Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from the Twilight series. All are Stephanie Meyer's.
Quick Note: I'm back! Just was gone for awhile on a little kind of vacation, but I spent most of my time working on this story here. It's the longest one I've written yet, and I hope you love it as much as I do. This is Edward's point of view on the first night of Bella and his honeymoon. Like the complete opposite of "Isle Esme". I decided this one was special to me, and so I opened it up with a song I was listening to the enitre time i was writing this story. Thanks to Muse for being so awesome.
Four: Blue Moon
There's part of me
You'll never know
The only thing
I'll never show
Hopelessly, I'll love you endlessly
Hopelessly, I'll give you everything
But I won't give you up
I won't let you down
I won't leave you falling
If the moment ever comes
It's plain to see,
It's trying to speak
Cherished dreams
Forever asleep
Hopelessly, I'll love you endlessly
Hopelessly, I'll give you everything
But I won't give you up
I won't let you down
I won't leave you falling
If the moment ever comes
Hopelessly, I'll love you endlessly
Hopelessly, I'll give you everything
But I won't give you up
I won't let you down
I won't leave you falling
But the moment never comes.
"Endlessly" – Muse
Cradled in my arms I pulled her along through the water. She was more fragile than ever, shaking like a frightened animal captured and being hauled away from it's home. Essentially that's what I was doing, taking her away from what she knew and what was safe. Not only was I spitting on her innocence, I was mocking the fear that was constantly evident in the pit of my stomach. Honestly I could say this situation frightened me more than anything I had experienced up to this point. In my one hundred-and-some years of existence there have been many moments where my actions horrified me. None made even an inch of an impact compared to the task I was about to undertake. Endless years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds I had endured excruciating loneliness. Now when I had the one I loved with me, I was going to potentially murder her and shorten our already numbered moments together. She wanted this, more than I could understand, and I had an obligation to fulfill her wishes.
Undeniably, past lore wasn't on my side in this particular instance. I didn't believe strongly in other pairs like Bella and I trying to consummate, but I had heard of such myths. To say the least, the part Bella was playing wasn't one many lined up to audition for. This could only go one of two ways. She lives, or she dies. This general idea was all I could bear to focus on, because I knew the pain in between was something I wasn't willing to forcefully ignore, but as long as the end result was she kept her life, I would respect her wishes and attempt to do what I thought was intensely unthinkable.
Though yes, I was fundamentally a man underneath my contradictory shell of perfection that held what I knew weren't normal organs and normal muscles. I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about us being together this way, but my fantasies were horrible fabrications of truth. Reality was that she was soft and delicate, breakable to the umpteenth degree. While she was human I could not fully release my whole enthusiasm upon her, which made it increasingly difficult to take part in her baroque scheme to have some remarkable night. This I expected to be the most strenuous evening in more ways than one.
Truthfully I was considerably annoyed and angry at her undying persistence. She really had no idea what I could do, and nor should she ever witness the brutality I was known to show in times of necessity. Her human body was not built to accommodate mine, yet we were pushing the boundaries of what she could handle. Her confidence in my control was extremely overshot, and that was what bothered me most. I was the one who had to conduct this, be sure nothing would go terribly awry. A twitch in the wrong direction and she could never walk again. A squeeze that was too hard and she could have an unfixable, shattered humerus or scapula, or all other paper-thin bones beneath her skin.
It was way past nerves now. I felt the ultimate need to deny this from happening, reason with her once more…
But she wouldn't have my explanations, I knew. She had married me against her will, and I would accept the terms I had agreed to, as any noble gentleman would do. To make her happy I would do anything.
A thumping noise woke me from my inner debate. Still I was carrying her through the ocean, not a full second had ticked by and I was aware she was staring unfocused, undoubtedly having her own discussion. I was hesitant to speak; a pang of hope reverberated in me at the thought of her calling this off, knowing how difficult and stressful this was to me. Bella wasn't one to be selfish, and that worked to my advantage.
I watched her tender face unconsciously make different expressions reflecting what her conversation was about. Brows furrowing, mouth tightening, eyes shifting. Again I suddenly heard the thumping, rushing. The familiar pounding of blood coursing through a human heart. This was an abnormal beat, a rough and fast pump that I had never heard the likes of. Adrenalin made the heart palpitate much faster than normal, but unless Bella's body could produce a staggering amount I
did not know how her fragile organ was pulsing so rapidly.
"Bella," I whispered, concerned. Her glazed eyes became clear and she stood unfocused and staring into the water. Flickering furiously, her heart shook underneath her ribs causing a rattling sound only my acute ears could detect.
