Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to George Lucas, Jude
Watson, Dave Wolverton and probably a few other people. No infringement
intended.
Author's Note: Please review. I would love to know whether you like my story before continuing writing. Please consider that English is not my mother tongue. I appreciate any comments about my grammar, style, etc.
I know that this is the subject of many fanfics but I hope that the plot with Xanatos is a new idea. Anyway, I haven't read it up to now.
WARNING: This deals with the topic of child abuse, although it has no graphic scenes.
Scars and Beginnings
Chapter 1
"Good morning. Rise and shine. Come on, we've got a busy day ahead of us." The only answer to the cheerful announcement was an incoherent mumble from under the blanket, that remained, however, unheard. As Xanatos blinked into the bright sunlight that streamed into his room, he knew that his Master would be in one of those moods, where the description 'energetic' was a great understatement. The twenty-year-old slowly got to his feet and stumbled more than walked into the fresher.
When the first fogginess had left his mind, he recalled just why he had been up later than usual. Today he would teach the 13 to 14-year-old apprentices in 'Cultures and Politics in the Mid-Rim' and the preparation for the class had taken well into the night. After a partially refreshing shower he joined his Master in the living area for breakfast.
"You know, sometimes I wonder where the enthusiastic boy from seven years ago went to." Qui-Gon Jinn said with an amused grin on his face.
His Padawan shot him a glare. "He vanished shortly after you started with your early-morning-what-a-great-day-wake-up-call."
Qui-Gon only chuckled. "Better eat up, we're beginning 'sabre practice in half an hour." At this, Xanatos' face lit up. He had always liked 'sabre training.
Practice went by smoothly, save for a little lack of concentration on Xanatos' part. Qui-Gon let it go, since it was probably due to the nervousness his Padawan was experiencing before his first lesson with the children. Together they made their way back to their quarters to change.
Half an hour later Xanatos stood in a class of 16 Padawans who all looked at him expectantly. He gathered his thoughts and began. "Good morning My name is Xanatos and this is Cultures and Politics class, so if you're in the wrong class better leave now and I promise I won't tell your Masters."
That earned a few laughs from some of the children. Good. The ice was broken. Xanatos had looked the children up as a preparation for the lessons and so he already knew their names.
"Can anybody tell me which form of state the 4 planets of the Famog system have?" A small Dresselian boy in the front row lifted his hand. "Reeft?"
"They have a constitutional monarchy. They are ruled by a king and a queen who are elected every 5 years directly by the people."
"That's right. Very good, Reeft." Xanatos said. The boy smiled proudly and all the wrinkles in his face hid any features almost completely.
The young man continued his lesson in this manner, asking questions and explaining everything, sometimes also relating a funny story from one of the many missions his Master and he had been on. The students seemed to like it and Xanatos was pleased with their progress.
At the end of the lesson he realized that all but one child had actively participated. A thirteen-year-old boy with ginger-coloured hair and blue- green eyes sat between Reeft and Garen. He dutifully wrote everything down that was being said but didn't contribute anything.
"So, now that we know all these things about Famog, does anyone know what their most important holiday is?" Several hands rose up. "Obi-Wan? How about you?"
The boy looked up with a shocked expression on his face. "The...the holiday?" he stammered.
"Yes, can you tell me which one it is?" Xanatos asked in a friendly voice.
"He doesn't know anything. He's just a baby." Bruck Chun, a human boy of the same age said. A few kids laughed. Reeft and Garen didn't. They looked down at their tables. Obi-Wan blushed deeply.
"I think Obi-Wan can say for himself whether he can answer the question or not." Xanatos said sternly.
"The most important holiday is the Jarriot day, named after Len Jarriot, who fought for independence of the planets, which were oppressed by the neighboring system until 200 standard years ago." The answer was so soft, that it could hardly be heard and the boy didn't look at his teacher while saying the words.
"That's correct. Well done. That's it for today. I will see you the day after tomorrow." Obi-Wan didn't smile but just grabbed his books and fled from the room. Garen and Reeft followed. Xanatos briefly considered asking the boy what was wrong, but then decided against it. Maybe he just had a bad day and it would be better next time.
Contented the senior Padawan went back to his quarters. The first lesson had definitely gone well.
