Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Hopefully, after my long awaited returned, i bring back some awesome goodness. Please enjoy this story and be sure to drop a review. There will be more awesomeness to come.

On top of the Hokage rocks sat an elderly sage, whose reputation as a Sannin was known far and wide. This particular Sannin was writing in a thick book. One could only wonder what great words this sage was writing, using his gifted, infinitely wise mind.

"YES! My latest Icha Icha Paradise book is now complete!"

…It was never said this was the work of a pure mind…

Jiraiya, one of the three legendary Sannins, had been hard at work for weeks, finishing his latest novel. This was going to be the best work ever created. Now, all he needed was the opinion of some of the readers in his village. The problem was the powerful material he used. Those who had never delved into the world of 'maturity' might not be able to handle the majesty of Icha Icha Konoha, his latest book. 'Hmm…Perhaps I could get Kakashi to give me his thoughts. He's one with great taste.'

He stood up, prepared to deliver his latest book, when a sudden gale wept through the area, lifting his book out of his hands. "Oh no, my masterpiece!" He could only watch in horror as his book start floating towards the village, ending up who knows where. "My god…if anyone finds that book…I must hurry and try to find it!" The toad sage started jumping down the Hokage rocks, rushing to save his book.

Meanwhile, within the Konoha training ground, a young Hyuuga Jounin sat cross-legged in the middle of the training ground's forest in deep meditation. There were no missions to go on, but much training to be accomplished. The area was very tranquil and relaxed, perfect for meditation. For Neji Hyuuga, this was the perfect mental training to handle any kind of danger he could face.

SMACK!

Except for the head-on collision of a hard object…

"Ow…what on earth…?" Neji's pearl gaze landed on the object that fell next to him, glaring at it. Where the book had fallen from he didn't know, but it did tug at his curiosity. Picking up the piece of literature, he began examining the cover. "Icha Icha Konoha by Jiraiya…not recommended for the weak of heart…hmph, how silly..." To Neji, this sounded more like a challenge than a warning. He never read any of Jiraiya's works before, but he had seen many other Jounins and senseis reading this book. Given it was written by Jiraiya, it must've held great words of wisdom. But he did get strange reactions whenever he would ask about it.

First was Kakashi. "Why it's a book about…highly advanced grappling techniques…so powerful that it shouldn't be used by anyone under the age of 18…"

Then he asked Asuma. "Err…it's a man's guide to a woman's heart…among many other places…"

The third was Shizune, who seemed very embarrassed about it. "I-I-I-It's human biology research! Highly restricted! Don't tell anyone, okay?"

This left Neji with an odd conclusion. "So it's a book about grappling…woman's heart…and advance biology? Ah, I see. It must involve special capture techniques best used against women. Huh, sounds interesting enough."

Neji's fate, however, was sealed the moment he opened the book.

After the first minute of reading, he grunted with annoyance. "It's just a story. At least it doesn't look too bad." And the young Hyuuga continued to read.

The young and strong Nagi trained fiercely in the back of the woods, preparing for his next battles to come. Suddenly, he felt a tap on his shoulder and jumped. He was surprised to see a beautiful diva behind him. "Menlen-chan, you scared me!"

"I'm sorry, Nagi-kun!" Menlen giggled. "How is your training coming along?"

"It's going very well. I've gotten a lot stronger, as well as developing many strong techniques."

"Oh, is that so?" The woman grinned lustfully as she started walking slowly towards Nagi. "May I train with you? I've got a few new moves of my own to show you."

Nagi, realizing the woman's intent, smirked with anticipation. "Is that so? In that case, let's get some physical exercise in there." Feeling their inner passions for each other flaring, the two rush at each other, embracing and kissing hungrily. The soon-to-be epic training exercise took them against a nearby by tree as they—

--"Oh Nagi-kun! Right there!" Menlen screamed as Nagi repeatedly—

--"Menlen-chan! It feels so good!" Nagi panted as Menlen—

--"Nagi-kun! Faster! Yes, like that!"—

"Oh Menlen-chan! Menle—

SLAM!

