Title: Wanting Memories
Author: Liz (liz@endlessdreams.net)
Distribution: my site, ff.net, Cover Me. All others see profile.
Rating: PG/PG-13
Spoilers/Timeline: Post-S2 Finale
Ship: Syd/Vaughn
Summary: Sydney lost more than two years. Now she must remember everything - before she loses it all over again.

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Part One - The Telling
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When he walked into the room they were keeping me in, for one blessed moment, everything was all right. Just one look at his face, and for a moment I could believe that everything was going to be okay. He was there, and that was all that mattered.

But he didn't look at me the way I looked at him. He was pale, his eyes haunted. I refused to process how reserved he was, so my mind simply jumped topics.

"They doubled Francie."

"I know."

"What happened to Will? To Francie? Are they dead?"

"Will's okay."

"What? How?"

"You…Sit down."

I sat, my mind racing. Will was okay? The last time I'd seen him he was sitting in a pool of blood in my bathtub. He hadn't said anything about Francie. That probably meant that – Vaughn still hadn't said anything, and he still looked at me as if I was a ghost.

"Vaughn?"

"We thought you were dead. They asked me to come back to…to explain."

"Come back from what? What are you talking about?"

He rubbed his face with his hand like he always does when he has no clue what to say. When he's afraid of the consequences of what he has to say. And then I noticed it.

"Vaughn," I said shakily. "Why are you wearing that ring?"

"Syd…since that night…you were missing…you've been missing for almost two years."

The bottom dropped out of my world as he said those words. I don't know if I'll ever get it back.

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Sydney stared incredulously at Vaughn.

"What…what do you mean I've been missing for almost two years?" she stuttered, eyes widening.

Vaughn simply stared at her, his shattered expression mirroring her own.

"Oh, God," she mumbled, putting her head between her knees to combat the rising dizziness and nausea. "Oh, God. God, this cannot be happening. I could not have lost two years of my life!"

Vaughn cleared his throat convulsively, and Sydney looked up.

"What?"

"You don't remember anything since…" He trailed off, and Sydney sat up straight, her dizziness replaced by a mind bracing for even worse news.

"Since I passed out surrounded by broken glass after shooting some woman who looked just like my best friend but wasn't, after seeing my other best friend lying in my bathtub in a pool of his own blood!"

Vaughn looked slightly taken aback at the vehemence of Sydney's response.

"Sorry," she murmured. "Stress is taking over."

"That's really the last thing you remember?" Vaughn pressed, his eyes even more intense than usual.

"I wouldn't lie to you, Vaughn." He nodded. "Vaughn, you're holding something back. Give it all to me now. If I take it all at once, it might not hurt as much."

"You lost more than two years, Sydney," Vaughn finally said.

Sydney's face changed little as she fought to keep her emotions inside. But she couldn't keep her sudden fear out of her voice. "How…how much time did I lose?"

Vaughn sighed and stood up, reached into his pocket then sat down beside her. "This is yours," he said quietly. He took her hand and put a small object in her open palm, then closed it around the object. She glanced at him oddly, then opened her hand. She found herself looking at a small gold ring, and transferred her confused gaze to Vaughn.

"Read what it says."

Sydney held the ring up so she could read the inscription. "Out of the darkness, light. July 4, 2004." She looked at Vaughn quizzically.

"The inscription was my idea. I once told you that in our job you see darkness, but you can't let it touch you. When I found you and Allison and Will, and you woke up…I picked you up and you clung to me. It was so dark in your head, you said. You told me that I was your light." Vaughn looked down at his hands, where he was unconsciously playing with his own gold ring. "You were so beautiful," he said, his eyes going smoky with memories. "I've never seen you look so happy…you literally glowed. It wasn't just America's Independence Day. It was yours and mine."

Sydney's eyes widened in horror as she realized just how much she'd forgotten. She opened her mouth to speak, but all she could manage was a broken repetition of Vaughn's name. He reached out and touched her cheek.

"Your father wanted to wait until September to have the wedding. Fall weddings were so pretty, he said. But you were adamant. We were free, and we were Patriots. We would be married on our country's birthday."

"My father wanted us to wait because fall weddings were prettier?"

Vaughn laughed. "It's an odd thought, isn't it? He softened a lot between the day you fought the double and the day we got married."

Sydney mulled over that for a moment. "You still haven't told me how much time I lost."

"We were married a little over a year after the last thing you remember. Then six months later…I came home from hockey practice and you were gone. All your things were still there. There was no sign of a struggle. You were just gone." Vaughn sighed and looked at his hands before transferring his gaze to Sydney's face. "But your wedding ring was sitting on the kitchen table with a note." Vaughn's face turned bleak, and Sydney hesitated, then asked.

"What did it say?"

"Darkness swallows the light."

Sydney allowed herself to gaze into Vaughn's bleak face, searching for something she wasn't sure she'd recognize when she saw it. What she did see was the anguish Vaughn must have gone through when he'd come home to an empty house instead of a waiting wife.

"So I've lost over three years."

"Almost four."

Sydney nodded. "I want to go home."