*************************
Qui-Gon Jinn couldn't deny that he felt very proud of his Padawan. And he wasn't even sure he wanted to deny it. The boy certainly seemed to get along with the children. Over the next weeks he sometimes sat up until late in the night preparing for his classes. But he also seemed preoccupied sometimes, especially when they were in the gym for saber practice and some of his students were there in the care of their saber teacher, Master Linko. But Qui-Gon didn't prod the young man. He knew that Xanatos only needed time and would come forth with what troubled him soon enough. At least he hoped so.
Obi-Wan Kenobi was a mystery to Xanatos. The boy seemed to be quite intelligent and a quick and hardworking student. However, he never voluntarily participated in class and only answered to questions when directly adressed. His answers were always correct and right to the point.
One day, after several weeks had passed since the first lesson, Xanatos decided to confront the boy. When the children started filing out of the room, Obi-Wan one of the first as always, he asked the boy to have a word with him. The young Padawan looked up at him, seemingly shocked for a moment before averting his eyes to the floor again. His tutor saw Bruck Chun smirk but refrained from commenting on it. What was it with these two boys? Garen and Reeft lingered in the doorway, obviously wanting to wait for their friend, but Xanatos told them to go on. Obi-Wan paled a bit more.
The young man decided to get straight to the point: "Obi-Wan, what is wrong with you? You are not a bad student at all. Why do you never say anything?" The boy didn't answer, but only continued to stare at the ground. Xanatos was getting impatient. "I asked you a question, Padawan. And look at me when I'm talking to you!"
Kenobi's head jerked up at the stern words. His words came out as a whisper: "I'm sorry, Padawan Xanatos. It will not happen again."
That didn't exactly answer the question, but Xanatos saw that the boy was frightened and let it go. "All right, Obi-Wan. Go on now and join your friends." The small boy all but ran from the room. OK, so he had seen the fear in the boy. The question now was of what he was so afraid? It wasn't as if Xanatos had punished him for anything. He sighed and, looking at his chrono, saw that it was time for mid-meal.
When Xanatos entered the dining hall, he immediately spotted his Master. Carrying a tray of food, he joined him at the table. "Hello, Master."
"Hello, Xani. How was your lesson?"
"It was ok", the young man replied, his eyes searching for Obi-Wan at the table of the junior Padawans. The boy sat in his usual spot, talking to his friends and even smiling a bit. Next to him, Bant, a Calamarian girl of 11, related an obviously funny story because all the other children around her were laughing heartily.
//What are you thinking of, Padawan?//
The question in his mind jerked him out of his thoughts. "Nothing of importance, Master." he answered aloud. But Qui-Gon knew better.
Suddenly a shout from the other side of the hall penetrated their conversation. "What's the matter, Oafy? Can't even defend yourself? Need a girl to do it?" Bruck was standing behind Obi-Wan, who didn't turn his head but blushed a deep shade of red. Bant was standing up and glaring at Bruck.
"Now, now, what is all the commotion about?" It was Adi Gallia, who tried to calm the young Padawans.
"Bruck threw food at us and insulted Obi-Wan!" Bant called, outraged.
"Can you confirm this, Padawan Kenobi?"
Obi-Wan looked briefly at the threatening expression on Bruck's face and then whispered: "No, Master Gallia."
Bant looked shocked: "But how can you let him do this to you?"
The boy said nothing and just stared at his tray. As soon as everyone had calmed down and was minding their own business again, he stood up and left the hall. Xanatos stared after him. What was wrong with the boy? He decided to ask his other teachers for any strange behaviour.
He turned to his Master who observed him quietly. "Do you know who his Master is?"
"Kenobi's? I believe it's Master Rin Calan. Why?"
"Oh, just interested. Please excuse me, Master, I have a few matters to attend to. Will I see you at supper?"
"If you plan to take it in our quarters I believe I will see you." Qui-Gon answered with a trace of a smile on his face. Xanatos gave him a nod and a brief smile of his own and then left the dining hall. He had to find out what was troubling the child so deeply.
