AUTHOR: Mnemosyne
Disclaimer: All belongs to Joss, except Abigail and Lelaine, who are mine.
SUMMARY: In an indeterminate future, young Abigail Cobb watches her family come apart at the seams.
RATING: PG-13
CHARACTERS: River/Jayne, original children
SPOILERS: None
WARNINGS: Implied character death
NOTES:
Okay, this story was making me sob my eyes out as I wrote it. It's been swirling through my head for the past week, and I had to get it out before it made me start bawling at work. I don't know if you'll find it half so sad as I did, but if it makes your throat a little tight, then I'll consider my job done. This could become part of a longer story arc involving the Cobb children, but I'm not sure. I just really like Abigail, and Lelaine, too. They have very distinct personalities in my head. We'll see. :)
"That everythin', hummin'bird?"
"All pieces are accounted for."
"Good, darlin'. You gotta move. You and the girls gotta move."
Abigail was eight, but she knew something bad was happening. Momma and Daddy always tried to hide bad stuff from her and little Lelaine, but neither girl was stupid. Even at five-year's old Lelaine could sense the tension in the air; she was fussing nervously beside Abby on the step. Abigail tightened her arm around her little sister's shoulders and watched her parents' exchange with wide, frightened eyes.
"The lady wants her stonewall," Momma was saying, clutching at Daddy's big barrel arms with small, white, importuning hands. Her eyes were even bigger than usual, and even from here Abby could see the tears that filled them. "Husband and wife. For better or worse. This was not part of the bargain!"
Daddy had his sad face on. Abby hated Daddy's sad face. He never cried, her daddy. When Lelaine got sick with the fever and almost died, he didn't cry. He just sat by her bedside with his sad face all day long, and all night long, and all week long, till the fever broke and he could smile again. It'd worn so heavy on his face that there were times Abby'd wondered if her papa was even going to remember how to smile when the time finally came. But when he did, it was like sunshine and honeysuckle. He'd fetched Abby up in his lap and tickled her senseless as Lelaine giggled in her sickbed. That was two years ago, and he hadn't worn his sad face since.
Till now.
"River doll, don't do this," he pleaded, and hearing her daddy's voice was like a sharp pin in Abby's throat, making it hurt to swallow and hard to breathe. Papa sounded scared; Papa never sounded scared. Lelaine quailed next to her; she'd heard it, too. "Baby girl, I gotta stay. 'Sthe only way, you know that."
"No!" Tears were streaking Momma's face as she twisted her fingers in Daddy's shirt. "No! You come, too!"
"Both of us ain't gettin' outta this one, baby doll, you know that. You saw it yourself."
"She has seen another future!" Momma wailed, pressing herself against Daddy's front, staring up at him with wet brown eyes as he wrapped his arms around her. Abby'd always loved the way his Daddy could hold Momma like that, all close and tight, till Momma disappeared in his arms. Daddy gave the best hugs. But right now she wanted them to both stop talking to each other and come over here and hug her and Lelaine; because the air was scary, and there was something scary on the wind, and seeing Papa looking like it was the end of the world -- and Momma looking like she believed it, too -- was scariest of all.
"You ain't seen a new future, baby girl," Daddy said, hugging Momma so tight Abby thought her ribs would break. "You ain't. You wanna, but you ain't. Only one future, 'swhat you always tell me."
"No! You come, too! She saw it. Saw it in her head. She saw Jayne-bear playing with his cubs while momma bear burns the porridge." Now Momma was sobbing like her heart was broken, but the only one who could ever break her heart was Daddy, and Daddy'd never do that. Daddy loved Momma so much it hurt; that's what he always said. Always said he loved Momma and his little girls so much it made his belly ache. He'd never hurt Momma. Never, never, never, never...
"She saw it," Momma sobbed, pressing her face into Daddy's broad chest. "She saw it...!"
Daddy just held her. When Momma got to crying it was best to let her cry it out. Abby watched Papa's broad hands smooth down Momma's hair as he murmured something soft in her ear. She had the sudden urge to leap up off the step and go running to him; to grab his leg and not let go till all this strangeness had passed and they could play cops and robbers in the backyard like they always did on warm summer nights like this one. They'd played last night and she'd thrown a tantrum because Daddy found her before she got a chance to stash the loot. She wished she hadn't done that now. It was just a stupid game, and Daddy played it best because he knew all the robber's tricks.
"We known this was coming." Abby looked up sharply as her papa's whispered words drifted to her through the air that smelled like damp grass and rain. "We knew they was gonna find us. 'Sjust a matter of time. Knew they weren't gonna let you go, River doll." He held Momma even tighter. "I don't wanna let you go, neither."