"Bella your heart-" Cut off by the flit of her core, she looked up at me with a wounded expression. I could tell she was trying to be strong, but she couldn't hide from me. She was terrified. My best judgment urged me to stop this now, but her determined eyes showed no weakness.
"No Edward, please…" She trailed, her stuttering voice miles from confident. Eyeing my face she waited while I studied her. Peering at her I hoped, if there was a god he would allow me to enter her thoughts just for a moment.
What need did she have that was so important, so vital, that she would risk her life to satisfy it? It was unnerving not to be able to see what she was thinking.
Glancing at her beautiful face, I embarrassingly lost the battle with my conscience.
Defeated, I hugged her close, her steadying heartbeat sedating my frustrations. Relaxing in my arms, her light hand came to rest on my empty chest. Looking into her lovely brown eyes, I stroked her cheek. I leaned down to press my lips to hers, the warm inviting taste her mouth always had was soothing. Her hand flew to my hair and I felt her small fingers tugging gently on it. Pressing her body to mine caused me to jolt, she was burning hot. It was unsettling that so much of who she was was different. Her temperature, personality, hair, eyes, body, was nothing like mine. We really were star-crossed lovers. If Romeo fed on the blood of animals, and Juliet was attracted to unnatural monsters and life-threatening situations, we would be taken straight from the page of Shakespeare.
Bella's mouth crushed harder to mine as I felt her tongue brush along my lower lip. Positioning my hands on opposite ends of her body I held and waited to bring her forward fully. She broke the kiss to take in a breath, and missing the warm flavor of her saliva I forced my lips upon hers insistently. Deep within I experienced an urge, one that was new to me. Primal and dangerous, I had the need to grab her and squeeze her against me with all my strength, I wanted to feel her on my skin and know the hot pressure was her naked body against me.
Resisting this, I smiled when I noticed that Bella's heart was once again beating violently. It was so palpable that I actually noticed the feel of it against my chest. Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump. It's rhythm was consistent and true.
A pang of longing shot up my throat as I realized that I had not long to enjoy her human oddities. Her blush and cute clumsiness would be lost once she was immortal. And while she slept I could no longer listen to the sweet pulsing of her heart as it pumped her ambrosial blood through her veins. The fragrant odor of her life-giving juice would be forever gone, and it could never sing to me again.
Creasing my eyebrows in frustration, I wiped the sad thoughts from my mind and focused on the task at hand. Now was not the time to be unfocused.
Slipping her closer, our bodies fit impressively. She tore her mouth from mine when she experienced the sensation of our lower bodies molding. Hearing her quiet moan awoke the monster in me. I plucked her from the ocean and hugged her to me. Remembering not to crush her, I waded easily through the water, my legs cutting effortlessly through the ocean as if it wasn't even there. I needed to get her to the bed, the safe and dry white bed in the house. My throbbing brain ached with fear as my strength and unbelievable vulgar urge to do the unthinkable to this woman in my arms nearly overpowered me.
Pessimistic and worried I knew that breast-high water and my deadly impulses could mean I might drown her. There definitely was a chance, and so far away from the ocean meant one less obstacle to overcome.
Once my feet hit the sand, Bella kissed me unexpectedly. I stopped, a little confused at why she was pressing her mouth so roughly to mine. A small tingle in the back of my throat made it's presence known as I tasted her magnificent flavor.
My dreaded thirst was born that second, the scratching in my esophagus growing evermore present. A fresh wave of venom coated my mouth, and I was sure Bella could taste it as we kissed. It was no harm, as long as it stayed out of her bloodstream she would be unaffected. I wondered idly if to her it tasted awful or otherwise…
Bella's new eagerness was clear, and so I laid our bodies down onto the sand a few feet from the water's edge. I released myself from her lips and moved to her jaw line, and then lower to her neck. The overpowering scent of her blood leaked through the soft skin, and I listened to the pounding of her large artery. It seared my nostrils, but I wanted to take more of it in. Like a drug, I craved what it offered. Though it was painful for the smell to waft so willingly down my lungs, it was worth enduring the heavenly aroma that drove me insane.
Further I explored and ended up on the supple plains of her chest, so soft underneath my lips that it felt like I was kissing silk. Roaming across all unconquered areas, I felt her heart pulsing inside. Pausing to listen to it's harmonic lullaby, Bella's leg wound around mine and whisked across my inner thigh, sending an electrifying shock to my brain causing me to inhale a deep breath of her volatile essence. The converging lust for her body and her blood shook my composure violently. I cringed, hoping that perfect stillness would calm the monstrous urges in my body and mind. I refrained from breathing so as to let the blood scent leave my system.