***********************
As Obi-Wan left the dining-hall and headed for the meditation-gardens he silently berated himself for drawing attention. His Master wouldn't be pleased. The Padawan let himself drop beside a large tree in one of the gardens and looked out across the lake. He loved the water. It was always so peaceful. When he dived, it drowned out all sounds and left him with a feeling of weightlessness that let him forget his clumsiness. He knew he was clumsy but couldn't do anything about it. He also knew that Bant, Garen and Reeft were becoming suspicious of his odd behaviour and the fact that he missed his lessons so often. His Master wouldn't be pleased at all. Obi- Wan let out a long sigh and dropped his head to his hands. Sometimes he wondered if it was all his fault. After all, he didn't think that the other Padawans got treated the way he did. If only he paid better attention to his Master's lessons. If only he wasn't so incapable.
***********************
Master Linko was putting away the exercise droids he had used in the advanced Padawans' class that day when he saw Xanatos coming towards him. He smiled in welcome. He had always liked the boy, partly because he was Qui-Gon's apprentice, with whom he had been friends for many years, and partly because he had always been one of his best students. "Xanatos, it's good to see you. How are you?"
"I'm fine, thank you, Master. How are you?"
"Oh, you know, I played sabacc with your Master yesterday, and the days after that, I usually don't feel so good."
Xanatos laughed but quickly became serious again. "Master, I would like to talk to you about one of your younger students."
Linko smiled again. "Ah yes, I heard that you're now teaching the 13-year- olds. Culture and Politics in the Mid-Rim, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is. I'm worried about a boy named Obi-Wan Kenobi. He's really good, quick and very attentive, but he's very quiet, disconcertingly so. Is this the same in your class?"
Linko frowned and gave Xanatos an understanding but worried look. "Yes, I've noticed. However, what is more disconcerting to me than his shyness is the fact that he actually seems to have a talent for sparring but somehow seems to simply be unable to execute some of the moves. Not because he doesn't understand them but because he can't make his body do them. I have to admit, that I'm also at a loss as to what to do about the boy."
Xanatos didn't like this at all. But there was another thing. "Master, does he often fight with Bruck Chun?"
The frown on Linkos forehead seemed to become deeper with this question. "Unfortunately the two have been fighting with each other from earliest childhood on. Chun has always been a bit of a bully but I, as well as the Council hope that this character flaw will lessen now that he is a Padawan."
Xanatos sighed. He sincerely hoped so, too. For Obi-Wan's sake. "Well, thank you, Master Linko. I will probably try speaking with his Master about his behaviour."
"Do that, Padawan. May the force be with you."
"And with you, Master."
*************************
Qui-Gon watched his Padawan pick at his food for five minutes before he decided that they finally needed to talk about what was bothering him. "Xanatos, what's the matter with you? You have been preoccupied lately. Is there something you wish to talk about?"
The young man heaved a great sigh. "Master, if you observed odd behaviour from a child here at the Temple would you talk to his Master or would you just let it go and mind your own business?"
Qui-Gon was a bit surprised by the question. "Well, I would say that it depends on how unusual this behaviour is and for how long I had observed it?" He hesitated for a moment and then asked: "Is this about the Kenobi boy?"
Xanatos looked up in surprise but then moved his eyes back to his food. "Yes, it is. I don't know what to do about him. He always seems troubled and afraid of talking to anyone but his close friends. This should not be normal behaviour for a Padawan."
Qui-Gon looked thoughtful and then answered, "You're right. It's not normal, but is it cause for alarm?"
"I believe it is. I've observed him for three weeks now and it just doesn't get better. Do you think I should talk to Master Calan?"
"Maybe you should. Just try not to be accusatory. Calan is known for being a little testy when criticised."
"Yes, Master." Qui-Gon nodded and continued eating but secretly he was very proud of his Padawan. He had been about to suggest speaking with Calan himself but was pleased immensely when Xanatos had wanted to do it. Taking responsibility was a part of a Jedi's life from an early stage but that the young man had suggested it himself was a sure sign that he was nearing Knighthood. Maybe Qui-Gon was a bit too easily pleased, a bit too blind to his Padawan's faults but at the moment he really didn't care.
