Alicia

I grew up watching him, the Doctor. Turning up out of nowhere, never knowing where he was going or if I would see him again. Sometimes I even thought he was following me. After all he always looked at me almost pointedly in passing. Or at least it seemed that way.

My first memory of the Doctor is when I was six years old. I was in class when my deputy headteacher, Mr Hansel came to get me. I wasn't one for getting into trouble but even so the thought was at the back of my mind. When Mr Hansel opened the door he was there. Standing with his hands in his long coat and smiling. I don't know for, it wasn't as if I knew what he was doing there, I was mouth open in exasperation looking at the man. This tall gangly man in a pinstriped suit, unable to speak because of the shock both of when he introduces himself and because it just feels right.

He threw his psychic paper into the teacher's face who had just walked into him. His face changed from annoyed to concerned. The Doctor didn't know what it said yet.

"Ah, please, come into my office."

The Doctor turned his paper around and followed the teacher. It said he was a detective. An interesting choice, it fitted well for the situation.

"Mr Hansel." The deputy head teacher, at least that's what it said on the door, put out his hand and the Doctor took it. "What can I do for you, detective?"

The Doctor thought for a moment. He knew he was in the right place, but he hadn't received a name yet. It came easily when he looked for it.

"I need to see Alicia Bennett. If possible I would like to talk to her alone."

The deputy stuttered, wondering if this was normal police procedure when dealing with children.

"Of course, I'll go and get her. You can use my office, is there anything we should know about?"

"I"m afraid I'm not at liberty to talk about this with anyone else." Not even Rose. Not yet.

The deputy bit his lip. "Yes, well, I'll be back in a moment."

A few minutes later he came back with a small child, around the age of six. The deputy shut the door and as soon as he did the Doctor grinned he couldn't help himself. He couldn't tell a six-year old what had happened, but he could introduce himself.

"Hello, I'm the Doctor."

"But, I'm not ill?"

"I know." What could he say to such a young child about what happened? She was to young, to fragile, and she wouldn't understand any of it yet anyway. So he just said this,

"I'm here to see you because you're a very special person."

"I'm special?"

He knelt down to get a better look at her. He wanted to hold her, his confused little Alicia, and he reached out, but he got the better of himself. He would have touched her except he knew somehow that if he did she would be in great pain. He didn't know what kind of pain or whether it would come straight away, he only knew he shouldn't touch her. Not while she was still so fragile. And it hurt him. It hurt all of him. More than that it scared him. He had to protect her for as long as possible, at least until she wasn't fragile, and as he searched her eyes he knew that it wouldn't be for a few years yet.

"Oh, your very special. More special than the sun." It was hardly just special. In fact the word didn't fit at all, but she was six, she would understand one day. He smiled, she was so cute like this. Innocent and harmless, the exact opposite of himself. It was time to leave, if he didn't he might do something he would regret. He had one last thing to say.

"Just know that you are special and that I'll be around. Look out for me."

Then he got up, told Mr Hansel she would be fine and that he would find his own way out.

"Sir, the exit is that way."

"No, it's not."

Alicia

Some of this is really hard to explain. What I'm trying to tell you is the result of what happened after that first day. Something I never told the Doctor.

There is something I really should tell you, because it's actually quite important, that I had very little of what you would call a 'normal' childhood. It started when I was six.

My friends all decided I was acting weird and left. I didn't manage to find any knew one's either. Not until high school.

That was only the beginning. My parents started acting strange to and when the school called them to tell them I started a fight they took me to the doctors, who sent me to a psychiatrists, who sent me back again.

I'm sorry if I'm confusing you but this is an uncomfortable subject for me. You see, puberty started when I was six. First they thought that I had autism because of my dislike with being with children my age. But the diagnose's kept on changing and I went on so many different kinds of pills you wouldn't imagine. Ritalin, even Mycrogynon when I was seven...

They put me on 'the pill'. I still don't know what made them do it. I was seven. I had to go through all these hormonal tests, MRI scans, you name it I did it.

And through all this I was trying to be a normal kid in a primary school, but I didn't really feel normal until everyone started to catch up with me in high school.

You could say the first day I met Him was the last day of my childhood.

When he got back in the TARDIS he sank into the closest shabby seat. Rose looked on unnoticed from the console.

"So, this personal business. Is it over with?"

He hid the surprised jump by leaping to the console.

"Far from it. We're just getting started."

Rose got the feeling that the situation was grave, but she was frustrated that he wasn't telling her anything. Early this morning she'd found him chanting to himself with his eyes closed, seemingly unaware, and since then he'd been acting, different. He'd told her about personal things before when they came up from the past so, why not this time? All he'd said when she'd asked was that he may have done something terrible, or wonderful.

