Every Time I Hear Your Name
(Song by Keith Anderson)
Kevin couldn't help staring into the bottom of the bottle. He didn't want to be distracted by anything. Tonight was one of those nights; one of those nights where he had to drown his sorrows.
This was the four year anniversary of the day they met, in this bar. He'd been sitting in this seat, one of his friends in the seat next to him. She had come out of nowhere.
He remembered looking at her at realizing his life would never be the same again.
He ordered another drink, knowing that he wasn't drunk enough to forget her, therefore he wasn't drunk enough.
"Lilly!" someone yelled. He turned instinctively, and as soon as he saw the redhead rushing to the man who had called her name, turning back too his drink.
"Lilly," he whispered under his breath as the memories crept up again.
"Excuse me, are you Kevin Jonas?"
He had turned almost smugly toward the blonde next to him. He'd always been one for brunettes, but tonight he was ready for something new.
"I am. And you are?"
"A huge fan," she said, extending her hand. "Lilly, Lilly Truscott."
She seemed a little tipsy as she said down next to him at the bar.
"How many drinks have you had exactly?" he said, carefully moving one of his hands behind her to catch her if she fell.
"A couple. It's my twenty-first birthday. My friends told me to get hammered. I don't think they had my best interests in mind."
She turned and waved to a girl and guy behind her.
"Is that your boyfriend?"
She turned around to look back at her friends, having to think a little more now that she was hammered.
"Oliver?! No! He's like a brother to me! I've known him since…" she started counting on her fingers before she gave up. "Forever!"
Kevin laughed. She was so lost. Usually he didn't like people who got drunk, but he was on the farther side of the bottle at the moment, and she was looking really cute.
"Hey Lilly, have you ever kissed a Jonas Brother?"
"No, why?" she said flirtatiously as his face moved closer.
"Because, I wanted to be the first," he leaned down and planted a short kiss on her lips.
Their lips hovered mere centimeters apart, "Have you ever used that line before?"
"No, why?"
"Never use it again. It's cheesy."
"You fell for it."
"I like cheesy."
"Excuse me, are you Kevin Jonas?"
In an instant, her smile faded as he looked up to see another girl standing there. This girl wasn't just a fading memory.
"Yeah, why?"
"Can I have your autograph?" she said flirtatiously. He signed the napkin and turned away, knowing she'd leave.
He felt the seat next to him being filled and he turned to the girl to politely ask her to bug off, but she wasn't there. Instead the seat was filled by another young man whom he knew only too well. He turned back to his half empty drink.
"Why are you here?"
"Am I supposed to let my older brother drink his life away?"
"If that's what your brother thinks his life is worth, yes."
"She wouldn't want you living like this, you know that."
"Well, she's not here, is she!" he yelled as he escorted himself out of the bar. He knew that Nick would try to follow him, but hopefully he would have blacked out by the time he was found.
He broke down in tears before collapsing on the side of the bar. He felt his brother sit down and put his arm around him in silent assurance. He was there, but she wasn't.
Oh god, why wasn't she here?
-
Kevin looked around at the white sand, the blue waves, and the soaring gulls. He looked down at the thin white hand in his own. He tried to question it, but knew that there was no good reason why it should be there. It had been almost six years since…
"It's so beautiful, isn't it Kevin?"
He looked up into her dark brown eyes, looking into his own. He almost looked away. That color was wrong, just wrong. As his eyes flitted away from hers, she understood.
"It's okay to think about her. She's…"
"She's gone. That's all she is. I'm with you now Beth, that's all there is."
She didn't seem convinced. She looked back at the ocean, but it was more like she was looking through it.
"I think about Drew all the time, there's no good reason why you shouldn't think about Lilly."
All at once a sleeping figure flashed in front of his eyes. He tried to push it away, but it was too strong. Slowly he relived it.
He had stared at her for almost an hour. She was such a sound sleeper, it was almost peaceful. He knew he would be expected at the studio, but there was nothing wrong with laying down vocals first.
Her eyes opened slowly. She seemed to blink a few more times as if she was imagining things. Then she seemed to realize it was real. He always loved seeing that moment.
"Good morning Mrs. Jonas," he said, sweeping her bangs off her face.
"I thought we said you could only say that when you're the happiest you've ever been, yet, you say it every morning."
"Every time I realize that you're mine, I achieve a new high."
She reached over and kissed him on the cheek, for the first time she noticed what time it was.
"Kevin, why are you still here?! You should be at the studio! You're brothers are going to be furious with you!"
"I was watching you sleep, they'll understand. Plus, I'm the older brother, I can MAKE them understand."
"Ugh, what am I going to do with you?"
"I can think of a few things…" he said suggestively as he buttoned up his shirt.
"Get out of here," she said half-kiddingly as she shoved him out of the door. He put his foot in before it shut.
"Wait, one thing!" she opened the door again and he smiled. He snuck a quick kiss.