The next evening found Xanatos staring out at the busy traffic that never ceased on the Capital of the Republic. He had finally spoken to Master Calan. The man had listened to him patiently and thanked him for his concern. He had promised to talk to his Padawan about what was troubling him. He had seemed just as worried as any Master would have been, so why didn't this feel right?
It must be the fear I always sense in the boy. Personally, Xanatos didn't think fear was a bad thing. It was just a warning that one should be cautious. He knew that his Master thought fear had no place in a Jedi's life. But the young Padawan had always thought differently about these things. He would certainly not tell Qui-Gon about these feelings. Xanatos heaved a sigh and turned back to his room. Something was nagging at the edge of his consciousness but he couldn't grasp it. Maybe a bit of sleep would clear his mind enough to permit him to think straight again. He lay down and waited for sleep to claim him. It was a long time before it finally did.
**************************
Obi-Wan Kenobi was staring at the traffic outside his room in the Temple. He loved this place. When he was alone in his room and all the lights were out he could pretend that he was a part of that busy world out there, where one decided for himself what was best, where one didn't depend on anyone, where one was free. Freedom. When he had been an initiate he had never thought about freedom. The crèche had been his home. He never would have wanted to be anywhere else. Now, however...he knew that he had no right to be angry or disappointed. It was really his own fault. If he had not been so obvious in Padawan Xanatos' class none of this would have happened. He knew this as a fact, his Master had told him. And his Master was one of the wisest men of the Order. He had heard other Jedi say that. His Master always knew what was best for him. He needed to learn discipline. He needed to accept that he wasn't as good as all the other children.
The angry voice of the man still echoed inside his head: 'Xanatos told me that you are lazy.' 'I always knew that you are worthless.' 'Can't you even manage the easiest of classes?' 'I should really just drop you. Do you know how lucky you are that you even have a Master?' 'If I hear one sound from you, I will not put up with you any longer. It's your own fault I have to do this.' As those words flew around in his head, a lone tear made its way down his cheek. His Master was right. He was worthless. His inability to avoid drawing attention to himself proved that. He wouldn't go to classes tomorrow. The bruise on his left cheek was too visible. He knew that would make Xanatos even more suspicious, but there was nothing he could do about it. He drew himself into a tighter ball on the windowsill and sobbed silently.
Author's Note: Please review. I would love to know whether you like my story before continuing writing. Please consider that English is not my mother tongue. I appreciate any comments about my grammar, style, etc.
I know that this is the subject of many fanfics but I hope that the plot with Xanatos is a new idea. Anyway, I haven't read it up to now.
WARNING: This deals with the topic of child abuse, although it has no graphic scenes.
Scars and Beginnings
Chapter 1
"Good morning. Rise and shine. Come on, we've got a busy day ahead of us." The only answer to the cheerful announcement was an incoherent mumble from under the blanket, that remained, however, unheard. As Xanatos blinked into the bright sunlight that streamed into his room, he knew that his Master would be in one of those moods, where the description 'energetic' was a great understatement. The twenty-year-old slowly got to his feet and stumbled more than walked into the fresher.
When the first fogginess had left his mind, he recalled just why he had been up later than usual. Today he would teach the 13 to 14-year-old apprentices in 'Cultures and Politics in the Mid-Rim' and the preparation for the class had taken well into the night. After a partially refreshing shower he joined his Master in the living area for breakfast.
"You know, sometimes I wonder where the enthusiastic boy from seven years ago went to." Qui-Gon Jinn said with an amused grin on his face.
His Padawan shot him a glare. "He vanished shortly after you started with your early-morning-what-a-great-day-wake-up-call."
Qui-Gon only chuckled. "Better eat up, we're beginning 'sabre practice in half an hour." At this, Xanatos' face lit up. He had always liked 'sabre training.
Practice went by smoothly, save for a little lack of concentration on Xanatos' part. Qui-Gon let it go, since it was probably due to the nervousness his Padawan was experiencing before his first lesson with the children. Together they made their way back to their quarters to change.
Half an hour later Xanatos stood in a class of 16 Padawans who all looked at him expectantly. He gathered his thoughts and began. "Good morning My name is Xanatos and this is Cultures and Politics class, so if you're in the wrong class better leave now and I promise I won't tell your Masters."
