Weapon of ass destruction
"Alright, babe, are you ready for my weapon of ass destruction?" Nyx wiggled his eyebrows down at Noctis.
Noctis wrinkled his nose, "Did you just fucking call your dick a weapon of ass destruction? Nyx, I told you to fucking stop calling it names."
"Aww, come on love. Takes the tension right before I put it in."
"There has been no tension since the first time you shoved your dick in me."
"Oh really?" The mechanic gestured around them vaguely, "Then what do you call the feeling in the room right now?"
"Disappointment."
"You know," Nyx sighed, "If I wasn't so used to this, my boner would be so gone right about now."
Noctis reached down and gripped the other's dick tightly in his hand, making his partner whimper at the firm grip, "Nyx Fucking Ulric, if you don't stop calling your dick names right before we have sex, I swear I'll rip it off and give it to Umbra as his next toy."
"Okay, I understand." He relented and Noctis loosened his hold, which made the other man grin.
For someone whose known Nyx Ulric longer than five minutes, would know that him getting that smug grin on his face was not a good sign.
"I guess I'll call it...my schlong."
Noctis deadpanned, "Nyx, I am still holding your fucking dick. And trust me, it's not as big as you think it is. I would know."
"Ow, you wound me, love." Nyx clutched onto his chest in mock hurt.
The doctor tightened his hold once more, effectively wiping the grin off his partner's face in record time.
Looking down at his dick, Nyx was more than certainly that if Noctis wasn't holding onto it, he would definitely be leaking right about now. But no, that shit had to be holding onto the base.
"Okay, alright. I'll stop." Noctis reluctantly released his hold and placed his hand back onto the sheets.
The mechanic gently cupped the other's face, looking into each other's eyes, "Come on, don't be mad love, I'm sorry."
"I'm not mad per say but," Noctis sighed, "Why do you tease me, make me pop a fucking boner, then just as we're about to have sex, you call your dick-"
"I really am sorry! Look." Nyx reached over to their nightstand and took out a condom and their lube. He prepared himself and looked back down at his lover.
"Love, can I call it one more thing? Please, this one is really good and you'll like it-"
"Nyx, you remember me saying that thing about Umbra? That's quickly becoming less of a threat by the second."
The mechanic grasped the empty air with his left hand as if to immitate the horn from a truck, "Here comes my steamin' semen truck."
Noctis tried so hard not to laugh for a second. Instead, he pushed himself off the bed, gathered his pajama pants, Nyx's flannel and walked out of the room.
"Aww, come on Noct, that was a good one!" Nyx's voice called through laughter at his own nonsense.
"My boner is gone!" Noctis yelled from another room.
"Mine isn't!"
"Too fucking bad, mate!"
End.