So I just saw the Season 2 finale on DVD and this came to me. Keep in mind, I've never written for this show before, so be gentle and please let me know what you think!

This Is Not An Exit

"Hello, Beaver."

He blinks awake. The usual protest (My name is Cassidy!) dies on his lips as he recognizes the speaker. "Lilly Kane," he murmurs. Even with his vision spinning, he would know that smirk anywhere. "Where am I?"

"You're with me." Her eyes glimmer, the same shade of green he used to see whenever he looked at his brother. He'd once longed to be as simple-minded, as untouched, as Dick was. "I know. It's a dream come true."

He snickers at that. "I was never a member of your entourage, Lilly."

"Aw. Beaver." She trails a finger down his chest. "Are you still afraid of girls? That's cute. Woody must have really done a number on you."

"How do you know about that?" He reaches out to grab her arm, but she dances away, laughing. "Hey. Who told you that?"

Another giggle. "Why, Veronica Mars, of course," she purrs. His blood, if it wasn't splattered all over the sidewalk outside the Neptune Grand, would chill. "She tells me everything. I know all your naughty little secrets, Beaver. Every. Single. One."

"Yeah, well, I know all yours," he replies darkly. "Sleeping with your boyfriend's father? Tsk, tsk, Lilly. If you're gonna bang a movie star, at least pick one from this decade."

"Because screwing around with a man half your age is so passé." Lilly tucks her tongue into her cheek so that it bulges lewdly. "What do you think, like, eight years? Maybe only six? When was the last time you let Woody slip you the … well, woody?"

"Shut up." If she wasn't already dead, he would gladly choke the air from her lungs. "Shut the hell up. You don't know what that's like. You've never had someone force you to … to …"

"Oh, boo-hoo." She interrupts, her lips curling into a sneer. "You wanna play a little I Never? Okay, Beav. I never … raped an innocent girl at a party. I never crashed a bus full of my classmates."

"You lacked imagination," he grinds out. "You ruined how many people's lives by throwing your body around? Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it, Lilly – the crushed look on Logan's face every time you cheated, shocking sweet little Veronica with all your bad behavior? I know you got off on that. People like you, you don't do anything unless it makes you hot."

"Well, then you're in for quite a treat." She says it like a promise – no, lower than that, a growl, a threat. "'Cause you know what really turns me on these days? Good old fashioned justice."

Cassidy rolls his eyes. "God, since when did you and Veronica go through an invasion of the body-snatchers? She's down there being all badass with your former boyfriend and you're up here, whining about justice and making idle threats? How boring."

"Boring?" She throws her bleeding head back (all the better to display her breasts, which haven't suffered at all in the afterlife) and laughs. "Leave it to Beaver to say just the wrong thing."

"You can't hurt me, Lilly." He speaks with the kind of confidence he would have killed for – did kill for – back in the world of the living. "Newsflash: we're dead now."

Her eyes flash again, murderously. He thinks he recognizes that glint from the times he'd catch his own stare in the mirror – desperation lit with danger. "Newsflash," she repeats, then leans close to whisper: "We're not the only ones."

This throws him. "What do you mean? Is that some cryptic comment about the kids on the bus again? Because I've only been here ten minutes and you already need new material."

"New material, new material," Lilly muses, pursing her lips. "Oh! I've got an idea! How about you meet my new best friend? You know, now that you're done torturing the old one."

It turns out the life can be scared out of you, even if you're already dead. The air next to Lilly shimmers, seems to fold into itself, and Woody materializes next to her. "Oh my God." Cassidy gapes, taken aback. "Stay away from me, you freak."

"Cassidy." Woody smiles, the same gentle smile he remembers from his childhood. The same hands reach out to him. "I know you don't mean that."

"This isn't funny, Lilly," he tells her, his eyes darting to her for help. "You've made your point."

"But Beaver," she protests, batting her lashes at him. "He calls you Cassidy. I thought you liked that."

"Don't look so scared, Cassidy," Woody counsels and, oh, God, he remembers that voice, too – soft and soothing, a silk scarf to smother any protests with. "I know it's been a while. But we have plenty of time to get to know each other again."

Lilly grins and nods happily. "Plenty of time indeed, Mr. Mayor," she assures him. She ignores Cassidy's pleading look. "Just about forever, in fact."

"Lilly," he calls out as she turns her back on them. "Lilly, please."

She turns once, giving him the coy, over-the-shoulder wink that broke so many hearts in Neptune. It breaks his, too, but for entirely different reasons. "You shouldn't have called me boring, Beaver," she calls back to him. "And you should never have messed with a friend of mine. I may be dead, but what I say still goes. I'm Lilly Kane, remember? And this is hell."

As her body fades away, she blows him a kiss. "Have fun, boys. Play nice."

And with that, Cassidy understands just how dead he really is.