That earned a few laughs from some of the children. Good. The ice was broken. Xanatos had looked the children up as a preparation for the lessons and so he already knew their names.
"Can anybody tell me which form of state the 4 planets of the Famog system have?" A small Dresselian boy in the front row lifted his hand. "Reeft?"
"They have a constitutional monarchy. They are ruled by a king and a queen who are elected every 5 years directly by the people."
"That's right. Very good, Reeft." Xanatos said. The boy smiled proudly and all the wrinkles in his face hid any features almost completely.
The young man continued his lesson in this manner, asking questions and explaining everything, sometimes also relating a funny story from one of the many missions his Master and he had been on. The students seemed to like it and Xanatos was pleased with their progress.
At the end of the lesson he realized that all but one child had actively participated. A thirteen-year-old boy with ginger-coloured hair and blue- green eyes sat between Reeft and Garen. He dutifully wrote everything down that was being said but didn't contribute anything.
"So, now that we know all these things about Famog, does anyone know what their most important holiday is?" Several hands rose up. "Obi-Wan? How about you?"
The boy looked up with a shocked expression on his face. "The...the holiday?" he stammered.
"Yes, can you tell me which one it is?" Xanatos asked in a friendly voice.
"He doesn't know anything. He's just a baby." Bruck Chun, a human boy of the same age said. A few kids laughed. Reeft and Garen didn't. They looked down at their tables. Obi-Wan blushed deeply.
"I think Obi-Wan can say for himself whether he can answer the question or not." Xanatos said sternly.
"The most important holiday is the Jarriot day, named after Len Jarriot, who fought for independence of the planets, which were oppressed by the neighboring system until 200 standard years ago." The answer was so soft, that it could hardly be heard and the boy didn't look at his teacher while saying the words.
"That's correct. Well done. That's it for today. I will see you the day after tomorrow." Obi-Wan didn't smile but just grabbed his books and fled from the room. Garen and Reeft followed. Xanatos briefly considered asking the boy what was wrong, but then decided against it. Maybe he just had a bad day and it would be better next time.
Contented the senior Padawan went back to his quarters. The first lesson had definitely gone well.
*************************
Qui-Gon Jinn couldn't deny that he felt very proud of his Padawan. And he wasn't even sure he wanted to deny it. The boy certainly seemed to get along with the children. Over the next weeks he sometimes sat up until late in the night preparing for his classes. But he also seemed preoccupied sometimes, especially when they were in the gym for saber practice and some of his students were there in the care of their saber teacher, Master Linko. But Qui-Gon didn't prod the young man. He knew that Xanatos only needed time and would come forth with what troubled him soon enough. At least he hoped so.
Obi-Wan Kenobi was a mystery to Xanatos. The boy seemed to be quite intelligent and a quick and hardworking student. However, he never voluntarily participated in class and only answered to questions when directly adressed. His answers were always correct and right to the point.
One day, after several weeks had passed since the first lesson, Xanatos decided to confront the boy. When the children started filing out of the room, Obi-Wan one of the first as always, he asked the boy to have a word with him. The young Padawan looked up at him, seemingly shocked for a moment before averting his eyes to the floor again. His tutor saw Bruck Chun smirk but refrained from commenting on it. What was it with these two boys? Garen and Reeft lingered in the doorway, obviously wanting to wait for their friend, but Xanatos told them to go on. Obi-Wan paled a bit more.
The young man decided to get straight to the point: "Obi-Wan, what is wrong with you? You are not a bad student at all. Why do you never say anything?" The boy didn't answer, but only continued to stare at the ground. Xanatos was getting impatient. "I asked you a question, Padawan. And look at me when I'm talking to you!"
Kenobi's head jerked up at the stern words. His words came out as a whisper: "I'm sorry, Padawan Xanatos. It will not happen again."
That didn't exactly answer the question, but Xanatos saw that the boy was frightened and let it go. "All right, Obi-Wan. Go on now and join your friends." The small boy all but ran from the room. OK, so he had seen the fear in the boy. The question now was of what he was so afraid? It wasn't as if Xanatos had punished him for anything. He sighed and, looking at his chrono, saw that it was time for mid-meal.
When Xanatos entered the dining hall, he immediately spotted his Master. Carrying a tray of food, he joined him at the table. "Hello, Master."
