A/N: This is very short - kind of an unexpected fic, which just came to me. Marissa/Kaitlin is so underrated because there's so much going on in that relationship and the show did it little justice. This takes place sometime in season 4, probably earlier on in the s4 timeline. Reviews, as ever, are fantastic.
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Ryan arrives at the cemetery and sees the silhouetted figure from a distance. He thinks it's Julie but when he gets closer, he realises it's too small to be her. He assumes Summer and then to his surprise, recognises the person as Kaitlin.
He considers leaving because he came here for quiet, a moment alone with her. He's only just learning how to talk to Julie, but he can't turn away from a Cooper. Especially not now. He walks up to the tombstone, takes a step forward next to her. She glances sideways, assesses him through a veil of hair.
"Hey," he says softly, a feeble attempt at consolation.
Kaitlin looks away, staring straight ahead. He decides to follow suit.
"You know, everyone thinks I'm over her," Kaitlin says abruptly, her voice drifting between bitterness and hurt. "Like I'm some heartless bitch who couldn't care less that her sister died."
He winces at the last part.
"Nobody thinks that," he reassures.
"I wouldn't blame them, actually," Kaitlin continues. "Look at everyone else. You were so torn up, you ended up cage fighting. Summer turned into some whacked-out environmentalist. My mom, god, my mom lost her freaking mind. She sent you on an assassination mission and you went. It's actually kind of ludicrous how you all reacted," Kaitlin bemoans, "But everyone looks at me and thinks how unmoved I am, like I don't care at all."
"Kaitlin, that's-"
"Not true," Kaitlin completes for him sarcastically. "C'mon Ryan, we both know it's true. It's what people think."
Ryan purses his lips, unsure of what to say.
"Does it matter what people think?" he tries. She gives him a cursory glance and ignores his question.
"Marissa and I were close as kids," she says. At the mention of her name, he involuntarily tenses. She wants to snap at him for being so pathetic but decides to let it go. Instead, she keeps going. "We used to go riding together, her pony was called Ariel. Marissa stopped when she was 13. She was always busy with Summer or Luke, always a party to go to. I used to be so jealous of her, have been for most of my life because Marissa somehow managed to be the centre of attention without even trying. Dad adored her, mom always held her on such a pedestal. I resented it, I thought I couldn't compare, but I could never hate her because Marissa, she was never unkind. She was the only one who ever tried to make sure I knew our parents loved us equally. She was the one I went to when mom was being a bitch and I needed to vent. And today, mom and I were having this stupid fight about who she should be dating and who I should be dating, and I just wish, that she could be here. She's my big sister, and she," Kaitlin's voice shakes, "She should be here giving me advice about boys and how to deal with mom. It's not right, nothing about this is right."
Kaitlin's eyes get watery and she takes a deep breath to hopelessly calm herself. Ryan looks at her, heartbroken for more than one reason. He reaches out, places a nervous hand on her back and tells her quietly, "I know, it's wrong. All of this is wrong."
"Did you love her?" she blurts out, moving herself away from him. She faces him with an angry look, feisty like he knew her sister could be.
"What?" Ryan questions even though he heard her clearly.
"Because she loved you, so much, and I swear to God, Ryan, if you didn't love her, I'm going to-"
"I loved her," Ryan states surely but uneasily. He adds a frustrated, "Okay", urging her to believe him. He still has no idea how to talk about her and his feelings.
"Did she know that?" Kaitlin questions. He can't tell if it's out of curiosity or protectiveness for her sister. Probably both.
"I think so," he answers. He hopes and begs to God that she did.
"Did you tell her?"
Ryan shakes his head, feeling defeated and exhausted. "Not nearly enough," he admits.
"Me too," Kaitlin whispers and a sob breaks through.
/
fin.