Metal Chocobo: Goodness, what do we have here? Why I do believe that this is a new story. I warn you now, this story contains no sex or violence, and is most definitely Zelink, but there is a major original character. I hate having to include this OC, although I'm rather fond of her myself (no, it's not me), but there are no in game characters that fit the story's requirements. So after a long debate with myself and getting advice from various people, I have decided to post the fic despite the OC. That's about all I have to say, so please read.
DISCLAIMER: Link and Zelda are the sole intellectual propriety of Nintendo. No money has been made off of this story, and any/all Legend of Zelda characters mentioned herein rightfully belong to Nintendo. The story of "the Twelve Dancing Princesses" is a folktale of European descent and belongs to the world. Piper is a fictional character that has been lurking in the depths of my brain for some time and probably should never have left it. This author is making no money off of this story and is in vast debt due to school, so any attempts at prosecution due to use of characters will result in lots of frustration and no money.
One Upon a Time
Chapter 1: The Twelve Dancing Princesses
"Go to sleep!"
"But I'm not tired, Daddy!" Piper said, demonstrating this fact by hopping from her bed onto a nearby chair. "I can still play for hours!"
Link sucked in a deep breath of air and let it out slowly. Zelda had been busy all week so he had been put 'In Charge.' For on time bedtimes he was batting oh for five. If he didn't take a stand now on bedtimes, what was he going to do when she was old enough to drive or decided that she was going to be an international spy?
"But you've already brushed your teeth and changed into your jammies. All your stuffed buddies are cuddling on your bed waiting for you. You took a bath and it's now eight thirty. Mommy says that's bedtime."
"But Mommy's not here."
"Do you really want Daddy in trouble?"
"We could go camping and hide from Mommy!"
Link couldn't help but laugh. "Now you know that's impossible. Mommy always finds us. Besides, if we hid that might worry Mommy."
"I didn't think of that," Piper said, frowning.
"Come on," Link said, picking his daughter up and depositing her on the bed. He pulled the covers over her lap. "I can't make you fall asleep, but if you stay in bed I'll tell you a story. Deal?"
"Deal!"
"Okay," Link said, smiling at her eagerness. He scratched his chin, trying to not think of a Disneyfied tale she already knew.
"Do you have one?"
"The Twelve Dancing Princesses," Link said, finally hitting on a good one.
Piper's nose wrinkled in disgust. "Dancing? With those stupid pink poofy dresses?"
"None of those dresses were poofy and only one was pink," Link said knowingly. "My understanding is that women tend not to show up at an event in the same colored dress." He could see he was losing her interest. "Besides, the dancing isn't the main focal point of the story."
"But it's in the title!"
"Well, when you consider how little princesses seem to do in most fairytales, having twelve dance at once seemed like such a defining feature that it ended up in the title. Do you want to hear the story or not?"
"Yes please."
"Once upon a time," Link began, "in a kingdom quite like Hyrule five hundred years ago there was a king with twelve daughters."
"That's a lot of kids."
"Yes it is, but at this time families tended to have a lot of children and as king he should have been able to support a dozen. However this wasn't the case because the king wanted to provide his girls with every possible luxury and they all loved dancing. Buying twelve pairs of dancing shoes wouldn't be that great of a hardship for a king, but having to buy twelve pairs every day? That's a hardship, even for the king with his full access to the royal treasury."
"But why did he have to buy new shoes everyday?"
"Because every morning they were worn out."
"But why?"
"Nobody knew," Link said, shrugging. He was pleased he had managed to draw Piper into the tale. "Since it was such a terrible draw on the treasury and the princesses were always tired, like the life force had been sucked out of them, the king set a reward of one of the princesses' hand in marriage and half the kingdom for whoever could solve the mystery."
"No Daddy," Piper said as if she were the one talking to a small child, "why did the king have to spend so much money on shoes?"
"Well… shoes are expensive. First off you need a cobbler, a person who specializes in making shoes, to make the shoes. He or she often has help, especially if twelve pairs need to be made in a night's time, and even if they have magic leprechauns to make shoes quickly—and for the record, leprechauns were never paid for their work until they started forming guilds two hundred years ago—the leprechauns still need to be fed and cared for. Then there are fees for gathering material and transportation. Plus when the shoes have a specialized function, like dancing shoes, you can slap on an extra fifty percent of the original sales cost, which is usually a twenty percent mark up from the cost of materials. Do this twelve times a night, which is three hundred sixty times a month or four thousand three hundred eighty times a year, and we're talking about a royal treasury's worth of money."
"But couldn't the king just make more?"
"That devalues all the money, just like when you break a chocolate bar into more and more pieces. You have more pieces to share, but each piece is less desirable than the whole bar."
"Oooh."
"So this was a problem. And like I said before, the king offered a great reward to solve it. However loads of people started showing up to try and fix the problem, but while they tried to fix the problem, they mooched off the king and ate all his food. Some people didn't even bother trying to fix the problem. This made the king mad and he added another rule saying that anyone who failed solving the problem would get his head chopped off."