"Hello, Xani. How was your lesson?"
"It was ok", the young man replied, his eyes searching for Obi-Wan at the table of the junior Padawans. The boy sat in his usual spot, talking to his friends and even smiling a bit. Next to him, Bant, a Calamarian girl of 11, related an obviously funny story because all the other children around her were laughing heartily.
//What are you thinking of, Padawan?//
The question in his mind jerked him out of his thoughts. "Nothing of importance, Master." he answered aloud. But Qui-Gon knew better.
Suddenly a shout from the other side of the hall penetrated their conversation. "What's the matter, Oafy? Can't even defend yourself? Need a girl to do it?" Bruck was standing behind Obi-Wan, who didn't turn his head but blushed a deep shade of red. Bant was standing up and glaring at Bruck.
"Now, now, what is all the commotion about?" It was Adi Gallia, who tried to calm the young Padawans.
"Bruck threw food at us and insulted Obi-Wan!" Bant called, outraged.
"Can you confirm this, Padawan Kenobi?"
Obi-Wan looked briefly at the threatening expression on Bruck's face and then whispered: "No, Master Gallia."
Bant looked shocked: "But how can you let him do this to you?"
The boy said nothing and just stared at his tray. As soon as everyone had calmed down and was minding their own business again, he stood up and left the hall. Xanatos stared after him. What was wrong with the boy? He decided to ask his other teachers for any strange behaviour.
He turned to his Master who observed him quietly. "Do you know who his Master is?"
"Kenobi's? I believe it's Master Rin Calan. Why?"
"Oh, just interested. Please excuse me, Master, I have a few matters to attend to. Will I see you at supper?"
"If you plan to take it in our quarters I believe I will see you." Qui-Gon answered with a trace of a smile on his face. Xanatos gave him a nod and a brief smile of his own and then left the dining hall. He had to find out what was troubling the child so deeply.
***********************
As Obi-Wan left the dining-hall and headed for the meditation-gardens he silently berated himself for drawing attention. His Master wouldn't be pleased. The Padawan let himself drop beside a large tree in one of the gardens and looked out across the lake. He loved the water. It was always so peaceful. When he dived, it drowned out all sounds and left him with a feeling of weightlessness that let him forget his clumsiness. He knew he was clumsy but couldn't do anything about it. He also knew that Bant, Garen and Reeft were becoming suspicious of his odd behaviour and the fact that he missed his lessons so often. His Master wouldn't be pleased at all. Obi- Wan let out a long sigh and dropped his head to his hands. Sometimes he wondered if it was all his fault. After all, he didn't think that the other Padawans got treated the way he did. If only he paid better attention to his Master's lessons. If only he wasn't so incapable.
***********************
Master Linko was putting away the exercise droids he had used in the advanced Padawans' class that day when he saw Xanatos coming towards him. He smiled in welcome. He had always liked the boy, partly because he was Qui-Gon's apprentice, with whom he had been friends for many years, and partly because he had always been one of his best students. "Xanatos, it's good to see you. How are you?"
"I'm fine, thank you, Master. How are you?"
"Oh, you know, I played sabacc with your Master yesterday, and the days after that, I usually don't feel so good."
Xanatos laughed but quickly became serious again. "Master, I would like to talk to you about one of your younger students."
Linko smiled again. "Ah yes, I heard that you're now teaching the 13-year- olds. Culture and Politics in the Mid-Rim, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is. I'm worried about a boy named Obi-Wan Kenobi. He's really good, quick and very attentive, but he's very quiet, disconcertingly so. Is this the same in your class?"
Linko frowned and gave Xanatos an understanding but worried look. "Yes, I've noticed. However, what is more disconcerting to me than his shyness is the fact that he actually seems to have a talent for sparring but somehow seems to simply be unable to execute some of the moves. Not because he doesn't understand them but because he can't make his body do them. I have to admit, that I'm also at a loss as to what to do about the boy."
Xanatos didn't like this at all. But there was another thing. "Master, does he often fight with Bruck Chun?"
The frown on Linkos forehead seemed to become deeper with this question. "Unfortunately the two have been fighting with each other from earliest childhood on. Chun has always been a bit of a bully but I, as well as the Council hope that this character flaw will lessen now that he is a Padawan."
