"The Stupider wore Smart shoes" Part 2
By Quick-n-Popular
Beginning of show: "Please press one to continue or hold for operator assistance."
Opening: Mary's apartment: Fry and Mary are lying together in bed asleep. Fry is wearing torn Light Speed Briefs and nothing else.
Enters Zapp noisily from the door.
Zapp: Fry, I need to talk to you.
Mary (angry): Uncle Zapp, could you please knock!
Zapp: Mary, the boys need to talk now, go make us breakfast. (in a more instructive tone) And dress less seductive next time I come barging into your room.
Mary glares at Zapp as he and Fry leave the room and sit down on the couch in the living room.
Zapp: Fry, unlike my brave and dimwitted men, you have great potential.
Fry: Thank you, sir.
Zapp: Therefore I have an assignment for you and you alone. I need you to have Leela back into my luxurious life of sexitude.
Fry (astonished): Leela! She thinks you're a horrible, degenerate, horny, pig.
Zapp: That may be, but you have nothing to lose…except for Mary.
Fry: What!
Zapp: Fry, I'm going back to the Nimbus to relieve that incompetent Kiff, now that I'm about to come back from leave. The next time I go on leave, I want you to have Leela there to be basked in my glory.
Fry: When?
Zapp: Day after tomorrow.
Fry: Day after tomorrow? You can't be serious!
Zapp: But I am. Fry, do this or never see Mary again.
Next Scene: Planet Express: The Professor is pacing while Amy and Hermes are watching TV. Leela is trying to get Nibbler out of an owl hole. Bender is still kicking Zoidberg.
Zoidberg: What have I done? Professor, help me from this crazy robot!
Professor: Wha? Not now, Zoidberg, I'm trying to think of way we can get Fry back.
Leela (Freeing Nibbler, with him burping out a wad of owl feathers): Professor, I still think that if he's happy we should let him be.
Professor: His happiness can go to hell! Listen you purple-haired fruit bat, I need to see if "The Perfectalizer" works on humans, I need Fry.
Next Scene, also day: Mom's friendly Science Lab: Fry is wiping the sweat off of his head as he works in his cubicle. A timer goes off and Fry extracts a vial from what looks like an "Easy Bake Oven."
Mary walks up and hugs him from behind.
Mary: Hi, Fry. Why are you so glum?
Fry (sighing): Your Uncle told me I had to get him reacquainted with Leela or he was going to permanently end our relationship. She hates him. Not even drunk could she be persuaded to get back together with him.
Mary (irritated): He makes me so mad sometimes. (Sighing) I wish my mother hadn't dumped him on me.
Enter Mom, still youthful, looking as evil as always.
Mom: So Fry, how are you going to make me even more filthy rich?
Fry (as if coming out of a dream): What? Oh, yeah. I've just finished a new item that allows people to fall instantly in love without that whole "having things in common and enjoy each other's company" crap. I call it "Cupid's Delight".
Mom: Great, how does it work?
Fry: There are two liquids (He brings up the vials one red, the other pink) the red one you put on you, the pink one you put on the poor soul you want to get in on with.
Mom: Excellent, today's Valentine's Day and I'll be rich and soon there will be paternity lawsuits all around. (She cackles loudly and then stops and sighs disparangily) Now, I wish I could find some dumb lug to go out with.
Mary winks at Fry. It takes him a moment but he gets the hint.
Fry: Hey Mom, how about we set you up on a blind date?
Mom (sighing): Ok, bring the sloth chucker to my apartment tonight. He better like valour sheets, I'm not going shopping.
Mom leaves, and Fry quickly applies the red solution on her.
Mary hugs Fry.
Mary: Great! I'll go home and putt the pink solution on Uncle Zapp and we'll get them together tonight!
Fry: Then you and I can finally be together.
They kiss. Unbeknownst to Fry, still holding the red vial in his hand, he accidentally pours a drop down his lab coat sleeve. Still in the moment he doesn't feel it.
Next Scene, and day: Planet Express: The Professor is now fast asleep on the couch and Leela is pacing.
In walks Amy carrying store bags in her hands.
Amy: I'm back from shopping. Anybody, miss me?
Leela: No.
Bender: No.
Zoidberg: I did.
Amy: I wish one of these days I'd be missed here.
Leela: I'm sorry, I'm trying to think of a way to get Fry back without getting us all put into the slammer.
Amy: Fry has always had a thing for you, why not just seduce him back with lies and innuendos?
Leela: I could, but the problem is that Fry has a girlfriend now and…I've always seemed to hurt him in the past with knowledge that he was inferior.
(Amy pulls out one of the bag a package with two vials in it, one red, the other pink)
Amy: How about this? It's called "Cupid's Delight" I bought it because of the cute name. It says that you can get anyone to fall in love with you.
Leela (thinking and then sighing deeply): How do I use it?
Amy: Buh! It's like any other cosmetic; you put it on yourself.
Amy opens the package and takes out the vial that's pink. She puts two drops on Leela's arm.
Amy: Now, to test it.