"Where are we?"

"Omaria, or 'mercy'. The people are so obsessed with peace they got rid of marriage and created a ritual which basically makes the two so involved it's impossible to be apart from each other, that's the theory anyway."

"Why are we here?" She asked, curious.

"I need to talk to someone."

Ever since the Doctor had started acting strange he hadn't let Rose out of the TARDIS. She knew she'd be staying behind this time to.

"I'll just stick around here. I'm sure you don't want me getting in the way."

He sighed in relief. "Thanks Rose. I wish I could tell you what's going on but I can't. It wouldn't be right."

With a sorrowful smile he left to walk through domed buildings until he reached a particularly large red one with orange hexagonal windows. The person who answered the door was a blue hominid, completely different to the sandy landscape and red buildings.

"I need to see Clman."

The hominid shut the door in his face only for it to be opened again by Clman moments later.

"Doctor, oh dear. You'd better come in." The Amorans were telepathic, Clman knew what he was worried about immediately. He took him to a private room with some comfortable looking sofa's.

"What do I do?"

"Would you like a drink, Doctor. Some Mandala tea perhaps?"

He waved it off, he didn't have time for tea.

"I would recommend it in your condition."

He still denied the offer.

"Alright. It would be a good idea to talk to your friend. Rose is it?"

"She understands."

"Apparently not this time. Your lack of communication is frustrating for her."

"Well, I can't tell her. It wouldn't be right for her to find out before Alicia."

"You've already met her then."

"What?"

"You're Guandan, Doctor. You went to see her."

"Alicia. My, Guandan? What's a Guandan?"

"It's a partner, wife, husband, the other half. All very diminutive descriptions of this relationship, and I'm interested to see that so far the urges are not much different from in our own species."

"Urges! What urges? What should I be expecting?" Some Mandala tea would be great about now actually he thought.

"Well, I can't say for sure. I've never seen this in another species but normally the one who took the initiative, that's you Doctor, would be feeling a great territorial protectiveness at the moment, this usually results in anger. Yes, I'd be careful about that if I were you as well."

He didn't mean to let Clman see that. He was remembering what happened the last time he got really angry. It didn't turn out well, for anyone.

"And Alicia? What about her?" Some tea was brought in. The Doctor immediately poured himself a cup. It soothed him easily. What was in that tea?

"Alicia will be safe for now. It would be best to do the Ritual of Allegiance as soon as possible. It is a simple ceremony, you both accept the others presence in your lives and then... You'll find out. It isn't easy to explain, better to experience."

"I would prefer to do it when Alicia would remember what happened. I'll have to find her when she's older and then I'll come back for you." Also, he had a promise to fulfill.

"Don't leave it to long, Doctor." Was Clmans last advice.

On the way back to the TARDIS he considered telling Rose. He didn't want her to hate him. Not telling her could mean her leaving, but so could telling her, and he would prefer her optimism in all of this. It was decided then, he would try to tell Rose, as gently as possible, what had happened.

"Do you know how long you've been? I've been sitting here for hours, waiting. I was beginning to think I should have gone with you to keep you out of trouble."

She was sitting with her legs on the console, glaring at him. He watched his face twitch into a smile.

"I'm always in trouble."

Then she watched him walk towards her seriously.

"Rose, I need to talk to you."

She became considerably more serious and waited with bated breath for him to say something else. Which took a long time.

"You know I told you I had some personal business,"

She nodded.

"And that the Amorans, the people here got rid of marriage?"

Again, she nodded, confused at how the two could possibly be connected.

"When they made that ritual I mentioned, it was universal. Anyone can do it."

"I don't understand."

"All species in the universe can receive the question enveloped in the ritual. But only one person in all those thousands of billions of people will reply."

"I still don't get it." At least she hoped she didn't.

"I... Accidentally, of course, did a m, ma." He looked into her eyes, pleading with her not to make him say it.

"You did a ritual and I'm guessing you got a response." She choked on the words. He looked down in shame.

"Rose, I have no idea what I'm doing."

She knew that really she should be feeling sorry for him and probably whoever was on the other end, but in that moment all she felt was jealousy. They were already taking him away from her and now she knew why, which made it worse. Why couldn't it have been her that answered? Why them? Did they even know what was going on?

"Listen to me, Rose. Things are going to happen and I might have no idea what I'm doing. If I do something, anything out of the ordinary even if it's something really small, anything that concerns you, whether it's against you or not, I need you to tell me. Understand?"

Now she was scared, very scared and pale. What had he learnt on that planet?

"Do you understand?" He almost shouted at her.

"Yes, tell you anything and everything that's not normal. Could you let go of me now Doctor." He had a grip on her shoulders and she wasn't sure if he knew about it. He let go and sighed.

