Summary: Jonathan/Tammy I have everything I could ever want. So why am I not happy? Tammy's POV.

Rating: PG

Notes: First GL fic ever, so could you review, pretty please? Will probably be a two-parter.

--Everything and Nothing--

I stood in front of the mirror, gazing at the picture I made in the wedding dress I was currently trying on. The attendent had gone to retrieve the veil, so I was alone in the store.

The dress was beautiful. So why didn't I feel that...that feeling that a future bride should when she tries on her wedding dress, and thinks about the actions she will be preforming the next time she wears it?

I have everything I could ever want.

A fiance who loves me. A wedding of the century to plan. And safety. Sandy keeps me safe; that is one of the things I love most about him.

So why am I not happy?

My fingers involuntary moved to my neck to fiddle with the little golden heart on a chain. I always do that when I think about him. It's just a reflex that I cannot help. I choose not to analyze the fact that it may be just a little bit symbolic. The fact that it's a heart has nothing to do with the automatic need I have to touch it every time I think of him.

Every time I think of Jonathan.

Why did I do this to myself? Why did my mind have to go and do that? Picture him as the man that I love; the man I was going to marry? That was Sandy. I love Sandy. And he loves me.

But if that's true, then why do I have to keep reminding myself of it?

If it's true, then why do I feel next to nothing when I'm in his arms; but when I'm with Jonathan, I have to surpress the urge to press my lips to his, my body to his, when we're even in the same room together? I mean, what he did to me was unforgivable. But I find that I have already forgiven him. That it makes no difference for what I feel for him.

Wait a second. What was I doing? I couldn't to do this to myself. I was still going to marry Sandy no matter what. My family was counting on it. Admitting this to myself was simply making me feel worse about what I was doing. But if I didn't act on it, it would go away. It had to.

I'm not denying that I feel something for Jonathan. That would be a complete and obvious lie. But physical desire is all I feel, and that is nothing compared to love. Nothing to build a lasting relationship on.

I do not love him. My mind simply made some random irrelevent mistake.

And suddenly, the lights went out.

And the first thing I thought of, the only thing I wanted for that split second, was Jonathan. My first instinct was to jump into his arms, and I probably would have if he had been there. Which made me all the more happy that he hadn't been there. At least I should have been happy. All that I felt was disappointment.

And at that moment, it couldn't have been more clear.

I knew why I wasn't happy.

My mind didn't make a mistake. It simply admitted what I had felt for a long time, and had been too scared to consciously admit.

I may have everything in the world that I needed, but nothing that I really wanted. I don't want Sandy. I don't want safety.

That is, those things are fine, but I want Jonathan, and all that he brings with him.

And that is dangerous to admit. I don't know what I am going to do with this newly acquired information. I can't avoid him forever.

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" I don't even know why I asked the question, but it seemed to fit.

"That's an easy one."

Oh my God.

Jonathan.

TBC...