Title: My big fat Rohirric wedding
Author: Lilya
E-mail: lylalay@virgilio.it
Genre: Humor/Parody/Romance/Drama
Summary: When Tolkien meet Greece. After surviving the shadow and the attack of the Witch King, will Éowyn be able to survive her wedding day? With Éomer as wedding planner everything is possible…
Main characters: Éomer, Éowyn and Faramir.
Pairing: Éowyn/Faramir and Éomer/Lothiriel
Rating: G
Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Tolkien. The movie "My big fat Greek wedding" belongs to Nia Vardalos.
Author's note: I'm not English and I'm not translating. That's right: I'm trying to write directly in English. And that's the first time I try. Yeah, I know, I'm crazy… . Anyway, please correct me.
My big fat Rohirric weddingGood morning, sister. I hope you'll forgive me, but I'm really busy today.
I shake my head: poor Éomer, he's always so caught up in his duty as king of Rohan. We've barely seen each other since he came back from the last battle and about talking to each other like we used to…Well, let's not talk about it. Even because there's nothing to talk about.
So, how have you spent these last days? he asks me, not really paying attention.
Oh, you know, the usual…sword practicing, riding, talking to Arwen, attending feasts, accepting Faramir's proposal…
Good, good…WHAT?!
Oh, so he still has his sense of hearing! I was beginning to worry, you know…
Excuse me, sister, I don't think I heard exactly what you said…
All right. Erase the last sentence.
I catch my breathe: this is going to be very hard. I said I accepted Faramir's proposal.
What proposal exactly?
I have known Éomer for 22 years and sometimes he can still makes me wonder…is he really stupid or just plays a part? Because if he does, I must say he's very good at it!
Éomer, what is a proposal usually? Faramir-asked-me-to-marry-him-and-I-said-I-will. Do you understand what I'm saying or I must draw it?
He glares at me: Éowyn, I am your older brother and king of Rohan…
I know, I know.
We fall silent.
Do you really have to? he asks me suddenly.
What?
Marry him. I mean…it's too early! We don't know him well, we don't know hat kind of man he is…
Speak for yourself, Éomer. I say I do know him and I do know what kind of man he is, thankyouverymuch.
And what about King Elessar? I thought you had a crush on him…
In case you didn't notice, King Elessar is happily married. And I got over that crush long ago.
Oh yeah? And tell me, sister…you aren't accepting Lord Faramir's proposal out of sadness, are you?
Now I don't like what he's implying. Not at all. And he won't like it too…
Of course I'm not! I love Faramir and he loves me. I want to be his wife and spend my life by his side.
Éomer smirks: Such ardent words…I didn't know you were such a romantic girl, Éowyn…
Girl your sister! I'm a woman!
Éowyn?
Yes?
You are my sister…
Oops! Well, you know what I meant.
Damn. I bet he'll remind of this "slip of tongue" until my death. And maybe beyond.
You're still young! It's not like you can't wait one year or two…or ten.
Éomer, if you want to be married on your deathbed it doesn't mean that I have to do the same! By the way, Lothiriel is starting to be fed up with waiting…
I'm not lying to him…well, more or less.
Éomer blushes furiously. Aww, isn't he cute? You just have to say Lothiriel's name and his cheeks will be on flame…and he'll be terribly embarrassed!
We're not talking about my marriage! he grunts. Anyway, I can't see the reason to be on such a hurry… his cheeks, so red that almost glowed, suddenly become deathly pale. His eyes are open wide and he's staring at me.
Èowyn… he barely whispers …is there something you need to tell me?
I stare at him, absolutely puzzled: What? No, why?
Are you…are you sure? I promise I won't get angry…
I raise from my chair and put one hand on his forehead: Éomer, are you all right? Do you want me to fetch an healer? Maybe you worked too much…
Èowyn, please, it didn't happen what I think it happened…did it?
Éomer, what in Eru's name are t… and suddenly I understand what he was thinking. Now, I have two choices. First, laugh at him. Second, be very, very angry. But it's not really something I can decide, so…
WHAT!? I shout, furious. You thought the Faramir had…that we had…that I am…WHO DO YOU THINK WE ARE? Faramir is an honorable man!
Honorable indeed! he shouts back, his cheeks red again. An honorable man would have asked me first!
Oh, poor Lothiriel, you'll break her heart!
Don't play dumb, sister! You know what I meant.
I'm not laughing anymore: He's going to marry me, not you: so why in the Valar's name should he ask you first?
Because it's proper!
Oh, please, brother. Don't be so narrow-minded and old-fashioned!
Narrow-minded? Old-fashioned? Me?
I look around: Can you hear this strange echo as well?
Enough! he roars I told you what I think: it's too early! I won't allow you to marry him!
You won't what?! Now listen, you thick-headed, overgrown child: I will marry Faramir and it's better if you start living with it!.
I storm out of the room fuming with anger and hear my brother call after me, but I don't turn back.
I don't know how long I've been walking blindly in these corridors, nor I care. Finally, I go out in the sun: I take a deep breath, trying to calm down. I love my brother Éomer. I expected him to react badly, but not that badly! I sigh. Brothers. They're impossible, but if they didn't exist somebody should really invent them. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to lose Faramir either.
