What the Future Holds

Summary: We all know that Mimi is a whole lot more sick than Roger. Most of us are pretty sure that she's going to die a while before him. Did anyone stop to think if that occurred to Roger and Mimi though?

It had been a long day. Even though I knew Joanne and Maureen were a sure-fire, bona fide, 100% couple now, it still bothered me to see Joanne smile at Maureen and see Maureen say, "I love you" to Joanne. She rarely said it to me when we were together. She thought I didn't notice, but I did. Joanne knew nothing about the Theatrical Arts, so I had to step in, even if I hate their secret smiles.

Oh yes, I was still in love with Maureen Johnson. I had been since we were kids, and I'm pretty sure I will love her until I die.

Oh shit. Collins was right. I am whipped.

I walked into the apartment to a relatively normal sight: Roger, sitting on the couch, biting his nails, staring at the phone. Judging from the fact that the black polish on his other hand was still on; she hadn't been AWOL for too long.

Mimi made sure to call him often, more for mine and Collins's sanity than his. Roger was insane when he was worried. He didn't get too worried when she was just randomly out, but when she was at work, he was a wreck. Tonight is (thankfully) her last night at the Cat Scratch Club. He wasn't caveman, he just worried about the diseases she could pick up at the club. Even the flu could kill poor Mimi.

I sat down next to him and flicked his arm. He gave me a look.

"What?" he said irritably.

"Your fingers are going to fall off if you don't stop biting your nails," I said. He rolled his eyes and went back to biting them. Of course. "When was the last time she called?" I asked.

"Her break, five and a half hours ago," he answered quickly. She should have called by now…eh, Jerry probably wouldn't let her leave on time because she's leaving. That guy is an ass to everyone. So much of one in fact, that Roger, Collins, Maureen, Joanne and I have all been banished from the Cat Scratch because we've tried to kick his ass. I'm pretty sure Angel was banished as well…not that it stopped her from going over there when Mimi called her…

"She'll call," I told him.

"I know. I just…worry."

"Why? She's a big girl, she can take care of herself," I reminded him.

"Oh come on Mark. If you had to guess which one of us was going to bite the dust first, who would you bet on?" he asked. I didn't say anything. We all knew she was unhealthy…everyone except Mimi that is. She seemed to think she was invincible.

"I know Roger, but you haven't thought about that shit in days, why now?" I asked.

He sat there quietly for a while. I didn't think he was going to answer me so I got up and was about to go into my room when I heard a soft:

"Steve died."

"What?!"

"Steve died. He was a lot healthier than Mimi, and he died this morning. It got me thinking and…I'm scared," he said. I hated seeing him like this.

Roger changed when he quit using. He started to depend on me, confide in me, tell me things he never would have told me before. I babied him, a lot, but I didn't mind. He needed me. Occasionally, when he felt helpless, he slipped into that. That was what he was doing now. I had to boost his spirits. I had to because if Mimi was going to survive any longer Roger needed to have some faith in her health.

"He didn't have anything. All he had was Gordon, his one friend, and Gordon died a long time ago. He didn't have anything to stay for, so he died. Mimi has you. She'll fight for you," I said.

"What about Angel?" He asked bitterly. "She died and she had Collins."

"The doctors said Angel wouldn't last past the 4th of July. She hung on until Halloween. She made sure we were ready to be without her. Mimi knows you'd be miserable without her. She's not going to leave," I told him. I hoped that would do it.

It seemed to work because he brightened up a little. Well…he stopped biting his nails at least.

"Roger? Honey, could you open the door?" Mimi asked. Roger breathed a huge sigh of relief and I smiled.

"Did you lose your key again?" I called as Roger went over to unlock the door.

"No. Maureen lost her's and stole mine," she said sourly. I saw Roger smile.

"I'm coming," he said.

"I'm going to bed," I announced. I didn't know what they would do tonight, but even if they weren't going to…you know…do that I still wanted to get to sleep. You could never be too careful.

