Title: Child of Jashin

Summary: Sometimes our destinies are much stranger than we thought. Self insert, OC-centered.

Author's notes: Inspired by Three Tails by insertxcoolxnamexhere and from what I originally thought when I started reading 'self insert' stories.

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Chapter 1

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"'Hiyo brat!" greeted Tori-sensei.

"Ohayou, sensei." I groaned drolly, plodding along the mud-buried paving stones towards her.

It was particularly cold and wet this time of year in Kirigakure. We were at the lake we usually trained at during summer, but she felt the need to give me hypothermia before the day was through. Every day I mourn having access to boots.

Sensei greeting me with her trademark infuriating, shit-eating grin added to the mood. She'd picked me up after graduation and specifically wanted me with her. I met her before I graduated after an odd set of coincidences, and she'd since shown up intermittently in my life. I've been apprenticed to her for several months now but at the time – and even now – I'm pretty mediocre, frankly put for lack of trying. I haven't got much interest in getting Yagura's attention, and thus Obito slash 'Madara', so I usually dabble with fuinjutsu when I feel like it. Besides, I may have been brought into this dimension willingly, but I doubt that I'd actually see people working out all day just because there's no internet.

A little background on Tori-sensei: she has black hair, hazel eyes that are very heavily green, obsessively wears a lot of makeup, and she's a bitch. Nah, she's not really any more. But it took a good year or so of constant annoying her first to get her to loosen up a little. But seriously, I still genuinely can't see any reason why she picked me – even if she knew that I was a dimension traveller. Or at least I didn't think that I show potential in this role - but Yagura probably has his reasons.

Anyway, I don't think I've seen Tori wear anything but her standard issue grey Hunter-nin chest plate, black trousers and smaller-than-normal pauldrons - shoulder pads. Oh and usually a ponytail. I understand her wanting to wear black for stealth, though I remember that ninja back on Earth picked navy blue instead to blend in. I could imagine that black would just create a silhouette. Looks cool though.

"How's my favourite little munchkin?"

I growled dramatically, though Tori noticed that I wasn't putting much effort into it.

"… The boot thing?"

"Yup," I said, punctuating the 'p'. "It just sucks. Rubber trees grow in 'the country of Fire', and the whole monopoly the merchants – pirates – have on Kiri stock." 'Unless Yagura's stockpiling this stuff..'

"Hey. Next time we're on mission I'll pick you up some, how about that?"

I grinned, "Yeah, like that time you were going to pick me up a hook sword, but then you didn't."

She grinned back, returning the jab. "Yeah, like that time you delivered on a mission." She pursed her lips, "Hasn't happened."

"Say sensei," I started, "I'll give you my wages for the next week if we bring 'the Nenchū' along. We could form a mini squad? Forget the whole hunter-nin thing." I mumbled offhandedly. I fingered the edge of my Kiri hunter-nin-specific kunai – called a 'Sai' here. It was a funny day when I realised that those special kunai that Zabusa had in the series were probably from pilfering dead hunter-nin. I wasn't filled with confidence about the kind of missions they would send me on.

She levelled me a withering stare, "You know why we can't take out Takamura-san out. Besides," She added lower, "I doubt that we'd even be allowed to leave our job." She lifted her hunter-nin mask from her belt and attached it to her face. "Now c'mon, we have a new mission," she added, turning around and walking towards the village exit.

I shrugged and followed along, putting on my mask. I'd been probing her to see how likely it was to swing her into bringing my clan friend on board. I had the impression that, unlike a few of the hunter-nin corps, she didn't hate bloodline users. But something was definitely stopping her from bringing him on it with us. Probably Yagura. Whenever I'd ask she'd shoot me down with something like 'the clans take care of their own', and outright trying to make me his rival, but I really wanted company and 'wetworks' missions sucked. They were tolerable, but not enjoyable. The only thing I could really say that was nice was the solitude. Anyway, I'd prod her some more when we were out of the village.

I spotted the 3-strong 'watch squad' coming up while we approached. Normally hunter-nin go through a period where they're evaluated, but it's been 6 months and they're still tagging along. It doesn't really surprise me with what I remember of the story's description of Kiri, but I'm biased. Even if it was just because Tori is a strong jonin-level ninja, it's still overkill.

They came in early to join us - for their own drills and the like. However, they didn't seem to be making any indication of moving so Tori asked what's going on. After parsing through all their gruff sneering I gathered that the ferry that we were taking to get there was going to be delayed a couple hours, so we'll head off a bit later instead. Fine by me. Less time around loyalists, the better.

