Don't own. Never will, in all likeliness. Sucks.
Very angsty drabble, post-JE. Rose mourns losing her Doctor, the real one, and knows that the 'other' Doctor will not replace him. Major thanks to tennant-forever, my beta, for helping improve this.
Losing You, Missing You
The pain is there, clawing at her insides. She tries to hide it, tries to look like she cares for the other Doctor as much as she cared for the real one, but it is no use. When he whispered to her on that beach, she forgot who was speaking to her. For those few seconds, she believed that the Doctor, her Doctor, had really said those three magic words. But it wasn't him. As much as they had both tried to convince her, this man wasn't the Doctor. That was why she had given him a name. It wasn't to help him blend in, like she had said, it was because she couldn't bear calling him 'Doctor'. She tries so hard not to show any sign of how she is feeling, but some people could see right through the facade. Jackie noticed right from the start, of course. She'd been forced to watch Rose's suffering while trying to find a way back to the Doctor the first time. To be left by him again had destroyed her all over again, tearing down the fragile imaginary world she had built for herself in which they were together, at last. And every time Rose saw that man, the one she had called John Smith, it reopened the wounds that she thought had finally healed when they made the dimension cannon, and cut new wound deep into her soul. She knew the best thing would be to forgive and forget, but this was unforgivable, and she could never, as long as she lived, forget the Doctor. She had never felt so alone. Oh, Doctor, she thought, what did I do to you that you would leave me like this? What did I do to deserve this?
But she knew the answer. As she'd always known…she had loved him. And the Doctor could never let himself fall in love ever again, even if that hurt him as badly as it hurt her.
Sorry if anyone is sad now, but I needed to get that out of my system before writing a proper post-JE fic where Donna and Rose come back. Look out for that, and in the meantime, review!