She scans the room from Zoidberg who was eating, with his back to them, out of an old cat box, to Bender who scowled when she looked at him, finally at the Professor who was waking up.
Amy: How about the Professor?
Leela walks up to the Professor and puts her hand around his neck.
Leela (falsely seductive): Hello, Professor Farnsworth.
Professor: Hello. What the hell do you want?
Leela scowls. Then walks over and reads the box.
Leela: Amy, it says on here that Fry has to be wearing the other solution for it to work.
Amy (cursing in Cantonese): Ay Ya! I just thought that was just an extra bottle. (Sighing) Well at least it wasn't a total waste. I got this other item called "Geezer-Breeze". I think it'll be great for my parents' anniversary. (She goes to the bag and looks in it) Hey! Where's the bottle?
Just then heard from off screen is a loud and satisfying "Oh, my."
Amy and the others head there and see the Professor vainly looking at himself in the mirror. He's now twenty-seven years old.
Amy (irritated): Professor, next time ask. (She snatches the bottle)
Leela: Look, restraint order or not, I'm just going to go and talk with Fry.
Leela leaves.
Amy: Ok. Have fu…Hey! Where's the "Cupid's Delight"!
Zoidberg walks around juggling the vials.
Zoidberg: Hey Everyone! Look at the amazing, juggling, Zoidberg!
Amy chases him with him whooping as they go all over the lab until Bender trips him and the vials go flying into the air. One of them lands on Amy's head. Amy shakes off the glass out of her hair while cursing in Cantonese.
Amy: Zoidberg! I aughta…wait, where's the other vial?
Amy, Bender, and Zoidberg look all over until Amy sees the, now youthful, Professor start brushing out the glass shards out of his orange hair. She stands there looking at him and then he looks back at her. Both off them smile seductively at each other.
Bender and Zoidberg looked at them and then at each other, questioningly.
Next Scene: Mom's apartment: Fry is there with Mom who is scowling at him.
Mom: He'd better be worth it, Fry, or your ass is grass.
In walks Mary accompanied by Zapp.
Mom: This stupid whale chunk, is what you had in mind?
Zapp: Fry, what's going on? Where's Leela and who's this…beautiful thing?
Mom: Fry, I'm going to squash you a new…Hold on. He is rather charming.
Zapp (peeking around the corner into the bedroom): She has valour! Let me have you!
Mom: Fry, you get to keep your stinking job, now the two of you leave. Mom needs to SPANK a very bad boy.
Fry and Mary left right away.
Next Scene: Leela is walking down the street until she sees Fry and Mary at a café called "Café de Starbucks Affiliate". She walks towards them and then stops and goes behind an alley.
Leela's mind: C'mon, just do it. The Professor won't shut up until you do.
Leela: But it seems so cruel. I really don't want to hurt him again unless I'm doing it physically (happily) because then it's just plain fun.
Leela's mind: Ok, ok, just do this and you can bruise him later. Deal?
Leela: Deal.
Leela emerges from place she was at and proceeds to the couple. Then all of a sudden, The Nerd Cop and his robotic partner come over and grab Mary and slam her to the hood of their patrol car and then cuff her.
Nerd Cop: Mary Brannigan, you're under arrest for stealing scientists' creations and calling them your own.
Fry: Mary, is it true?
Mary (sighing): It's true Fry. No woman will buy a product with a man's name on it.
Fry: But that's not true. What about Calvin Klein? Or Ralph Lauren?
Mary: Who?
But before Fry could explain, the cops put her in their squad car and then sped away. Leela watched as Fry sat back down looking confused and sad. She decided to approach him.
Leela: Hi Fry.
Fry turned and looked at her, then smiled.
Fry: Hey Leela. Is it just me or are you looking fab-u-lous?
Leela (sighing contemptuously): You maybe a little smarter but your come-ons are still…
Leela paused and then looked at Fry with her mouth open in surprise when Fry took her hand and started to stroke the top of it with his thumb, still dazily looking at her.
Fry: Want to get out of here?
Leela went limp.
Leela (dazily): Where?
The two of them turned and looked at a building across the street called "Larry Roach-a-feller's High Quality Hotel. Now owl-controlled!)
Fry and Leela nodded to each other and went into the building.
Next Scene: Planet Express: Bender and Zoidberg are sitting on the couch. Zoidberg is reading the back of the "Cupid's Delight" while Bender holds his hands to his head, scowling.
Bender: Man, I hate you organisms! How long until this DNA shuffling is over?
Zoidberg: It says here that it lasts only two hours.
Bender: Good. We are done to the last five minutes.
Zoidberg grabs the "Geezer-Breeze" and reads the back of it.
Zoidberg: Funny, this one says it'll wear off immediately if the person is exposed to another person's body heat.
Bender giggles evily
Bender: Oh boy, is this going to be good. Zoidberg, come with me. I'll get the camera and you go get the tripod.
Bender still laughing evily leaves the room
Zoidberg: The robot says its good, so it must be good. (Cheerfully) Hooray! It won't be my fault in the end!
