No Morning Greeting

-M-

Merlin was a zombie as he walked through the halls of Camelot to Arthur's door. He hadn't slept all night for fear. Lately he'd been having reoccurring nightmares where Arthur burnt him alive and in a few recent ones he'd been unable to protect Arthur and he'd died in his arms. He couldn't sleep anymore. It hurt far too much to.

-A-

Arthur slowly woke up to a hand shaking his shoulder. He groaned, wanting to turn over and go right back to sleep, but this was Merlin shaking him and he knew the servant would resort to dragging him out of bed for being too difficult so he sat up with a wide yawn. Merlin was already across the room picking out his clothes. What no 'lazy daisy,' 'raise and shine,' 'up and at 'em' today?

"Merlin?"

"Huh? Er, sire?"

Arthur raised an eyebrow, thinking Merlin was being even weirder than usual. He looked around his chambers and then looked back at his manservant who was still turned away. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

"Wha-What? I-I don't think so."

"My breakfast, Merlin?" He waited, emphasizing every word.

Merlin's eyes wondered around, while looking out of it. "Oh. Breakfast. Haven't had any, you?"

"Merlin," he warned, feeling suddenly annoyed with him. Was he acting like this on purpose?

"Oh, right, you haven't, right, better get that."

Arthur watched Merlin start walking in the opposite direction of the door.

"That's the window, Merlin."

"Oh."

The prince sighed and got up, walking towards his friend. "What's going on with you today?" He asked, genuine concern crawling into his eyes which Merlin wouldn't look into.

"Just tired, sire," he replied sadly, rubbing one eye a little and turning toward the door this time.

"Sure, just tired," Arthur mumbled mostly to himself, not truly believing the words.

-M/A-

Merlin came back juggling a plate of food and a goblet. "Sorry, sire," he said quietly to the already dressed Arthur. The prince didn't respond and sat down in his usual chair at the table so Merlin placed it all in front of him, hands trembling. Merlin watched every little movement Arthur made in a slight trance, from him picking up his goblet to the muscles in his throat working to swallow.

"Sit down, Merlin."

It took Merlin a moment to realize that Arthur had stopped drinking and was actually talking to him. "Sire?"

"Sit down," he repeated oddly patiently.

Merlin slowly lowered himself into the chair across from him, feeling unsure.

"Here," Arthur said, holding out a piece of bacon.

Merlin stared at him in surprise before taking it hesitantly and then nibbling on it a bit.

"You told me you were tired, but you also look upset," Arthur paused as if waiting for his friend to interject, but when he didn't, the prince continued. "You know, for once I'd really like to know what's really going through your head. You complain to me about the most insignificant things sometimes, and yet you hold back on telling me anything when something's going on with you. Something important…"

"I'm just tired," Merlin said barely above a whisper. He was unable to look into Arthur's eyes even though they were filled with worry and the need for him to look at him and say anything. Anything real.

"You have dark circles."

"I can't sleep."

"Why?"

Merlin sighed irritably and responded in a huff, "Because if I sleep I'll dream and if I dream I'll have all of those nightmares."

"Nightmares?" Arthur prodded gently.

His throat constricted harshly and he could feel his eyes getting ready to fog over. "In them I have magic," he choked. He clenched his fists on top of his knees as if in an attempt to ground himself. "And you find out in a different way each time. Then in some way you end up killing me. Usually you give the order to have me burned at the stake. I always wake up screaming….In the other nightmares you die in my arms because I'm unable to protect you." Merlin let out a sob as the tears came down his face like rain. "And I-I-I always wake up crying in t-th-those." He bit his lip, trying to calm down but he couldn't. "Th-that's why I'm afraid to fall asleep! I just can't keep losing you over and over again every time I close my eyes!"

Arthurs's entire chair fell to the ground when got up. He crouched down in front of Merlin and without a second thought put his hands over Merlin's fists. "Merlin, look at me."

"I can't."

"Merlin, look at me."

Merlin slowly forced himself to look into Arthur's eyes.

"I'm right here, and you're right here. Okay? Look at our hands." Arthur intertwined their fingers. "Neither magic nor death can separate us. Your dreams aren't real. Right now is. Look at me, even if you turned me into a toad, you'd still be my best friend, but if the spell wore off you'd better watch out. And Merlin, I will die someday, but Merlin, you can't blame yourself for it."

Merlin didn't know what to say. It was like a huge amount of weight had lifted from his heart and shoulders. He struggled as more tears scrambled out of his eyes. And he felt hope. A hope that he hadn't felt since he'd first arrived in Camelot with the chance of a whole new start. And that new start was once again Arthur.

"It's okay…"

And for once, he actually felt in this moment that it was. Arthur was there holding his hands with strength and warmth. And he was safe just like this, with Arthur right there believing in them. Believing in him. So Merlin smiled through his tears and the pain. "Thank you, Arthur…"