He didn't even know why – of all people – he went to Regina to ask for help. Asking her for help in general was degrading enough, but asking her for help regarding Emma was even more a demolition to his manhood. After all, the blonde was his ex – and hopefully soon to be again – girlfriend, the mother of his son and his True Love. Whereas the Mayor and the Savior did not even actually like each other. They made quite an effort lately, though; for Henry. After all, both women were his mothers and the little 'adventure' in Neverland had shown them they were on the same team. They managed to be civil these days, sometimes they would even share an honest conversation over a glass of one of the fancy bottles of red wine from Regina's basement. Emma wasn't particularly fond of wine, she rather considered herself a beer kind of person – or vodka, when the situation called for it – but she learned to cherish the evenings with the brunette, mostly spent on the mayoral porch.
Looking back, none of the two women would be able to tell how exactly that habit had started, why they kept it up for quite a while already; all they knew was that it was good for both of them, something they even looked forward to, if they were completely honest with themselves. Of course, Neal did not know about this. Nobody did. Not that the alleged enemies tried hard to keep it a secret; it was like a tacit agreement neither of them would be running around town bursting out the news, though. They didn't do anything illicit, it was just… odd. And surely Snow would have a heart attack, if she found out her daughter and the woman she held liable for ruining her life had come to somewhat friendly terms.
This evening, though, Regina was alone, sitting behind the huge desk in her study. Henry was with Emma for the night, just like every Thursday. It was part of their verbal arrangement concerning their son. Even though Regina was more than aware of the fact that, technically speaking, Emma had no legal right to spend time with Henry, having given him up for adoption, she came to actually acknowledge the blonde as part of her son's life, their son's life, especially after the events in Neverland. Emma was trying so hard; trying so hard to do right by Henry, to be the mother she had not been able to be for the first eleven years of his life. And Regina could see that, she really could. Usually, she would not have cared about anyone else – Henry was her son, end of the story. But she had changed as well; a huge part of this change going to Emma's account, even if Regina had a hard time admitting that. Emma had been the one to believe in her when no one else did, to see how hard she was trying and to look past the 'Evil Queen' all the others still accused her to be. To Emma, she had always been just Regina. Most of the time a pain in the ass, granted, but not evil.
The paperwork she had planned on doing on her day off to actually make use of the time to herself was still lying in front of her; untouched, since, again, her thoughts had gotten the better of her. It happened more often than she liked to admit lately. She had thought about how she had not talked to Emma in almost a week now. They had seen each other, of course, while picking up and dropping off Henry, they had spoken to each other – about Henry – but they had not talked, really talked. Alone. Regina wanted to downright slap herself hard in the face for even thinking something like that; for actually missing the little intimacy she shared with Emma, most of the times being the highlight of her whole week. She wanted to slap herself for being weak.
She had made this mistake once already, the mistake of opening her heart to the weakness other people called love. She did not even want to think about where that had gotten her; it seemed like ten lifetimes ago anyway. It had been so easy though, loving Daniel had been so easy, had felt so natural, so good. With him she had managed to be blithe again, happy even. It had been a chance to escape the iron fist of her power-hungry mother. Well, until she found out, that is. After that, everything had changed.
Regina squeezed her eyes shut, trying to repress the memories of dark times clouding her mind, but it did not work. Everything suddenly came flying back at her, constricting her throat, making it hard to breath. Quickly, she reached into one of the many drawers to her left, taking out a photo. Even after Henry entered her life, she had never been a person to take, still less keep, a lot of photos, for she thought of it as a sentimental foible. But this one was… different. She had found it in Henry's room a while ago, her first instinct being to throw it into the fire to turn it to ashes. In the end she had kept it, though she was not able to say why. The picture showed Emma and Henry, the blonde's arms wrapped around the boy, both with bold smiles on their faces. It made Regina smirk every time. Even if she hated to admit it, it was her anchor, her safe haven when dark thoughts haunted her mind. Again, she allowed herself a little bit of weakness.
