Thoughts are in ''.
My name is Miley Ryan and I have twelve kids. There is one born in every month of the year. It makes it simpler. My husband, Jake, and I only planned two kids. My oldest is Tina, who is now twenty-one. She was named after me, my middle name of course being Tina. Then there is Samuel, Darcy, Jesse, Sandy, Simon, Lily, Destiny, Lyle, Kevin, David, and Oliver.
I named two of my kids after my best friends, Lily Truscott and Oliver Oken. I am, of course, married to Jake Ryan, the mucho-hott actor on Zombie High. I am, as a matter of fact, Hannah Montana. And Jake doesn't know. My kids do, and they swore to secrecy.
My daddy, my sweet daddy, helped me face the fact that Jake thought I was joking when I told him I was Hannah. My kids believed me, but not my husband. Darcy asked me, "Well, Mom, when do I become famous?" "For-get-it." I told her. She looked around the room that twelve people were packed into. "I'll call Tina," Sandy said, and she pulled out a cherry red cell. "Where'd you got THAT?" I practically yelled at Tina.
"Um, Internet?" She suggested. Then Destiny said, "I guess I'll be going." She probably had a phone, too. "Bye." Simon said. "I guess I'll be leaving." Lily said. 'Where did they get the phones?' I thought. "Nice talking Mom," Darcy said. "Okay, um, Fredrick said I could go over today." Lyle said. "I'll clean my room," Kevin suggested. Samuel said, "I have a date with Missy." Oliver, who was only six said, "I'll be on the roof." 'ROOF?! That was crazy!' I thought. David said, "I guess Margot's hungry." Margot was his pet hamster. Jesse said, "I'll be in the shower." He NEVER takes showers.
I stuck out my hands. Tina, Jesse, Destiny, David, Simon, Oliver, Lily, Samuel, Darcy, and Lyle – in that order – handed me their cells. "Nice try." I said. Just then MY cell phone rang. I answered it. "Lily alert!" Came the reply. "Lily," I said, "aren't we a little old for that?" "Five, four, three…" came the reply. "OPEN THE DOOR! LILY ALERT!" All the kids, except Destiny, went to hide. Destiny opened the door just as Lily rode in. Lily is so good with the kids – she plays hide and seek with them when she comes here.
"Hey, Miles!" Lily said. "Hello, Destiny," She said. Destiny is always shy around Lily. Oliver was behind Lily. "Lily!" He said, from inside at least six shopping bags, "WHY did you go to SEVENTEEN different skating stores?" Lily still loved her skateboard. "HEY!" She said, "YOU got into eight magazine stores to see if they had the new issue of Playboy!"
Just then Lily said, "Hide and seek time!" She went to the cupboard. "I smell someone!" "How do you SMELL someone?" Oliver asked. Lily just opened the cupboard and there was Oliver – my son, not my best friend – was in there. "OLIVER!" I shouted. "How many times have I told you not to get in there?" He counted on his fingers. "Around seventy nine million two hundred thousand nine hundred eighty one times." He said. He's a math wiz.
Lily looked everywhere and found the kids in the following places: Samuel in the shower, Darcy under her bed, Jesse in the basement cupboard, Sandy under the stairs, Simon in the fridge – Simon is able to fit on an empty shelf, but he's only in there around fifty seconds because that's when Lily finds him – Lily behind her artist's easel, Lyle in the other shower, Kevin behind the drapes on the door, and David in an elevator we had put in the house for when Darcy has to go upstairs – she needs a wheelchair.
Lily loves being at our house. Lily – my daughter, not friend – always draws Lily – my friend, not daughter (I'll just call her Lily S. and my daughter Lily J.) – a picture. Lily S. has a daughter named Miley and a son named Oli. That's because I claimed the name Oliver, and Oli was the next best thing. Oliver named his daughter Lilly, and his other daughter Milena and I LOVE it, Milena even more. Oliver's daughter Milena is a celebrity too! She is Ana CaBana, a now famous – thanks to my daddy – singer slash model slash actress. She's busier than me!
Oliver J. – which is what I'll call my son – said to me one minute that afternoon, "Hey mom, I found a place for Hannah to perform." "Where?" Me, Lily S., and Oliver S. – which is what I'm calling my best friend – said. "It's a lake. There's a family up there named the Bakers. And get this! They have twelve kids!" I waited, and Oliver J. said, "You want me to list them don't you?" "YES!" Me, Lily S., and Oliver S. said. "Okay. There's Nora, Charlie, Lorraine, Henry, Sarah, Jake, Mark, Jessica, Kim, Mike, Nigel, and Kyle. Nora's married though, and has a baby. Then there's the parents – Tom and Kate – and they seem nice."
"Okay," I said, "Your dad has a week off, and we'll take him up there. Then we get the Bakers to help us, the Ryans, to tell your dad I'm Hannah. But how?" "PRESS CONFERENCE!" Darcy yelled. When she says that, all the kids have to run in the living room to have a family meeting. "Okay. Roll call." I said. I ran down the list, and everyone was there. "Our meeting is about next week when we go up to a lake. We plan on telling your dad about me being Hannah Montana. What should we do?" "I know!" Lyle yelled. "Yes?" Oliver S. said. "Well, on the last day, we can have Hannah perform. Then, you have like an after party. You talk to the mom, and then Hannah will be walking, trip on a rock, you fall down, and the wig comes off." "That's about the dumbest thing I've ever heard!" My Aunt Dolly said walking in. "I couldn't miss a chance to see you."
"Aunt Dolly," I said, "Your right. That's a pretty dumb-" I stopped halfway, "-idea not to do it. I think it's great."