A very short one-shot for you…I don't own anybody. Reviews are appreciated!
I sit on the couch, waiting for Peeta. The sun is starting to set now, but he did say that he might not get back after work at the bakery until a little later tonight. Thom and Delly ordered a fancy cake for their anniversary party, and Peeta wanted to make it really special. I would have liked to have met up with him today to watch him work, but today was one of my not-so-good days. I've felt sore and sick all day….not myself. I glance down at my stomach and run a hesitant hand over it. I'm really not showing much at all, or at least not in a way that makes me look pregnant yet. Looks more like I've just gained weight (which I have). If I wear a looser shirt than the one I'm wearing now you actually can't tell at all. But I can tell a difference, and I don't like it. My breasts are more swollen and sore all the time now. I don't like Peeta touching me. The morning sickness comes and goes all day. And besides all of that, my hormones have been causing problems and I hate it. It's like I have no control over my body anymore. I hate it. I hate all of it. Why did I ever give in to Peeta?
I sigh and decide to head to the kitchen in search of a snack to distract myself. Yet another symptom…increased appetite. Peeta can't seem to keep the house stocked with enough bread and crackers and biscuits. I hardly keep to regular meals anymore and just snack all day. Though the morning sickness causes some issues, I've more recently been able to keep more things down. I manage to find half a loaf of sweet bread and cut a few slices off. I don't bother with a plate and just stay at the island, devouring the precious bread. Thank goodness Peeta is a baker, otherwise we would probably go broke if we had to buy all of the bread I've been consuming.
I hear the front door open but can't yet see who it is. I'm expecting it to be Peeta, but Haymitch enters the kitchen instead. Oh darn! I inwardly cringe as his presence triggers my memory. We decided he was coming for dinner tonight. And I haven't made a thing! "Gosh, sorry, Haymitch," I quickly apologize, feeling a bit guilty. I rush behind me to rummage around for the large soup pot. I know we have some leftover rabbit in the fridge that I can use for stew. Not the best of houseguest meals, but it's just Haymitch. Besides, rabbit stew is quick and easy…something I can make. "It totally slipped my mind that you were coming tonight," I explain and glance his direction as I head for the fridge. His expression stops me in my tracks as I notice he's staring at my new figure. Instantly I curse myself for not wearing looser clothing. I wish I had remembered he was coming over! My mentor's brow furrows quizzically while I stand paralyzed by his attention.
"You been putting on weight?" he bluntly questions and I can feel his eyes roaming over my midsection as well as my chest. I squirm uncomfortably and am at a loss for words. He takes in my fuller thighs and hips, my softer, slightly plumper stomach, my larger breasts and rounder face for one minute more before I see the realization suddenly hit him like a ton of bricks. As fast as his eyes widen in shock my heart sinks to my stomach. If I could have my way, no one would ever find out. But he did. Just now. And he can hardly contain his amusement of the whole thing. "He finally knocked you up!" Haymitch declares with glee that has such a taunting edge that I know he knows will push all my buttons. But instead of instantly becoming angry, my gaze drops to the floor and I feel tears starting to brim. Haymitch doesn't seem to notice the effect his comments and stares are having and continues mercilessly, thoroughly enjoying himself. "Well, I never thought I'd see the day when Katniss Everdeen would let herself get pregnant. I'll bet Peeta is as high as a kite with all of this!" That does it. The dam bursts and my tears rain down my cheeks as I start to hiccup and sob at his teasing. Usually I could just brush off my mentor's manner of jests, but today it's just too much. I bury my head in my hands and instantly sink down to the floor, crouched down behind the island, out of Haymitch's sight. I wish he would just go away!
My dramatic outburst must have done the trick because Haymitch is now silent. I think my wish has maybe come true but I then feel his presence; he's slowly lowering himself down next to me. My knees are curled up to my chest and my head is nestled in my crossed arms. It's a pathetic attempt to hide from him, but if I can't see him, it works for me. He says nothing and lets me cry for several minutes more before he finally reaches his arm around my shoulders to pull me into him.
Surprising myself, I don't resist and let him pull me to him in a fatherly hug. He remains silent and merely rubs my back to settle me. Suddenly I feel stupid. I knew he'd find out eventually, right? I guess I just wasn't ready for it. Because if others take notice, then that makes the horror of it all the more real.
