Dark Chaos Chapter 1: The Voices, an a court of thorns and roses fanfic

Forest green eyes, sparkling with laughter, peered down at me as I screamed. Golden hair shook as he laughed at my pain. There was a second voice, a red haired high fae. They laughed and kissed, even as they split my skin with ash. Tamlin and Amaratha, my lover and my murderer. Two varying forms of hate.

Beautiful, strong wings were spread out on the wall in front of me, attached to the High Lord of Night, chained and roaring, arching against his bounds as he tried to get to me. As the edges of my vision turned black from the pain.

Shaking and sweating, I hauled myself out of bed and to the toilet. The remains of my dinner from the previous night spilled into the porcelain bowl, the seat turning black from the dark mist wafting from my talons. Talons of night.

The walls pressed down on my from my spot on the floor, the only reprieve being the vast night sky shimmering from outside my window. I had to get out, away from my prison and home. Into that vast darkness that called to my bones- my soul.

I lunged for the window, shattering the delicate glass into a million pieces. The soft ground absorbed my fall as I dropped out of the frame. Forcing air into my lungs, I pushed north, where the tattered remains of my soul told me to go. I couldn't go to the gardens- couldn't force the thick scent of roses into my frail body. The open air and night was enough space that I could think. Could breath.

Tamlin had been the enemy in this nightmare. But the real pain was seeing Rhys that way. The fractured remains of my heart bled when I saw his beautiful wings pinned to the wall, the terror on his face so real that I cracked-

I heaved again, the acid burning my throat as I gazed into the vast night, north, all the way to Rhys.

Tamlin was who I loved. So why was it that I cracked at the sight of Rhys in pain? So why was it, that despite everything, I couldn't hate Rhysand?

I spent the eternity of the night outside.

Dawn broke through the clouds as I slipped silently back into my bedroom. Sighing slightly, out of relief or sadness, I didn't know, as I realized I go back with Rhysand today. At least I could breath there.

I plopped down on the silk bed to examine what books I had, if any of them were worth reading. Nothing. The books at the Night Court were far more interesting than here. Maybe I could even sleep through the night tonight.

Whatever thought had caused that nightmare, it was the most real one i'd had yet. I was looking forward to getting away from Tamlin for a while. Maybe eating more than once a day.

I silently scolded myself for letting Rhys make me look forward to our week. But as much as I hoped, I wished I could hate him, I just couldn't. Even as I pulled out the Night Court style clothes that I had come to like more than any other here.

A deep throated growl dragged me from my thoughts. I had just finished getting dressed my clothes, looser than they had been last month, when a golden male stalked into my room, loud and impatient. Followed by a dark prince, and one I had looked forward to seeing.

"I told you to wait out there," Tamlin snarled at Rhysand, who was dressed in all his finery, wings that I had dreamed of nowhere to be seen. As much as I tried to convince myself that I was upset to leave, that I would miss the manor, I knew in my soul it wasn't true.

But as soon as Rhys looked at me, his smirk fell. "Feyre, are you running low on food here?" I must look like i'm starving, because his velvety voice was full of nothing but concern. I tried to will some feeling into my eyes, anything, but the truth was that looking forward to today was the only feeling i'd felt for a while.

Tamlin snarled, as if this offended him. Anger glazed over Rhys' eyes, for a second, just one second, before it was leashed once again. He stepped around Tamlin as if he were a piece of furniture, extending his tan hand to me. "Lets go."

I grasped his warm hand, willing Tamlin to stop growling at Rhys, at us, because anger was the only thing I could feel. I didn't understand it, that rage. Rhys was Tamlin's enemy, so he should be mine, too. But I couldn't hate him.

Tamlin shoved our hands down, breaking that chain and the warmth that flowed from it. Fiery rage coursed through my veins. My muscles were tense, like an asp waiting to strike. A very, very thin asp. I relaxed, frozen once more. Rhys studied me.

"You end this bargain, and i'll give you anything you want. Anything," Tamlin snarled. The golden male of Spring, and the dark prince of Night. There was no comparison.

Rhys' voice was silk-soft as he said, "I already have everything I want." And winnowed us away.

When we arrived, I didn't have enough strength to push him away. I simply stepped out of his embrace, my arms falling to my sides seconds before he pulled my shoulders to face him. "What happened to you?" He howled. Everything and nothing. Nothing and Everything.

"None of your concern," I replied, but the words had no bite. I was too exhausted from the bit of temper i'd shown earlier. His violet eyes were full of sorrow and anger, and I was again brought back to my nightmare.

His beautiful wings spread taunt across the wall. His bellow of rage, of pain.

"When did you have that dream?" He said, too quietly. I was so tired, but I rallied my energy up one last time to haul up my shield of dark mist and black adamant. It crumpled seconds later, and I didn't put it back up. True concern filled his features. And something else, some stronger emotion behind it. Something I could barely recognize.