She almost jumped at the sudden knock on the door. It was rare enough that she got visitors these days; the only one to regularly stop by was Emma, actually. How ironic. Before getting up, she took a deep breath, smoothing out her skirt and carefully putting the photo back where it belonged. Her feet were still clad in black high heels, the clicking on the stone floor echoing through the big empty house. She allowed herself a last look in the mirror hanging in the foyer, before she opened the door, not able to fight the smile creeping up on her lips.
"Mr. Cassidy." A frown appeared on her face. "To what do I owe the… honor?" Regina raised an eyebrow, having hoped to be greeted by another face at the door. Even though Neal had tried lately, he certainly still was not her favorite person. He was a complete moron; a complete moron who had hurt Emma, the closest thing she had – and probably had ever had – to a friend, deeply, leaving her knocked up to rot in jail for him. It made her incredibly angry.
"Hi Regina," he shrugged, hauling one hand out of his pockets for a lame half-wave. Already on edge by his flippant greeting, she was just about to reprimand him for addressing her by her first name, when he continued speaking. "Listen… I want to be here as little as you want me to, but… I need your help." One of her eyebrows shot up in surprise. That was not really what she had expected. But thinking it through, it made sense. Probably he had problems with Henry; did not know how to handle him, did not manage to bond with him; something like that. Regina smiled a devilish grin. "I wanna take Emma out on a date." Her smirk faded in less than a second, and it felt like she had been hit by a ton of bricks. Of course she had known that Neal still loved Emma – who had not – and hoped for a second chance, god, the two idiots even encouraged it. Actually seeing it happen was a complete different thing, though. "Well, I guess I could babysit my son for a night," she hissed, trying hard to make her voice sound as dismissive and cold as possible, while trying to compose herself. "Nah, that's not what I meant. You… I… Ineedyoutohelpmeplanthedate." The words came out in a blur, leaving Regina still completely clueless about what he did want from her. "Sorry, I did not quite catch that." Her fake 'Mayor smile' was plastered on her lips while she grew more and more impatient with the imbecile in front of her. He, of course, did not notice. Sighing, he recurred, "You need to help me plan the date."
Saying she was surprised did not even come close to what she was feeling right now. "Excuse me?" She was trying hard to hold her act together. Because never in a thousand years had she expected to ever hear something like that from Rumple's son; from anyone, really. He just shrugged and surveyed his shoes as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. It was inanely. "Can I at least come in?" Finally he managed to look Regina in the eye. The woman said nothing, instead stepping aside to allow him to make his way into her house.
"Well…" Neal was obviously uncomfortable, shifting from one foot to another, not sure, if Regina would turn him to ashes with just a look if he took a seat on the couch in the study. It brought a smirk of satisfaction to the brunettes face. Closing the door behind her out of habit, because really, there was no one else in the house to overhear their conversation, Regina stepped closer to him, gracefully sinking into one of armchairs, before speaking.
"I'm curious, Mr. Cassidy. Why, of all people, would you come to me for advice?" It really occupied her mind, it astonished her, more than anything this man, or even Emma, had ever done or asked her to do before. Nobody knew she and the Savior got along rather well at this point in time, maybe about to build some sort of peculiar friendship even, at least as far as the brunette was concerned. Had Emma said anything; talked about her? Conflicted feelings raged inside Regina. On the one hand, she felt betrayed, knowing it was ridiculous, on the other, it was some sort of elation, warmth, spreading inside her. She actually meant something to someone, was important to someone, important to Emma. Shrugging it off as just a flight of fancy, she pushed her thoughts aside the next second, focusing on the poor excuse for a man in front of her, trying not to show any weakness, not even a spark of actual human emotions.
"I don't really know, to be honest," he mumbled, finally slumping onto the edge of the couch. "You guys spend quite a lot of time together lately, not only with Henry, but also without him." Regina's breath faltered for just a second, before Neal continued. "She never mentions anything, never says where she's actually going. But I just… I just know she's with you. So…"
"So you thought I was the right person to help you plan a date with Emma?" To her, it still did not make sense; not at all. He could have just asked Snow, which would have not only spared him the humiliation of having to ask the – former – Evil Queen for dating advice, but also Regina the strain of having to put up with this stupidity on two legs. "I guess. I mean I know there's nothing like that between you; you might not even be friends or whatever. But I think you kind of… get her." The latter might be the smartest thing Regina had ever heard him say. About the first part she was not that sure.