"Goodnight Mark!" Mimi yelled. She ran in to hug me. I was hit with how young she was. It was a perfect movie. A beautiful teenage girl gets AIDS and her future gets significantly smaller because of one stupid mistake. Huh…that actually doesn't sound so bad…I'll need to do some fine-tuning…I wonder if Mimi would let me record her at school…hmm…

"See ya Mark," Roger said.

"Take your AZT," I reminded him. He rolled his eyes but nodded. I went to room and played back Angel's song, Today 4 U. It was the song I went to sleep to almost every night. Collins too, although my camera was always back in it's place every morning.

Roger POV

Mimi collapsed on the couch, pulling me with her. She put her head on my chest, right over my heart. She liked listening to my heartbeat. I felt her take a deep breath, then:

"Roger, I have something to tell you," she said, "and I don't know how you're going to react, but I have to tell you." Oh no. Oh crap, is she-

"Please tell me your not pregnant," I said. She laughed.

"No. Nothing like that. It's just…well, when I got to work, a few of the girls were umm…smoking some…you know, pot…and I had some," she said, tensing up. "I didn't have a lot though, I only had, like, two puffs and it wasn't even worth it because I felt so guilty afterwards and I wanted to call but I didn't want to and then I got kind of scared that you'd be disappointed and then-"

"MIMI! It's fine," I said, cutting her off.

"It is?" she asked.

"Well, no, but you told me and apparently it wasn't worth the trouble anyway, so I'm not mad," I said. I know, I may seem like a bad boyfriend for being okay with that, but at least she told me instead of coming in all high and pretending like she didn't get high, like she used to. I kissed the top of her head.

"I miss Steve already," she said. I thought about my partial meltdown earlier. I knew it worried Mark when I did that. I think his main fear was that I'd start shooting up or something when I got like that. It reminded him too much of before I met Mimi and Angel and got out of the house. "You know, Jerry got so mad at me. He told me I was being an idiot for leaving. But I'm glad I left. I…I know I act all 'Nothing can touch me' but I get scared about getting sick too. Granted, I'm not as weird about it as you are but I get worried," she said.

I ignored the jibe as I realized she was just as worried as I was. She sat up.

"You know I try to take care of myself. I really do," she said.

"I know." She looked at her hands.

"What's the scariest part for you?" she asked. I looked at her.

"What?"

"What scares you? For me…it's…I don't know…it's wondering about all I could've done if I hadn't been an idiot with my sister's boyfriend," she said. I looked at the writing on my knuckles. On one it said "FAITH." The other said "APRIL." I thought about how it made Mimi feel, that I had my dead girlfriend's name written on my knuckles. I thought about what scared me…well, I didn't need to think very much. I knew already.

"I'm sick. I'm dying, right now, I am dying. There's no doubt about it. I am going to die. But that doesn't scare me, not at all. I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of you dying. I'm afraid of being left here, while you go into the light and all that shit and I'm stuck here to wait until I die," I said. She just stared at me for a minute. "What?"

"Just when I think that all there is to you is this poor, depressed, ex-junkie, agoraphobic, failed rocker you say something so nice and so deep and then you have all these layers. You confuse me," Mimi said. I smiled.

"That's me. Except I'm not agoraphobic!" I said. She rolled her eyes.

"Of course you're not," she said. She lay back down. "I love you Roger," she sighed. I smiled. She didn't know how much it meant to me, she really didn't.

I compared her and April sometimes, but they were nothing alike. For one, April was too high to ever really say she loved me. Mimi was here, on the ground, and she loved me.

"I love you too," I said. She laughed. "What are you laughing at now?" I asked.

"You know, Mark is probably asleep by now. He won't hear anything that goes on in here…and Collins is at that conference in Chicago…" she said. She looked at me with her big brown eyes, pleading. I could already feel my pulse skyrocketing.

I love her so how could I say no? Come on, you have to agree with me there.

So...I wasn't sure how to end it. I personally think most of my endings are on the sucky side, but none of you seem to mind, which makes me happy. Um...my play is over so you'll be getting more updates, instead of the two you've had since Septemeber...

A review would be nice, but it is not required. But it would make this girl a very happy camper!