Next Scene (The following morning): The Professor's lab: Lying on the lab table, wearing nothing, being covered by a sheet Amy sighed happily and turned to the Professor who's back was to her.
Amy: You were wonderful Professor. Since you're young and Kiff has only met you when you were old we can keep this between us, right.
The Professor turns to meet her face-to-face. He is back to his decrepted form.
Professor (Smiling): Oh my, yes.
Amy screams.
Next Scene: Mom's Apartment: Zapp is lying in bed, naked but not scene, and his wrists and ankles are tied to the bedpost. A bullwhip is on the floor with some other unmentionables. Zapp yawns happily.
Zapp: What a night. The valour, the kinky sex, and you were all so wonderful!
Mom (In the bathroom, her voice graveled again): You weren't bad yourself, hot stuff!
Zapp (cocking an eyebrow): Eh? Are you ok?
Mom comes out of the bathroom wearing a robe, which immediately falls to the floor. Holding her hands to her chest in fists as she stares in shock.
Mom: Holy Space Pope droppings! I made love to a hairless yak!
Zapp girlishly screams.
Next Scene: Hotel Room: Fry and Leela are in bed together.
Leela mumbles as she wakes up and then notices Fry next to her. She gets up, startled, and then sighs despairingly. She quickly gets dressed as Fry gets up.
Leela: I don't know what happened last night, do you?
Fry: I don't know, but I'm sure you came on to me.
Leela shakes her head in disgust.
Leela: Look, let's forget this happened, ok?
Fry (shaking his head): Same ol' typical Leela. Now what?
Leela sat down next to Fry and put a hand on his leg, looking at him directly in the eyes pleading.
Leela: Fry, I know things aren't perfect for you at Planet Express, but, we're your friends and we really do miss you. Won't you reconsider and come back?
Fry: Seeing how Mary stole my work, not really into creating anything else, I guess I could come back. Besides, I miss you guys too.
Both of them smile at each other.
Fry: Wanna go another round?
Leela scowls at Fry, then thinks about it.
Leela: Ok. We have another two minutes left on this room, anyways.
Just then a loud clang comes into range and a face-hugger (from the "Alien" movies) comes scampering into their room, followed in pursuit by Elzar.
Elzar: Don't mind me folks.
Fry: Elzar? What are you doing here?
Elzar: Community service for accidentally over baming a meal when I was drunk.
And with a loud crunch, he crushes the face-hugger. Then he pulls it's lifeless form up and puts it out on a plate in the hallway and knocks on the door opposite Fry and Leela's.
Elzar: Room Service! Your brunch is ready.
Next Scene: Planet Express: Bender is teasing Amy who is scowling at him.
Bender: So, how was last night? I heard you got your fill. I guess we do have something in common, Amy, we both love to rob graves.
Amy (irritated): Go away Bender.
Bender: Is that what you're going to tell Kiff when I give him these pictures of you and the Professor?
Amy (shocked): You wouldn't!
Bender (in a sinister tone): You're right I wouldn't…. For 500 bucks!
Amy (aghast): You're blackmailing me?
Bender: That's right, cough it up, rich girl.
Amy growls and then hands Bender the money. She snatches the pictures from his hands.
Amy: Hey wait! These are blank!
Bender: Heh heh heh…Uh oh, cheese it Zoidberg!
Amy chases Bender and Zoidberg around the room, they stop when Leela arrives with Fry.
Professor: Fry! You're back, thank goodness. Where have you been, you dumb chimp!
Fry: I…
Professor: Spare me your life story.
The Professor then takes out "The Perfectalizer" from the inside of his lab coat and presses the "Mute" button. The light comes out and hits Fry between the eyes. He falls down and gets back up.
Professor: Fry, what's three times the square root of four?
Fry (thinking): Um let me think…um…oh, wait. Ha! Very funny, Professor, square's don't have roots, they have corners.
The Professor starts dancing all over the place until a loud snap is heard and the Professor stops.
Professor: Ow.
Next Scene (and day): Planet Express: Everyone is gathered around the table.
Fry: Funny thing, I just got a pink slip from Mom. She says I'm fired for hooking her and Zapp Brannigan up.
Leela: Well, It's for the best, Fry, for you and Zapp.
Hermes stands up and clears his throat.
Hermes: People, the Professor has asked me to inquire about what went on with him sleeping with Amy. Amy, any thoughts?
Amy (sighing angrily): Can we please just drop it!
Bender (grinning): You're almost as bad as Leela sleeping with Zapp Brannigan.
A coffee cup comes flying from the table and hits Bender across the face.
Leela (setting her arm back down): What were you saying, Hermes?
Hermes: Since everyone here told me what happened over the last couple of days I've come to this conclusion: Blame it on Zoidberg. All in favor?
Everyone except Zoidberg raise their hands.
Zoidberg (despairingly): Awww.End
As a famous pig said, "Ebadebadeb That's All folk!" I hope you enjoyed this little slice of mine. Please do note that certain names or titles in this part do not belong to me. Thank you all for reading. I'll write back some more…