FINAL FANTASY VII
A Countdown To Hell
"Oh my God! They killed Aeris! You beasts!"
"Oh my God! They killed Aeris! You beasts!"
"Oh my God! They..."
"Oh my God! They killed Aeris! You beasts!"
"Oh my God! They killed Aeris! You beasts!"
"Oh my God! We killed Aeris! We're beasts!"
"Oh my God! It killed Aeris! You beast!"
"Oh my God! *I* killed Aeris! You beast! Wait-a-minute! You bastard!"
"Oh my God! They killed Aeris! You beasts!"
"Oh my God! They killed Kenny! You bastards!"
"Oh my God! They killed Aeris! You beasts!"
Aeris could hear the voice of Cloud and Tifa echo through her mind. She tried to make sense of what had happened, but came up with nothing. She opened her eyes, picked herself up off the ground and looked around.
"Something tells me I'm not in Midgar anymore...", she slurred.
"Hello, Aeris!", shrieked an unfamiliar voice. "Welcome to Hell!"
Aeris turned around. She soon wished she hadn't though.
"Y-You're...!", she stuttered.
"Yes, I'm the devil! Pleased to meet ya!"
A scrawny goat-man with a red tail and spiked horns which poked out through the top of his head stood before her. He held a sharp looking golden spear in his right hand, and gave her an evil grin.
"W-What happened?!", Aeris screamed. "W-Where am I?!"
"Oh, don't tell me you don't know!", the devil sighed. "You're in Hell. You died, remember?"
"I-I died...?"
"Yes, and then you were brought here to the place of eternal damnation to live out an after life of pure torment. D'ya like a t-shirt?"
"B-But I can't be dead! T-This is a bad dream, right?!"
"I wish it was! No, I'm afraid you're dead. Seriously."
"H-How?! How did I die?!"
"How the hell am I supposed to know?! I just work here, okay?! Now, follow me."
Satan lead Aeris through a dark flame filled tunnel, until they emerged out into the open. Hell was an awful place. Everywhere Aeris looked, people were screaming and yelling in fear, while being tortured by a number of horrible looking contraptions, operated by all sorts of demon creatures.
"Good lord! How cruel!", Aeris bloated.
"Pretty neat, huh? They're gonna be sore tomorrow. Heh-heh-heh!", laughed Satan. "Now, you'll be stayin' in the Pansies Section."
"Pansies Section? What are you talking about?"
"Hell is a big place, Ms. Gainsborough. A *very* big place. So we refer to areas of it as "Sections" in order to make things easier to remember."
"How sad...", mumbled the ancient.
"Who is this, Satan? A new arrival?", whelped another unfamiliar voice.
"Oh, Queen Brahne! How're you doing, Your Majesty?", smiled Satan
"I'm not bad.", replied Queen Brahne as she stepped out from the darkness. "However, Zorn and Thorn are really beginning to try my patience. I have asked you nicely to keep them under control. I have no alternative but to ask you again."
"Don't you worry, Queen Brahne.", the devil smirked. "I'll have my loyal subjects escort them to the torture chamber immediately."
"Thank you!", gurgled the queen as she disappeared from view.
"Who was that?", asked Aeris.
"That was Queen Brahne of Alexandria. Alexandria used to be a rich and powerful city up there on the surface many years ago now."
"Do you have lots of famous people here in Hell?"
"Oh, yeah! You name 'em, we got 'em! President Rufus, Tseng, Biggs, Wedge, Jessie, Professor Gast, Jenova, Laguna Loire, Garland, Sephiroth-"
"Sephiroth?!", Aeris interrupted. "Sephiroth is here?!"
"Sure, he arrived a few months ago covered in blood. Told me he'd got his ass kicked by some guy named Cloud Strife."
"Cloud...", Aeris began to cry.
"Oh, oh, don't get all wussy on me now, please.", the devil coughed. "It's not that far to the Pansies Section. You're not gonna be the only one there, y'know? There's a dork called Kuja there who you might like."
"Waaaaaaa! I miss all my friends! I wanna go home! Waaaaaaa!", Aeris cried.
"You can't go home. You belong here now."
"Waaaaaaa! It isn't fair! Why couldn't I have lived longer! Why did I have to die?! Why?! Why?! Waaaaaaa!"
"Jeez, if you feel that bad, then maybe I can make some sort of exception...", Satan thought.
"Really?! You'd do that for me?!"
"...I suppose. I don't really want you here anyway. I'll tell ya what; I'll give God a call, and ask him if they got any room in Heaven."
"Heaven? B-But I wanna go back to the planet.", pleaded Aeris.
"Well, I'm not at liberty to do that, babe. God, on the other hand, now he might be able to help ya on that one."
"Then I'll take my case to God. Thank you, Mr. Satan.", Aeris hugged him.
"Hey, hey! Don't touch the devil, alright?!", he flinched. "Now, hold still while I zap you."
"Zap me?"
The devil pulled out his golden spear once more, and gave Aeris a sharp jab up the backside. She shot off up into the air faster than a Chocobo in heat, and burst into the kingdom of Heaven.
"Ah, hello again, Aeris. You're looking well.", boomed a deep voice from above. It was God.
"Hi, God. The devil told me that you could help me get back to the planet."
"You know I'd do anything for you, Aeris. After all, this isn't the first time I've helped you out of a fix."
"Huh?", Aeris obviously had no idea what he was talking about.
"Nevermind.", God sighed. "Just try to watch your back next time, okay?"
"Um... alright.", said Aeris as she floated back down to the planet.