The book was swiftly closed by a furiously blushing Neji, who breathed labored breaths. "By the gods...THIS is what they have been reading…?" His once pure mind, safe from poisonous thoughts, had suddenly been dirtied and penetrated beyond help.

Penetrated…

"My god, I can see it in my mind!" Clutching his head, he rammed into repeatedly into the ground, trying to give himself amnesia. Unfortunately, it was to no avail. "Wait, I must banish this…this…this evil book to the depths of hell! This is not a book meant for mortal minds…" The heated teen was about to hurl the book into the depths of the forest when he stopped in mid throw. A very, very small part of him did not want to throw away the book. "Dammit arm…throw…throw…!" No matter how hard he tried, he could not throw it away.

The oh-so-small part of him was too curious.

"God damn you Jiraiya! What kind of sick material is this?" After a moment of panic, he stopped himself, wearing a confident expression. "Hn, what am I getting worked up over? I'll just clear my mind and then destroy the contents after I'm done. Simple." Going into meditation mode, Neji sat on the grass and began to mediate. 'I must be one with the heavens and nature. Clear my thoughts of any impurities. I must be strong and sturdy like rock…powerful like a waterfall…calm like the waning moon…the moon…which has a smooth, round surface…round and soft…perky…juicy and succulent…and when you squeeze it…' Neji's eyes snapped open, his face turning into deep shades of red. "W-WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM? Wait, calm down…calm down…I can't lose to something like…like this! Huh, come to think of it…Nagi and Menlen…that sounds uncannily similar to…to…" His face darkened with this sudden realization.

Neji and Tenten.

"Oh Neji-kun! Right there!"

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" Once again grabbing his head, Neji started rolling back and forth on the grass, trying desperately to shove out the disturbing images that were quickly embedding themselves into his mind.

"Tenten-chan…you feel so good…!"

"GAAAH!" His face completely red, Neji was unable to hold back the dirty thoughts that were invading what used to be a clean safe haven. He lay still on his side, trying to prevent the rush of blood from escaping his nose. 'This is getting ridiculous. I should not be thinking such things, like a naked Tenten giving me a lap dance…wait, how did THAT thought get in there! GOD DAMMIT!' This was almost too much to bear. The only thing that could possibly make his dilemma more complicated was if—

"Hey Neji-kun, are you alright?"

"AH!" Neji quickly rolled onto his feet, moving away from the intruder. He couldn't hold back the shocked gaze he gave her. "T-T-Tenten!"

The said chuunin cocked her head to the side, giving Neji a questionable glance. "What's with you today? This is pretty strange behavior from you."

Taking a deep breath, Neji managed to regain his normal composure, but couldn't hide the deep blush on his face. "I was…in a deep trance and got startled."

Deep…

'Dammit to hell! Stop that!' He chastised himself.

"Ah, okay. I thought it was pretty strange." Tenten giggled. It was amusing to find Neji caught off guard so badly. If only she could do it more often. "How is your training coming along?"

This took Neji's mind back to the first memorable line of the story he read. Needless to say, he was extremely flustered. He averted his gaze so Tenten couldn't see his troubled glance. "It's…i-it's going well."

"Oh, is that so?" Tenten found it weird he was trying to hide his face. To the Hyuuga's surprise, she walked up to him and leaned over to get a glimpse of his face. "May I train with you? I've got a few new moves to show you."

Bringing his ever down-spiraling mind back to the dirty book, he was reminded of the line that meant a lot more than training. Startled by this, Neji stumbled back, almost falling. "W-w-what are you saying? Just what kind of girl are you?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Tenten demanded, glaring at the very 'active' Neji.

Neji froze in place, mentally slapping himself for his hasty thoughts. "No, I mean of course I would want to train. It's not that kind of training, but just…training. Well…I would like a little of that training-no, just training! Only training!" Neji was starting to feel stupider and stupider the more he thought about his odd answer.

