Hello! I. Am. BACK! And ready to kick some major ass with this fic! Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this and don't forget to review! For each review, L gives you Halloween candy!
Disclaimer: No, I do not own DN but if I did…well, it'd be interesting. Kekeke xD
"Hey, Ryuuzaki…"
"Yes, Light-kun?"
"Well, last night after we…err…you know… anyway, you mentioned it was your birthday October 31st," Light said quietly trying not to draw the attention of his father or the other task force members. He didn't want his father to know what sort of activities he was getting into, he would definitely disapprove.
"Last night when we engaged in the intimate act of sexual intercourse and made me moan quite loudly and erotically as you released your semen into me, pushing me into my own orgasm?" L said this like it was normal to talk about sex while his secret partner's father was in the room just only twenty feet from them. "Why yes, I do recall saying this. You seemingly being mind blown, I would have expected that you had a 7 percent possibility of remembering that."
Light's eyes widened slightly and his face began turning into an apple red. He coughed nervously, "Er…ha ha, yeah…Um, anyway, I did remember you saying that and I realized that today was October 31st. "
"You're correct, that is today's date."
"Yes, well…Do you have any plans tonight? I mean, are you celebrating it today?"
L remained silent for several moments. "Well, I don't normally tell people of my date of birth so I never actually celebrated it, except when Watari brings me a special slice of cake with a candle in it, but we did this earlier this morning while you were still sleeping."
(A/N: Assume they still are handcuffed. Everything is just better with bondage, don't you think? xD)
"Oh, well…how about tonight we do something to celebrate? We can go out or something..," Light suggested. L raised his thumb to his lip, contemplating this offer.
"Alright, Light-kun, we'll do something but I must decide what we do."
"That's totally fine, it's your day."
"You know, Light-kun…"
Yeah, Ryuuaki?"
"With you thoughtfulness and consideration for me, I might say I've fallen for you. But there's really only a 3 percent chance of that."
"…"
"We depart at 6:30 PM, dress up in costume, and be prepared for a hectic night."
"Wait, what?"
That night at 6:30…
"Err…Ryuuzaki…?"
"Yes, Light-kun?"
"W-what are you wearing?"
Light, dressed in a suit, stared at the detective who was in interesting attire. L was dressed in a black and white suit with a hood that covered his messy black hair.
He was a panda.
"With your high level of intelligence, I thought it would have been obvious. I am a panda."
Well, then….
"I see that…but…why a panda?"
"Well you see, Light-kun, The giant panda, or panda, Ailuropoda melanoleuca, literally meaning "black and white cat-foot", is a bear native to central-western and south western China. It is easily recognized by its large, distinctive black patches around the eyes, over the ears, and across its round body. Though it belongs to the order Carnivora, the panda's diet is 99% bamboo. Pandas in the wild will occasionally eat other grasses, wild tubers, or even meat in the form of birds, rodents or carrion. In captivity they may receive honey, eggs, fish, yams, shrub leaves, oranges, or bananas along with specially prepared feed," L explained.
"And that's why you picked a panda?"
"Of course not," Pause for dramatic effect, "They're cute."
"Oh…I see." Light had to agree with him there. But he definitely knew of something cuter than just a panda. An insomniac, sugar-addicted detective dressed as a panda.
"Light-kun, why are you wearing a suit? I assume it is your costume and since you lack in the creativity department, I'm guessing that you are a detective," L said, examining the university student's "costume".
"Oh yeah, you're right, Ryuuzaki. I didn't really want to go out and buy a costume anyway so I just stuck with this."
"I see."
"So…why are we still waiting around here? Shouldn't we be on our way?"
"Yes, well we're waiting on a couple of…I suppose you could call them friends of mine."
"Oh, really you have friends?"
…Uh…
"I meant you have friends joining us tonight?"
"Yes, Light-kun, indeed I do. They should be here soon…"
"GOD, MATT, HURRY THE FUCK UP! IF WE DON'T LEAVE SOON, ALL THE DAMN DEVILS PEOPLE CALL 'CHILDREN' WILL TAKE ALL THE CHOCOLATE AND IF I GET LESS CHOCOLATE THAN I DIDN LAST YEAR, I'M BLAMING YOUR SORRY ASS, NOW FUCKING HURRY THE HELL UP! YOU TOO NEAR! AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, I AM NOT FUCKING BABYSITTING YOU SO IF YOU GET LEFT BEHIND, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN! I DON'T CARE WHAT ROGER SAYS, I WILL LEAVE YOU HERE TO DIE OR GET KIDNAPPED AND TORTURED TO DEATH!"