Bella knew exactly what was happening, and so she was also still underneath me.
I was suddenly mortified and devastated at my lack of control over my unearthly appetite. How weak was I to have to stop and collect myself? Though I knew I wasn't the strongest I thought I could last longer than a few minutes.
Limply, her form under me was silent and unmoving. She was afraid of me, she wanted to get away. If I looked up, would I be horrified at her expression? Would I see fear? Was she frightened?
Hesitantly I peeked at her face. What I saw was a craving, a lust, and she was staring at me and I knew she was longing for me. Her tender heart thudded excitedly when my expression became soft and controlled. If I had a heart it would have burst at the look she was giving me now. Ever if I had doubted her love, only this way she was seeing me would have reassured me lifetimes over.
She then saw my honest face and pierced her fingers into my back, pressing her hot body to my cold one. My itching and yearning monster reappeared inside of me, where I doused and contained it's mischievous ideas. Aching inside of me, my growing need for her made itself apparent.
So, I heaved us and bolted into the house with unsound speed. Without a noise, I placed Bella on the white bed and walked normally to the other side. Taking in an uncertain breath, I knew that this was the dangerous part. I pulled into the bed beside her, and brought the covers over us. I hovered over her, not sure what exact position would be best. Her heat hit my skin and warmed my bloodless veins. This was it.
I watched Bella's face, wondering what she was thinking. About to ask, I was interrupted by the feel of her soft hands running down the length of my back, and to my hips. Not fully sure of what was about to happen, the abrupt sensation between my legs made me rigid. My mouth opened and the air inside of me spilled out as Bella's careful movements coaxed the growling monster in my stomach. Heavy, my body swayed over her as the hard lump in me bulged and my throat became dry. I bit my lip holding in a hiss I wished I could release, but I reasoned that vampiric noises might not help my self-control right now.
Reaching, I took her hands away and instead traced a slow line down her side and over her protruding hipbone. My fingers slid across her creamy white skin, and over her thighs. My journey ended at the center of her, where I gently felt where I was about to invade. She shuddered under my touch, and I continued to feel, seeing what it was doing. Her face was calm but her body was quivering lightly, as if she was cold. Ceasing my movements, I studied her face. A second passed and her eyes opened, and I stared into them, mesmerized.
She was mine, and her beauty awed me constantly. I remembered back to when I first set eyes on her, and her enthralling scent overpowered all other functions. She tortured me that day. Finally when I returned to school and had been properly prepared, I scanned her more thoroughly. For a human, one without the aid of cosmetics, revealing clothes or other additions, she was stunning. Her natural beauty was gorgeous. She had pale perfect skin, large brown eyes and long flowing hair, and she was positively beautiful.
Here Bella was now, laid before me like a goddess which I was to taint; reluctantly. But I desired her now more than ever, she was soft and inviting beneath me. It took all my control to keep my emotions in check.
Bella's nervous expression stared up at me, and to ease her worries I smiled genuinely, assuredly. She looked up at me like I had given her the world on a golden platter, and quiet tears spilled from her blinking eyes. She was flustered I could tell, she didn't like being seen as weak and vulnerable as she did now. Personally, I loved when she showed her vulnerable side, because then I knew exactly what she was feeling and thinking. She was worried, but excited. Nervous, but ready.
I stroked her cheek lovingly, wiping away the tears that stained her pale skin.
To calm her, I placed a soft and gentle kiss to her lips, one that I hoped showed how much I was there for her now. One that said 'I love you, don't be afraid.'
"I love you," She whispered when we parted.
"I love you too. Always." I breathed, placing my hand bracingly behind her head, and snaking my other arm down to elevate her bottom half. Watching me, she nodded when I was sufficiently prepared.
I leaned forward so slowly, it seemed that hours had passed before we touched. When we did, she jolted slightly as my intrusion uncomfortably continued. To me, it was easy. No pain. But it was a sensation that clawed deep in me as the heat and smoothness threatened to unleash my unabashed strength and propel me roughly forward, causing her immense pain. Controlling myself, I discarded that thought.
I clenched my jaw muscles and waited until I was in to the hilt to expel a labored breath outward. Checking her, I placed a kiss upon her taught lips. Guiltily, I was overpowered with the tingle of pleasure and slowly moved again, this time in the opposite direction. And then forward again.
My mind was screaming at me, saying insulting things I knew were true. I was being completely selfish. I could feel the tension in her, this wasn't feeling good for her. But I couldn't stop. I didn't have the supreme control to stop, this was feeling extremely satisfying to me. I was going as slow as my restrained muscles would take me. If I needed to, I would hurt myself in order to get away from her, to get a safe distance from her.