"I still love her, I always did, and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do to leave her behind to go to jail for me, but…" 'You know nothing about hard things to do,' Regina thought, her hands clenching into fists. "And I know she still loves me as well. She said so in the Echo Caves back in Neverland." Even without having been there, the mayor knew what had happened back there; Emma had told her, had explained herself without Regina even asking her to. Neal had completely missed the point of Emma's speech, apparently, but she did not bother to enlighten him. Instead, she got down to business, hoping to get this over with as soon as possible.
"What did you have in mind for your evening with Miss Swan, if I might be so frank to ask?" She crossed her legs regally. "I don't really know, actually. Fancy dinner, dancing, somethin' like that." Of course he had no idea, Regina sighed internally, having to fight back an eye roll. "Dinner should do," she said coldly, frowning. "Do you happen to know what her favorite is? I know what her favorite used to be more than ten years ago; might've changed." Regina should probably have at least some sort of pity, given how miserable Neal looked, but she didn't. Far from it, actually. She felt good, she felt like she was the winner in this. She was the victor, because she knew Emma better than he did. This was not a competition though, she had to remind herself. It would not end with the one who knew her better at her side. In the end it was Emma's choice, Emma's choice alone. And regarding that, Regina was not even in the selection.
"She grew rather fond of lasagna, actually," she said, getting up to pour herself a glass of cider, without offering Neal on. 'At least when I am the one cooking it,' added itself to her statement, at least in her head.
"Oh my fuckin'… Shit, Regina! This is awesome!" I just frowned as the woman in front of me exclaimed her enthusiasm for my cooking, still chewing on the piece of lasagna in her mouth. "Language, Miss Swan." Trying hard not to let my delight at the compliment show, I hid behind my usual hard façade. Certainly, it was better if she did not know I actually cared about what she said, about her opinion; about her. Henry made a good excuse, though. 'We need to talk… about Henry.' 'You need to come over today … for Henry.' 'Would you like to have dinner with me… and Henry?' It was perfect if you were a coward like me when it came to relationships with other people, of whatever nature they might be. And I certainly was not sure what this was; this right here, having Emma sit opposite me at the table, enjoying dinner with our son. Almost like… a family. I nearly laughed out loud at this utterly ridiculous thought, but managed to only just hold it back. Instead, my gaze wandered off to Emma, who was stuffing her face like there was no tomorrow. It brought a smile to my face. Even if we still tended to threaten to jump down each other's throats every other minute, everything was so normal with her, so easy. I caught myself grinning more often than I liked to admit, and had even burst out into heartfelt laughter, coming from deep within me, one or maybe two times, when the blonde had done something especially goofy. In a joyous way it frightened me to the bone. "Well, whatever. I just wanted to say that… this is really good food. I mean, normally, I'm a burger kind of person. It's quick and easy. But this… might be my new favorite, actually."
"What about flowers? Should I bring some?" he asked, furrowing his brow. Regina sighed internally. This man was worse than everything she had ever endured to experience. Decency and basic manners appeared to be something he had never heard of his entire life. Given the fact he was older than Regina, even though it did not look like it, made that an even deadlier sin to her. But what could be expected of Rumplestiltskin's spawn, anyway? "Bird of Paradise." The brunette didn't even bother to look up from the tumbler of cider that traveled back and forth between her left and her right hand. "Bird of what? Why should I give her a bird?" Fighting the urge to slap the man in front of her right in the face, she rolled her eyes, letting out a heavy breath.
