Lily: I am a loser, so shoot me! Something tells me I should have updated TLAV instead of fooling around with random unrelated smut, but that something is very rarely listened to (especially since it usually tells me to do stupid things like 'study for your sociology final' or 'write that 10 page essay that's due tomorrow and which you had 2 months to write'). I got the idea for this in the bathroom…I think I was thinking of DH, the dragon…the vault (those of you who read the book should understand) and I thought, woa, it'd be pretty funny to have sex in there. And voila! Um…yeah, so here it is.

The day was ordinary as any other. When Draco woke up he had done his routine frenzy of scratching, not really out of any itchiness, just some sort of strange habit that he'd had since he was young. Then he had gotten out of bed and staggered around bathing and getting ready for the day. By the time he was out of the shower and dressed, he felt considerably more awake but Draco wasn't able to be human until he'd had at least one cup of coffee. The house elves knew this and had one steamy hot and waiting for him when he was ready, already prepared to his liking. Draco had drunk the first cup slowly, one eye on the increasing sunlight outside his window, and the other on the still sleeping form on the bed.

Harry always woke up much later than Draco. He was not a morning person. When he woke up he issued a long, low groan and proceeded to grope about the nightstand, feeling for his glasses. When he found them, he stumbled out of bed and went straight to the bathroom. By the time he was finished bathing and brushing his teeth and doing all manner of morning preparations, Draco was on his third cup of coffee and was reading the morning paper which Blinky the house elf had brought him.

"morning!" Harry said cheerfully, the complete opposite of the disgruntled bed-monster he had been just a half hour earlier.

"morning" Draco mumbled, preoccupied with the paper. Harry rolled his eyes, he never understood how anyone could comprehend the Diagon Report (the wizard equivalent of the Wall Street Journal) that early in the morning. Blinky appeared with breakfast and for a while the pair ate croissants and fruit.

"Master, the owl post is arrived" Blinky returned, holding a stack of letters in his tiny hands. Draco took the mail and dismissed the house elf with a wave.

"so what are we doing today?" Harry asked through a bite of chocolate croissant. Draco sighed, flicking through the mail with disinterest

"flyer, flyer, magazine ad, flyer, coupons, oh, today I thought we'd visit Blaise to see his new horses, everyone's going so I expect Ron and Pansy will go as well, Merlin! I swear if I get any more of these bloody flyers I'll…hello? What's this?"

A purple envelope bearing the Gringotts seal stood out among the other mail. Harry leaned in, as curious about the letter as Draco. Recently one of Draco's lesser known cousins had died and had, inexplicably, left Draco all his fortune. While the amount was nothing compared to the Malfoy fortune, it was nothing to bat an eyelash at. Draco had asked Gringotts to summarize the contents of the vault

"this must be the vault summary" Draco murmured. Carefully he broke the seal and opened the letter.

Mr. Malfoy

We, the goblins of Gringotts Bank, London Branch, are pleased to announce that the summary of the recently willed vault of one Mr. Arcadius Malfoy Featherstone, recently deceased, has been completed. We have found in this most recent summary a total of:

800 million Galleons

Deed to Featherstone Manor

Deed to Featherstone Observatory

Deed to Featherstone castle

Deed to Featherstone Knoll

1 King size feather mattress

We humbly offer you an invitation to come to our London location to view these items and sign the acceptance forms for said items.

Sincerely,

Gringotts Bank, London Branch

Harry frowned,

"a feather mattress?" he said. Draco shrugged,

"no idea, rumor had it that old Arcadius was…well…he was a bit of a loony" Harry stretched and wiped his hands,

"well we should hurry up then, if we're going to make it to Blaise's" he said. At Draco's confused look he elaborated

"well we've to go to the bank so you can sign those acceptance forms don't we?" Draco sighed. Harry was always so insistent when it came to getting things done, if it could be put off until later then it must be done right at that moment lest they somehow forget and end up in trouble. Draco got up from his chair and snapped his fingers, Blinky appeared next to him

"Blinky, tell Fersen to prepare the car, we'll be heading to Diagon Alley in a few minutes" he ordered. Blinky bowed and disappeared with a crack.