Crushed closed, my eyes would give me away if she saw them. I could tell they were black with lust, the usual gold will have faded with the hunger I was now drowning in. Frightened, I stopped breathing through my nose in case her luscious fragrance sent me over the edge. The smell of her blood alone was powerful, coupled with this it could mean death. If I could have I would have ceased breathing altogether, but it helped me feel more comfortable while I was moving faster. I buried my head into the crook of her neck by the pillows, her hair brushed across my face and I inhaled a deeply through my mouth.
Faster I went, curling my toes and locking my eyes shut as the overbearing feel of being inside Bella coursed through my hollow body. My arms wanted to hold something, and they latched onto her arms. Squeezing roughly, my discomfort eased as my overflowing strength released onto Bella's poor arms, nearly breaking them in half.
Eventually, Bella's taut body began writhing beneath me and arching, no sign of pain evident in her body language. One of my hands had a horrific urge to crush, I could not control it and I nearly cried out in fear at the though of it breaking her arm. Just in time, I unclasped it from her and dug it into the nearest pillow, ripping it to shreds. The feathers blew out, scattering all over, but Bella didn't seem to notice. I breathed harder into her neck, not allowing myself to take in her volatile scent.
She let out a small noise as I hissed into her ear, the building thrill diffusing throughout my body. The faster I went, the more it became harder to hang on to my stability. Her hands gripped my hair and she leaned into me, making it even more difficult not to crush her to death.
"E-Edward," She moaned into my ear, sending painful pulses of blatant violent desires through my skull. I couldn't hold on much longer.
My mouth opened, unconsciously willing to take a bite out of her throbbing neck. I jerked my head away, forcing it into the fluffy fabric of a pillow, and took a large and furious bite out of it. Spitting out the bland taste of the pillow's innards, I clenched my jaw in order to refrain from murdering anything further. Lifting my head to take in a fresh breath of air, my exhalation blew the sweaty hair from Bella's face and I saw she was gnawing on her bottom lip unknowingly. Shutting my eyes once again, I knew this was the end.
I pushed myself deep, the panging in my loins screaming out for release, and when it came the scorching heat raced through me like a wildfire. It lapped at everything inside, and rabidly seared my throat as my jaw muscles flexed. Aching, my arms and stomach was tightening, and I felt Bella tightening too.
As I heard Bella moan, I growled. The monster in me roared and tried to pry my mouth open. It was as if someone was pressing my head down, down to Bella's vulnerable throat, forcing my lips and teeth upon her soft flesh there. For the second time, I gorged myself into the pillows, tearing them like I would have Bella. The euphoria rocked my bones, and made me inhale through all orifices, sending the sweet smell of Bella's hot body and blood through my system. I bit as hard as possible into the pillow, distracting myself from the other deadly urges. Flooding my unreliable body, the surge of ecstasy curled and prodded at me, forcing everything to seize.
Then terribly, the hedonic pleasure that had plagued me so violently had subsided, and I was left hollow and breathing roughly. I slumped tiredly onto my love's slick body, she was also huffing. Her heart was racing, and ever so slowly relaxing.
Nuzzling her wet neck, I breathed softly bringing myself back to reality. After a few minutes of silence, I allowed myself to move out and lie beside her. My hand found hers, and I held it tenderly as I kissed her head and moved the hair from her tired face.
"Bella, how do you feel?" I asked, praying I had not hurt her in anyway. If I had, I don't know if I would be able to live with myself. It had been a fraction of a second that had separated my lunging teeth and crushing grip from causing her immense pain. I was grateful she was alive.
"I feel…" She paused, sending a pang of shock and worry through me, "This was the best night of my life, Edward. Thank you." Kissing my knuckles, she settled into me and I covered her bare frame with the bed covers. Moving my hands away, I rested them at my sides, feeling better when I wasn't touching and endangering her.
But I couldn't contain my need to have her near me, to know she was there and okay, so I brought one hand up and ran my fingers across her back. She shivered a little under my touch, and I stared up at the ceiling wishing I could sleep. Now I had the whole night to relive my mistakes. It had been the most extraordinary thing I had ever experienced, but my mind would only let me dwell on the things that almost went wrong. If I had known I was going to act that way, maybe I could have anticipated it…
"Mmm…" She sighed as I tickled her back, and cuddled closer to me.
"Sleep now, love." I griped, wishing I didn't have to sit through hours replaying her near-death experiences that she didn't even notice.
"I sweat a lot Edward." She mumbled. I chuckled inwardly at her failing motor skills.