When I finally found her, sitting on a rock on a clearing, I was more than relieved to know she didn't storm of in a sudden idiotic sally to find Henry on her own on this goddamn island. She was as stressed out by everything as I was, I could tell. For a moment I hesitated; I was sure she wanted to be alone, have some time to think, but the need to take a seat beside her was just overwhelming. If she noticed my presence – which she certainly did – she didn't let it show, so we just sat next to each other in silence for a while. "One of my better foster dads was a florist, y'know. Once he took me to his store with him and explained the meaning of all kinds of different flowers to me. Like the Lily, for example; it means 'I dare you to love me.'" Emma glanced over for just a split second, before her gaze went back to the shrub of flowers in front of us. My heart seemed to want to run a marathon, that's how fast it started to beat. I would, I thought to myself, I would love you. Most probably I already did, anyway. But it was not as if I had any hope for this feelings to ever be returned. Villains simply don't get happy endings.
Though her profile didn't show the pain she felt right now, the hurt about all she had had to go through in her life, the feeling of being lost, I knew it was there, I could feel it and had quite a hard time trying to fight the urge to take her hand, to offer her at least some sort comfort and support. "My favorite has always been the bird of paradise, though. Well, actually it's called Strelitzia, named after Charlotte of Strelitz. She married King George III and had fuckin' fifteen kids. They never spent more than an hour apart. I just think that's… I don't know… super romantic or something…" Without even looking at her I could tell she was blushing. Apparently she thought she had revealed too much, had embarrassed herself, but she certainly had not. She had moved me with her words. Admitted, a few months, well, even a few weeks ago, I would have never in my life thought that there was another side to Emma. That she, apart from here idiot self, was someone just as wounded and scarred as I was. We both were lone fighters, not good at trusting others, for others had always let us down in the past. We were both afraid, afraid to set our hearts on someone, to let ourselves fall into another's embrace, to love out of fear to be hurt once again.
"I always thought she likes roses. Every woman does." Thinking of her own experience with roses, Regina shuddered. Thoughts of her mother occupied her mind, thoughts of Leopold. She despised roses. "Dinner alone doesn't seem enough, though. I wanna give her everything; everything I didn't give her in the past 12 years. I wanna make up for what I did…" he continued, giving Regina no time to lose herself in her demons any further. 'You can't,' she thought to herself, almost smiling at that. It was not that Emma hated Neal, to be honest she did not even dislike him, but she kept complaining about how he was pushing her to be with him, how Snow was pushing her to be with him. "What else could we do then? Does she have any… hobbies or something?"
"You see the big bright star right in front of us?" Emma suddenly asked without any apparent context, breaking the comfortable silence that had lingered between us for the last few minutes, while we both had just been staring out in the darkness, each occupied with her own thoughts. Focusing my gaze on the sky, I tried to make out the one she meant, but they all looked more or less the same to me. "I… ehm… yes?" I lied. She laughed silently to herself for a second, knowing I had no clue, before she shifted her half empty wine glass from her right to her left hand to lift her arm and point up. "That one. Right there." I still did not see it. Feeling slightly stupid, I turned my head to look at her with an apologetic smile. Playfully, she rolled her eyes, accompanied by a fake sigh. After untangling herself from her blanket to be able to move, she shifted from the right side of the little bench, where she had been sitting all night, closer to my spot on the left. Our shoulders were touching slightly now, and I could feel the heat radiating from her slender body. Pointing to the sky again, she leaned in even closer. Her breath smelled of the wine we had had, one of the best I owned, and the spaghetti I had cooked her earlier, after she had admitted she had not had any dinner because she had come here right from the station. I did not manage to concentrate on the stars above us anymore, so instead I turned my head to look at the woman beside me. Her face was only mere centimeters from mine, which took my breath. It was ridiculous, really. I looked at her, actually looked at her, for the first time in a while. You could see the excitement on her face, cheeks red from probably both, the relative cold and the pride over her knowledge she wanted to share with me. I gulped. Eventually, she detached her gaze from the sky and looked me right in the eyes without any warning. In the darkness, her eyes, which normally looked like a quiet lake in the sunshine, were almost moss-green. It was the prettiest thing I had ever seen. "Regina…" she breathed and it sent a shiver down my spine. I felt stupid. Childish; like a lovesick teenager with the most ridiculous thoughts running through her head. A wonderful feeling. She was still looking at me, staring even. One move forward and our faces would be touching, my lips would be on hers. I did not even want to think about that; I could not think about that, so, with a slight cough, I broke the eye contact, getting up from my seat. "Would you like some more wine?"