"Brat, I'm going to run some errands. Meet me at the diner in 15," she said lowly before quickly disappearing from sight.

I let my feet wander. Right now my friends in the village were mostly busy, and I had a feeling that Magoichi wouldn't appreciate me annoying him during shop hours.

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I zipped through the alleys and narrowly passed some orphan street rat whose head locked onto my mask, which I pulled back off further down. I was feeling pretty hungry, so I made note to avoid most of the restaurant areas. Seeing a reflection, I spotted myself in the dirty window of the alleys side café. 'Even in two lives I still have horrible bed hair,' I thought, catching sight of my dishevelled locks. I kicked a cardboard box away from the wall to get a better view and smushed it back down.

I peered back at my face. It was foreign, but it'd grown on me a bit over the years. I might've resembled my old self, but with more defined features. I had tanned skin, my brown eyes and black hair but in general my new look had a little to be desired. I looked a lot like a runt. I mean, it didn't help at the Academy with the students that obviously wanted to be the next person wielding Zabusa's Kubikiribōchō… but you make do. I'd also lost some height and was more average, but it was water under the bridge by now.

I mulled. At the moment my main goal is to establish my own base somewhere. While I like my ramshackle house, it is not protected from ninja. I want somewhere that I can feel safe, without needing Tori – who is hopefully not here because of Yagura – with me. Maybe I could sway Tori? I am only just one kid and that takes a lot of resources. How big of a problem is the village?

I heard some clattering from inside and looked down. The cardboard box was filled with dry noodles that were now scattered all across the dirty stone floor. I winced and started jogging.

'… Jeez. This chef would've killed me if that café didn't have a solid curtain.'

I jolted suddenly. "Hey," whispered a voice in my ear.

Sensei appeared in my field of view and started dragging me forward with her hand on my shoulder. "Ehh.. I'll give you a 5/10 on reactions. You tensed at least."

I breathed in. "Hey! Aren't you early anyway?"

She coughed and continued, "Come on, we're going to eat instead at one of my favourite seedy bars."

"Why?" I tilted my head.

Instead of answering, she beamed at me and continued dragging me along.

'… Let's just get this over with..'

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"Welcome to Taiki Yakimono. What would you like to order?" chirped the waitress with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Takoyaki please," I requested. Seafood had become a regularity because of our relatively small island, and I'd made a few new favourites since my dimensional displacement.

"Yakizakana for me, thanks Megumi." Tori added, closing her menu. "-No drinks."

"Thanks for your order. It'll be ready soon," Megumi - the waitress - lightly bowed and left to the kitchen.

Tori sat across from me while I observed my surroundings. While we weren't at the window seat, it was still a pretty popular restaurant amongst civilians. What are we doing here? I wondered.

I commented sarcastically, "Sweet 'seedy' digs."

Tori rolled her eyes and cleared her throat. "I wasn't kidding about the serious thing." She pursed her lips, "I chose here because people look in seedy bars for that kind of stuff. I was going to say something important that would be dangerous if overheard. I put up a little genjutsu."

"It probably doesn't hurt that you were hungry," I mumbled. "Why didn't you just pick your apartment?"

"It would look more suspicious." This prompted me to give her a disbelieving look.

The black-haired makeup-obsessive shrugged. "Okay, I didn't really think of it. Also – hum." She mumbled tardily, "… Nevermind. We've been teacher and student for long enough. We're here now though."

"Okay, okay," she took a moment to visibly collect herself. "So, I was hoping that the probationary period on us was going to end soon, but it seems that one of the advisors to Yagura has it out for me. I think you will agree with me on this, but what I wanted to say is that... we need to leave Kirigakure," she intoned, punctuating the phrase by looking sharply into my eyes. "I can see that you think that it's going in a bad direction - and don't think that I can't see you trying to bring your bloodlined friend along. I don't fault you either."

Rather than letting me reply as my hackles rose, she plodded on. "-No, this is not a trap," she glowered. "If I wanted to I think I'd devise something a damn slight better."

She gave me a moment and exhaled lightly before continuing, "Nevertheless.. Do you want to?"

Internally I was pretty elated, but I had an innate sense of wariness about the whole thing. In the end I chose to trust my instincts and nodded back to her.

"Good then," she gave a small smile.

Tori then opened her mouth, "-Also, that whole shit about 'I'd give my wages for a week?' Psh, you're genin. That might cover breakfast." She gave me a grin that clearly spoke 'I-enjoy-your-pain'.

I resisted the innate temptation to shoot a look at her and closed my eyes. 'This could actually work… Finally, after all that time planning there's at least some feasible way of doing this. Fuck yeah. Live free, bitches.'

