#275- Flowers

"Petra…. What are you doing?"

The honey-haired soldier started and straightened from where she'd been crouching on the ground. The knees of her white uniform pants where stained with dirt and he grimaced, fighting back the urge to rip them off her to clean them.

"Oh, captain! Sorry, I just…" She blushed, turning back to look at what she'd been doing before he interrupted her. He peered around her to look as well. The ground was disturbed in a little patch by the wall. It was ugly, but it was in a secluded spot at the back of the Legion HQ, so at least he wouldn't have to look at it much, he thought. It was then he noticed a little bag of seeds sitting next to the disturbed ground.

"What are you planting?" It was all starting to come together now. Perhaps she was planting some vegetable seeds. Food had become more and more scarce over the years, after all; Especially for the military. It had all been horded by the rich pigs in the interior city. Levi's mouth practically watered at the thought of a hot stew made with the fresh vegetables this mini-garden could produce. However, that dream was crushed as she answered his question.

"They're flowers."

He gave her a curious look, which caused the blush on her beautiful face to grow deeper; more heated.

"W-well… you see, I thought maybe planting some flowers around here could raise the morale of the soldiers. The guy who sold me the seeds said they were called petunias, and that they come in a whole bunch of different colors. Don't you think some color around here would cheer people up, captain?"

He frowned, not quite sure what to say, but Petra must have taken it the wrong way, because her gaze lowered.

"You think it's a dumb idea, don't you...?"

Suddenly feeling a bit guilty, Levi sighed. He pinched the bridge of his nose, raking his brain for the appropriate thing to say. It was true, he wasn't a fan of flowers. He'd grown up surrounded by various shades of gray, and color was always a reminder to him of wealth and happiness-things he could never have. But, Petra had a point in saying that it could possibly raise morale for the soldiers to see a color other than red every once in a while.

"It's fine, Petra... I actually think it's a pretty good idea. Just, when you're done, get back to preparations. We're leaving the walls in just a couple weeks, remember."

She saluted, a warm smile spreading across her face. "Yes, sir! I won't let you down!"

"You never have. At ease, soldier."

As Levi walked away, he heard Petra murmuring to herself about the flowers. If all went according to plan, the seeds should be starting to grow by the time they left for the expedition, and, depending on how well it went, by the time they got back, the flowers should be just starting to bloom. And he couldn't help but smile a little himself. It was good to see Petra so excited about something. He loved the sound of happiness in her voice, and the way her eyes sparkled when she smiled. Those few simple things were enough to get him excited about the flowers, as well.

1 Month Later

The 57th Expedition outside the walls had been a disaster. With the appearance of the Female Titan, whom they'd deduced to be a human inside a Titan body, just like Eren, they'd been caught off guard and suffered many casualties. The Legion had lost many soldiers, as well as a great portion of their dignity. Eren had lost his freedom, being immediately summoned back to the capital for another court hearing and to likely be handed over to the Military Police. Levi had lost his entire squad, and if it hadn't been for his iron resolve, he'd have lost all his will to go on in this hellish life.

He'd been given a few weeks leave from any physical duties to recover from an ankle injury he'd received during his fight with the Female Titan, but the extra time to himself was far from healing. Ever since they'd returned, he'd lain awake at night, staring at the ceiling above his bed. There was a hollow feeling in his chest that he couldn't quite explain. Perhaps it was anticipation for their coming trip to the capital to hand over Eren, or maybe it was the resounding ache from losing his squad. They'd been the few people he'd actually trusted in this world, after all.

Gunther; silent but strong. He'd been the support that held their ever-enigmatic group together through the toughest times.

Eld; Tactful and energetic. Levi had appointed him the second in command because he believed that, in a tight situation, the blonde man would be able to pull them through any hardship.

Auruo: Stubborn but skilled. The man was annoying, but one of the best soldiers Levi had ever had the pleasure of meeting.

Petra…

Petra.

There weren't enough words in Levi's vocabulary to describe the only female member of his squad. She'd been strong and skilled, calm and collected, beautiful and intelligent… She'd been the only one he'd connected with on a more personal level, remembering all the times she'd entered his office late at night just to keep him company when he was busy with paperwork. She'd always end up falling asleep in the chair across from his desk, and he'd always carry her back to her bedroom before heading off to his own. In the morning, he'd head down to the dining room, where Petra would be waiting for him with a fresh cup of coffee, and they'd talk quietly about anything and nothing until the others would awake and join them for breakfast.

Now, Levi found himself limping out to the patch of earth behind HQ where, just a few weeks before, Petra had planted some seeds. Back then, she'd seemed so excited to see them bloom and spread happiness throughout the Legion with their bright colors. When they'd left the walls, the buds were still closed tightly. Now, they were in full bloom. And Levi thought they were the most appalling things he'd every laid eyes on. Grisly shades of pink and purple harassed his eyes and the sweet smell that permeated the air around them made him want to vomit.

He hated them. He wanted them gone; out of his sight. He never wanted to think about them, or the woman who planted them again.

But, deep in his mind, he couldn't help but know that they were actually beautiful. They really were. Flowers were a rare commodity in the outer walls, especially since the fall of Maria. People simply didn't have time or dedication to take care of flowers anymore. They were too busy focused on their own survival instead of some weeds in the ground. And the wild flowers that grew beyond the walls never lasted long before being squashed underneath gargantuan feet.

But Petra had loved these flowers… she'd been out tending to them every day before the expedition. Watering them when there was no rain, killing any bugs or weeds that would threaten to harm the plants, and making sure no animals strayed into the grounds and ate them. Petra would often speak of how excited she was to see the flowers finally bloom, as if they were her very children. And now, she'd never get to see the results of her labor…

He kicked a collection of petunias nearby, wincing as the sudden movement caused a jolt of pain to shoot straight to his ankle. But he didn't care. He didn't know if he could care about anything anymore. Petra was gone. His happiness was gone. His reason for being... gone. And these damn flowers were right here, a demented reminder of what he no longer had. He wanted them gone too.

He had a knife hidden in his boot. He could easily cut these ugly things away...

After a moment of hesitation, he turned and headed back inside, vowing never to visit this area again. He'd let the flowers die on their own, but he wouldn't kill them. He wouldn't destroy them, because he knew Petra would be upset if he did.

And, even though she wasn't here anymore, he found he did still care after all, about what she thought of him.

And he'd never hated flowers, or himself, more.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm sorry... I can't ever seem to write anything happy. DX

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