"Sorry." He turned to the console.

"It's fine." It wasn't fine, this was definitely not okay. He scared her, and his voice just now. She knew that voice, but it was never aimed at her before. It was a warning.

"We're going to have to stop having adventure's for a while. Just until this is straightened out enough so that I can control it."

"Control what?" Her voice was shaky. She didn't like this, it was the first time she'd ever considered going home. It was also the first time the Doctor could possibly have been about to attack her. But he needed her and she would never leave while he needed her.

"My anger, and maybe some other things I don't know about yet."

This was wrong, he was losing control. He'd always been able to control his anger, why now? But maybe this wasn't the time to ask questions, not when he could do anything at the wrong word and she didn't know what that word was.

"Who is she? Is it a she?" There were some things she needed to know. It just so happened they were things she wanted to know as well.

"You don't need to know."

"Yes, I do." She said firmly.

He turned on her again and shouted. "Why? Why would you possibly need to know? Why is it any of your business who this is related to?"

"Doctor, calm down." He took a moment.

"Right, yes, sorry." He leaned on the console. "I can't do this, I have to take you home."

"But,"

"I promised your mother I would keep you safe, you're not safe here anymore."

"No, I'm not safe, when was I ever safe with you?"

"You don't understand."

"No, you don't understand! You asked for my help in this. I can't do that from mum's. What if you went and did something stupid because I wasn't there to stop you? You might save me, but if you did something stupid you could also get me killed, so shut up and let me help you."

"And what if I hurt you. What if I don't manage to get through this and I hurt you. You know what I nearly did earlier?"

"And I know that you never will because I know you can get through this. You just need a bit of help. You can control this." She softened her voice.

He hesitated. "Alright, I won't take you home." He took his hand off the brake and cancelled the coordinates. Then he punched in some new ones.

"If we're not going home where are we going?" She watched him wipe his hand over his face, clearly trying not to shout at her again. He didn't answer. She tried to stay calm.

"Doctor, tell me what we're doing." She pleaded with him.

"We're going to find her, we're going to follow her, and when she's old enough we're going to go back to Omaria and get the Amorans."

Now she was creeped out. Following people was something she did almost as much as running, but never because of such a reason as this. She started to feel sick. What did he mean by when she was old enough? They couldn't possibly be about to follow a child. He hadn't actually done this to a child!

He knew he shouldn't have told her, how could she possibly understand the gravity of the situation. It wasn't his fault Alicia was six! It wasn't like he'd never dealt with children before, he was a father once and for as long as he needed it to be he would stay that way with Alicia. He had boundaries, he had morals and he wasn't about to cross them.

"Doctor, how old is she? Before, right now before we start following her, how old is she now?" He didn't look at her. He didn't raise or lower his voice. He was ashamed about something he couldn't control.

"She's six."

Rose caught her breath. This was impossible. She was overly jealous of a relationship that was formed with a six year old. Worse than that was the kind of relationship. There must be intergalactic laws, not just Earth's laws against this sort of thing.

"No one can ever find out about this."

"Don't you think I know that! Sorry. I, I can't help it." He sighed.

"Yes, you can, and we're not going anywhere until you do. Who knows what could happen to that child with you like this." Who knows what could happen to anyone with him like this! She'd only seen this kind of anger before he regenerated. If she could stop him then, she could stop him now. The sudden reversion was terrifying, but not something she hadn't seen before.

Rose was right. How could he have even considered seeing her like this?

"Her name's Alicia."

"Good, so, if we're going to see Alicia we need to sort you out first."

He had an idea, and what he was about to suggest was risky, but he'd used it several times before he'd met Rose.

"There might be something that can help." He searched around and produced a bottle. "Lanas oil. It works quickly. It's illegal in most places but if I only use a little bit..." He poured some on his hand and wiped it on the back of his neck.

"Doctor?" He just stood there, unresponsive. Rose took the bottle out of his hand and helped him to sit down. "A bit much?" He slowly turned his head to look at her. "Yeah, a bit much" The only thing she could think of was to wait it out. It took about an hour before he was lucid enough to do anything and another half hour before she decided they could leave. With only a little of the Lanas oils effect left he was almost back to normal. Two hours later, in a small tea shop he apologized.

"Sorry, I haven't used Lanas oil in a long time. I forgot how strong it was."

"Next time be more careful."

"Just hope there isn't a next time. Lanas oils a recreational drug not a medicine. It's illegal because it's so easy to cause permanent brain damage." If he was anyone else he should have died the first time he used it. Alicia was here, outside. He turned to look out the window. "There she is."

The crowd was thick with people and Rose couldn't see anyone who should be six years old.

"Where is she?"

He watched her until she was out of sight.

"She's gone now, but I think she saw me."