"Or her head."
"Yes, or her head. But gay marriage wasn't really that popular of an idea at the time, so the king wasn't thinking of it when he made the rule."
"That's not every nice of him."
"No it isn't."
"Auntie Tetra would have something to say about that."
"Auntie Tetra has something to say about everything."
"Does Mommy have that sort of power?"
"To marry gay people or to chop off peoples' heads?"
"To chop off peoples' heads."
"No. The court system decides whether people get their heads cut off based upon the rules parliament passed. Your mother has never once been involved with the death penalty, which is hanging here."
"Why don't we chop off heads anymore?"
"The last beheading was around three hundred years ago. While the man was a very bad king, the axe was dull and the executioner was blind in one eye, so it was a very painful way to die. Beheadings were then outlawed."
"Oh. What happened next in the story?"
"Nobody tried to solve the problem. It got so bad the princesses had to go out and find jobs despite the fact they were always tired. The eldest sold life insurance and the fourth one dealt with credit card debt."
"What were their names?"
"Alice, Becky, Cassandra, Danielle, Elizabeth, Fey, Gabrielle, Hailey, Isabel, Jasmine, Katrina, and Lydia."
"Would they have named the next one Mary?"
"Perhaps. Around this time a war between two neighboring countries finally ended. A soldier was heading home from the war along one of the main trade routes. On the way he passed by a one legged man the other travelers ignored."
"Why did they ignore him? I'd stare at a one legged man."
"There were many one legged men because of the war, so they were a common sight. Instead he stopped and shared his luncheon with him. He thanked him and he went on his way. The next day as he hit the mountain border into the country with the twelve princesses he ran into a little old lady who was having trouble crossing the border. So he carried her over it. She thanked him and he went on his way. On the third day a bad storm started up and the soldier ran into a small child out in the mess. He took his cloak and wrapped the child in to for warmth and protection until the storm passed. When it finally passed the child turned into a fairy."
"A fairy."
"Yes, a fairy, a beautiful fairy with giant wings. She told him that she had also been the one legged man and the little old lady and that she would now reward him for his acts of kindness. She handed him his cloak back and said that it now had the power to grant him the power of invisibility. She also told him about the shoe problem and that he should check it out."
"But what about his head?"
"I think she also implied he would win. So the soldier went to the king's castle and said that if he could sleep outside the princesses' room he could solve the mystery. The king agreed to these terms and so the soldier set up camp in front of the door to the princesses' room."
"Twelve girls were all sleeping in one room?"
"Yes."
"Why didn't they each have a room of their own?"
"It was a big room."
"But isn't this a castle?"
"Their mother had been terrified of losing a child when they were small, so she liked having all the girls in one big room where she could easily go in and count them. Much faster than having to walk all over the castle to visit twelve different rooms. Plus after the economic crisis set it, the king had to rent out rooms from the castle so there was no longer room for each princess to have her own room."
"He should have stopped buying them shoes."
"So the next time you eat up all the cookies I should stop buying you cookies?"
"No Daddy," Piper laughed.
"That night the soldier pretended to go to sleep. Then after midnight—"
"That's really late."
"Yes it is sweet heart; everyone should be asleep by midnight. After midnight the soldier heard a load groaning noise from within the princesses' room. He pulled his invisibility cloak on and quietly pushed the door open. Inside he saw the twelve princesses descending into a trapdoor that had not been there before. He hurried into the room and down the staircase right after the slowest princess."
"Who was the slowest?"
"The eighth one, Hailey. As he followed Hailey down the tunnel it suddenly opened up to reveal a vast cavern. The princesses and the soldier entered a forest of copper. The princesses passed it by without even noticing it, but the soldier was so amazed with it that he broke off a branch and stuffed it in his pocket. They then passed through a forest of silver and the same thing happened."
"Did they then pass through a forest of gold and the soldier take another branch?" Piper asked eagerly.
"Have you heard this story before?" Link asked. He waggled his eyebrows at her suspiciously causing her to giggle and shake her head. He continued the story. "Then the party reached a lake with a cleared off island in the center. Along the shore twelve small boats awaited the princesses. The soldier climbed into the boat with Hailey and then they all took off. The boat carrying two trailed behind the others."
"Didn't Hailey or one of the others notice?"
"No. All during this odd procession the princesses walked as if they were asleep," Link said. "When they arrived at the island in the center of the lake twelve human princes appeared. They each took the hand of a princess and it was at that moment each girl woke up. Every royal pair danced the night away. They danced waltzes and jigs, swing, the jitter bug, the tango… just about every dance imaginable the royal couples danced."
"Even the funky chicken?"
"I believe the soldier saw three rounds of the funky chicken and an encore."
"Are you serious, Daddy?"