THE END__________
A Countdown To Hell
"Oh my God! They killed Aeris! You beasts!"
"Oh my God! They killed Aeris! You beasts!"
"Oh my God! They..."
"Oh my God! They killed Aeris! You beasts!"
"Oh my God! They killed Aeris! You beasts!"
"Oh my God! We killed Aeris! We're beasts!"
"Oh my God! It killed Aeris! You beast!"
"Oh my God! *I* killed Aeris! You beast! Wait-a-minute! You bastard!"
"Oh my God! They killed Aeris! You beasts!"
"Oh my God! They killed Kenny! You bastards!"
"Oh my God! They killed Aeris! You beasts!"
Aeris could hear the voice of Cloud and Tifa echo through her mind. She tried to make sense of what had happened, but came up with nothing. She opened her eyes, picked herself up off the ground and looked around.
"Something tells me I'm not in Midgar anymore...", she slurred.
"Hello, Aeris!", shrieked an unfamiliar voice. "Welcome to Hell!"
Aeris turned around. She soon wished she hadn't though.
"Y-You're...!", she stuttered.
"Yes, I'm the devil! Pleased to meet ya!"
A scrawny goat-man with a red tail and spiked horns which poked out through the top of his head stood before her. He held a sharp looking golden spear in his right hand, and gave her an evil grin.
"W-What happened?!", Aeris screamed. "W-Where am I?!"
"Oh, don't tell me you don't know!", the devil sighed. "You're in Hell. You died, remember?"
"I-I died...?"
"Yes, and then you were brought here to the place of eternal damnation to live out an after life of pure torment. D'ya like a t-shirt?"
"B-But I can't be dead! T-This is a bad dream, right?!"
"I wish it was! No, I'm afraid you're dead. Seriously."
"H-How?! How did I die?!"
"How the hell am I supposed to know?! I just work here, okay?! Now, follow me."
Satan lead Aeris through a dark flame filled tunnel, until they emerged out into the open. Hell was an awful place. Everywhere Aeris looked, people were screaming and yelling in fear, while being tortured by a number of horrible looking contraptions, operated by all sorts of demon creatures.
"Good lord! How cruel!", Aeris bloated.
"Pretty neat, huh? They're gonna be sore tomorrow. Heh-heh-heh!", laughed Satan. "Now, you'll be stayin' in the Pansies Section."
"Pansies Section? What are you talking about?"
"Hell is a big place, Ms. Gainsborough. A *very* big place. So we refer to areas of it as "Sections" in order to make things easier to remember."
"How sad...", mumbled the ancient.
"Who is this, Satan? A new arrival?", whelped another unfamiliar voice.
"Oh, Queen Brahne! How're you doing, Your Majesty?", smiled Satan
"I'm not bad.", replied Queen Brahne as she stepped out from the darkness. "However, Zorn and Thorn are really beginning to try my patience. I have asked you nicely to keep them under control. I have no alternative but to ask you again."
"Don't you worry, Queen Brahne.", the devil smirked. "I'll have my loyal subjects escort them to the torture chamber immediately."
"Thank you!", gurgled the queen as she disappeared from view.
"Who was that?", asked Aeris.
"That was Queen Brahne of Alexandria. Alexandria used to be a rich and powerful city up there on the surface many years ago now."
"Do you have lots of famous people here in Hell?"
"Oh, yeah! You name 'em, we got 'em! President Rufus, Tseng, Biggs, Wedge, Jessie, Professor Gast, Jenova, Laguna Loire, Garland, Sephiroth-"
"Sephiroth?!", Aeris interrupted. "Sephiroth is here?!"
"Sure, he arrived a few months ago covered in blood. Told me he'd got his ass kicked by some guy named Cloud Strife."
"Cloud...", Aeris began to cry.
"Oh, oh, don't get all wussy on me now, please.", the devil coughed. "It's not that far to the Pansies Section. You're not gonna be the only one there, y'know? There's a dork called Kuja there who you might like."
"Waaaaaaa! I miss all my friends! I wanna go home! Waaaaaaa!", Aeris cried.
"You can't go home. You belong here now."
"Waaaaaaa! It isn't fair! Why couldn't I have lived longer! Why did I have to die?! Why?! Why?! Waaaaaaa!"
"Jeez, if you feel that bad, then maybe I can make some sort of exception...", Satan thought.
"Really?! You'd do that for me?!"
"...I suppose. I don't really want you here anyway. I'll tell ya what; I'll give God a call, and ask him if they got any room in Heaven."
"Heaven? B-But I wanna go back to the planet.", pleaded Aeris.
"Well, I'm not at liberty to do that, babe. God, on the other hand, now he might be able to help ya on that one."
"Then I'll take my case to God. Thank you, Mr. Satan.", Aeris hugged him.
"Hey, hey! Don't touch the devil, alright?!", he flinched. "Now, hold still while I zap you."
"Zap me?"
The devil pulled out his golden spear once more, and gave Aeris a sharp jab up the backside. She shot off up into the air faster than a Chocobo in heat, and burst into the kingdom of Heaven.
"Ah, hello again, Aeris. You're looking well.", boomed a deep voice from above. It was God.
"Hi, God. The devil told me that you could help me get back to the planet."
"You know I'd do anything for you, Aeris. After all, this isn't the first time I've helped you out of a fix."
"Huh?", Aeris obviously had no idea what he was talking about.
"Nevermind.", God sighed. "Just try to watch your back next time, okay?"
"Um... alright.", said Aeris as she floated back down to the planet.
THE END__________