"They have arrived," L said simply turning towards the sound of the screaming blonde boy dressed in leather.
Trailing behind the leather clad male, were Matt and Near. Matt was dressed in his usual attire but now sported a headband with dog ears and a collar around his neck, leash attached and in Mello's hands. The redhead briefly lifted his head and smiled at the famous detective and Light, then looked back down to his DS, fingers frantically pushing buttons.
As for Near, we no longer wore his usual white shirt and pajama pants but instead wore a white sheet, his oversized transformers pillow case.
Light cleared his throat, "So, since I'm not yet acquainted with you all, would you mind telling me your names and what you're supposed to be?"
"Yes, please introduce yourselves," L stated.
Mello, being a good successor for once, listened to his idol and started his introduction first, "I'm Mello. I ain't telling you my real name or age but I will shoot your brains out if you cross me and I'm a prostitute, if you can't guess from the tight leather."
Matt was next. "I'm Matt. And…—fuck! Stupid zombie, die!—and I'm Mello's dog," he said, quickly returning to his game.
Near twirled a piece of his white hair around his finger as he began speaking, "I am Near. I'm supposed to be a ghost…L was correct in assuming that you could be Kira. My reason behind this is the fact that you seem to happy to meet us. If you wish to keep what sanity you have left, turn yourself in and go to prison."
Light didn't say anything but just stared at him. Mental note: Avoid conversing with Near, he's too weird.
"Well, he should be heading out now before people run out of candy for tick-or-treaters," Light said, tugging the handcuffs that attached him to L, signaling to start walking.
"YES, FINALLY! I better get some damn chocolate or I'm gonna have to shoot some kids brains out!" Mello exclaimed, dragging Matt along with him, pulling them to the front of the group.
"Hmm…I wonder if they give out toys…"
Everyone just ignored Near because he's not important and nobody actually likes him.
They reached the first house and L rang the doorbell and they waited for someone to answer. The door opened and revealed a nice looking old lady.
"Trick or treat," Near said, offering his pillow case to the old lady who smiled at him kindly.
"You look cute, little ghostie. Happy Halloween," she said as she gave a piece of candy to everyone.
L stared at the single piece of taffy in the palm of his hand disappointedly. "Just one?"
"Yes, I have to make sure I have candy left for other kids."
"…It's my birthday."
"Oh, happy birthday! Have a fun night!"
"…Let me make this clear to you since you obviously lost too many brain cells in your very long life. Today marks the 24th year of my life and you are a kind old lady. As someone who has had so many birthday celebrations, it is your duty to give me another piece as a gift."
"Err…Ryuuzaki, we should be polite and just take what we get and leave," said Light, tugging slightly on the detective's panda suit.
"No, you stay put, Light-kun. Can't you see I'm having a conversation with this clueless wrinkly being?"
"Alright, alright. Here's another piece, not I'm going to have to ask you to leave," the old lady said. She wanted this nut case off her property.
"Thank you very much; I will not be coming back," L huffed, turning around to walk away but stopped as Mello, who had been oddly quiet, started having a bitch fit.
"What. The. Fucking. Hell."
"Now what is it?" the old lady asked exasperatedly.
Mello looked at the taffy distastefully and held it up to her face. "This is not chocolate."
The old lady sighed, "No, it is not. I ran out of chocolate yesterday."
Mello raised an eyebrow, "Yesterday? If I'm correct, Halloween wasn't yesterday."
"Yeah. I ran out of it because I ate it."
….
"YOU WHAT! YOU WHORE!"
"Whoa Mells, calm down, m'kay? We'll get chocolate somewhere else," Matt said, putting his DS away knowing this could get ugly.
"NO! I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! THIS BISH FUCKING ATE MY CHOCOLATE! SHE WILL PAY!"
And with that, Mello whipped out his gun and shot the bitch in the face, her head blowing off her body, spewing brains and blood all over the place. "Che, bitch learned her lesson."
"OH MY GOD! You just shot her! What the hell, Mello!" Light yelled, throwing his arms up, wildly looking from the gun, Mello, and the dead body.
"Don't worry, Light, this happens on a regular basis," Matt said, waving his hand and walked to the next house with Near.