"Then don't." Momma sounded broken, like the china plate Lelaine had dropped when she was two and didn't know the limitations of her own strength. "Don't let her go, Jayne."
"I ain't gonna," Daddy said fiercely. "I ain't lettin' you go, River girl, you hear me? I'm always gonna be holdin' you, jus' like this, tight like this. You got it? Don't you start thinkin' I've let you go. I ain't never gonna let you go. Never."
Momma made a soft sound, a meek little wail, and buried her face in his chest.
That's when Daddy looked straight at Abby, and she felt the bottom drop out of her world. "Come 'ere, Tink," he said with a soft smile.
She didn't move; just stared at him.
"Come on, Tink," he said again, pulling one hand away from Momma's back to reach out to her. "You and the li'l bit."
She didn't want to move. Maybe if she stayed here, time would stop, and whatever was happening would stop, too. Momma wouldn't have to cry anymore and Daddy could smile again and she could share secret jokes with Lelaine and they could both giggle till Papa came and banged on their bedroom door and told them to quiet down, cause people were trying to sleep.
She would have stayed on that step forever, but Lelaine stood up, reaching out for Daddy's hand, her other hand laced with her older sister's, forcing Abby to follow. It only took a few short paces before Daddy was crouching down on one knee, right arm wrapped around Momma's thighs, the other one curling around both young girls like a warm blanket. Lelaine climbed up on his knee, hugging him tightly, and Daddy gave his youngest a scratchy, prickly kiss on the cheek. "Love you, my Li'l Bit," he said near Lelaine's ear. "My smart little girl. Smarter'n me and not even double digits yet." He kissed her soft, downy brown hair.
"Love you, Daddy," Lelaine said softly, dark blue eyes fearful.
"Love you," Daddy repeated, before looking up to find Abby's eyes with his own. A soft smile was on his lips, and it was worse than the sad face. It was lonely and all kinds of hopeless. "You gonna let me kiss you, Tink, or you gonna sock me in the nose instead?"
Abby didn't bother arguing. She flung herself at Daddy and wrapped her arms around his neck, squeezing tightly. "Don't go, Daddy," she begged, not even sure what she was begging about but knowing she had to do it. "Please please don't go. I'm sorry I yelled about the cops and robbers. I'm sorry. Didn't mean it. I'll let you win a hundred times, just don't go! Daddy, please!"
"Oh, my baby girl," Daddy said, wrapping his free arm tighter around both his girls, crushing Abby up against his chest. "This ain't got nothin' to do with that. Hell, I was right proud of you, the way you kicked up that fuss. Made me think of me when I was a young guy, kickin' and screamin' and hollerin' up a storm whenever I got pinched by the Feds." He chuckled, and for a second ? just a second ? Abby felt like it was all going to be all right again. "Daddy's little girl, that's what you are, Tink darlin'. You're daddy's little girl through and through. You're gonna be one helluva woman. I am so gorram proud of you."
Abby just buried her face in Daddy's neck, feeling the familiar scratchy bristles of his stubble as he kissed her cheek, then her forehead.
"You gotta do me a favor, Tink darlin'," he said, and she nodded miserably against his shoulder. "Look at me, honey girl." Raising her head, Abby fixed her papa with red, bloodshot eyes.
Daddy gave her a half-smile, taking his hand from her back long enough to scrub some of her tears away with his thumb. "I'm gonna ask you this, Tink darlin'," he said, "cause the li'l bit's too young and your momma..." He trailed off, glancing up at Momma, who was gazing down at them as though from a faraway plateau. Her tears had stopped; now she looked like a statue carved in snow. "Your momma's gonna have a hard time for a while."
He looked at Abby again, face firm. "You're just a little thing, Tink, but you're a Cobb, and that means you're strong. Both my girls are strong, but you got more o' me in you than your Uncle Simon likes to admit." He rubbed her back. "I need you to look after your momma and sister, Tink. I need you to keep 'em movin', keep 'em safe. You gotta be my eyes and ears now, cuz I... cuz Daddy's gotta go away, darlin'. Do you understand?"
Abby shook her head. "No," she whimpered. "Why d'you gotta go, Daddy?"
Daddy kissed her forehead, scritch-scratchy bristles against her skin. "Cuz Daddy don't got any Tam in him, honey girl," he murmured. "They don't want me. They want your momma, and your sister, and you. And I ain't gonna let 'em have you; none o' you." He gave her a tight smile, fierce with pride. "Nobody lays a hand on a Cobb girl lessen I say so, dong ma?"
Abby nodded faintly. Her stomach was roiling; she thought she was going to throw up. The ground was pitching beneath her feet and she swayed, resting her cheek on her papa's warm shoulder. He smelled like leather and gun oil and a little bit of Momma. She breathed deep.