She dragged me out of my musings, "Brat, I'd like to introduce you to my friend. She has a bloodline from the Leaf, and she'll help me genjutsu the team so that we can prepare instead of doing another dumb tracking job for some undeserving sap." She cleared her throat, "'Deal is that I'm going to head towards Fire Country and scout out Konoha." She'd turned into a nonchalant posture by resting her chin on her palm while I'd been zoned out.

Bloodline for genjutsu for the leaf? 'Was that what she meant? It didn't really fit any other way.'

"Do you mean... Kurama, or Uchiha?" I asked.

Her eyebrows raised. "Well."

She looked like she wanted to start a sentence but scrapped it and then asked, "... Do you know where-no, actually. How did you learn that?"

I shrugged, "I heard people talking about it in the corps building," referring to the hunter-nin academy.

She levelled me with a thoroughly disbelieving look, "Uh huh. Kurama." She then slid her arms flat onto the table and held herself in position, seeming to be mulling over something.

She leaned her upper body forward with her arms folded on the table, looking me firmly in the eyes. She spoke conversationally, "Kabuto."

My eyes widened, and that seemed like all the cue that she needed.

"Hahaha!" She cawed loudly, laughing erratically. "Of course. Of course! Of all people. Kami-damn."

Blame it on living 13 or so years in Naruto and all but I was befuddled. "What are you on about?"

She finished laughing and let a wide, knowing smile slip across her face. "C'mon, piece it together gramps. You know, that'd certainly explain all your ticks," she added with her big shit-eating grin. "Also – how the hell did you keep this from me? Are you seriously telling me that we never spoke about Konoha before? What the hell?" Something about how she was looking at me just made it extremely apparent that she was what I thought she was.

The realization hit me, "What!? How the hell were you one!?" I exclaimed in a low voice. "And I was 20! Such a bitch."

"Were you hiding it?" She asked with open curiosity.

I looked at her incredulously, "Of course I was! Why did you pick me? I didn't want to give anything away!"

Tori put both of her hands on her face. "Stupid, stupid stupid."

I waited for her to finish, but she didn't after a good ten seconds.

"... Should we forget that that ever happened?" As much as I enjoyed soaking in her pain, and I definitely did, the conversation had to go on.

She quickly looked up and adjusted her posture, "Yeah right. Anyway, I'll tell you about what you were asking earlier – about Takamura - later." She mumbled, "… How the hell did I not notice this!?"

"Haha. I should actually tell you about the first time I met a 'self insert'," I started, which only seemed to make her feel worse but gave me a sweeping feeling of victory at her ineptitude.

"C'mon, I think this needs to be held in my apartment," she said, dragging the bill plate over and glancing at the clock. "We haven't got a long time until the mission, and I was planning to talk about it." There weren't any computers or card readers, so we usually paid by adding it up and putting it on the plate. Normally in restaurants they'd be checked by whoever was serving.

I raised both my arms in an 'I surrender' pose, "Sure, sure." I went to pay my ryō and Tori gave me a chastising look before covering both of us.

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I looked around. It was a lot cleaner than I expected for her. Practically sterile in the kitchen – which I really didn't know what to make of since she murdered for a living. It was small though, and she'd made a point of making me wait for a few minutes while she cleared it up before allowing me in. Paranoid jounin, I swear.

She walked me into her living room with a small kotatsu table and gestured for me to sit. Before wandering off into the kitchen immediately, "I'm going to get tea."

"—Try not to poison me," I snarked to her retreating form.

Sitting down to the kotatsu, I leaned on the low table and rested my head onto my palm. I needed to start formulating action plans. 'Man... At least this solves my Jashin problem.'

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A memory came up through my subconscious.

A Shinto temple covered in vines. Surrounded by aged and broken statues. Dead skeletons trapped in foliage and very little light that could possibly reach into the humid jungle forest. 'West. Land of Hot Water.'

I had a sudden migraine and raised my hand to press against my forehead.

'Ugh, this again. It was obviously Jashin's work, if I could tell anything. What I assumed was that it amounted to 'Kid, you better figure something out because it's going to be time soon.' I was going to try and convince Tori to help me travel to the place somehow, but this was a godsend in hindsight. I hadn't thought about it in ages. Almost… suspiciously so, Neji and your 'fate',' I thought, before reassessing, 'Nah, it was my subconscious.'

"Hey. Gunpowder flavour-oh, do you want chamomile?" Tori said while returning from the kitchen with the china teakettle and cups

"I got a sudden headache." I waved my free hand, "I'm ok."