"Oh yes. Then at dawn the human princes disappeared. The princesses fell back into their enchanted sleep and crawled back into their boats. Again the soldier stowed away on Hailey's ship. They retracted their steps through the forest of gold, then the forest of sliver, then the forest of copper, before entering the passageway, and finally returning to the princesses' room. The soldier then snuck out the door and dropped onto his pallet and pretended to sleep."
"Didn't castle security notice he wasn't on his pallet during the night?"
"In those days kings didn't have their guards patrol the insides of their castles very often. They were more afraid of outside invaders. So mid morning the soldier went before the king and shared his results. 'Lies,' the princesses screamed, 'the stranger lies.' The king was also furious with and couldn't possibly believe that his precious daughters would lie."
"You think I sometimes lie."
"I may dote on you all the time my little princess, but I'm not a total fool. The soldier produced the branches of copper, silver, and gold and set them before the king to back his story. The priest was called in to test the validity of the soldier's proof. He produced the Lens of Truth—"
"What's that?"
"A magic magnifying glass made to see through any illusion. When the priest looked through the glass at the copper branch it sizzled into ash. The soldier repeated that his story was true and the princesses said nothing. When the priest looked through the glass at the silver branch it sizzled into ash. The soldier repeated that his story was true and the princesses said nothing. The king said that he was pretty certain now that the branches were elf magic and perhaps the gold branch should be left as gold."
Piper laughed at the king's hopefulness. "Did the soldier let him?"
"No," Link said, shaking his head. " The soldier stood firm. The priest looked through the glass at the gold branch and it too sizzled into ash. The soldier repeated that his story was true and the princesses said nothing. Then the priest pulled out the Mask of Truth."
"Does that also make illusions disappear?"
"No. The Mask of Truth allows the wearer to hear the thoughts of the people around him and the wearer can ask any question and will receive a truthful answer."
"How could somebody make the Lens of Truth or the Mask of Truth?"
"Ask your mother in the morning," Link said. He was not equipped to explain the inner workings of powerful magical items that evening.
"Okay," Piper said. She was not happy with that explanation.
"So the king put on the Mask of Truth and asked what had happened the night before. The soldier repeated his tale. When the king asked his daughters what had happened they had to tell him the same story as what the soldier just told. This was proof the soldier was right. The king declared that the soldier could have his pick of his daughters and half the kingdom."
"He could have his pick," Piper said. "Could the princesses refuse?"
"I don't think so," Link said. "This was before the women's rights movement in any country."
"But, but, but that's wrong! A woman always has a right and the king took that away!" Piper shouted. "Daddy, how could this happen?"
"If it's any consolation the soldier picked Hailey and she liked him back," Link said. "And all the other princesses ended up marrying those human princes they liked. So there was a massive wedding."
"Why didn't they fight back? Why didn't they revolt?"
"Ask your mother, Piper," Link said, feeling very old and tired. "I don't understand why they didn't any better than you do."
After spending several minutes calming her, Link tucked his daughter in and kissed her goodnight. He made certain she had a firm grip on her penguin doll and her griffin-print blanket. He flipped on her nightlight, scattering flying dragon silhouettes across the ceiling. When he turned off the overhead light Link looked back into the room at his little girl.
"Good night princess," he said. "Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite."
"Daddy?"
"Yes Piper?"
"Do I have to worry about any princes trying to marry me?"
"I hope not," Link said. "As long as your mother is around I can assure you the women will be making all the decisions in this family. If any prince even thinks of marrying you and you aren't madly in love with him, he's going to end up on the wrong end of half a dozen blades."
Several hours later well after Piper was asleep Link went to check on her. He found his wife leaning against the doorway watching her sleep.
"Hi princess," he said, wrapping his arms around her waist. "How long have you been standing here?"
"You know that isn't true any more," she said, not taking her eyes off Piper. "It hasn't been true for years."
"Forgive me for liking a time when you had less responsibility."
"And less freedom to chose who I want to be with." She briefly smiled at him. "I outgrew that crown years ago. Which as you may recall, is the only reason I got you."
"How long have you been standing here, Zelda?"
"Only a few minutes. I just got home. Parliament took far too long to make up their mind, but at least we have a new trade agreement. I consider that to be a victory."
"Congratulations. I had my own victory tonight, Piper went to bed on time."
They watched her sleep in silence for several minutes. Neither one seemed willing to walk away just yet.
"I never thought I would ever have a job more difficult than being queen," Zelda said.
"I'm afraid I just made it a little harder tonight," Link said. "Tomorrow morning over breakfast you are going to have to explain the creation of powerful magical tools and the evolution of women's rights. The death penalty and macroeconomics might also come up."
"Link!"
"Shh, you'll wake her up."
"What did you do?"
Link held his hands up in surrender. "All I did was tell her a fairytale."
That was chapter one, aka "The Twelve Dancing Princesses" tale. I hope you all enjoyed it and review. If you didn't enjoy it, you can still review and tell me what you didn't like. Basically, I hope you review, mainly because they always mean a lot to me and a review only takes a minute to write. Thank you for reading chapter one of Once Upon a Time.