My Heart Will Go On

Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you,
That is how I know you go on

Chapter 1: In My Dreams Part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Except for Matt.

Review please.

It was dark and dreary where Addison Montgomery sat the hospital. The clouds and the sky seemed to connect. The air felt cool on her skin and she thought it might rain sometime soon.

What am I doing out in this weather? But obviously, this was the one place at Seattle Grace where Addison could clear her head without anyone watching or judging her.

Addison replayed the events of the past few moments in her head. She had never been so bluntly rejected in her life. Derek ran away, without telling her. Mark slept with other women behind her back. Alex was kind of refreshing. He made a clear cut, no avoiding or secrets. She didn't have to wait months for the relationship to finally end.

This thing- with Alex- it was over before it even started. Addison shifted on the bench, pushing her hair out of her face. She had been sitting here for more than forty minutes and it was starting to get uncomfortable. The bench was really made for two people. There's nothing left for me here in Seattle. When did everything become so different? I must have missed a memo or something because I feel like I'm still the same. Maybe I have and I can't tell because of this distorted point of view. Everything is moving slowly and quickly at the same time. I'm tired of this.

She looks at the large building behind her. "So many memories..." she mummers. Just the sight of the building filled her with disappointment and guilt, but mostly disappointment. Memories flashed through her mind.

Teaching Izzie how to distance herself from her patients. That was a failure.

Meeting Meredith for the first time. I was still hurting then.

Derek telling her that he wanted to give their marriage a second chance. So hopeful.

Derek punching Mark. They used to be best friends, until I came between them.

Derek and Meredith at prom. And the panties.

Making the sixty-day bet with Mark. A waste from the start.

Almost kissing Alex. I thought he wanted me.

Finally sleeping with Alex. A mistake.

And Alex telling her...This new pain was too much for her to even think about. Why did it hurt so much? It made her sick to even think about it. She felt so humiliated and foolish.

Addison closed her eyes and stood up. She could feel the wind run through her hair. She tried to relax, but her breath wouldn't slow down. Tears burned in her eyes. Her throat closed up and the choking sobs put her back down in her seat on the bench.

The wind let out a howl and threw the tears back into her eyes. I just want to be free from all this pain. I need to get out of here to somewhere where the wind is warm and the people are caring. She sighed. It sounded like a dream.

She heard a voice, but she couldn't see anyone. And she was all wet. Her eyes fought open and she looked up. It was Alex, shaking her. He yelled at her. "What are you still doing here?"

She looked around. It was pouring rain. Her hair and clothes were completely drenched. I don't remember this at all. Could I have fallen asleep? She's so confused that she doesn't answer him right away. He's getting wet and she's getting wetter so he pulls her arm and guides her to a nearby car. Before he unlocks it, she presses him against the door and forces her tongue into his mouth. He doesn't resist her kisses until he's out of breath. She allows him to pull back and steps away. Then, she yells at him, not because she's angry, but because the rain is pounding on the street and it's hard to hear. "I don't care if you don't want me! I just can't end this relationship on a bad note! We absolutely have to have sex RIGHT NOW."

She's pressuring him and he can't take the heat. He opens the door behind him and shoves her into the backseat. A million thoughts were running through his head, but he can't just deal with this quite yet. He climbs in next to her and shuts the door. "What were you thinking? Are you trying to get pneumonia or something?"

Addison doesn't say a word. The cold and the wetness were clouding her head. Did I just say that we absolutely have to have sex right now?

Alex notices that she's shivering. He asks her "Are you okay?" She nods, but her teeth still chatter. He reaches into the passenger seat of his car and pulls out a neatly folded blanket. "I sometimes get cold when I'm driving. The heating system in this car doesn't really work." He explains. She nods again.

He drapes the blanket over their legs. An awkward silence passes. Alex wants to apologize, but he can't. He's never been great at communication and he never did anything wrong, right? Alex moves the blanket up to her shoulders, taking a little less off of his side. She fiddles with the edge of the blanket. He opens his mouth to speak and she looks at him. It takes him a while, but he eventually manages to get out "Are we going to talk about what just happened?"

She shakes her head. Alex feels so clueless. He decides to try a different approach. "How long have you been out here in the rain?"

She shrugs. "I don't know."

Alex runs a hand through his hair trying to sop up the extra wetness. "Well, did you go to Joe's, like you said?"

She answers casually. "No."

What was she doing? "Care to elaborate?"

She leans back and rests her feet on the driver's seat armrest. Alex glances down at her legs. They seem to stretch for miles. Slightly embarrassed by his stare, she pulls the blanket back over her legs to break his concentration. "I don't know. I just sat down on the bench after my shift to think."