"Maybe I could take her dancing," he mumbled more to himself than to Regina, but she heard it anyway. It was quiet for a while, Neal obviously thinking hard, the brunette looking down at her hands. She really, really, wanted him to go; to leave her house, her town, her life. He was nothing more than an intruder. And a sperm donor that got her and Emma Henry. "I don't think that's a good idea." It was hard to say what exactly she meant with that; if it referred only to the dancing or the date on the whole. Probably, it was both.
I could feel the sweat of her palms against my own and was glad she was not able to see the goofy smile forming on my lips. She was not a particularly good dancer, as I had already figured from her rather sloppy way of normally moving around, but, after all, we were not even really dancing; rather some sort of slow swaying, holding each other tight. It was almost intimate. Never having been particularly fond of the annual Storybrooke ball on the first weekend after Thanksgiving, I had showed a rather strange behavior this year. I had been actually looking forward to the day, yearning for it, even. It was childish and ridiculous and… weak. Hoping for a chance to dance with Emma, I had picked a dress of which I hoped would be particularly alluring. And now here I was, pressed tightly against the body of my alleged enemy. I could feel her breasts against mine, was able to sense every ragged breath she took. "I had hoped to have a chance to dance with you tonight," she whispered into my ear and judging from the fact that I could feel her breath on my neck, she had to be only mere centimeters away. I shivered. Slowly, one of her hands wandered over my back, coming to rest just barely above my bottom. The sensation of her touch almost overwhelmed me. Without thinking it through, I let my head fall to her shoulder, nose resting against her neck. I could smell cinnamon, leather and sweat. I could smell Emma. I had long stopped questioning why I was so drawn to the other woman, why I was constantly seeking her company when I knew only too well I shouldn't. Maybe – probably – I was close to the point where I just did not care anymore, where I would just give up trying to fight the weakness. But today was not this day, I thought, as I bolted out of her embrace and headed for the door.
"Should I also try and… well, you know… should I kiss her?" She wanted to barf; spill the filet mignon she had had for dinner right in front of his cheap-clad feet. Only the thought of it ruining her expensive angora rug kept her from doing so. "I mean, it's not like it would be the first time. Gosh, we even have a son, so we obviously had sex and…" Regina raised a hand before he could continue. This piece of information, though, granted, really obvious, was something she never wanted to even ponder about. Suddenly, her rug seemed fairly marginal.
"No, wait! I'm sorry! I…" Panic shot through me like the most poisonous venom. Of course, I was screwing everything up again. It had started out so good; she had invited me to the little party. Even if only for Henry. It had been a first step, a first step in the right direction. "Emma, I'm… I'm sorry. Snapping at you, I shouldn't have done that. Will you accept my apology?" My whole body was tensed to the limit, filled with anger and fear. Anger at my temper, anger at myself. I was downright staring at the woman in front of me. And she just stared back. Her face was hard. Cold. It probably looked like mine usually did. But right now, I was the vulnerable, the weak one. I had given my power in this conversation away, it was up to her; it was up to her to hurt me. "Ok." Relief. "You're right. Archie said you're trying to change and… well, you are." She believed in me; I almost couldn't get my head around it. "Dr. Hopper said I was trying?" I did not manage to contain the hope in my voice, although I should probably be furious my therapist gave away personal information to some random stranger. But, after all, it was no stranger, not anymore; she was just Emma. Emma… "He said you came to see him. That you try not to use magic, that you're trying to be a better person. You understand I was hesitant to invite you. I asked him, and he thought it was a good idea." She didn't; she didn't believe in me. Of course not."Thank you, it was." Failing to hide my disappointment, I forced a fake smile on my lips. Thinking she could care about me, even just a little, had been a preposterous thing to hope for in the first place. A nervous grin rushed over her face. Just standing in front of each other, we both didn't know what to say, what to do. But I simply could not bear even the thought of this conversation ending. So, as always, my brain hot-wired. Before being able to actually think it through, I made a step forward and pressed my lips to hers. They were warm, soft; it felt like home. "I should be going." I mumbled after breaking apart, having trouble not to run while backing away.