I gave up. "Last night," I replied, shocked at how frail and broken my voice sounded. Maybe it would have been better if I had died Under The Mountain, if I had faded into the simple darkness-

He gripped my chin so hard it hurt. "Don't ever think that. Ever. She wins. That bitch wins if you let yourself fall apart," He snarled, our breath mingling. Then I was seeing through his eyes, looking at my small form, frial, like it could break at any moment. His thoughts floated to me on a midnight wind.

I was a ghost. Pale skin, sunken in eyes. I looked worse then I did when I came to Prythian. He blinked, and I was thrown back into my body, small and empty and dark.

He really didn't know the true extent of how badly i'd broken the moment my neck snapped. The moment when a mortal soul slipped into an immortal body. His thoughts told me enough of that, and it was an invasion I was too tired to feel bad about.

He loosened his grip on my chin. "How many other minds how you slipped into?" He asked, fake laughter floating up to his eyes, so different from the male I had come to recognize.

I had gone into his mind, just like Lucien-

His head tipped back with true laughter. "Lucien? What a miserable place to be," He huffed. I didn't have enough energy to snip back, so I just started toward where my room was last time. My small feet carried me about ten feet before Rhys spoke again.

"Eat breakfast with me?" He called, and it was enough of a broken plea that I relented, motioning for him to lead the way. We walked a healthy distance apart, even as my frozen form craved his warmth. Even if I was truly freezing.

I dropped into my chair as he slid into his, graceful as a wildcat. His violet eyes were sad as he took me in again. My stomach growled, and I reached over to grab a muffin or two, and some fruit, dumping them on my plate. I had nothing in my stomach because of my nightmare-

I mentally growled at myself. I couldn't ponder the dream until Rhys wasn't there, until I could put up my shield of black adamant again.

"Does no one at the Spring Court see what is happening to you? Does Tamlin not care?" He growled softly. "Do you care? You look," His eyes were full of sadness. "Like a ghost." I was brought back to last night, when the only thing that could calm me was the night sky.

"He is giving me space to sort myself out," I responded. Tamlin cared. Maybe too much.

He swallowed. The ghost of mighty wings spread from behind his chair. "Do you care?" I cared. I had cared. Maybe there was no point to caring, though. Every request was denied. I was drowning at the manor.

I looked him in the eyes, refusing to back down from his stare. But I didn't respond.

Those leathery wings took a solid form as he braced his hands on the table. "Do. You. Care?" He snarled. He didn't scare me. The thing that scared me was his desperate need to get a reaction. I blinked slowly.

We stayed in silence, his question lingering in the air. Until I answered.

"I try, you know. To get them to let me out," I whispered. "But I don't see why I should keep trying if it will never happen." The words were true. They were my own. They owned me, and there was nothing I could do to convince them to let me out.

Rhys winnowed to me so fast I couldn't even blink before he was standing right infront of my chair, snarling in my face. "They do not own you. You are no one's pet," I swallowed.

My vision swirled, the dark power of his calling to the beast stalking under my skin. His rage fed that beast, until I couldn't control it anymore. I jumped up, slamming him away. It was pain like I have never felt before, as if each bone in my body was being shattered. His dark power called to me, and I let it feed me. Until the darkness in me echoed it.

I shook my head violently, trying to clear the roaring in my head. There were seven voices screaming. A wild beast, a fiery soul, a sea breeze, an icy growl, a healing roar, and the loudest of all, a night dark howl. All screaming at me to let go of that creature hollering to be let out. It was dark and light at the same time, and I just became.

Rhys was wide-eyed across the room, the owner of that dark howl. I could see the tendrils of night coming off his body as my own echoed it. All I could see was a swirl of dark and light, and his body standing before me, now holding me, murmuring into my ear to let it out, let it out of me. I was lost in a sea of ice and fire, and it was like I was back Under The Mountain, back in my cell, burning up from fever. It was that thought that made me grasp whatever I could find, mainly the citrus scent of Rhysand. He pulled me into his soothing warmth, wrapping his arms around me. I buried my face in his shoulder, savoring the new-found silence.

He murmured into my ear, holding me against him, as I tugged his scent deep down inside me. It was quiet, so blissfully quiet that I just stood there, listening to his murmurings. It took me a moment to realize I was holding him, too. I was holding him like a lifeline tossed into a stormy sea.

"It's alright, i'm here. I'm here," He whispered into my ear. I don't know how he knew it, but those were the most comforting things I had ever heard. He murmured it into my ear until my breathing slowed back to normal. I was shaking. I was trembling so hard it hurt.

Rhys wrapped his galexy wings around me, surrounding me with night. That beast slumbered once again. He winnowed us to my room.

"Sleep," He whispered once before exhaustion tucked me into oblivion.

Amaratha turned to him, shoving the ash dagger into his heart.

"FEYRE."