So I'm not even done with this fill from the Kink Meme, but I'm going to out myself here anyways because idgaf. lol

Original Prompt:

So after checking this out (insert link to article about the deleted scene where Ash questions Shepard about what comes after death) a question popped up that I had never really considered before. I've read a few of the Thane/FemShep fills where Shepard dies and ends up "across the sea" but it never occurred to me that for Shepard to say: "I've died and there was no sea." She just always takes his words at a sentimental value... why?

I mean, she was dead for two years... what happens to the soul? Does it just stick around, unconscious? Does 'a' soul exist?

Anyway, I don't really know what I'm asking for... but maybe an exploration of spirituality? Any pairing/scenario is fine. Shepard/Ashley is cool. Maybe a (sexy) continuation of their discussion from the link?
FemShep/Thane grief would be awesome.
Or what about Legion asking if they have a soul?

If anyone takes this on, I commend you brave anon! (Seriously, this kmeme is awesomely deep at times).

smexy crack is totally awesome too

And this is the brain child that my was wrought by my mind. I'll be posting in chapters by segments of the story. They will be edited from the k meme for errors and coherency. (Part II got almost 200 extra words for example) Enjoy!

"Goodbye, Thane. Meet you across the sea."

Shepard didn't know what to think, she wasn't thinking. The words left her mouth of their own accord. She didn't even know if she truly believed them.

She had died once; there was no sea.

Thane's sentiments were beautiful, but that's all they were as far as she knew. Sentiment. She reached over and gently pushed his eyelids closed. Those enormous ebony and emerald orbs you could get lost in forever, that she gladly had lost herself in in their time together on the Normandy. They no longer sparkled with life, with all that had made him him. Made him that which she had lived and breathed, fought and suffered for.

She had to leave. This was too much.

Shepard turned on her heel and bolted from the room before the tears could start to fall, before her weakness could truly show, leaving Kolyat behind at his father's bed side. Thane's body was just a shell now, no better than a husk. He was gone, truly gone and Shepard couldn't handle it.

She knew there would be loss in this war. It was war after all. People get hurt, people die. These things had never changed throughout all of known history, and never would. War never changes. Only ebbs and flows like the tide, lapping at our ankles, icy cold, and occasionally stealing even things we tie down, never to be seen again. Dragging them into the undercurrents and to the bottom of the ocean.

Kalahira, goddess of oceans and the afterlife.

Shepard couldn't contain it anymore, crumpling into a chair in the corner of the waiting room as the first sobs overtook her, tears like acid, hot and stinging on her face.

Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness.

It had been foolish to have ever hoped for a happy ending with Thane. But as savior of the galaxy, Shepard had hoped. Hoped that for all the good she did for the galaxy fate might have let her have one thing for herself. Just one thing. But fate was the cruelest of mistresses so it would seem. Allowing them to find each other and survive a suicide mission, only to have her dragged away in cuffs for six months immediately after. Reuniting them after that time, only for him to be murdered defending her and the cause regularly risked her life for.

Kalahira, wash the sins from this one and set him on the distant shore of the infinite spirit.

Shepard could hardly even continue this train of thought. The light that had guided her through the darkness, the hope that had given her drive to continue to bear the weight of the world on her shoulders, was gone. It had left with her lover's last breath. He spoke of a final reunion; one she knew first-hand would never come. She had never had the heart to correct him. For all she had been through; those two years dead that had seemed like only seconds to her in comparison… He was gone, she would never see him again, and suddenly it started to feel like he was not the only one who had just died in that quiet room to the sound of beeping machinery and static. Her body convulsed under the weight of her overwhelming sorrow, drowning in the sobbing that possessed her.

"Shepard… I…"

Shepard snapped from her despondency and stared at Kolyat. She hadn't noticed him approach, and he was now seated near her with a hand outstretched. His face made it plain as day that he had absolutely no clue what to do. The pain in his eyes… oh god he has his father's eyes, I never noticed before…. It reminded her that she wasn't alone. This was his pain too. She wasn't the only one Thane was the whole world to.

"Look, I know you don't know this, but I… knew about you two. Dad… he told me a while ago, while you were locked up on Earth." Kolyat sighed and massaged the bridge of his nose before continuing, so obviously unsure of his words. This had to be insanely awkward; Shepard had essentially replaced Kolyat's mother, Irikah, in Thane's life over the last year. She had always hidden their romantic relationship around the young man for fear of starting a bout that might shatter all she knew Thane was working to reclaim in theirs. "I can't say I was… pleased… with the news…."

Kolyat's face darkened and his gaze fell down to the floor, and Shepard's heart ached. Thane hadn't mentioned Kolyat much since she they had been reunited. Had she completely ruined the broken bond between father and son? Her hands worried at her eyes as a whole new wave of tears and anguish overtook her. The sobs couldn't be contained, she didn't even want to anymore. Her team wasn't here to see her be weak, just her lover's estranged son whom she had never held the respect of anyways.

There was suddenly a hand on her back, another on her shoulder. "Shepard… I don't hate you. You saved my life, even if you did kind of punch me in the face. That hurt you know… But that's not what I'm trying to say." He paused, taking a long inhale as if steadying himself for his next words. "My father really loved you, Shepard. I may have accused him of replacing my mom… but that's never what he wanted to do. I had no right to say that to him, and he had every right to move on. You did well by him, Shepard, you did right by me and saved me from myself. You will never be my mother, but you're the next best thing. Better than he could have asked for, than I could have asked for."

That was it, the straw that broke what little of the dam that remained. Shepard doubled over entirely and gave into the feelings that sought to drown her, now painful sobs rippling through her entire body. Rippling into her soul… if such a thing even exists.

Unexpectedly she was gathered into strong arms, pressed to a warm chest. There were no words, they weren't Kolyat's proficiency. A shoulder to cry on though… that was universal no matter the culture it seemed. She balled her hands in his coat and just let it go like she hadn't in so many years. His words had given her a haven that she hadn't ever had in so long. Shepard was always supposed to be the strong one, the brave one, the savior. Weakness was not permitted in the role she filled, and so she showed none. It was an inhuman expectation, but in the eyes of the galaxy she was expected to be immortal and unshakable, her vulnerabilities nonexistent.

Tucked under Kolyat's chin in that hospital waiting room, she was a fragile. She was in mourning over that which she had lost. It was the only chance she would get to be such, and she took it in full.

"Thank you."