Xanatos sighed. He sincerely hoped so, too. For Obi-Wan's sake. "Well, thank you, Master Linko. I will probably try speaking with his Master about his behaviour."
"Do that, Padawan. May the force be with you."
"And with you, Master."
*************************
Qui-Gon watched his Padawan pick at his food for five minutes before he decided that they finally needed to talk about what was bothering him. "Xanatos, what's the matter with you? You have been preoccupied lately. Is there something you wish to talk about?"
The young man heaved a great sigh. "Master, if you observed odd behaviour from a child here at the Temple would you talk to his Master or would you just let it go and mind your own business?"
Qui-Gon was a bit surprised by the question. "Well, I would say that it depends on how unusual this behaviour is and for how long I had observed it?" He hesitated for a moment and then asked: "Is this about the Kenobi boy?"
Xanatos looked up in surprise but then moved his eyes back to his food. "Yes, it is. I don't know what to do about him. He always seems troubled and afraid of talking to anyone but his close friends. This should not be normal behaviour for a Padawan."
Qui-Gon looked thoughtful and then answered, "You're right. It's not normal, but is it cause for alarm?"
"I believe it is. I've observed him for three weeks now and it just doesn't get better. Do you think I should talk to Master Calan?"
"Maybe you should. Just try not to be accusatory. Calan is known for being a little testy when criticised."
"Yes, Master." Qui-Gon nodded and continued eating but secretly he was very proud of his Padawan. He had been about to suggest speaking with Calan himself but was pleased immensely when Xanatos had wanted to do it. Taking responsibility was a part of a Jedi's life from an early stage but that the young man had suggested it himself was a sure sign that he was nearing Knighthood. Maybe Qui-Gon was a bit too easily pleased, a bit too blind to his Padawan's faults but at the moment he really didn't care.
The next evening found Xanatos staring out at the busy traffic that never ceased on the Capital of the Republic. He had finally spoken to Master Calan. The man had listened to him patiently and thanked him for his concern. He had promised to talk to his Padawan about what was troubling him. He had seemed just as worried as any Master would have been, so why didn't this feel right?
It must be the fear I always sense in the boy. Personally, Xanatos didn't think fear was a bad thing. It was just a warning that one should be cautious. He knew that his Master thought fear had no place in a Jedi's life. But the young Padawan had always thought differently about these things. He would certainly not tell Qui-Gon about these feelings. Xanatos heaved a sigh and turned back to his room. Something was nagging at the edge of his consciousness but he couldn't grasp it. Maybe a bit of sleep would clear his mind enough to permit him to think straight again. He lay down and waited for sleep to claim him. It was a long time before it finally did.
**************************
Obi-Wan Kenobi was staring at the traffic outside his room in the Temple. He loved this place. When he was alone in his room and all the lights were out he could pretend that he was a part of that busy world out there, where one decided for himself what was best, where one didn't depend on anyone, where one was free. Freedom. When he had been an initiate he had never thought about freedom. The crèche had been his home. He never would have wanted to be anywhere else. Now, however...he knew that he had no right to be angry or disappointed. It was really his own fault. If he had not been so obvious in Padawan Xanatos' class none of this would have happened. He knew this as a fact, his Master had told him. And his Master was one of the wisest men of the Order. He had heard other Jedi say that. His Master always knew what was best for him. He needed to learn discipline. He needed to accept that he wasn't as good as all the other children.
The angry voice of the man still echoed inside his head: 'Xanatos told me that you are lazy.' 'I always knew that you are worthless.' 'Can't you even manage the easiest of classes?' 'I should really just drop you. Do you know how lucky you are that you even have a Master?' 'If I hear one sound from you, I will not put up with you any longer. It's your own fault I have to do this.' As those words flew around in his head, a lone tear made its way down his cheek. His Master was right. He was worthless. His inability to avoid drawing attention to himself proved that. He wouldn't go to classes tomorrow. The bruise on his left cheek was too visible. He knew that would make Xanatos even more suspicious, but there was nothing he could do about it. He drew himself into a tighter ball on the windowsill and sobbed silently.