ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS DIMPLES AND FRECKLES
Part 1.
Sam is a holiday grouch. It's not purposeful but he just is. The weather is cold and miserable, peace and joy just whisper of everything he never had and probably can never have. He's never outright and yelled "bah humbug!" at Dean but he sure as hell has been pretty close.
Dean is all warmth and easy happiness. Netflix's rewatched and rewatched Christmas movies come to haunt Sam yet again and hot chocolate with peppermint sticks replace the apple cider Dean brings home before Sam can begin to appreciate its spicy autumn flavor.
Classic Christmas tunes rumble out and wash over him in his brother's deep tones as Dean fixes their meals and serves him a decanter of fine whiskey as they sit down to 'Its A Wonderful Life' and Dean knows that he is the only reason Sam is forcing himself under the worst torture this side of hell. Sam gives him discreet fond smiles when they go out, if anything he likes the way Christmas lights reflect in Dean's glazed-over green eyes as his brother sits enraptured by the trillions and trillions of lights in nearly orgasmic pleasure.
And there it is, the one thing that keeps Sam this side of sane during the holiday months. His brother. That shining light always resilient no matter what darkness they face. Sam doesn't know how he goes on illuminating everything around him all the time. Doesn't know how even while the world tries to twist itself into a bright, beautiful, GOOD thing over the holidays Dean still outshines and puts all their efforts to shame.
But he does know Dean is what keeps him going. Even after the mess with Lucifer, even after he paints Dean the picture of their failure all too clearly...Dean still looks to him and tells him with conviction that bleeds into Sam.
"...and we will stop him, we will. It's what we do, man." And Dean's glance slips to Sam's eyes and he feels that even though they're in this with Cas and Crowley and Rowena and the rest of the freaking world that what really matters? Is he and his brother. And it makes him feel guilty, but god help him, he loves it. He loves that assurance. The trust, the comfortable balance of self-deprecation and self preservation that Sam and Dean allow in each other.
A couple of days before Christmas Eve they grin at each other over a slain pair of vamps, blood sprayed over his brother's face, hands shaking from the adrenaline of the hunt. Dean leaves the radio in the vampire's car playing Frank Sinatra's 'Home For Christmas' and Sam shivers as they walk away from a job well done, from dark things erased from the face of the earth. He feels horrified and somewhat high with the joined terror of their job and the normality of the Christmas music.
They settle in Baby and they both smile as they chase away the wintery night chill with long thrown back gulps from Dean's flask. And for once in all their years of being together Sam doesn't question the presence of alcohol, knows his brother is in control and is thankful for Dean's foresight.
The Christmas music Dean plays is new and a little jazzy-popish but Sam doesn't mind. The music washes over them. Lights reflecting on the impala's sleek, waxed finish as well as Dean's wide, slightly buzzed eyes. And Sam considers he can handle a holiday season like this. Of course things never quite turn out the way a Winchester wants them to.
...
Dean feels a little hazy, drunk on steam and crashing adrenaline as he climbs out of the shower. The simple decapitating spree had been just what he and Sam had needed to boil their blood a little and then settle them down again. Sam needed serious help relaxing, like Dean even thought about taking him to get a massage kind of serious help relaxing.
(Dean knew the perfect place, or knew who has a perfect place in Lebanon and boy, was she cute or what? AND she had Christmas lights...and Dean had a feeling she would be glad to give Sam's happy ending to him. Since he's pretty sure Sam didn't like those kinds of massages, though let's face it, what man didn't? Weird Sam.)
Turns out the vampire hunt saved his money and the blow to Sam's masculinity. Even though Sam didn't have good enough sense and would have probably loved a simple, boring massage with incense burning and some meditative crap playing. Or the third album of Vince Vincte...seriously he's never going to get rid of that thick, uneasy feeling in his stomach that he has somehow terribly failed his little brother.
As it is he very sure he's going to find his little brother in the kitchen inhaling hot cocoa or coffee and lazily beginning to research a way to defeat Lucifer from the bunker's vast knowledge. The only problem is they both know there isn't, but Sam is stubborn and he is losing his grip on the importance of earth and humanity no matter how bad it's gotten.
Dean pulls on sweats, socks, a t-shirt and his robe for added warmth. He revels in the soreness of his muscles as he gingerly walks down the three shallow stairs into the bunker's kitchen. Sam is there as predicted iPad and several reference books spread on their table, dressed in his night clothes and drops of wetness on his shoulders from his drying hair. And Dean wants to use his arm to brush all the books and even the iPad violently to the floor and then replace them with pies and force Sam into an eating contest.
However he only lets his jaw clench momentarily and his left hand clench into a fist that almost loosens immediately. He's a little frustrated, but really Sam's got every right. He opens the fridge to find some Chinese noodles and sweet 'n sour chicken. He fills a plate and warms it in the microwave.
With an ice cold canned coke he lowers himself to sit across from Sam with his supper. Sam acknowledges him by pulling his books out of the way and making room for his brother. Dean grimaces at the cold, oily coffee in his brother's cup and digs in gratefully to his warm plate.
