This isn't the best I've written - and she deserves the best - but I couldn't even write until last night. I still don't quite believe it.
Disclaimer: Doctor Who and the Sarah Jane Adventures are the property of the BBC.
He helped her save the world.
And he was at her funeral.
And then afterwards he was there when she died.
He doesn't want to say goodbye.
-/\-
The funeral is beautiful. Everything she deserves. It's outdoors, where the sun shines through the drizzle on the dozens of mourners who stand with bowed heads as he speaks. The world cries for her. It's cliché, but still beautiful. And right. She's dead. Everyone should be crying.
Normally he doesn't dwell on the past. Too many troubles and heartaches. Things like this, it's what he runs from. But this is once he puts away his own wishes, ignores the urge to run and never look back, to turn and face time like a normal person, decked in black and remembering her. It's what she deserves.
Her son is in the front. Just a boy, too young. Much too young to lose a mother. His friends are with him, strong for him. What will they do without her? She's the glue that holds them together, the leader. They're alone now.
She doesn't want to be buried. "I've been trapped too many times," she said once. "I'd like to fly free when I die." So they cremate her.
He releases her ashes into the Medusa Cascade - it's her favorite place. From there she floats across the universe, unbound by dirt or decay.
Stardust.
Goodbye, my sweet Sarah Jane. May you travel on forever.
-/\-
Then he says goodbye.
Amy and Rory don't question him, something he's thankful of. He doesn't think "a friend died" really covers it.
She's so small, lying in bed. And so immensely strong. Strong where no one else is. Well, she always had been the adventurous one. What was one more trip, one more story, to Sarah Jane Smith?
What about those she's leaving behind?
He knows humans die. He hates it, hates how fragile they are. So breakable. Sarah is breaking now, shattering and leaving. He supposes it's not his place to feel like she is leaving him - after all, he abandoned her first. But once they met again… there was Sarah Jane, always there, fighting aliens in her own backyard. Grounding him, reminding him about his family on Earth. Reminding him that he always has people to come back to. It's too easy to forget sometimes.
She smiles at him - she knows his regret. And she supports him when he sits next to her. She comforts him when he struggles against the injustice. Dries his tears. Shouldn't it work the other way around? But she is so ready, ready for anything. No matter what, she's still that inquisitive, Earth-saving journalist. She's fantastic. She always has been. He had thought she always would be.
He will miss her so much.
He's the one who's with her when she dies. He sees her breath leave her body, sees her life float away. She lies there, still and empty. Just a shell. Her face dims, but the smile stays. Smiling at him. At this new adventure. She's beautiful when she smiles.
But then, she's always beautiful.
Goodbye, Sarah. Farewell, my Sarah Jane. You'll always have a place in my hearts.
I'm still crying. This doesn't half do her justice. Rest in peace, Elisabeth Sladen.