"Shhh, it's alright." I assured her, coaxing her to sleep with my voice. Beating steadily, her heart sunk into a slumber. She turned and kissed me before falling finally into a deep sleep, her rhythmic breathing matching mine.
I stared hatefully into the roof, trying to take my mind off what I had done. Although, we had done it, and I was surprised. She seemed to be perfectly well, and unscathed. It was almost too good to be true.
Glancing over to my right, I looked longingly at Bella. Still and porcelain like a perfect statue. The way the bed sheets draped over her nude body sent a shock of desire through my lifeless heart. So peaceful she was, I envied her. True, she was the strongest human I had ever met. In a world where physical strength was a mere charade to hide the weak mind of most people, she radiated an aura which was peculiar. Clever and stone-minded. Quite intellectual at all things. She was very special in more ways than one. First, I had never met anyone who could block my ability to read minds. To this day it baffles me how a human could shut out something they cannot even fathom. Secondly, she was the first person on this planet I had ever felt so whole-heartedly and madly connected to. To me, this was more than love, it was life. When I had forever to live, what possibly could consume my time until time were to inevitably end?
And one day, out of the thousands I had suffered through, Isabella Swan sauntered into my useless life. She sat feet away, and her aroma drifted to me, and tore every shred of concentration and hard work I had built up to that point. She nearly ruined me that day. She had nearly died that day. But like a magnet, she pulled me back to her, and I had to know more. This mere girl was impervious to my mind-reading capabilities. Constantly she stared at me, not making it easy to try and ignore her. Stay away from her Edward I told myself.
I loved her before the end of lunch that fateful day. Something inside told me to protect her, kill her, and stay the hell away from her all at once. Gladly I soon became familiar with her personality. Though I had no idea when she had fallen in love with me, it didn't matter. Had she not, I would have stayed with her regardless. I had found my purpose; love this woman till the day death did us part.
Then, she loved me back, and I knew I had ruined her life.
Thick and thin she had stuck by me, and I threw her to the wolves (literally) and left her alone in the woods to die. Regretting every second after that, I painfully left her well alone for longer than I ever would again. Everytime I see the way her face looked in someone's thoughts, seeing her lying on the dirt like she was, I could vomit. Gouge my own eyes out. I had done that to her, the one I vowed forever to protect. Damn my selfish ideas, she needed me whether I liked it or not. She traveled across the world to save me from myself, and witnessed the order of satanic vampires that lead our species. Too much, she had seen too much that day. And she took me back after all I had inflicted upon her. I begged and begged and it wasn't even necessary, for she loved me from the time I abandoned her, to the present minute and beyond.
Once more I glanced at my lover, my glowing heart sleeping in her chest. For we shared it, and if ever it should stop beating, it would condemn both our lives in one death.
Her perfect hair was splayed across the mangled pillows, knotting with the feathers. Bella had given me by far the best night of my life, wether I was to admit it to myself or not. She trusted me more than anyone ever before. Like an angel she slept soundly, softly, unmoving. She had let me into her beautiful body, where I had found that satisfying her was a whole different experience in itself. Never had I felt so alive, like I had a pulse, like the burning inside of me was returning mortality relieving me of my hell-bent path as a shadow-lurking monster. Heat, searing heat in my throat, like that of my thirst but more intense. If that pain was to return, I would welcome it with open arms, for I knew it accompanied Bella's simultaneous pleasure.
Oh... how I loved her.
My prying eyes returned to the ceiling, where I noticed the growing intrusion of blue-tinted light. My nostrils flared as I detected the lingering scent of humid sweat and the tropic hint from the outdoor plants and saltwater.
A breeze ventured into the room, blowing and swirling the thin netting around the bed. I peered out into the water, its flat surface moving only slightly with the light wind. The Palm trees swayed, and the still blue moon watched me as I watched it.
Blue was new, I had never seen one like it. It wasn't a deceptive white getting its color from the dark water, it was genuinely a flawless blue. Gorgeous.
The reflection of it off the ocean was blinding, but it was so beautiful it was hard to look away.
The night and spying planet engulfed everything in the room, and I laid there beside my Bella, and stared.
Eventually, the blue moon sadly sunk beneath the horizon to make way for the new morning sun.
Dedicated to the FANS and to Muse. Other songs that I listened to during this story were equally as influential. "Hysteria", "Bliss", "Starlight", and "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You". Get em' all and you will be overwhelmed with perfect songs that fit perfectly into All Twilight books. (And yes I know Stephanie Meyer loves Muse too.) Sun; Aug 31/08 ...Made some additions to the end, more detail into Edward's inner thoughts as Bella sleeps.