Dear Future Mercedes,
I want and deserved to be loved. I deserve a man that believes in my god and strives to be better than he already is. I want consistancy, balance, neverending, and unconditional love. I want someone who will hold me when I cry and let me know it will get better. I think it'll be worth it. It will be worth it to wake up and be happy with my choice of man. I want someone to show me everyday why I love them, someone to take the time to discover my secrets and not run from them. I deserve someone to know me as a whole and accept me as I am. I want to be worth it to the love of my life and not be afraid of that ever ending. I don't want to be afraid of this love, and even if I am I want that person to make sure I know its okay to be afraid but make it impossible not to take that leap of faith with them. I want to regret nothing with that person. I want to be honest with that person. I want to be uncaring, free and happy with them. I want it all. That's silly isn't it? To want it all? To except nothing else? Doesn't make it any less It doesn't stop me from wanting to be all that and more for that person as well. So when you do read this again someday we better have found him.
Love,
Mercedes
Mercedes looked down at the letter she'd written to herself in Highschool that Mr. Schue had sent to all the former members of the New Directions a few weeks back, and chuckled slightly wincing at the stretching in her cheeks. When was the last time she really laughed at something? Granted the current sitiation didn't really call for laughter. Months of going in and out of the hospital with her father had left her drained. Stage three lung cancer. Where the hell had that come from? She was determined for him to fight this, for him to get better and overcome this. But he kept saying he was tired, tired of fighting, tired of walking uphill backwards he said. But this was her dad, he was the strongest man in the world. He.. He couldn't leave yet.
Walking downstairs from her old room that she'd been sleeping in and instead of making her way to the living area Mercedes stepped outside, took a seat on the porch swing, closed her eyes, and waited for peace to wash over her. Vibrating in the pocket of her orange sundress kept her from it. She didn't even touch her phone. She didn't feel like talking to Kurt right now, he called every evening to check on her and right now she didn't want to think. She needed numbness. Numbness was what was holding her together as her father grew weaker. It was how she was coping while her husband was seas away and was only able to skype twice a month. She was doing okay with the numbness, she could keep her composure.
Breathing in the smell of grass and rain soaked asphalt while warm dusky air whispered by on her arms,she gently rocked back and forth on her porch swing. It was slowly putting her to sleep, her only solace. Finally.
The rumbling of a truck had Mercedes opening her eyes to the brief flashes of lightening bugs and a slight chill in the later evening air. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes she looked to her driveway and stood to see who the owner of the truck was. Shutting off the engine a familiar tall blond stepped out and headed straight towards her with purpose filled green eyes. Reaching the front step he stopped.
"Hey, sweetheart" he said barely above a whisper.
Gazing down into her eyes, he saw all of her sadness, and anguish coupled with Unshed tears and enveloped her into a hug. The earlier read words echoed softly… "who will hold me when I cry and let me know it will get better". And so quickly her numbness, and so very precious compusure came tumbling down. Her husband was back. She could rest her aching heart for a moment.