticed the lord was still smiling.
"Oh
At least out loud,
I won't say I love him…"
Blackadder blinked several times, Percy loved someone? A guy no less. Well the other lord had been depressed for a few days, in fact ever since he had called him- oh.
"May I ask what is going on here? Why are we singing romance songs? Why didn't you answer me when I called for you? Who does Percy love?" Edmund started as Percy jumped at least 3 foot in the air.
"Edmund…er, we didn't hear you come in, I can explain everything! It's all Baldrick's fault!" Percy shot Baldrick a venomous look, Baldrick didn't seem fazed, in fact the little manservant just made his way over to Blackadder.
"Lord Percy loves you my lord." Baldrick stated rather bluntly, Percy yelped and dove on Baldrick trying to silence him…a little too late.
"Percy, is Baldrick telling the truth or is it another figment of his rather small imagination?" Blackadder gave the other lord a scathing look as Baldrick crept out of the kitchen door, his deed done.
"Oh Edmund…I am afraid he is being truthful, please, if your going to hate me…do it in a non violent way?" Percy now had a hold of the front of Blackadder's tunic, his head on the other man's shoulder, a pained expression and loud tears to top it all off. Despite the Blackadder 'Percy-hating' gene Edmund felt himself melt and he flushed a rather fetching colour of red.
"Percy, Percy! I don't hate you." Blackadder pushed the taller man off him gently and held his shoulders, slightly afraid Percy would just fall over if he let go. Percy sniffed and rubbed the back of his hand over his eyes.
"Y-you don't hate me?" a happy smile found its way onto the lord's face and though Edmund tried, he couldn't stop one forming on his lips as well. He cringed slightly as he awkwardly and stiffly put his arms round the other man, Percy blushed and returned the stiff embrace, "if you don't hate me Edmund, if you don't mind me asking, why are you always so…mean to me?"
"Percy, you really are as thick as an incredibly thick gnat who's been hit over the head one too many times aren't you? Have you never heard of the saying 'you always hurt the one you love'?" Percy blinked and shook his head, "Oh god…well…oh just trust me when I say it's true then." Percy again looked confused, then slowly a grin spread over his face.
"MY LORD! Are you saying that you…" he lowered his voice to a whisper, "love me?" Blackadder couldn't suppress a rolling of the eyes, but he did manage to hold the smile in place as he nodded the affirmative to Percy's question, he placed a kiss on the ecstatic lord's lips.
"Yes Percy, I love you, you're the Earth and the Heaven to me. Now get off me and get me that sodding tea I've been waiting half an hour for."
Voila, a Blackadder song fic.
The only thing I like here is the end Oo ahh well. I seem to be in a BlackadderxPercy mood.
Here's to the not so happy couple!