Alex sits up quickly. "You mean, you were out there for over an hour?! Addison! It's been raining for a half hour!"

Addison looks down. "I know, it was stupid. I wasn't keeping track of time."

Alex was hysterical. "You could be sick! All you had to do was say something and I would have-"

She cuts him of by kissing him again. He pushes her away. "You've got to stop doing that."

Addison persists. "No." She nibbles on his bottom lip. He tries to keep himself from touching her, but he can't stop. When she's like this, her skin is addicting to him.

" Addison..." he complains. She ignores him and begins to divest both of them of their clothes.

It's not like their first time at all. She straddles him and takes control in almost every aspect. He tries to touch her, but she won't let him. It seems to him as if she's trying to do it all herself.

But, Addison knows he's a huge part of this. There would be no point without him. She wants him to remember her forever. So, she takes matters into her own hands...and mouth.

After a while, he tugs at her hair and pulls her mouth back up to his lips. He doesn't know what she's doing. She doesn't know what she's doing. It's all a blur of movement. Before they know it, they both feel a hard rush of pleasure overtake their bodies and she collapses on his chest. They synchronize their breathing so they fit together perfectly.

After the high wears off, Addison realizes. Fuck. She reaches to the floor of the car, fishing for her undergarments. Screw it she thinks. She pulls on her blouse. Alex's mind is still too jumbled to form words. Why is she moving so fast?

Addison hurriedly pulls on her skirt. "Umm...Alex?"

He looks up and his eyes can barely form her outline. All he can see is red hair. He blinks a couple of times and that seems to help. She's still on top of him. She taps him on the chest. "Alex? I have to go. I'm sorry."

His hands reach out, but they grab fistfuls of air. She's backing away and reaching for the door handle. "I'm sorry. This was a mistake."

He can't speak or do anything. He feels her warm body leave him just as a gust of cold air rushes in. He gasps at the sensation. She leaves him lying there in the backseat of his car. Alex just stays there, for minutes and stares at the ceiling of the car. There's not much to it. No cracks to count. Just empty space. He gets lost in it.

It's a long time before he realizes that his back aches. He sits up and turns around. He sees the cause of his pain: a lacy bra. And it's turquoise. I don't remember this color. Did she change?

He moves his legs to the right. Turquoise panties. Wedged between the seats. Are we in high school? Alex picks up the matching lingerie and throws it into the passenger seat. I should hang these up on the bulletin board. He decides against it. Nah. Addison would kill me.

He gets into the driver's seat and makes sure she's completely out of his sight before he starts the engine.

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Addison clapped a hand to her mouth as she walked. She couldn't believe that they had sex AGAIN. How could she come on to him like that? At least, now what she felt when she looked at Seattle Grace was more guilt than disappointment. She took a deep breath. She didn't know where she was going. She'd passed her car, but just kept walking. Walking. Walking was better than sitting. Sitting required thinking. When you walked, you could think about walking.

What? She asked herself. Am I going crazy?

Just as turned around to head back to her car, a phone rang. It was her cell phone. She didn't recognize the number, but it looked familiar. She flipped the phone open and held it against her ear. "Hello?"

" Addison?" The voice asked. It definitely sounded familiar. But it's not possible- it couldn't be...

"It's Matt."

Addison dropped her phone and screamed.

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Hmm. I think you're going to like this one. Personally, I'm kind of excited. I know, another two parter. This is my last one for a month, I promise. I just wanted to know what you thought first. Review. I have some of the next part written, so you never know. I could post really quickly. And you all now that first chapters are mostly setting up the storyline. So, if you don't like it right away, give it another shot on the second chapter. It gets A LOT more interesting.

I know, I'm already writing another story which is a handful itself. This is NOT, I repeat NOT, the sequel to Right Kind of Wrong. I have another idea for that. :) I'll get around to writing the wedding sometime soon...after the excitement of this one wears off. I should really learn how to finish whatever I start. I've got a lot of good ideas for the wedding, but there are just too many. So, I'm taking a little break.

But this isn't about Right Kind of Wrong. This is about My Heart Will Go On. Let's talk about it, shall we? So the best part about this one is that each chapter is going to be a different pairing. Kind of. Like friendship pairing sometimes and romantic relationship pairing sometimes. And every chapter has Addison in it. Of course. Really. Do I write anyone else?

I haven't really decided on the end pairing. We'll see.

And don't worry about Matt.

If it seems like I'm rambling a lot, it's just because I really want to get to two thousand words on this document. I even typed out "two thousand". I don't know why. It's just a goal. Do you know what my other goal it? 10 OR MORE reviews. Go now.