"I love you"
She smiled, knowing that it meant more every time he said it.
"I love you too"
"Kevin, are you alright?" he was brought back to reality by her worried voice.
"Yeah, I'm…actually Beth, I'm not fine."
She looked at him, not understanding what he meant.
"What you see is only half a man, and, Beth, you deserve more than that. I think you should find someone else, someone who can give you everything, but I can't. I'm sorry."
He got up and walked along the beach, knowing that she wouldn't follow him. He'd finally found someone who understood, and even she didn't realize the depth of his despair.
He looked out at the ocean, knowing that that was the exact color of her eyes, and he let silent tears fall.
-
Kevin was blasting the song, as if to test his own strength. He could ignore it. He had that much self control.
The lyrics couldn't catch him off-guard, neither could the melody. He was unbeatable.
Finally, the song was over. He could feel a weight lifted off his chest.Then the DJ came on to carry on a pointless conversation with one of the callers.
"I just wanted to send a request out to my girlfriend," the garbled caller said.
"Sure, what's your girlfriend's name?" the DJ said, way too cheerily.
"Uh, Lilly"
As soon as the word escaped the speaker, he could feel the carefully built dam collapsing.
The headlights glared as they passed him. He clenched the wheel, trying to stay in control, trying not to replay that night over again in his head.
He turned to the passenger seats, picturing her slight frame there, and he was thrown. He tried to blink back tears as he drove. He could feel the car speeding up as his control was being lost. The headlights were brighter. It was as if it were yesterday.
"So, if it's a girl, Isabella, right?" she had said, tapping her hand against her protruding waistline. He smiled and shook his head.
"I don't see what the rush is. We still have six months to decide on names."
"And let our child go nameless for six months? As if!" she said as if it was stupid to suggest otherwise. "And if it's a boy, Paul Kevin Jonas III."
"I haven't agreed to that. It seems so egotistical to me."
"Oh come on, I want a little Kevin running around. Otherwise we're going with…what's the male form of Isabella...Isador! There are your choices, Kevin or Isador!"
She stared her down, knowing she would get her way, "Fine, but it wasn't my idea."
She reached over and kissed his cheek, "I love you."
"Love you too," he said, staring into those eyes.
"Green light," she said.
"Huh?" she pointed to the intersection. "Oh, right."
Just as he pulled out he heard a scream. Twisting metal. Squealing tires.
Then it went black.
Kevin cringed, the dark nightmares of his past. The one moment in his past that had destroyed any hope of his future.
He was suddenly filled with anger and started accelerating.
He'd woken up with a broken collar bone and a concussion. When he'd asked where she was, no-one would tell him. No-one would tell him…
She had died instantly they said. She hadn't suffered.
The fetus was too young to survive outside the womb. The fetus…that's what they called his son or daughter. A fetus.
That scream echoed, it forever echoed. What had he done wrong? It was green, the light was green. The other driver, the other driver was buzzed.
The other driver had walked without so much as a scratch. Kevin had walked away without a future.
This was his future. Hazy memories of the ones he had lost.
The gas pedal hit the floor and as it did, everything stopped.
-
Suddenly, he was walking down a long white hallway. It looked like a hospital. Was he about to have a near death experience?
He could feel himself being pulled toward a door. He was almost afraid to open it. He was afraid of what it concealed. He felt a gentle push on his shoulder blade and knew he should open it.
There she was. In the bed, wearing a hospital gown, was the love of his life. He almost pinched himself, but refused, knowing that if this was a dream, he never wanted to wake up. He could see the white bundle in her arms, nestled there peacefully.
"I was wondering when you'd get here. I was in labor for almost eight years," she smiled knowingly. She looked down at the bundle in her arms. "I want you to meet your son, Isador."
He looked at her questioningly before she smiled and winked, "Kidding! I told you I'd name him Kevin, just like his daddy."
Kevin walked over to the bed and kneeled at her side. He could see the sleeping infant, full-term and healthy. His eyes opened a little, and his father laughed.
"Hey buddy, it's daddy," he said, happy tears falling down his face.
Lilly reached out and wiped his cheek. Instead of the numb, phantom touch he was expecting, he could feel the warmth of her soft skin.
"You didn't read the manual, did you? Then again you never were on to read the manual. Rule number one: There are no tears in heaven."
He laughed as the tears stopped, folding her hand over his, and kissing her knuckles softly.
"I love you," she whispered, knowing he could hear every word.
"Oh, Mrs. Jonas. Lilly, Lilly, Lilly. I love you too."
Okay, author fans are hating me right now for not updating Freedom, but I'm at the climax and I'm blanking. And this was one of those, the song is stuck in my head until I write the oneshot deals, so I hope you understand. Everyone else, for whom this is a first, I hope you liked it. Please review you guys. It means the world to me and it helps confirm that I'm not the only Levin supporter in the universe. I love you guys!
xxaccebxx