Just something that popped into my head while listening to an old Michelle Branch song. Always thought it would make a good song for a fan vid but I'm in no way skilled enough to do that. I barely managed to write this and even then I don't think it really makes sense. Rambling now! Anyhoo, any feedback would be nice and I have just typed this with a sore hand so give me a pity review! Cheers!
What People Don't Know About Quinn
I cannot help it. That was the sentence repeating over and over in my head. It was becoming like a mantra or a ridiculously catchy song that just would not get out of my mind. I couldn't stop it if I'd tried. And believe me when I say I've really really tried. But I've heard that you can't fight love so I won't complain. Well that's probably a lie; I'm a teenager, its just what we do. And it's Rachel freakin Berry who won't get out of my head and… I'm getting ahead of myself here. Lets reverse this thought train a bit and try again.
So I guess everyone in this damn school knows by now. I'm sixteen, pregnant with my ex-boyfriend's best friend's baby and practically homeless. They know that Sue kicked me off the Cheerio's the moment she saw the quiver that would cost her nationals, they know that even I am no longer safe from the ice blue slushy facial that plagues these halls and they know that this unfortunate sequence of events has led to Quinn Fabray, Queen Bee, begrudgingly accepting the spare room of one Miss Rachel Berry. That is what these people think they know about me. They don't know the half of it.
Yeah, so Rachel is really annoying and stubborn most of the time. She has a ridiculous amount of energy that I've been reliably informed by one of her dads does not come from drug use, though even he admits that he wondered where it came from. She's bossy and relentless in her quest to be a star. She's been the pain in my ass more than once but honestly? I couldn't care less. She gave me a home when my supposed family and friends wouldn't. A real, honest to god home, not a room. The 6am whirring of her elliptical machine has become soothing, where it use to be rage-inducing. The insistence that since we were living together, we could practice our singing and choreography together has become less mind numbing and more like something to look forward to in school.
What people at this school would never guess in a kazillion years is that it only took two weeks of living in the Berry household, two weeks of the elliptical alarm clock for me to look into her eyes, take a breath and say "when there's you I feel whole. You know what I mean? Like I've finally got a family. But like a real family who cares about me, not like my parents." She nods with watery eyes and grabs me into the tightest, safest hug I've ever felt. "There's no better feeling in the world." I manage to mutter out into her shoulder. She pulls back and I see something in her eyes, something that has revealed itself in these moments when it is just the two of us. I can feel myself leaning towards her and all I can think is this can't be happening, but it kind of has to. I need this to happen.
Her dad shouts us downstairs for dinner, which basically means the delivery guy just turned up, and she looks relieved. But I know she was leaning into me too. I saw it. "We are talking about this after dinner" I say before striding out of the room, because lets face it; this may be a deep meaningful moment between us but I'm pregnant and mamma needs her fourteen inch pepperoni in her belly stat.
"About what?" She shouts after me like nothing just happened.
"About the fact that you were going to kiss me." I look back and she's got a look of shock of her face that is completely unbelievable. "And I was going to let you." I add. Now the shock in her face is real.
There are nervous glances over the pizza boxes once we get settled in the kitchen, mostly from her, but also from her dads who I think must be picking up on the tension Rachel is radiating like a furnace. An angry furnace, with gas on it. And other flammable stuff like blankets or books or… I'm rambling like her now, she's really tense ok? When we've dragged the polite conversation out as long as humanly possible I stand to go upstairs and look at her expectantly.
"I'll be there in a minute Quinn. I have something to discuss with Daddy first" she says a little too formally for my liking. She's being weird. And by that I mean more weird that usual. I hover at the bottom of the stairs for a few minutes before I get restless and head back to the kitchen. That's when I hear it.
"Quinn and Puck should be together because of the baby. Feelings don't matter in this because that is what she has to do, its what she deserves. She has to be with him."
She somehow senses me behind her and turns. She must see what I feel. I feel like I've been betrayed. I've told her so many times how Puck is a good guy but he can never make me happy. He would probably make a good father, but I'd be miserable if we were together. She knows that and she says I deserve to live like that? I know I've done some bad things but of all the people I've hurt I thought Rachel at least had forgiven me.