Èowyn!
I turn around and I find myself face to face with Lothiriel, my dear soon-to-be sister-in-law…well, not very soon-to-be.
You look troubled, sister she says, smiling at me and guiding me to a stone bench. Tell, me does your trouble start with "E" or with "F"?
Definitely E
My lovely fiancée, I see
I stare at her with wide eyes.
My brother…lovely? Lothiriel, did you bump your head against something very hard or what? I shake my head I swear I'll never understand how can a nice, smart girl like yourself be in love with that…troll I got for brother.
And I swear I'll never understand how can a lively, brave girl like yourself be in love with that orch I got for cousin she replies dramatically. We look at each other and then we burst out laughing.
Oh, Valar, Lothiriel, sometimes I think I'd go crazy if it wasn't for you!
I'm sure she says not at all convinced So, did you tell Éomer the good news?
I wrinkle my nose up: I don't think he would call it a good news
Did he react that badly?
And here I am, telling her what happened.
Soon my tale is over and Lothiriel shakes her head: Éomer, Éomer, Éomer…What should I do with you?
What about marry him? I ask innocently.
Éowyn, we're not talking about my marriage… and now why are you laughing?
Oh, now I see that you and my brother are meant for each other! I choke out between my fits of laughter He told me exactly the same thing about…twelve minutes and twenty-five seconds ago
Well… says Lothiriel raising from the bench I think I'll go to talk to him
Thank you, Lothiriel. You are the only one who can make him come back to his senses…
Except for you
Not in this case, unfortunately… I rolled my eyes.
Lothiriel chuckles: I'll go. But I can't promise you anything…
Thank you anyway
Lothiriel leaves and I stay alone in the garden, thinking about my brother, how we grew up in Edoras and all the things we used to do together.
Somebody puts one hand on my shoulder: I turn around and see the face of my beloved Faramir.
May I sit down? he asks me and I chuckle.
You don't have to ask, Faramir. I'm your fiancée, not some unknown old lady. Beside… I add You're the Steward of Gondor: this is your city and I'm just a guest
You won't be a guest for long, Éowyn. This is going to be your city, too he caresses my cheek But let's not talk about this. You look troubled, my love
I sigh: I told Éomer of our wedding…
…and he didn't take it well. I must say I did expect it.
I raise an eyebrows, looking at him sideways: You did?
Of course he leans closer to me If I had such a beautiful sister like yourself, I'd be a very protective older brother
Well, I'm happy you're a "youngest child" like me. That's why we understand each other perfectly
He smiles, looking like a child: Together against all the older brothers!
Well, older brothers are a pain I say, rolling my eyes They don't let you come near their room…
…don't let you breathe near their things…
…and they'll never lend you them I add
He nods in agreement and goes on:
When you do something wrong, they always threaten to beat you…
…or to report you to your caretakers
They're always teasing you…
They're always fussing over you and don't let you breathe
They'd rather lock you up in your own room then let you grow up
They never like the way you dress, the way you style your hair, the way you hold your sword…
They're terribly jealous…
…and nosey!
We shake our heads and sigh in unison: Brothers!.
Then we stay silent, and I lay my head on Faramir's shoulder.
Do you want me to go talk to him? he whispers as he strokes my hair.
No. Lothiriel is talking to him right now and maybe she'll obtain something
And then we sit here, and speak no more.
We stay like this fro a long time, until we hear footsteps approaching: after a moment, Éomer appears. He look at us with uneasiness and then clears his throat: Greetings, Lord Faramir. I wish to speak to my sister alone, if you don't mind
Of course I don't he raises and briefly squeezes my hand before walking away.
Éomer waits in silence until he's gone, then comes near me. I don't say a word, and watch him as he fumbles with the hem of his shirt. I can't help but smiling fondly: he used to do so when he was barely a boy. A nervous boy. A nervous boy who hadn't studied his lesson.
Éowyn… he whispers my name in a soft voice, so tenderly, so lovingly, and hold my hands into his. I'm sorry…I've been a total idiot. It's just that…well, you're my little sister and I don't to see you suffer. I've always tried to protect you, but…
Éomer… I cut him off gently You can't protect me from life
I know he nods slowly I know. But I'm afraid to lose you nonetheless
I lay a hand on his arm and our eyes meet: You'll never lose me. Never I take a deep breathe But you can't ask me to choose between you and Faramir
I know. I won't he smiles at me I love you, sister he says holding me in his arms.
And I love you too I rely hugging him back.
We break apart.
Éomer?
Aye?
What did Lothiriel tell you?
Believe me: you don't want to know!
Oh, I don't think so… I say mischievously
He grins: That's why I'm not telling. By the way, I was thinking…
You do think? I ask him in mock surprise.
Ha ha, very funny he replies As I was trying to say…I could help you with your wedding.
That's very kind of you, but…
No buts. So it's set. he says raising You don't have to worry, I'll plan everything. Now I have to go, see you later
Have you ever had a feeling of oncoming catastrophe? Well…that's exactly what I feel right now…