Before you start reading… I should mention, the whole story is placed in early season 5. And Sarah is a character I'm adding. She is an angel that was sent to help Castiel, and to keep an eye on him. But she grew attached to the Winchester that she decided to follow Castiel in his rebel against Heaven. She as well developed certain felling to Dean. Anyway… Hope you'll like it… I'm a newbie in writing so, don't be too harsh, hehe…Kidding… Critics and suggestions are always very welcome and greatly appreaciated…

As the door of the Impala closed with a creek, Dean took a deep breath full of pain as he walked towards the motel with Sam leading the way. Sam reached for the door but was stop by his brother's hand. He looked at his big brother seeing fear in his eyes, something you don't get to see that often when it comes to Dean Winchester. Sam asked his brother is he alright with quiet voice full of sympathy. Dean looked up at him realizing he is still holding Sam's hand. He pulled back in heist nervously pulling his fingers through hair not knowing what else to do.

-"Sorry, I thought I heard something."

-"Dean, it's OK. We have all place covered in salt, Enochian symbols, Devils trap , you name it… I think we're pretty safe."

He swallowed hard before nodding to Sam, who was now reaching for the door yet again, but this time Dean didn't stop him. The motel room was quite dark and kind of suffocating. It had a depressing feel to Sam. He dropped his keys on the coffee table, feeling a chilly breeze crawling up his spine. He turned around seeing Dean still outside, leaned over the fence. Sam felt wished there was at least something he could say to erase all the pain and angst his brother felt. Sam walked to Dean leaning on the fence as well, putting a hand on Dean's shoulder lightly squeezing it.

-"Dean, if you need to talk, you know I'm here for you." – Sam said that with a shaken voice, which surprised him a bit, so he whistled his throat, trying not to seem so worried.

-" I'm fine Sammy." -Dean retorted in his protective tone having picked up on the nervous pitch to Sam's voice.

- "You don't seem fine to me Dean. I'm sure she's alright. She can take care of herself. It's not like this is the first time she left for couple weeks."

- "No. But it's the first time she's gone to fight with fucking demons, God knows where with angels on her ass. So don't tell me she's going to be OK Sammy, cause we don't know that. As far as we know, she could be dead. And there's no damn way we can find out, just sit on our asses and wait for someone to come."

Dean yelled at top of his voice, and usually that would mean he is pissed at Sam. But just the fact that he called his little brother by his pet name … Sammy, shows he's not really mad at him. More hurt and desperate. It wasn't anger Sam saw in Dean's eyes, it was fear. Fear that something could have happened to Sarah. And Sam realized just how much Dean cares about her. Just how much he is scared to lose her. Not that Dean would admit that. Sam's pretty sure, Dean never told her that he loves her. Those two words hardly escaped his lips. Hell, he's pretty sure Dean never told that to anyone. At least not out loud.

-"Look man. I know this is… Listen, I care about her too. Sarah is like a sister to me, and I'm scared as well. But at least she's with Cass. They'll look after each other."

Dean's heavy breathing was starting to slow down. He buried his face into hands letting out a loud sigh. The sound broke Sam's heart into million pieces. It made him want to just hug his brother tightly not ever letting go. But he knew, if he did that, Dean would probably just push him away with a face "What the hell you think you are doing dude?" . Dean was not a hugging type. There were just few times they hugged. And that was when both of them got back from dead. Those moments were too special to ignore.

Dean's breathing now got back to its normal rhythm. Sam could see his muscles relaxing but still keeping a defensive attitude that was sending Sam a message, he is not willing to keep going on this matter. So Sam humored his brother, figuring he will have more chance to make Dean talk tomorrow, when both of them are rested.

The night went quiet.

Only Dean's heavy breathing got back. Again.

Million of scenarios flew through his head. And in each one, Sarah ended up dead. Just a thought of her body lying in the middle of a field, covered in blood, on this frizzing night made his chest clutch, leaving no room for his lungs to breath.

Suddenly the room felt so small. With hardly any air in it. And Dean felt sweat sliding down his forehead. And there they were.

Flashes from hell. Screams of million tortured souls ringing inside his head.

He found himself in that dark chamber again, with a well know knife in his hand. Dean looked at the blood dripping from it and he could feel his hand starting to shake.