"Yes, well let us be on our way to the next house. I want more candy," L said, dragging Light with him as he walked away. Mello followed them after putting his gun away.
They reached the next house and saw it was by far the most interesting house on the street. There were strobe lights, fog machines, creepy music, and screaming in what looked like a haunted house.
"Oh, a haunted house! Let's go, Matt!" Mello said pulling Matt along with me towards the haunted house.
"Oh, err…you sure, Mells? I know you sometimes get scared, ha ha…"
"What, are you kidding? I fucking love haunted houses."
"Uh…okay, then…"
The two went in, leaving the others behind.
"I believe I will follow suit," Near said, "There are bound to be some toys in there…" And with that he walked into the house, leaving L and Light by themselves.
"Light-kun, I hope you don't mind if we don't go in. I simply find haunted houses too boring for me," L said walking down the street as Light walked beside him.
"No, that fine. Actually, I was wondering…"
"Yes, Light-kun…"
"…Come with me." Light yanked the chain of the handcuffs and dragged the detective into a dark area across the street where there were trees, hiding them from the public eye. "Now I have you too myself for a little while," Light said huskily before capturing the older man's lips with his own.
"Mmm," L moaned as he lost himself in Light's intoxicating kisses and touches.
Meanwhile in the haunted house…
Mello and Matt were walking through the haunted house. Well, Mello was walking while dragging a reluctant Matt. And if you can imagine, it was starting to tick Mello off.
"Seriously, Matt, walk normally it's not that difficult! If I didn't know better, I'd say you were scared."
"I-I'm not scared, Mells. I just…enjoying the scenery but you are rushing me."
"Psh, 'enjoying the scenery' my ass. You're practically burying you face in my back and clinging to me for dear life."
"Am not."
"Are too. Admit it; you're scared of this lame haunted house."
"I am not scared."
Just then a giant furry spider decided to drop from the ceiling and fall right on Matt's head.
"AAAAAHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD GET IT OFF GET IT OOOOFFFFF! MELLO HELP ME IT'S GONNA FUCKING EAT ME! AAAAHHHHHH!" Matt screamed like a little girl and ran off towards the exit as fast as his legs could carry him while flailing his arms around.
Mello laughed so damn hard as he followed his boyfriend out of the haunted house. He reached the exit and found Matt bent over, hands on his knees as he struggled to regain his breath.
"HAHAHAHA! Matt, that was hilarious! Oh my god, you're such a pussy, you should've seen your face!" laughed Mello hysterically as Matt glared at him.
"It's not funny, Mello, I thought I was gonna fucking die."
"You serious? It was so funny!"
"Whatever," Matt huffed as he crossed his arms and marched away.
"Come on, Matt, stop pouting."
"No."
"Matt, you stop you're sulking right or you're not getting my dick up your ass for a week."
Matt stopped right away and grinned slyly at the blonde. He grabbed his hand and ran off for the closest hidden area he could find so he could give Mello a blowjob.
Back with Light and L…
"Oh, fuck! Light-kun, you're so big, mmfff, harder! Aahhh!"
With Near…
The lonesome albino boy sat by himself in the haunted house for several hours playing with the block candy he had stolen from several little kids. They didn't need it anyway, he was going to make something amazing with them. He placed the finishing piece on his creation and sighed, satisfied with his completed work.
He created a candy robot.
He was just about to play with it when a man in a skeleton shirt tapped his shoulder.
"Hey, kid. You need to leave, it's midnight."
Near looked at him confused for several minutes then took in his surroundings.
He had been ditched in the haunted house and he didn't even realize it.
With Mello and Matt…
They were passed out at a neighborhood park, both naked from a very erotic fuck and Matt had a silly smile on his face while Mello had his usual scowl. They were going to be in for a scolding from Roger when he finds out that they were both found naked in a public park by the police and the scarred eyes of the unfortunate children there at the time.
Back at headquarters…
L and Light were lying in their bed, wrapped in each other's arms, regaining their breath from their most recent love session.
"Light-kun, thank you for a good birthday."
"No problem, Ryuuzaki."
"But Light-kun…"
"Yes?"
"I still have come to the conclusion that there is a 66.3 percent chance of you being Kira."
"Ryuuzaki!"
A/N: So, what did you think? I know, not the best thing ever but hey it's something. Anyway, Halloween candy from L to whoever leaves a review! Happy Birthday, L! And Happy Halloween to everyone else! :D