"O…kay…I'll take it that you want to train then. Hm?" Tenten took notice of the book that was in Neji's hand. "What's with that book? It looks oddly familiar…"

Caught off guard, Neji quickly shoved the book inside his Hyuuga robe. He would never live it down if Tenten caught him reading such…filth. "What? No, it's not familiar! I was just learning about…about…uh…a-advanced grappling techniques…" Neji suddenly realized just how valid Kakashi's statement was.

"Ah, so that's what you've been up to. So, since you've been learning grapple techniques, would you like to practice on me?"

"GWAH!" Neji's jaw hung open, his face being enveloped in deep red. "Did…did you just ask me to…to…g-grapple you?"

"Well, yeah. I would like to see what you've learned."

"More than I've bargained for…" He mumbled to himself. Now, the obvious answer to this would be no, and for many reasons. One, it involved unmentionable instruments that should not be used in ANY training session. Secondly, he really didn't know any new grapple techniques. And third, it involved touching Tenten while under the influence of impure intentions. He was more than prepared to decline the embarrassing training exercise. "Sure, sounds like a good idea."

…That was NOT the answer he was looking for.

"Alright, let's get started." Tenten relaxed herself, standing still. "Show me what you've learned."

'That's the problem entirely.' Neji got into battle position, unable to comprehend how this was going to end. Chances are, not well. "Byakugan!" Activating his bloodline limit, Neji kept a good focus on Tenten. Unfortunately, he underestimated the power of freshly tainted hormones as his eyes quickly focused on 'money shot' parts of Tenten's body. With the power of the Byakugan, he was able to see Tenten in a new light.

One that didn't involve any clothes.

Tenten couldn't help but shudder under Neji's stare. It felt like she was being glared at by a hungry tiger. "Um…Neji-kun? It's been 3 minutes. Think you can hurry up?"

This quickly brought Neji out of his naughty fantasy world. "R-right! Of course! L-let's get started."

Tenten was finding his behavior stranger and stranger. "Neji-kun, did you accidentally drink one of sensei's drinks again?"

"Of course not. I'm just focusing my Byakugan to see your finer points."

"Uh…don't you mean chakra points?"

"Ah, yeah, that's what I meant." How terrible of a person was he to think of his teammate in such a grotesque, horrifying, and amazingly sexy manner? …Perhaps he thought out that last one a bit too well, but his Byakugan was only making things worse. "As a matter of fact…no Byakugan today. It won't be necessary for this training exercise." It also accelerated his heart rate to amazing heights, but he decided to keep that small bit of info to himself.

"That's fine. Just show my your grappling technique already."

"Alright. Hmm…how did it go again?" That translated to 'How the hell can I get out of this one?' Each time he tried to develop a grappling move on the fly, it often led to an entirely new level of the term 'throw down'. He couldn't help but be amazed how much that book has changed his perspective concerning Tenten. Rather than taking the fact she was his female companion as just that, he started noticing a few finer details about his faithful ally. Admittedly, he held a bit of interest in Tenten, but it wasn't anything he felt was worth pursuing. But now, it was as though his body and mind were making up for lost time, and doing damn well at it.

This…was not going to end well.

'What's going on with him? I've never seen him with his guard this low before…guess I'll just take the initiative.' With a quick dash, Tenten dove at Neji with her fist raised. Without fail, Neji would normally dodge or parry her attack and counter with his Jyuken combos. It was practically routine.

However, Neji was far too occupied with his thoughts to even see it coming.

SMACK!

"GUH!" Taken by surprise, Neji was floored by the heavy-handed strike from Tenten.

"What the…?" Tenten was baffled with her preemptive strike. But more importantly, she didn't think it was THAT powerful of a hit. "Ah, Neji-kun! Are you alright?" She crouched at the base of Neji's feet to check on his condition.

'Damn, I should've been paying more attention.' Neji growled lowly to himself. This was far beyond uncharacteristic for the Jounin. He glanced up at Tenten and was about to respond when his words got caught in his throat. From the angle she was crouching from, and the way the light hit her, it made the chuunin look extremely adorable.