A quiet whinnying was now filling up the whole room. He looked around but all he could see was dark. The whinnying now becoming a scream, so loud it made his ears hurt. A knife fell out of his hand with, as he grabbed his head trying to quiet down the scream that was echoing inside his head. Dean fell on his knees trying desperately to stop the damn screaming.

That's when he saw it. Pure, white light. Shining weakly, fighting the dark that is consuming it. And he made himself get back up at his feet. The scream faded away as he was approaching the light. The loud piercing sound was now forming into a quiet, shaky voice. Still not recognizing the words, Dean approached a bit closer. And to his surprise, the light didn't blind him, in fact he could see clearly, a body forming.

His eyes went wide. He could not believe. Sarah, hands tied. Blood dripping down her pale face. She looked at him with empty, soulless eyes, whispering…

-"Help me."

Dean reached for her but found himself on the crappy motel floor again, with Sam hovering over him with his all know puppy Sam Winchester eyes. Dean could swear, for a moment Sammy looked like 5 year old, looking at his brother after he told him all the nightmares and fears he had are real. But Sam wasn't 5 year old anymore. And fear in his eyes was even terrifying. He grabbed Deans arm, helping him get back on the bed. Dean winced in pain realizing he hit his head on the night table, and he was sure it will leave a mark in the morning.

-"Dean are you ok?"

-"Of course I'm ok Sam."- he pulled away from Sam's grip still holding his head.

-"Dean you were screaming… and… and… it was so bad. I tried to wake you up, but you just…"

Dean looked at his freaked out brother. And couldn't help but to fell a little annoyed. Ok, very annoyed. He just had the most fucked up dream, and his chest fell like they are burning. Not to mention the bruise on his head that's pulsing in pain. And on top of all that, now he has to pet talk to Sammy. Telling that everything is ok, that it was just a bad dream. Just that it wasn't. It wasn't just a bad dream, it was horrible. And so real, like he was really in hell again. And Sarah was really just few inches away from him, pleading him to help her. And hell, everything's not ok. Sarah is missing. She's hurting, and he can't help her. And freaking apocalypse is going on. And an archangel is ready to make him his little stuffed puppet. And Devil himself wants to wear little Sammy to the prom. And, and… and she's not here. With him, by his side.

Dean felt exhausted. All this emotions. All this pain. If he just didn't let himself fall for her. If he just didn't let her crawl into his heart. Sneak in, and get pass all walls and barriers he was building throughout all this years. And then he wouldn't fell this gap in his heart every time they are apart. He wouldn't fell this desire to hold her, fell her soft lips. Her skin that tastes like honey. Silky angel skin on his body. The loving look in her eyes. God, he loves that look. So inviting, so desiring.

Dean felt Sam's palm on his face forcing him to look him into eyes. He shook off thoughts of Sarah and realized Sam is still steering into him, now even more freaked out.

-"Dean? Are …you …ok?"

-"Dude!" - Dean pulled away from Sam's grip and walked slowly to other side of the bed. Trying to make a distance between him and his now annoying little brother.

-"Stop talking to me like I'm a five year old. I said I'm fine."

-"But Dean… You were screaming like crazy. I mean, you had nightmares before, but this was… "- his voice went quiet. And Dean could see a genuine conserve in his brother.

-Was it… hell? - Sam asked with a voice now lower than a whisper. Dean hardly ever talked about his time in hell, but in few talks they had, Dean realized, while he was downstairs, Sam was living his own hell on Earth. His big brother dead. His failure to save him. It was eating Sam inside.

Dean didn't really want to re live his so tangible nightmare, so he just decided to go on with Sammy on this one. Sam looked at him with eyes now more concerned and serious. He leaned forward on his knees, looking up at Dean.

-"Do you want to talk about it?"

-"No." – that came out little more aggressive that Dean intended. It was strange how one single word from Dean could just cut off Sam so deep. And the look in his eyes that comes after that, the loving, hurtful look makes Dean feel even a bigger asshole than he already is.

-"Sammy… I really don't want to talk about it right now, ok? You understand right?"

-"Of course I do Dean. Just that, you'll have to talk about it eventually. Keeping it all bolted up, it's not helping you at all."

Dean knew there was some truth in all this, but right now he couldn't think about it. Now all that mattered was Sarah. Nothing else.