"well come on Mr. I-must-get-everything-done-with-ridiculous-speed, fetch your cloak so we can go. The sooner I finish with the bank, the sooner we can head over to Blaise's" Draco said and turned to his own closet to select a cloak..

Gringotts was mercifully empty when the pair arrived. Draco thanked Merlin for this small grace, he didn't have the patience to wait on long lines for something he didn't really feel like doing at the moment in the first place. He walked straight up to one of the teller desks and told the goblin there what he wanted done. He handed over the letter he had gotten and sighed as the series of spells that verified a person's identity were cast on him, then Harry. When the goblin was satisfied that they really were Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter Malfoy, he led them to the vault. It was one of the larger and older vaults and so the ride was longer than usual but finally they stood in front of their destination, the goblin opened the door for them and stepped back,

"I am terribly sorry for any inconvenience sirs, there seems to be some sort of urgent matter I must attend to. I am afraid I must leave you here for some time, I will return within half an hour, until then, please take your time to look at your vault" he said, and climbed back into the cart before zooming off. Draco sighed and rolled his eyes,

"service these days, I swear to Merlin everyone is getting lazier and lazier" he said as he and Harry entered the vault.

Inside there were piles upon piles of gleaming gold galleons stacked neatly in what seemed to be a sort of maze. To their immediate right there was a marble stand upon which was an oak box which probably held the deeds. Harry wandered into the forest of galleons and had only disappeared for a minute when he called to Draco,

"look! I've found your feather mattress!" he said. Draco, his curiosity still piqued from earlier, followed the other man's voice into a sort of room (made of galleons) in the middle of which sat an enormous gleaming gold bed with what looked to be a supremely comfortable mattress on it. Harry was already reclining on the mattress, a look of utter bliss on his face,

"Draco…Draco come here and lie on this" he breathed, patting the space next to him. Draco raised an eyebrow but went anyway. The second he was laid full next to Harry, a feeling of extreme bliss came over him. He sighed contentedly as wave after wave of pleasantness crashed into him, each wave was more intense than the last and bliss gave way to euphoria. Draco was vaguely aware that there was something wrong about a bed that gave him so much pleasure just by laying on it, but the extreme bliss he was experiencing wiped away that little niggling worry.

"Draco" Harry moaned, his voice sounded like it did whenever he was "in the mood". Draco looked over at him and met with green eyes clouded with lust. Harry crawled over to him and leaned down to kiss him hungrily. A little voice in the back of Draco's head told him that something was slightly wrong with the situation but suddenly Draco too was swept up in a wave of almost violent lust. He couldn't think of doing anything other than having sex with Harry, right then, on that bed.

By now, Harry was panting, pressing himself against Draco as he kissed the blonde. Draco groaned and flipped them over, he looked down at Harry's flushed face and found his swollen lips, slightly open as he panted, and his lusty eyes completely irresistible. He kissed him again, his hands sliding down Harry's familiar body in a frenzied attempt to touch every inch of it, but there were too many clothes. Draco growled and slid Harry's shirt off him, tore at the pants until those too were off. Socks, undershirt, and boxers followed until Harry was trembling and naked beneath him. Draco's eyes devoured the sight until he couldn't bear not to touch, his lips and fingers mapped out every inch of Harry's body. The whorls of his fingers rubbed over the sensitive rosebuds that were Harry's nipples, the moist slippery heat of his tongue made Harry cry out as it slid down his member. Draco smirked and worked his way back up to Harry's lips, he grabbed his wand (not that wand) and murmured a familiar spell that left his fingers coated with warm lubricant. Slowly, he prepared his lover.

The world around the two had ceased to exist; all Draco knew was Harry beneath him and his aching hardness straining against his pants. Harry moaned and let his legs fall open wider as Draco added a third finger inside him.