"Come on, speak up. Are you okay?" Tenten asked again, worried for her teammate.

Neji had to look away, overwhelmed by Tenten's cute face. "I…I'm fine. Don't make such a worried face." Translation? 'Stop looking so damn cute!'

"Well if you would stop acting so weird, I wouldn't be worried. Here, let me help you up." Extending her hand, Tenten grasp Neji's and started pulling him up.

Neji's cheeks gained extra color as he noticed how smooth Tenten's hands were. He curiously pondered if other parts of Tenten's body felt similar. 'Damn it!' The thought made him jerk his hand back.

Unfortunately, Tenten's grip was still tight. "Neji-kun, what are you—AHH!"

CRASH!

Neji's temperature shot through the roof as Tenten fell on top of him. A million thoughts a second went through his mind, making him want to do an innumerable amount of things. With the way her arms landed around his neck, how her legs were straddling his hips, and her mouth at the base of his neck, he wouldn't be surprised if he fainted right then and there. "Tenten, are you alright?" He couldn't help but feel incredible pleasure out of his scenario.

"Ugh…you gotta warn me before you do something like that…" Tenten's face was also burning brightly, feeling very comfortably on her Hyuuga mattress. Unfortunately, she knew he would be uncomfortable in this position, but that didn't mean she was going to get up quickly. Very slowly, she started pushing herself off Neji, using his lap as a seat. She couldn't help but notice Neji's bewildered expression, his face stark red. "Your face is incredibly red. Are you getting sick?"

That, Neji had to admit, was a very valid statement in itself. "Not…not really…"

Tenten placed her hand on Neji's neck to feel for his temperature. This did not help Neji at all. "But you feel incredibly hot."

"I said I'm not sick, so don't worry." Neji desperately wanted Tenten to get off his lap. His mental stability was already damaged enough from Icha Icha Konoha. He didn't need motivation for thinking those horrific thoughts. Things couldn't possibly be worse for him.

"Ah!" Tenten gasped, her face turning a dark red. There was a still silence as Neji wondered what was wrong. "U-um…N-Neji-kun?"

"Hn?"

"Um…y-your kunai is trying to get into my sheath…"

Neji's situation has hit a new plateau of awkward.

"Oh…uh…" Neji had no idea what to say to that, his mind going blank.

Tenten found this to be a great time to get off his lap. But as she did, she accidentally brushed against Neji's 'kunai'. This action forced Neji to cover his mouth for two reasons. One, he dared not to release the highly pleasured gasp he was about to make. Secondly, blood started slipping out from his nose. Feeling a strange awkwardness, Tenten gave Neji some space. "Um…are you going to be alright?"

"Yeah, give me a minute…" Turning away, Neji quickly wiped off the blood inside his robe, hoping it wouldn't show. After taking a deep breath, he felt it would be better to try and relieve this tension he had brought upon himself. "I would like to continue training if you're up for it…"

"Y-yeah, I'm still up for it." Even though Neji was still a growing teen, Tenten was still amazed that he had a perverted side. This made things a great deal more interesting. Without further mishaps, the two began their daily training together, though Neji was still traumatized and haunted with very mature-rated images.

A few hours later, Neji and Tenten's training finished, leaving the two feeling spent. Neji, for once, ever since discovering Jiraiya's book of terror, was maintaining calm thoughts. "I suppose we shall call it a day…" After all, he had more than enough excitement to last him a lifetime.

"I agree, though I can't help but feel something is different with your 64 palms combo today. My body feels like a pin cushion for some reason, especially my chest."

Well, so much for having a peace of mind. "I-It's your imagination."

"But Neji-kun, it doesn't really feel—"

"Just your imagination!"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" Tenten was definitely positive something was going on with him. Chances were he didn't want to share his thoughts on the matter. "A-anyway, I guess I'll get going. I'll see you lat—"

"Wait!" Neji held into Tenten's shoulder, preventing escape.

"What is it?"

'Damn, why did I do that?' It was purely on instinct. Even he didn't realize why he stopped her from leaving.

