I Want a Boy With Music in His Soul, a big time rush fanfic

I Want a Boy With Music in His Soul

Kendall is perfect to Carlos. He takes care of him in every way, respects all of his choices and supports them, hugs his sadness away and kisses his bruises, even the ones no one else can see. And though Carlos can see the need bubbling under his skin, hear it in his breath sometimes when they make out, Kendall never asks Carlos for anything more than his heart.

a/n: I was without a computer for three weeks and spent all those three weeks RPing Kenlos on AIM on my phone. And also writing this on my phone. But it's been proofed a couple times, so it shouldn't have (m)any textual errors. And since Kaity is a perfect Carlos to my decent Kendall, this is definitely dedicated to her. And also to Kre (because what isn't anymore) for giving me the idea for this.

...

A mug of hot cocoa, a new stack of comic books, and a soft comfy blanket... everything is perfect. Already decked in pajamas, Carlos is all ready to snuggle down and have a nice quiet night, an unusual goal for him. But it's been such a long week and he's spent more time at the studio than at home and he's just so ready for this. At this point, Kendall has already apologized for being too sleepy and kissed his cheek and headed to bed, so Carlos has resolved to this. Not a bad resolution, of course, as he could use a little time to himself, maybe.

Except a "quiet night" in 2J is well beyond impossible, as everyone knows, and he hears the laughter and low, flirty mumbling outside his door even before James opens it. He and Logan start to stumble in, Logan practically plastered to James' side like some starry-eyed schoolgirl, but they stop as soon as they see Carlos. James' smile falls and he glances at Logan who glances at him and they back out quickly, shutting the door. Carlos watches this all with slightly-furrowed brows, a sinking in his stomach, and no words.

He knows well what they want to do. And he nearly stops them from leaving, too, because he knows they're going to Logan's room now and if Kendall is asleep, they'll wake him up. But he doesn't even have the time before the other bedroom door opens and closes, the muttering going with it.

Carlos fidgets and glances down at his comics, his cocoa cooling on the nightstand. He's waiting anxiously to see if they come back. They wouldn't do it in the other room if Kendall's sleeping there... would they? No... right? The idea makes Carlos' stomach turn.

It isn't that he hates the idea of sex, or that he hates that Logan and James have it, or that he's against it in any way, nothing like that. It's just... he is still a little uncomfortable having to hear it. It makes him nervous and strangely itchy...

After a minute, the door opens again and Carlos tenses. Instead of the lovebirds, though, Kendall steps in, iPod in his hand and headphones around his neck. He gives Carlos a small smile, and Carlos smiles back, but confusedly. "I thought you were going to bed," he says as Kendall shuts the door, and moves his comic books to the floor so Kendall has a place to sit.

"I was still awake when Logan and James came in just now and... they wanted a little privacy," Kendall explains as he comes to the bed, eyebrows raising for a second, suggestively and maybe a little unimpressed with Logan and James' behavior. Carlos knows Kendall doesn't like being asked to leave his own room so the other two can fool around, but he's eternally grateful he didn't deny them so they'd return to kick Carlos out. He loves his buddies, but when they want to do it, they really want to do it, and they sort of tend to forget about others' feelings.

"But I figured you might want these anyway," Kendall suddenly adds, slipping his headphones over Carlos' ears.

Carlos puts his hands over them with a confused frown and asks, "What?"

Kendall smiles before explaining, "I know you don't like to hear them. I brought you my headphones to cover it up."

There's no hiding the touched smile on Carlos' face and he even averts his eyes a little. Kendall's capacity for caring is infinite. He'll sacrifice his own ears for Carlos' and it makes Carlos warm inside and out. "Thanks..." he mutters, smiling tiredly at Kendall.

Kendall leans forward and places a sweet kiss on his lips before turning his attention on his iPod. He turns on some of his music, the indie rock stuff he likes that Carlos has never heard most of, and turns up the volume. When he says something to Carlos, probably asking if he can hear anything, all Carlos sees are his lips move and a thumbs up. So he shrugs and mirrors the hand gesture. He understands the word, "Good," though, as Kendall sits back against the pillows and pulls Carlos to slump against him.

Kendall and Carlos have been dating a little over a month. Okay, maybe a lot over a month. Maybe two months. Maybe three... But nothing has ever advanced past making out, and even that's minimal, as one of them often stops it going too far for Carlos' sake, for his fear of... doing things. Kendall is respectful, the perfect boyfriend, but even now, peering at him from where he's laid against his chest, Carlos can see that this won't do forever.

Yet here he is, like always, looking out for Carlos and holding him sweet, eyes closed, but very awake. Carlos' ears are filled with lilting voices of singers he doesn't know and light acoustic guitar strums, but he can hear Logan and James' lovemaking, too. Not with his ears, but his eyes, seeing it register and read on Kendall's face, the way his eyebrows twitch slightly.

Kendall could have worn his earphones himself. In fact, Carlos has his own iPod. But Kendall cares a lot, always wants to make sure Carlos is happy and content. It makes him smile and his heartbeat pick up.

Carlos pushes up to kiss Kendall, guitar chords echoing in his head. Kendall's eyes open, a bit surprised, but not displeased, especially not in the way he kisses back, eager and happy. He slides down to a laying position automatically, Carlos half pushed up over him, laying on his hip and pressed into Kendall's side. Carlos can't think of anyone more perfect in the world than Kendall, honestly. Sweet, loving, genuine...

An "I love you," falls off Carlos' lips in a whisper, right into Kendall's mouth below, or at least he thinks it does. He can't hear to be sure, but he's pretty sure he felt the air pass through his vocal folds enough to make the sound. And then Kendall's eyes open and he's completely sure.