"Merlin Harry…" Draco groaned at the sight his lover presented. His arousal heightened and he licked his lips, he had prepared enough. Quickly he divested himself of his pants then his boxers, Harry unbuttoned his shirt and slid it off his shoulders and soon Draco too was naked. He slathered lubricant on himself and positioned his manhood at Harry's entrance. For a second they paused and looked into each other's eyes, Draco smiled then and Harry returned it. Then Draco slid in, slowly, and Harry moaned as that familiar length filled him.

"aah, Draco" Harry moaned, clutching his lover's shoulders as Draco stilled to let Harry get used to him. They stayed still for a minute, both breathing heavily, and then it was too much,

"move" Harry whispered and clenched his inner walls around Draco's arousal. Draco groaned and began to thrust. He went slow at first but sped up, his fingers gripped Harry's hips like a vice as he pumped in and out of the other man. Harry's gasps and cries only sped him along, increasing his arousal.

"harder! Ah, Merlin please Draco HARDER" Harry cried and Draco smirked, when Harry got into it, he was a screamer. Draco thrust harder and hit the spot inside Harry that really made him scream, he pulled out and hit that spot again. Harry wrapped his legs around Draco's waist and wrapped his arms around his neck. Draco leaned down for a kiss as he felt his arousal peak,

"Draco…Draco I'm going to…" Harry panted but cut himself off with a high pitched cry. His inner walls clamped down hard around Draco as he came in white spurts all over Draco's chest. The pressure inside Harry drove Draco to the edge and he too came in hot gushes inside his lover. They both collapsed onto the bed and lay there panting.

"Harry…" Draco said a few minutes later when he felt the haze of passion lifting

"mmh?" Harry mumbled,

"we've just had sex in my cousin's Gringotts bank vault" Draco felt mild horror creeping into his consciousness,

"mmh" Harry agreed. Suddenly they heard the familiar rumbling of a cart approaching and somehow Draco knew that it was their goblin returning. They both jumped up and hastily dressed. Harry had just slipped on his second shoe when the goblin reappeared,

"Master Malfoy sir? I am sorry, my business took longer than I had thought but I trust that you have found everything to be in order?" the goblin didn't seem to find anything odd about Harry's red face or Draco's unusually disheveled clothes. Draco gave a curt nod and walked out of the vault,

"is there anything you wish to take with you sir?" the goblin asked, "perhaps the deeds or if you wish to withdraw some galleons?" Draco thought for a minute.

"the bed…" he said. The goblin raised an eyebrow but went back into the vault and returned a minute later with the shrunk bed in his hand.

"I remember this bed," he said, as they got into their cart and zoomed off.

"oh really? Has it some special history?" Draco called over the rushing wind and noise,

"oh yes, very much history. It was called the 'seeding bed' and was used by Master Arcadius and his wives quite a bit until Master Arcadius became too old to use it properly. He stored it here so his younger wives didn't go about using it" The feeling of horror grew in Draco and he asked a question, dreading the answer almost as much as he wanted to hear it

"and why was it called the 'seeding bed'?" he asked. The goblin laughed and Draco could have sworn he heard some malice in his cackle

"why, because Master Arcadius 'planted' quite a bit of his own seed on it. The mattress is woven with old fertility magic, it seems that whenever Master Arcadius took someone on that bed they would get with child!"

Harry and Draco looked at each other, expressions of horror on each of their faces.

"Draco…" Harry said, his skin turning chalky white,

"I think…I'm going to…" but that was all he got out before he slumped into Draco's arms, completely passed out.

"Merlin save me" Draco groaned.

Looks like he had something to announce at Blaise's that would make new horses seem irrelevant.

And the day had started so normally!

Lily: Okay, so I am a colossal loser! I also need to focus on writing my long fic. I had fun writing this though…nice to write pointless smut once in a while. Anyway, I don't know too much about banking and all that so anyone who does, um, sorry if this seems ridiculous (with the stuff about signing acceptance papers). But this is why I love Harry Potter, I can just kind of fool around with rules like that, wizarding banking doesn't necessarily have to be the same as muggle banking. Anyway, I don't know if I'll keep this as a one shot, but for now…it is. I hope y'all enjoyed this!