"That smells good." Sam mumbles into his hand where it's propping up his chin with his elbow on the table. His eyes don't even lift from the iPad where he's scrolling down some list of files no doubt.
"Want some?" Dean asks through a full mouth, cracking open the coke.
"Yeah," Sam nods, "That would be great."
Dean rolls his eyes as he fixes Sam a plate. So eager to get home from a freaking vamp kill and research that he forgot he just might need to refuel. Standard Sammy. He nukes Sam an even bigger plate of leftovers knowing Sam needed to eat while he was actually hungry for food, sometimes when he got fixated on something getting him to eat was an impossibility even for Dean Winchester.
He looks over at Sam to find him sipping unconcernedly from his coke, while still looking at his iPad.
"Hey!" He says sharply, and Sam looks at him. "That's mine."
Sam shrugs and gives him a smile that says, 'like you're gonna do anything about.'
Dean sighs and grabs another coke from the fridge for himself and Sam's plate and a fork for his brother. "Freaking baby," he mumbles under his breath. Sam holds out a hand for his plate and Dean stops a foot away.
"Oh no." He says, fixing his gaze on his brother severely. "Set aside the books and the iPad or else none of this for you."
Sam just huffs and pushes everything over with his arm much like Dean had been contemplating earlier.
"Thank you." Dean gives him a sweet smile as he places the overflowing plate before him and the fork in Sam's outstretched hand.
Sam shakes his head with a little chuckle and rubs at the crease in between his eyebrows. "I guess I do get kinda carried away sometimes."
Dean eyes him pointedly, "You guess?"
Sam sighs with the refreshing taste of the coke, "Just what I needed."
"Eat up." Dean mumbles through his food, pointing at the plate with his fork. "Before you get sidetracked."
"I have a little more of an attention span than that, Dean."
Dean lets out a scoffing laugh at that and Sam throws a long sticky noodle at him. Dean looks absolutely affronted when it lands over the bridge of his nose. Sam loses it snorting coke up his nose and coughing with the burning fizziness of the sensation.
"That's what you get," Dean says sulkily, peeling the noodle off his nose and throwing it back in Sam's plate. "Bitch."
"Ew," Sam objects as he picks the noodle out of his plate, "I'm not eating that, jerk."
"Well, neither am I," Dean snorts.
Sam leaves it on the table.
The rest of their supper passes in relative silence and slowly Sam's eyes grow deep and warm...he's thinking about something.
He's leaning his chin against his palm again savoring the fizzy taste of the coke on his tongue on this rare occasion that he's not drinking either beer, coffee or water. He's got a few forkfuls of noodles left and Dean is thankful and surprised at the amount he ate. He twist and untwists his fork in the left over noodles watching them curl and uncurl easily.
"What's on your mind?" Dean asks bluntly, from where he's making coffee, placing two cups out for the ready.
Sam frowns, his fingers coming back up to rub at his forehead in between his eyebrows. "I can't stop thinking about what he said."
"Who?" Dean asks, even though he already knows who Sam is talking about.
Sam's eyes jump up to his in slight annoyance, but the he relaxes again and a melancholy that twists unpleasantly in Dean's heart settles over him. "Lucifer. He said all of this," he waves vaguely around them and Dean gets he's talking about this earth and humanity. "All this is meaningless..." it hangs in the air a moment before Sam musters up the courage to continue.
"Do you ever wonder...wonder what we mean, wonder if it's worth it. Worth it to fight so hard for something that's inevitably gonna end anyways?"
Dean looks at him for a moment, strange, new hurt in his chest.
"No, no I don't." He says, setting a steaming cup of coffee in front of his brother and leaving the room with his own in hand.
He finds suddenly that he just has to get out of that room. A new anger and ache in his chest with Sam's doubts as he stands breathing shallowly in the library. He's surprised with how much it hurts him and weighs him down. And he thinks maybe it's because they are growing immeasurably closer, because Dean feels a little betrayed...
Why do you always listen to him? He wants to scream at Sam. Why do you always let him get to you? Why do you always listen to his lies?
He feels the sting of wetness in his eyes and angrily jerks his head away from where he's looking at the doorway as if Sam will suddenly appear to apologize. He takes a punishing sip of scalding hot coffee and thinks comfortingly to himself that Sam will come around. Will shake himself from this mellow. That he's just a little depressed at being exposed to Lucifer again and his hair rock fav dying.
He slouches down into one of the comfy leather chairs wrapping his hands around the warm coffee mug and bites his lip for a moment in boredom. He likes the quiet and warmth of the bunker wrapping around him and carrying him to mostly pleasant placing in his mind's eye. But he doesn't particularly like being alone.
He wishes Sam would come and sit with him, or they could go watch a movie or something. Maybe giggle over some whiskey and memories of some of their less life threatening stupid ideas. As it is he stares not discontentedly into the black coffee and watches it ripple with the movement of each of his breaths.
He smiles with a sudden thought and sits up, dragging his phone from the pocket in his sweats. He's been meaning to call and check on Jody, now would be the perfect time. With Sam trading him for Lucifer and broody thoughts of yes or no purpose that makes Dean's head hurt, he's happy for the distraction and company even if it's just over the phone.
