I've been here a hundred times. A thousand times. A million times.
It doesn't get any easier.
My heart is still broken, my dreams dashed to pieces. Is there a hope for me...?
No. Not with her gone.
Right next to her late parents. A whole family, buried in the ground. I have memories of the women of that family. And to have that many is almost too hard to bear.
She doesn't even know I'm here, crying my broken heart out in front of her grave. Or maybe she does and she's crying too, crying for me because I'm sad. It would be just like her not to cry for herself, but the people she loved the most. Because they're sad and missing her.
Maybe someday her light will fade from my eyes, and I'll be able to glue myself back together. Maybe someday this won't hurt so bad.
Who am I kidding?
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "This time, it is my fault. It's all my fault."
I almost started running right then, away from everyone, away from this place. Away from where traces of her still lingered. Where it was almost as if she was just out with friends. Almost as if she had never died.
"You can't blame yourself," I heard her voice say. "It's not your fault that cliff broke. Stop crying, it will be better soon."
I shook with my sobs. "It will never be okay," I whispered to the image of her that was not there. "I will never be able to go on without you."
"Smile," she said. "It makes the world a brighter place, even when you lose someone you love. Smile and everything will be okay."
I tried. I really tried. But the tears kept flowing and my pain kept the smile from appearing.
It was really over this time, wasn't it?
"I love you," I whispered again to her grave. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!"
Her image and voice faded away, and all I could hear were the sounds of the rain on the pavement and the sound of my broken heart pouring itself into her grave.
xxx
I woke with a start, jumping out of my bed and looking around wildly. All I could see was the darkness around me, and I started to panic. That dream was true. That nightmare was reality, and I was alone without her.
"No, no, no!" I whispered, sliding my door open and looking out into the hallway. It was something like five in the morning, so she wouldn't be awake even if the dream was false. I climbed to the roof, searching for her bedroom window. It was open. Just like it was supposed to be.
I slid to its level and looked inside. She was there, alive, well, and sleeping.
It had just been a bad dream. Tohru had never died at all. I climbed back to the roof and cried in silence, smiling that she was there. It wasn't over after all.
It was just a dream.
xxx
Not-So-Short Author's Note: Well, that made me cry while I was writing it. I watched a video titled, "If Tohru Died..." and it inspired this story. Except for the fact that I watched it several weeks ago. The idea came to me while I was playing Animal Crossing, actually.
Of course it would be just a dream, seeing as I am quite the fan of happy endings. I almost stopped it right before he woke up, and have her actually die, but the idea made me too sad, so I revived her. You're welcome :D
!ZaBrIaRoSe!