STAY
Turns out that Meredith had given to Alexis an iPhone exactly like mine.
This morning I was going to go running early in the morning, and, still half asleep, I took Alexis' with me instead. I only realized it when I was already in Central Park, when I took it out of my pocket to listen to some music. I sighed and started to look for something interesting. I spent weeks listening to one of the new songs of Rihanna in the loft, and Alexis had discovered the meaning of the lyrics and become a NAVY (that's how Rihanna's fans call themselves, as my daughter told me). But the fact is that, until that moment when I pushed the PLAY button, I had not realized that the song was perfect for Beckett and I, for our relationship ... The music filled my ears and I fell for her sweet voice...
All along it was a fever
A cold with high-headed believers
I threw my hands in the air; I said 'show me something'
I said, 'if you dare come a little closer.'
Round and around and around and around we go
Oh, now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know
Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I cannot live without you
It takes me all the way
I want you to stay
"Kate, please. Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me. Please. Stay with me, okay? Kate…I love you. I love you, Kate. "
My mind filled with images of the shot ... Regards filled with pain, fear...
It's not much of a life you're living
It's not just something you take, it's given
Round and around and around and around we go
Oh, now tell me now tell me now tell you know me now
Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I cannot live without you
It takes me all the way
I want you to stay
"Last time I checked, it was my life, not your personal jungle gym. And for the past three years, I have been running around with the school's funniest kid. And it's not enough!"
"You cut a deal for my life like I'm some kind of a child. My life, MINE! You don't get to decide!"
Two fights, different times in our lives, but the same hurtful and painful words... All that we did not dare to tell each other every day, we always to bring up in our fights...
Oh, the reason I hold on
Oh, cause I need this hole gone
Funny how you're the broken ones
But I'm the only one who needed saving
Cause when you never see the lights
It's hard to know which one of us is caving
"After my mother was killed, something inside me changed… It's like I built up this wall inside. I don't know. I guess I just didn't want to hurt like that again."
"She may have built a wall between us, but I am going to…build a door in that wall, or put up a ladder or dig a hole." "This is over ... I'm done..."
"All I could think was you... I just want you..."
I stopped running abruptly and leaned against a tree with my eyes closed. The memories had been very strong, I hadn't expected it. I managed to even my breathing and kept running, faster and faster, avoiding the memories that that magical song brought back.
Not really sure how to feel about it
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I cannot live without you
It takes me all the way
I want you to stay, stay
I want you to stay, oh
"I want you to stay ..."That phrase struck echoing in my mind, even long after the song was over. I didn't want to wait any longer. As I get to my loft, even before eating breakfast or taking a shower or my daily caffeine drink, I grabbed my iPhone and send a message to Beckett:
"You make me feel like I cannot live without you / it take me all the way/ I want you to stay, stay / I want you to stay, oh ..."
And I got a simple word as an answer, but that meant more to me than if she had written the tirade of her life. That was our word.
"Always."