"You heard what I said to your Momma, darlin'?" Abby nodded, mind utterly blank, trying not to think, trying not to focus on anything but Papa's voice and smell and hug and shoulder. "It's for you, too. And you, Li'l Bit. I ain't lettin' you go. Your daddy's got big arms. Don't matter where he is, he ain't gonna let you go. You understand?"
She nodded again. All she could do anymore was nod. She didn't remember how to speak.
"I love you, Abby girl."
"I love you, too, Daddy," she choked, hardly knowing how to say the words.
"I love you so much." And then Daddy was hugging her again, tighter than ever, and he was crying. She could feel the tears soaking through the thin cotton of her t-shirt; could feel the hitch in his shoulders as he sucked in air. Daddy, don't cry, she wanted to say, but she was sobbing so hard herself she couldn't form the words. Perched on his knee, Lelaine was wailing.
Then Momma was there, a soft rustle of chiffon and the scent of rainwater perfume as she knelt beside them and wrapped her arms around Daddy. "Circles," she murmured against his cheek. "Everything is circles. Today will be yesterday and tomorrow will be today, and the ewe and both her little lambs will always love their shepherd." She kissed his temple, running her fingers through his close-cropped hair. "Always and always, today, tomorrow and yesterday."
Daddy made a soft sound like a moan, raising his head from Abby's shoulder to kiss Momma with bruising, blinding force. Momma didn't seem to notice. She wound her fingers in Daddy's hair and kissed him back, just as hard, just as deep. Abby didn't have any tears left to cry, but she cried them anyway, reaching out to squeeze Lelaine's pudgy hand.
When Momma and Daddy finally broke apart they were gasping, but that didn't stop Daddy from turning to both his girls and giving them each a hard, fast kiss on the forehead and a whispered, "Love you, honey girl."
Things moved in slow motion after that. Abby was vaguely aware of Papa standing up, of Momma hitching Lelaine up onto her hip and taking Abby's hand firmly in her own. There was another Momma/Daddy kiss, this one softer than the last. That had been a goodbye kiss; this was a "Remember Me". She heard something about creating a distraction, heard Daddy say something about leading Them away; she could hear the capital T. Then they started walking, Momma leading her by the hand out towards the forest; towards the hidden mini-hangar they had tucked away in the woods. There'd be a ship there, and after that, Abby didn't know. Nothing made sense anymore. Yesterday she'd been playing cops and robbers. Today her daddy was going to die.
Her daddy was going to die.
She looked over her shoulder and saw Daddy standing framed in the front door of their little one-story cabin. He'd built it himself back when Momma was pregnant with her ,when the pair of them had first come to stay here on Icarus. It was a nice home; it had a little pond out in back that always had frogs, and a swing made out of an old bit of board and some rope, and her Momma's herb garden that smelled like the color green. It was a nice home; her only home. Momma and Daddy used to talk about Serenity like it was home, but nowhere else was ever going to be home to Abigail Cobb.
Daddy blew her a kiss. "Don't look back, honey girl," he said, loud enough for her to hear. "Don't you ever look back."
Abby made herself look forward again, clutching Momma's hand even tighter. She managed to stay that way for ten whole seconds before she looked over her shoulder again.
Daddy was gone.
"Not gone forever," Momma whispered. "Don't look back. Look forward. Tomorrow is yesterday. We'll see Papa Bear again." But there were tears on her cheeks.
Abby looked forward. She was Daddy's Little Girl, and she wore the appellate like a shiny gold star. Momma was drifting; Abby could feel it in the way her fingers were clammy and cold. Lelaine was scared and confused, a brain that wasn't quite a prodigy trying to struggle with too much information all at once. Abby wasn't a prodigy at all; she was a Cobb. She played Bloody Knuckles to win, and she always won. Tomorrow Daddy wasn't going to be there to wake them up with a stack of flapjacks to the ceiling. Lelaine was going to need tending and Momma was going to need Daddy, and Abby could only help with the first while Momma withered for lack of the second; but she was going to have to make the best of it. Daddy'd told her to take care of Momma and the li'l bit, and she was going to take care of Momma and the li'l bit, gorrammit.
But that was tomorrow. Which was also today, and would eventually be yesterday. And somewhere down that strange circular road, her daddy was waiting with a big, beaming smile and his arms that could hug the universe, and he was calling her his honey girl and telling her he was proud as a daddy could be. That was really all she needed. She was Daddy's Little Girl.
She squeezed Momma's hand. "Come on, Momma," she murmured, tugging them deeper into the tree cover. "Just a little farther."
Behind them, she could hear the sound of a shuttle touching down near the cabin.
She didn't look back.
THE END