My sobs turn to whimpers and I've by now thoroughly soaked his thin, knit shirt. He doesn't seem to care. I breathe in his smell of sweat and aftershave…surprised not to smell a lick of alcohol on him. His warmth is comforting at least. It's almost like having my father back. My heart clenches painfully at that thought and I unconsciously cling to Haymitch tighter. He responds by pressing a single, small kiss on the top of my head. I then hear and feel his gravelly voice mumble gently from somewhere just above my head, "How long have you known?" I noisily sniff before answering in a stuffed-up tone.
"About two weeks." I hiccup again and grow calmer under his soothing rubbing on my shoulder.
"Have you told the boy yet?" I nod against him, and fear creeps into my heart again though I'm not entirely sure why.
"Mmm, I'll bet he was jumping off the walls. He's been waiting a long time for this." Haymitch's comment strikes me the wrong way but I can't be angry at him for it. He is right. "How far along are you?"
"I think about five weeks." I rub my runny nose on my sleeve.
"You seen a doctor yet?" he asks, his tone marked with a new depth of care I've not heard before from him. I shake my head slightly.
"Not yet officially, but Peeta asked a local midwife who is a frequent at the bakery to come look at me on Wednesday." I'm still nervous about letting a woman I hardly know touch me, but Peeta promised me she would be a good fit and he's never been wrong before about judging someone's character.
"Good," Haymitch nods. He pauses before asking his next question. "Was this…uh…an accident or on purpose?" I know the foundation of his curiosity. He was well aware of my stance on having children and that fact coupled with my infamous stubbornness…well, it's not surprising that he should wonder. But I'm not exactly sure how to answer him. It wasn't an accident, but it's hard for me to admit that it was on purpose. It was more or less a trial run. I finally gave in to Peeta just because I felt so guilty keeping it from him all these years. I was doing this for him, not me. I told him we'd give it a try during a sixth month window. If I wasn't pregnant by the end of that, it wasn't meant to be and we wouldn't try again. Peeta had been so thrilled at the prospect of a chance that he readily agreed. I kind of half figured that if I was fertile enough I most likely would have been pregnant before now (by accident). But as luck would have it, I became pregnant by the second month. Apparently one of us was fertile enough. Ever since I told him, I had sort of given him the cold shoulder. If I'm honest with myself, I know it's because I blame him for putting me in this position. But I can hardly blame him. All he's ever done is try to make my life better when all I've ever done is make it more miserable for him. So I bite my lip and try to smile when he gets excited about all of this.
I realize then that I still haven't answered Haymitch but my silence is answer enough. He thinks enough like me to figure it out. And for that I am glad. I don't know if he sympathizes with me or with Peeta, but at least he knows a bit more where I'm coming from. I feel his hand squeeze my shoulder. "Don't worry, sweetheart," he assures me. "You'll make a great mom."
Before my thoughts can dwell on his last word, Peeta enters the front door. "Katniss?" he calls out and it echoes throughout the lower level of the house. I instinctively cower closer to Haymitch as if to….hide? Why would I want to hide from Peeta? I realize I'm suddenly shy and fearful of my husband. First I didn't want Haymitch here. Now I don't want Peeta. I can't seem to make sense of anything anymore. Haymitch seems to read my thoughts.
"It's all right, sweetheart," is all he says in a whisper. He then helps me rise from the floor just as Peeta enters, a look of concern suddenly consuming his face as he sees my tear stained cheeks and red-rimmed eyes. My gaze meets my husband's and suddenly my desire for distance from him melts away. I hardly need the push Haymitch gives me and I rush into Peeta's arms, burrowing my face into his neck as a second wave of sobbing overtakes me. Peeta softly shushes me and rocks me gently. I cling tighter to his neck, never wanting to let go. He's my rock in the midst of all of these emotions and feelings I can't begin to process.
I feel Peeta let out a small chuckle and I assume he's looking at Haymitch. "I guess the cat's out of the bag now," he says and Haymitch grunts in agreement. For some reason this just makes me cry harder and I desperately wish I knew why. Peeta tightens his hold on me and sighs with a smile. "Aw, Katniss, it's okay. We both knew we wouldn't be able to keep it a secret forever."
"He called me fat," I accuse, trying to use humor to both deflect the focus off me and to distract myself. I know Peeta gives Haymitch an exasperated look without even looking up to see it.
"I did not...exactly say that," defends our mentor, his defense fizzling out by the end. I peek out from my haven of Peeta's neck to throw him a glare. He sighs in defeat. "All right, I'm sorry, ok? It just…" His hand sweeps up and down, indicating my by body. "…took me by surprise is all." I roll my eyes and huff before burying my head again in Peeta's laughing chest.
Some things never change.
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