But he doesn't let that linger before he closes the space again, ignoring Kendall's slight pushes at his chest as he gets on top of him, laying right on him, body-to-body. He wants to talk and Carlos suddenly doesn't want words. He wants anything but. He has this music in his head and he wants it all through his body, wants to feel the sound that reverberates in Kendall's bones-feel it, not hear it.

Kendall is perfect and so good to Carlos and Carlos is tired of being too afraid to show him love. Fear is not something that has ever been a part of either of their lives, so it shouldn't be a part of their relationship, not when Kendall does everything in his power for Carlos.

Without knowing what he's doing, Carlos rolls his hips down against Kendall's, eliciting a heavy moan from him that he feels more than hears. Kendall's iPod is stuck in his own pocket, and Carlos is connected to him by the music, running from his ears to Kendall's hips.

As they continue to kiss, Carlos pulling every stop he has, everything he's learned from Kendall in the last few months, anything to keep him from noticing Carlos' hand sneaking between their bodies. If he were to notice, he would stop everything, want to ask Carlos things like "Are you sure?" and "We don't have to," but Carlos is sure and they do have to and they certainly don't need to talk.

He unzips Kendall's jeans, lets his knees go to either side of his legs as he pushes them down his hips, despite the moan from Kendall and the attempt to break the kiss. Carlos knows Kendall wants this, knows his only protest is for Carlos' sake, but he doesn't need that protection right now. He needs Kendall.

It's clumsy, but Carlos gets Kendall's dick free and he almost can't believe he's doing this. He's never touched someone here but himself and he stops kissing Kendall only to look down, take in the sight of his dark fingers wrapped around the pink-hued skin of Kendall's member. And it's attractive to him. Carlos smiles, because it's silly that this makes his heart go so fast, but he'd been worried. But holding Kendall's penis, feeling it in his hand, knowing just what he wants to do with it... it's good, so good.

He's brought back from those thoughts by Kendall's hands on his face, bringing his eyes back to Kendall's pretty green ones like granite and that makes Carlos smile, too. But then Kendall tries to take off the headphones and Carlos cries, "No!" and maybe inadvertently squeezes Kendall's dick, because his mouth drops in a gasp and his eyes close a second. But when they flutter open again, he seems to understand and licks his lips, lowering his hands instead to Carlos' shoulder and neck, and they're kissing again.

Carlos needs this music now... He can't stop listening, stop feeling it in Kendall, though he thinks he will never stop feeling that in Kendall. But if he has to hear Logan and James... He doesn't think he'll ever stop being afraid.

He gives Kendall a few good, long, slow strokes, feels Kendall stop kissing as he does so, his brain clearly overridden. Carlos finds this fascinating and keeps doing it, licking against Kendall's motionless tongue while he speeds up a bit.

He feels himself becoming hard as Kendall does, breathing heavily as his mind whirs, trying to figure how to do this. He can't have sex with Kendall... not... not like he knows people do. It's too much, even for being in love with him, which he's sure now he is. But he can do other things...

Carlos lets go of Kendall's erection to push down the elastic band of his own pants and he immediately feels his length gently fall against Kendall's and it's like someone turned up the volume. A wave of bass hits his lungs and he gasps for air. Hands are suddenly not needed as Carlos holds carefully still over Kendall's equally motionless body.

Without warning, Kendall abrasively grinds upward, clutching Carlos' arms. Carlos is sure he moans, but he can't hear himself over the tapping of a drum and a singer's high, smoky voice. An electric guitar sings quarter notes to him while he lets Kendall rub and thrust their hips together. It's like nothing Carlos has ever felt before and he doesn't know how long he can do this, how long he can stand the feeling of being filled to his pores with music and pleasure and Kendall.

He's panting, mouth hardly touching Kendall's as he feels moans on his lips, and whether they're his or Kendall's is a mystery he'll never solve. He can't believe this is what he was afraid of, this beautiful happiness, this tingling that can only be described as love, this thing he's avoided for so long and he can't imagine why. This is Kendall... music and love and joy and love and gold and so much love Carlos can hardly stand it.

He doesn't do it on purpose, his body taking complete control of itself, when he grinds hard down onto Kendall. What hits him is an orgasm like none of the ones he's given himself, gasping for air throughout while a bass guitar hums low and melodically dangerous in his head. Kendall doesn't waste time getting his hand on his own dick to finish himself off immediately after Carlos, and Carlos is grateful because he isn't sure he would be able to do that for him, not the way all his limbs are shaking and his cock is still leaking off the end. He glances down just in time to see Kendall come on his shirt and it makes Carlos swallow and lick his lips, so many feelings mixing in his stomach at the sight.

Everything gets really still after that, but the music is still dancing between Carlos' ears. At least, until he feels Kendall remove the headphones and he looks at him again, eyes wide.

"They... they're finished..." Kendall whispers, and it takes Carlos a moment to remember that Logan and James were having their own session across the hall. He suddenly feels his cheeks get hot at the prospect that he may have been as loud as they were and not known it.

The embarrassment is short-lived, though, as Kendall suddenly surges upward to kiss Carlos. It's clear from the way his mouth moves desperately that he's thankful. Carlos gave him something he's wanted so long but never been able to ask for, for Carlos' sake.

All Carlos knows, though, as he kisses back through a smile, bubbles in his chest and a song he doesn't even know stuck in his throat and mouth with Kendall's tongue, is that he has never had anything to be afraid of with Kendall. He's so ready to be in love with him and the spectacular music that runs through Carlos' veins whenever they touch.