Middle Earth High

One school filled with warriors, archers, vampires, werewolves, dwarves, fairies, hobbits, wizards, witches and a whole lot more. With an evil pixie principle. What could possibly go wrong?

Author's Note: This fanfiction was written by Michelle (pen name Iris McLeod) who really wanted a funny fanfiction for Lord of the Rings. The author feels it is necessary to warn readers that this story has bits of cross-overs between various stories although the majority of characters are from LOTR (thus this fanfiction being in the LOTR section). Also, she feels compelled to say "THANKS!" to Whisperoak88 who is the first to comment on this fanfic. Enjoy!

Penguins & Plotting

"Hurry up and load my penguin!" Gimli screamed at his computer. "Waddle around and meet new friends!" he shouted mockingly. "How am I supposed to do that if my penguin won't load?! … Oh, finally!"

Legolas whacked his already-red forehead with a bruised palm. Ignoring the burning pain, he confronted his dorm partner. "What are you playing?" he asked suspiciously; even though he already knew.

Gimli jumped from his seat, his back becoming ram-rod straight. "Uh…Runescape!" Spinning around to meet a smug-faced Legolas, he tried a shaky smile.

"Oh…really…?"

"Y…y…y…yeah…" Gimli scrambled to block the screen from sight.

"You're lying!" Legolas accused.

Red-faced, Gimli continued breathlessly, "I am not! … Hey, there's Aragorn!"

Legolas spun around immediately and just as his back was turned – blonde hair flying in a veil behind him – Gimli closed the Internet window.

Legolas shot him a dirty look. "Liar."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!!!"

"Are too!!!"

"WOMAN!" The gruff scream from down the hall shut them both up.

"Who was that?" Gimli asked.

"No idea."

"WOMAN, WOMAN, WOMAN! I swear Faramir, if you don't get your act together, Eowyn will never fall for you!" Breathing in deeply Boromir continued, "do you love Eowyn or not?"

"Of course," grumbled Faramir.

"And you want her to love you?"

"Yes, Boromir."

"Then you gotta train and get these abs!"

At this point, Boromir was pointing at his own stomach, running his fingers over his six-pack. "Now, these babies take work, got it? So get back to those sit-ups!"

Faramir rolled his eyes. "Please?! It's the day before school starts! Give me a break – Eowyn's never going to see me if you wait till I have a six-pack to let me out!"

Boromir considered.

"And! Why the hell are we in the girls' toilets?!"

"Well, none of the ladies seem to mind," Boromir said smugly kissing each of his biceps tenderly.

"You moron, that's 'cos there aren't any girls here!"

"No hot ones anyway," Boromir added giving his brother a meaningful stare.

"Hey–!"

But just as Faramir was about to protest, they heard a rap on the door.

"Who is it?!" Boromir shouted irritably.

"Pippin. Who's in there?"

"Boromir."

"F –" Boromir clamped a hand over his brother's mouth.

"Well then Boromir, I know who you like! I heard it all!"

Faramir, who was still lying on the cubicle floor from his sit-ups raised his eyebrows at Boromir, standing arms-folded beside the toilet.

"Oh really," Boromir pushed on.

"Yeah! And just so you know, Eowyn and me are really good friends!"

"Pfft, who would want to be friends with an overweight shorty like you?"

Pippin gasped, clearly offended.

"Oh yeah? Well, Eowyn doesn't like guys with huge bulging abs and rock-hard muscle!"

Now it was Faramir's turn to gasp. His brother had told him the exact opposite.

But Boromir shrugged off Faramir's haughty glare. "I'm pretty sure she prefers them – like all the other ladies – to flubber, but whatever. You know her best, right? – Even if all you ever do is stalk her all day."

Faramir could feel, from the other side of the cubicle door, the heat radiating off Pippin from his anger.

"You…you…you'll regret this!" spat Pippin.

"Little freak," muttered Boromir.

Everywhere he looked, Pippin saw red. Hot tears of rage welled in his eyes. "I'll get Boromir back, I swear I will!"

Gripping his hairy fists tightly, he stormed into his dorm where Sam, Merry and Frodo were attempting their scholarship practice questions.

"Pippin! Just the hobbit I was looking for!" Merry bounded to Pippin's side. "X is a pronumeral, right?"

"NO, IT'S NOT!" screamed Sam. "Don't listen to him, Pippin, x is a letter!"

Frodo nodded beside Sam.

"I don't know!" Pipping threw up his hands dramatically. "But I do know something – we need to start working on a revenge plan!"

This caught everyone's attention.

"Against who?!" shrieked Merry, throwing his work to the ground.

"Why?" Frodo bellowed.

"When?!" screeched Sam.

Pippin launched into the story of what happened between himself and Boromir and before long had the rest of the hobbits all revved up.

"We should hang him from a tree!"

"Throw rocks at him!"

"Stuff him full of…marshmallows?"

"What are marshmallows?"

Shrugs.

"Oh! Guys, I have the best plan!!!"

Sam, Merry and Pippin turned to an ecstatic Frodo.

"Well, Boromir likes Eowyn, right? Well, we need to get Eowyn to fall in love with anyone BUT Boromir. So we'll break his heart – the ultimate revenge!"

"Brilliant!"

"But, who should we make her fall in love with?"

"Well this is a boarding school and tomorrow's is the first day. We could just pick someone promising from the crowd and see what he's like," Frodo inserted.

Pippin smiled deviously. "Boromir won't know what hit him!"

"Plus, that way Eowyn will have a nice boyfriend, hand-picked by us, rather than that horrible Boromir who hates hobbits!"

Merry smiled. "We come up with the best plans," he declared.

"Agreed!" the all shouted.

END OF CHAPTER

Coming Up Soon... Part I: First Day Fall