I anticipated her not believing me, so I preemptively tacked on, "I'm not Itachi."

"Ha ha, very funny brat." Tori paused. "Okay, have the gunpowder tea then." She said, pouring me some.

"You know, for someone who's so cold to strangers, you're awfully motherly."

She shushed me and seated herself. "It's not like your mother would anyway."

I put my hands onto the tea to bring up to sip. "Fair 'nuff. So what was the whole thing about Takamura anyway?"

"I don't really want to attract the attention from Yagura."

"I mean… There are other people in our division with bloodlines.." I trailed off.

Tori hummed. "So.. Are you really okay with the Konoha thing?"

I jerked back, "Oh yeah! Shoot. I was thrown off. Isn't that really dangerous?" Amidst this I'd completely forgotten about her actually going to Konoha. "No, actually – why are you going to Konoha?"

She smiled lightly, "I was originally going to tell you something else but it's to meet other people from where we were from. I've been doing it for a while." Before I could speak up an idea struck her, "Oh! Oh," she said flatly, "Well this is going to suck."

"What's up?"

"I just realised that if you're a self insert, Yuki is going to demand that you come with me," she spoke through a one-handed facepalm. Her other hand refused to leave her tea.

I leaned forward and waited for the other shoe to drop. "Yes..?"

"No. You are definitely coming with me. Yuki would rather bring you out of genjutsu rather than bring you along and hide you somewhere safe."

".. You're kidding me." I spoke up, fairly disconcerted. "I'm a genin. It's not a very smart idea, going to Konoha."

"Honestly, it's fine. It's safer than the alternative, which was putting you somewhere – without my company – without you knowing why you were there. Besides, I've been doing it for – what? 8 years now? Relax. Me and Yuki are experienced jounin."

"Yuki?" I prompted. 'I swear Tori needs to learn explain things properly.'

"Yukiko. She's my friend. I think I'll keep some of the mystery about her until you meet her, because you almost certainly will. I also just realised that with the squad there I might have to teach you or check your genjutsu skills in the meantime."

"I almost want to make a joke out of the 'oh, looks like I'll have to teach you' thing," I said as a throwaway response while I came up with possible thoughts. Nothing came to mind honestly. I know that she'd tell me the course of action on the mission, and I didn't want to worry about it and throw off my performance.

"So Konoha. A milk run," I said skeptically.

"No, seriously. Oh yeah, you wouldn't know. It's just like the first series. Remember how Konoha was infiltrated like a thousand times? I've been doing it for a decade and I can guarantee that you are fine. I mean… I don't really like bringing you, but it's kind of necessary. Especially if you, my cute apprentice, are going to leave Kiri with me anyway."

I squinted at her. "You're going into Konoha then? I'm assuming that I'm not going in there. You're certain about this?"

She nodded and gave a pleasant smile, "Positive."

We sat peacefully and shot the shit for the next hour. She laid out some plans for the mission with me and we ran through the couple of rudimentary genjutsus that I knew, and the one that she'd taught me at the lake. Once that was over, we started trading stories. It was times like this where I was lucky enough that my sensei wasn't a bloodthirsty sociopath, which is probably quite often in this place.

"So what was that whole thing about meeting a self insert before?"

"Oh yeah, so the first time I met a 'self insert'." I mulled over whether I should tell her his name before deciding, "There's a guy called Magoichi who runs a lesser-known shop for odds and ends. At this point I was bored out of my mind and I'd given up on being paranoid about being detected for knowing English, so I just started singing every once in a while. He tried to discreetly close the shop and took me aside to talk about how dangerous I'd been and such. It was great though," I voiced a random thought, "Maybe I should paint my hunter-nin mask to look like Tobi."

"That's not even funny," she chastised. "I haven't heard of Magoichi, but I rarely spend time actually lurking around Kiri. I probably should, but it doesn't go with what the officials think that I'm like." Tori pushed her lip into the side of her cheek. "He was right though."

I didn't want to get Tori too worried about me so I looked around instead at the room, "I can't really believe this is the first time you brought me here."

She gave me a look that I couldn't really place. "If I managed to miss that you were a self insert then I probably ought to start fixing things like this," She gestured at us both. "I think it's time to depart."

"Gimme a minute," I spoke up as she stood up. We'd been sitting there for an hour and a half.

"Come on, Uteki," she spoke, walking toward the door. "She probably won't appreciate being held up."

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Author's notes: I spent a while planning this out, and it was good for sorting out ideas though I've gotten mostly being precocious about things, so it's high time to get started.

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I affiliated with the creation of Naruto in any way, shape, or form. Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto.

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