Mom wasn't playing word games and Cas had stopped texting him a few hours ago. He frowns as the phone rings in his ear thinking of his best friend mucking around with Crowley, it still makes him unexplainably uneasy even though he grins thinking of Cas' naiveness.
A cheery salutation on the other end of the phone chases away Dean's shadowy thoughts.
"Hello? Dean?" He hears her happy tones, even though he detects a bit of worry there questioning why he'd be calling her again so soon.
"Hey Jody," he lets out smoothly. His voice always a little different, a little more of a drawl present when he's saying things he wants to say, to people he wants to say them to.
"Hey Dean," she returns lightly, "You boys good?"
"Oh yeah," he returns with a smile on his lips, stretching out in the chair and propping his feet up on another. "Calling to check on you actually. You good so far, after the possession and stuff?"
"Yeah," she says softer but still sure. Dean can still hear the mourning in her voice. "I guess losing Asa hurts a lot worse than actually being possessed, though it's definitely turned me into a jumpy thing." She chuckles and Dean echoes the sound.
"So how about you boys," she asks, deliberately getting the attention of her, Dean lets her. "How's the Christmas cheer over that way?"
"You know Sammy," Dean smirks, "Tree, lights, Christmas caroling...the whole nine yards."
"That bad?" She questions, with a smirk in her own voice.
"Nah," he says sipping on his coffee, "It's actually pretty good, he's less of a grinch then usual, so there's that at least."
He can almost see her now, standing looking out her front windows, head turned to the side listening to his voice so acutely that...
"Well what's up then, why do you sound down?" She asks.
Dean shrugs even though he knows she can't see it. "We ran back into Lucifer a few weeks ago and Sam's worked himself into a bog of feels and research and I hate it...I can't get him out of here for anything but work for the life of me. And I don't really care to take him hunting when he's feeling this down, you know?"
"The whole Lucifer thing is touchy for him, right?" She asks.
"Yeah, really touchy." Dean sighs, "But I guess we'll just ride it out like we always do." He smiles through a huffy sigh, "He's such a pain in the ass."
Jody only laughs, "Well, I know you wouldn't know what to do without him."
Dean shuts his eyes at the very words, the very abomination of the thought of being without him. Never, never, never. He'd sooner stay in the bunker and research for the rest of their existence then lose Sam.
"Dean?" He hears Jody asking against his ear.
"Sorry, what was that?" He asks.
He hears a smile in her voice, "I said, what are you boys doing for Christmas?"
"Oh." He says shortly, his brain starting up again to think something other than issamsafewhereissammycantgoonwithoutsammypleasewhereishegottakeephimsafehesthesunandthemooncantgoonwithouthim...
"Uhm, nothing probably. Read the Christmas story to Sammy before bed always makes him so fricking mad." He runs off in giggles his body humming with the liquor from earlier and the caffeine.
Jody joins him with a laugh. "How about you boys come here then, if you don't have any plans?"
Dean pauses, "We couldn't..."
"Dean," Jody says patiently, and he thinks maybe this is her mom voice. "You just said you didn't have any plans and you need to get Sam out of there right? Me and the girls could use more company, you know the more the merrier and the less awkward."
Dean laughs, "I don't know Jody, your dinner table doesn't really have a very good reputation of not be awkward."
She laughs at that. "Aw c'mon Dean, at least you know for sure the sex and birth control talk has already been taken care of."
He snorts a laugh at that. "Do I not know."
They both chuckle for a moment remembering the simply preposterous dinner they had last had together with Sam and the girls.
"So what do you say?" Jody asks, "I know you can't say no to a home cooked Christmas dinner."
Aw shit. The weak spot. Not only his weak spot...but Sam's too. And he rejoices because he now he knows just how he's going to convince Sam to come with him to South Dakota.
"Alright Jody," he says smiling, "We'll come, thanks."
"Great!" He hears the excitement in her voice. "Wait till I tell the girls."
"Oh yeah, I'm sure they'll be thrilled." He says sarcastically.
"Give 'em a chance," she says, "They're doing better and they're both really trying."
"Sure thing Jody, you know I really like them."
Jody laughs mischievously. "I know you do, you big softie."
"Alright alright," Dean pumps the breaks right there.
Jody gives a full sounding laugh, "When should we expect you two?"
"Sometime Christmas Eve, sound good?"
"Sounds great, can't wait to see you." He imagines Jody in the kitchen cooking already with his mouth practically watering.
"Yeah, me too, see ya soon...be safe." He returns fondly.
"You too, Winchester," he hears before the phone goes dead.
Now...to tactfully tell Sam with out really telling him that there's been an intervention and he's being forced out of the bunker for Christmas. No arguments, no second chances, no doubt about it.
...tbc
Hope you guys like it! Lemme know what you think!?
Omggg! Congratulations to JJ, Daneel and Jensen at the birth of the twins! I've been alternately screaming and crying for the last couple of hours, lol.