"I think you should go now," Regina mumbled, trying to fight back tears. It was ridiculous, really, and she would, under no circumstances, allow herself to cry in front of this idiot. "Alrighty. Thanks for your help." Without another look at her, he got up, and she did not even care to see him out.
Today was the day. She had been anxiously anticipating it, even if she knew that it was ridiculous; nothing would happen, at least not for her. The house seemed awfully quiet while she was sitting in the kitchen over a late dinner all alone. Henry was with his grandparents for the night, which Regina did not really approve of, if she was completely honest. But Henry had put on his best puppy dog eyes. And doing that, he always got what he wanted. Rather fishing around in her food than actually eating it, the brunette's thoughts wandered off to her son's other mother and the imbecile who unfortunately was his father. They should be done with dinner by now and on their way for a walk in the moonlight. Regina could only hope Neal had done his homework and read the articles on astrology she had emailed him. Because Emma deserved it; she deserved the best she could get. Of course that was not her, how could it be? She had caused so much pain, so much hurt in her life, she simply did not deserve it. All that she deserved was endless pain and suffering. Happiness was not designated for her. At one point or another she would come to accept that. Eventually.
It was hard, though. It had been hard to even admit to herself she was in love with Emma, to allow herself to be in love with Emma. Neither Emma being a woman, nor her being the child of her enemy was the actual problem; it was rather Regina herself. She just believed herself to not be worthy, not worthy to love, and even less to be loved in return. Apart from Emma's childish, dorky self that managed to annoy her beyond anything else, the blonde simply deserved better. Not some twisted, broken former Evil Queen with abandonment issues and a heart literally as black as the night.
Regina had been avoiding Emma for the last few days after the talk with Neal. When Emma came to pick up Henry she would hide in the bathroom or outside in the garden; when it was her turn to bring him over she would drive away right after he got out of the car. It was ridiculous, really, and Regina knew it, but she just could not help herself.
The sudden knock on the front door was loud and demanding, which made Regina drop the fork that had been lingering in her hand for quite a while. Not even bothering to pick it up, she made her way in the grand foyer, only dimly lit by a small lamp on a sideboard to her left. The hammering didn't stop, not even for a second, so there was a sassy remark on Regina's tongue, ready to be fired at whoever dared to disturb her, but it died on her lips when she saw the person standing in front of her; it was Emma. "Wha-… what are you doing here? Shouldn't you…" She was deep down baffled. This should not happen, the blonde was supposed to be enjoying her evening with Neal; her perfect date night. "I'm gonna kiss my date goodnight. Because that's what you do on a first date, right?" Regina's jaw dropped, when she slowly began to divine what the woman in front of her was implying. The Sheriff knew. "How did you…?" She didn't even make an effort to try to hide her surprise. "… figure it out? I'm not as stupid as you think I am, y'know." The smirk on the blonde's lips was enough to make Regina slightly dizzy. For a moment they just stood in front of each other awkwardly, none of them sure what the next step would, what it should, be.
"You could've just said somethin'. I mean, would've made things kinda easier…" Emma finally said, still grinning like a fool. It made Regina smile as well. "You should know me better by now, dear," the brunette replied, half playful, half Madame Mayor. "Thanks for the awesome eve. You got one thing wrong, though." Regina's heart skipped a beat. No, that could not be possible. Everything had been perfect, just as Emma liked it. In the end, didn't she know Emma as good as she thought she did? "And what would that be?" Her voice was cold as ice, trying to conceal the hurt in it. "You should have been there with me instead of Neal." Emma's smile grew even wider, when she saw Regina's mouth open in astonishment once more and before the other woman could even blink, their lips were pressed together. "I wanted to do that again ever since the night outside Granny's." Her voice was barely a whisper, but Regina got it anyway, causing a watery smile to appear on her face. Once more, they leaned into each other, slowly deepening the kiss.