Neji's heart began to race

'My chest…!' His chest started feeling constricted, his heart beating erratically. Breathing was suddenly turning into a chore. 'What is this sensation…? I can hardly breathe!'

"Neji-kun?" Tenten felt Neji's nervousness strongly. It was almost as if… 'No way…could it be that he's trying to…!'

Neji's cheeks grew warm at the sight of Tenten's blush. It made his breathing even shallower. "Tenten…" What was he trying to say? He could barely control the words that were dying to come out. "I…what I'm trying to say is…"

"Neji-kun…" Tenten gently squeezed Neji's hand. "It's okay, take your time."

'Dammit! I can't hold it any longer…!' No matter how hard he tried to hold it back, the words practically erupted out of his throat. "Tenten, to me you're—"

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!"

WHAM!

A flying kick torpedoed into Neji's face, sending him hurling into the bushes. Tenten stood there, speechless and dumbfounded. The offender laughed victoriously. "YES! I've mastered the art of Guy-sensei's Dynamic Entry! I've even caught Neji-kun off guard with it!"

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" Tenten yelled, pointing to the direction where Rock Lee launched Neji.

"Huh? Ah, Tenten-chan. What are you doing here?"

"THAT'S MY LINE!"

"Oh, well Guy-sensei just finished teaching me the Dynamic Entry technique, so I was hoping to find Neji-kun so I could try it out against him. I didn't think it would be so effective…"

"Neji-kun is going to KILL you!" Tenten feared for the idiotic taijutsu-user. Given Neji's temper when it came to Lee, she was afraid to be an eye witness to a murder.

"Lee…!" Neji emerged from the bushes, his disheveled bangs covering his eyes. Tenten quickly moved away from Lee, who she felt was going to get mauled.

"Neji-kun?" Lee had no idea what was going through Neji's mind as he walked up to the boy and firmly placed his hands onto his shoulders.

When Neji finally looked up at Lee, his expression was that of…gratitude?

"I am forever in your debt, Lee." Neji's high level of annoyance towards Lee countered the effect of Icha Icha Konoha, bringing him out of the trance he was in previously.

"Huh?" Both Lee and Tenten were confused with Neji's praise. It didn't help that he had a huge bruise on his face. Maybe there was some brain damage with that hit…

"Now, if you two will excuse me, I shall retire for the evening." Neji briskly left the training grounds, unable to look at Tenten eye-to-eye.

"Well, that was different. But, all's well that ends well, right Ten…ten?" Lee paled as Tenten glared at him with the intensity of a livid dragon.

"Lee-kuuuun…!"

"Uh….Tenten-chan? W-what's wrong? What are you going to do with that kuna—AAAAAAAAAH!"

Sometime later, at the Hyuuga mansion, Neji was finally able to take a sigh of relief. Thankfully, his horrible encounter with Tenten had ended without casualties. But still, his curiosity drew him to the Icha Icha Konoha book. As he started walking towards his room, he apprehensively started opening the book.

"Back already, Neji?"

'Shoot!' With great speed, Neji hurled the book into the first open room he saw, just before Hiashi spotted him. "H-Hiashi-sama! Good day to you!"

The Hyuuga clan leader gave Neji a scrutinizing glance. "Hmmm…you look like you're hiding a dirty secret."

'Urk! He's too damn perceptive!' Neji was sweating bullets at this point.

"Heh, don't look so serious. I'm kidding, Neji."

"Ah, right. Of course."

"I can see that you've been training steadily today. Keep it up."

"Yes, Hiashi-sama." Neji stood at attention as Hiashi walked by.

Neji released the breath he had been holding. "I've had enough insanity for today. I'm going to call it a night." The young Hyuuga entered his room, unbeknownst of yet another tragedy that was soon to take place.

Elsewhere, Hinata emerged out of the bathroom, wrapped in a white towel. "Ah, nothing like a good shower to get refreshed. Hm?" Glancing at her bed, she couldn't help but grow increasingly curious. "What is this book doing on my bed…?"