I turn and run to my room, taking the stairs two at a time, which is quite an achievement in my current condition. She hasn't bothered coming after me. That's how I know that she meant what she said, because she hasn't tried to argue with me. She's Rachel Berry, she'd argue over a paperclip given half the opportunity. So I turn out my lights, because I want to pretend I'm somewhere else. That I never moved into this house, that I was still The Quinn Fabray with the quarter-back boyfriend and perfect life, that I'd never gone and fell for her. So I'm in the dark because to see is too believe and if I see this room, that feels like home with it's quickly accumulated pictures tacked up here and there of us together , I'm going to want her here with me.
After what seems like hours, there is a quiet tapping on my door. I know it is her and I ignore it, pulling a pillow over my head when I hear a pitiful "Quinn?" come from outside.
She comes in anyway, typical Berry. She pulls me upright so I'm sitting on the bed and she's suddenly cross legged in front of me holding my hands in hers and looking at me with that shy smile that is rarely seen. Mainly because she has no use for it due to that annoying over-confidence of hers.
"I like you Quinn. Like really like you. But with the baby and Noah…"
"This isn't about Puck or the baby. This is about us Rachel. You're a great actress Rachel. Pretend that none of this baby stuff was happening how would you feel about…."
"I love you Quinn" she blurts our like word vomit. Okay, that hit me like a brick wall. I audibly gasp for air and she gets this panicky look in her eyes like she wants to fly really fast around the world and turn back time Superman style. Yeah, Yeah I know. I like my superhero movies okay? Tell who you like. At this point I really don't think you can do anymore damage to my reputation. Anyway, back to the panicking Barbara Streisand wannabe in front of me who is beginning another infamous Berry-rant.
"But you do have Noah's baby. And you have Noah and he loves you even if you don't feel the same. You could, you know? My dad says that is okay that I feel how I feel but I think it's wrong. Not because you're a girl or anything. Hello? Gay dads. But Noah is a good guy and I shouldn't be in his way. Or even in the same state. I should be in Alaska. One day you could be really happy with him and your baby and be a family and you could love each other. Because you deserve that, you really really deserve someone to love you."
"You love me." She doesn't even break her verbal stride when I try to get three words in.
"I'd give up everything for you. My feelings or whatever. You deserve to be happy and I can get over…"
Okay, enough of this now. She needs to take a breath, her face is going to match the Cheerio's uniform in a second and as cute as she looks all flustered and whatnot, I really need her to be conscious when I say what I have to say. Many have wondered how to stop a full force Berry-rant. Many of those wonderers have failed. In fact, all have failed. The secret? Lean forward, put your hands in her hair and kiss her. Works like a charm. It's like my lips are the mute button on the Berry remote. I briefly contemplate letting her dads in on this bit of priceless information but then I would have to tell them that I'm in love with their daughter and that could get awkward since I haven't even told her yet but she apparently has and… wow her lips are just great. Focus!
"Shush, my turn." Oh yeah, that worked. She can barely close her mouth properly. "Why are you afraid to be in love? To be loved?"
That seems to pull her out of her kiss-stupor and suddenly I can feel her holding me. Remember that part where I said I felt whole? Well it just came rushing back tenfold. She pulls back way to soon and I want her near me so I grasp her hands in mine again.
"But you don't need me, you can have a family with Noah and…"
"Enough with the not being with you already! You could give me a million Noah Puckermans but without you I'm alone."
"You could fall in love with him if you tried." Argh! This girl is infuriating sometimes. Beautiful, yes. But sporadically dense.
"I love you, you idiot. I don't want to ever be in love with Puck. Ever. I'd rather be in love with you."
And she finally gets it and know she does because the smile on her face reaches her gorgeous eyes. As she leans forward and our lips meet again I swear I hear two romantic swoony sighs coming from the open bedroom door. But I can't bear to tear myself away from Rachel to even glance at her Dads, because I can feel her holding me and it is the greatest feeling in the world